Geezer Paradise

by Robert Gannon

  "You sure have a lot of instructions," Willey said, as he pulled Mary's phone out of his pocket. When Eduardo answered Willey told him we were living in a tree house. He gave Eduardo instructions to the tree house and gave him our new phone number. Then he told him where we hid the Wrangler and asked him if he could get it back to us. And, oh yes, look underneath it for a bomb. Then Eduardo must have asked Willey why we were living in a tree house, and why my Wrangler was left behind in a swamp and might have a bomb under it, and why we had new phone number, because Willey said, "Ah . . . well, we were staying in a swamp because . . ." and then Willey proceeded to tell Eduardo the whole sordid story. I had forgotten that we didn't want Eduardo to find out how badly we had screwed up at Ransoms.

  "Imagine that," Willey finished by saying. "Those bastards tracked us down through my cell phone. Had to ditch it in the swamp."

  When Willey closed the cell phone he said, "Well Sherlock, you let me walk right into that one."

  "I wasn't thinking," I said. "Besides, we have to get Eduardo's help if we're going to survive this. We had to tell him sooner or later."

  "Eduardo sounds like he's very worried about us, "Willey said. "He said if they traced our phones they're professionals. He said he'd pick us up in the Wrangler as soon as he can get here." I was upset to hear we were being tracked by pros. But the thought of getting some breakfast and coffee when Eduardo arrived cheered me up a little. I reached under the side of my blanket, pulled out my gun, and shoved it into the pocket of my cargo shorts. The gun made me feel safer.

  ****

  Harley Kimball stood outside his grass shack in the Green Swamp. The morning sky was a bilious green. Harley knew that meant only one thing--a hurricane was on the way. There was nothing he could do to protect his little shack. It had been blown down by previous hurricanes and Harley had simply rebuilt it. He would rebuild again after this hurricane had passed.

  Harley wondered what had become of the two men with the monkey. They hadn't been around for a while, but their little Wrangler was still there in the swamp. Harley walked to the chickee and went inside. All of their things were still there. While Harley was standing there scratching his chin, a State Police car rolled past on the bicycle path, followed by a bomb disposal truck and a tow truck. This was more excitement than Harley had seen in years. Harley left the chickee and went around to where the Wrangler was parked in the brush. He stayed out of site. He was well aware that his shack, with its lack of toilet facilities, would capture the attention of the authorities if he were questioned about the owner of the Wrangler--and asked to give his address.

  The bomb truck being there confirmed Harley's suspicion that something illegal was going on. The guy he saw crawling under the Wrangler the other day was trying to murder Harley's missing neighbors. The two guys with the monkey didn't look like criminals, although the skinny one with the white beard did look about half a bubble off center. The bomb disposal expert wore a padded suit so thick he could barely walk in it. He crawled under the Wrangler and stayed there for ten minutes. Harley wondered how much they paid him. When he came out from under the Wrangler he was empty handed. There was no bomb. Then why did the guy bother to get under it the day before if he wasn't planting a bomb?

  The tow truck backed up to the Wrangler and hooked it up. Then they all disappeared up the bicycle trail with the Wrangler in tow. What in hell was going on? Harley walked back to his shack. He had a lot to do to get ready for the coming storm. Besides, it was none of his business what was going on with the guys with the monkey. Although he did sort of worry about them--Especially, Oscar, the monkey. He was a cute little guy.

  ****

  Later that day the sky changed from light green to battleship gray. All the

  color went out of the landscape. I looked up at the sky. "There's a lot of water up there," I said.

  "And a lot of power, too," Willey added. I looked out the window for a place to hide from the storm in case we had to abandon our tree top mansion. There were two concrete jersey barriers the town had dropped off on Thomas' land and probably forget to pick up, judging by the vegetation that was growing over them.

  "If the storm gets really bad before Eduardo gets here we can hide behind those concrete barriers," I said, pointing.

  Willey jumped up and down on the tree house floor, testing it for strength.

  "I don't know, Barney. I think this place was put together pretty well. It just might be stronger than we think."

  "I hope so," I said, as we listened to the wind building up outside.

  An hour later it hit! The wind started to roar like a wounded animal and assorted objects started flying by the windows. Occasionally, something would slam into the tree house and it would sound like the crack of a gunshot. That's the dangerous part about being outside in a hurricane. Flying objects traveling at 150 miles an hour can go right through you.

  The tree house started to rock violently, and complain loudly. Oscar started to whine. That scared more than anything else. Animals have senses about these things that we don't have.

  "I think we should get out of here, now," I yelled , so Willey could hear me over the roar of the storm. Willey looked immobilized. I thought I was hearing thunder. Did hurricanes have thunder and lightning? Then I realized it wasn't thunder. It was the sound of the roof being ripped off. There was a loud boom, and the roof disappeared--the storm was inside with us!

  "Grab the blankets," I yelled. I grabbed my blanket and threw one over Oscar's shoulders. Willey had his own. Willey went first, holding on for his life. He doesn't weigh a lot, and a couple of times I saw the wind lift his feet off the tree. I picked Oscar up and told him to hold tight. He must have known what I said because he had a death grip around my neck. He was so small he could be blown off into the wind if he lost his grip.

  We were being pelted with small stones and debris as we made our way down the tree trunk. When we reached the ground we pulled our blankets over our heads and ran for safety. The blankets protected us from most of it. We made it to the barriers without being ripped apart. Stop signs seemed to fly by us at an alarming rate. We crowded together behind the barriers with our blankets over our heads for protection. The rain was so strong it felt like we were being pelted with birdshot. We hunkered down there for about an hour as the storm grew worse. Then we heard a loud, screeching noise from above. We peeked over the barriers just in time to see the tree house come crashing to the ground and explode into pieces. Neither one of us said anything.

  A few minutes later we saw a pair of headlights shining through the gloom. I was so miserable I didn't care if it was Snydely himself driving his Lincoln, I was going to get inside that car if I had to strangle the driver with my bare hands.

  "Let's go," I yelled, and jumped up, carrying Oscar with me. Willey was right behind us. I ran down the middle of the road, yelling and waving my free arm. The car had high headlights that were close together. Could it be? Yes! It was my Wrangler, and Eduardo was driving it. The Wrangler stopped and we all piled in. Willey sat in the back with Oscar, and I sat up front.

  Eduardo looked worried. "Hi, guys. Hi Oscar," Eduardo said as we drove off. "I'm glad to see that you're all okay. I was worried about you."

  "You don't have to worry about us," Willey said. "We're tougher than Flaherty's goons."

  "Riight," Eduardo said, smiling.

  "How did you get the Wrangler so fast?" I asked.

  "Told the State Police where it was, and that I needed it for a case I was working on. They didn't want to do it at first, especially when I told them there might be a bomb planted under it. So I called the Attorney General and told him I was working on the Buckland-Flaherty case, and I was having trouble getting the State Police to cooperate. They had the Wrangler delivered to me within the hour.

  "What about the bomb?" I asked.

  "There was no bomb," Eduardo said. I wondered what they were doing under the Wrangler.

  After a few seconds Eduardo asked, "Barney, di
d you see or hear anything unusual while you were inside the nursing home that night?"

  "No," I lied. "Everything looked normal. Why?"

  "Because the day after you were there they found the body of one of the residents in the trash compactor. He was compressed into a bale of trash. It was kind of gruesome"

  "That's awful," I said. "How could something like that happen?" I could feel the warm sweat running down from my armpits even though I was soaking wet.

  Then Eduardo said, "At first we thought it was a warning to Hattie, the woman you saw that night. We thought Flaherty had one of his crew sent in there to squish the old guy just to send a message: 'This is what will happen to you, Hattie, if you talk to the cops.' But then it turned out the old guy that got squished was the Attorney General's father."

  I started to sweat big time.

  The Attorney General had been asking questions about Senator Buckland's association with Flaherty Construction," Eduardo said. "It all pointed to Flaherty." Eduardo put the high beams on so we could see the road ahead.

  "The Attorney General went berserk when he heard his father had been killed," Eduardo continued. Now there's an all out push on to prove Buckland and Flaherty are dirty. That's why I was glad to see your pictures of Flaherty's attorney passing an envelope to Senator Buckland. It's only circumstantial evidence, but put together with more evidence--more damning evidence, it will paint a picture of corruption."

  "I was glad to help," I said. "By the way, where are we going?"

  "We're going to my Yaya's house if we can get through this storm. You'll be safe there."

  "Your Yaya?"

  "That's Greek for grandmother," Eduardo said. We're going to Sofie's house. "She'll love Oscar." I felt better already. I was looking forward to seeing Sofie again.

  Willy leaned forward. "You're Greek Eduardo? I thought you were an illegal from somewhere in South America."

  "No, my real name is Eduardo Pappas. My father is Greek and my mother is Cuban. That's how come my first name is Eduardo. I grew up in Tarpon Springs. My Yaya lets me use her house as a safe house. The government pays her for it. If anybody needs a safe house it's you two."

  "Tarpon Springs," Willey said. I'll bet this storm is raising hell with the sponge boats."

  "Yeah," Eduardo said. "Storms as bad as this one cause a lot of damage."

  "Have they been asking about me back at Jack's?" Willey wanted to know.

  "Yesterday was my last day at Jack's," Eduardo said. "The bureau is putting me on another case. But yes, they do wonder what happened to you back at Jack's. There are all kinds of rumors going around. Some think you owed gambling debts to the Mafia. Others say you ran off with a band of Gypsies. They've already hired a replacement for you, but the old guy they hired has bad eyesight, and sometimes he misses the dock and ends up out in the Intracoastal, cutting off the speed boats. One customer was so scared he jumped off the boat and swam back to Jack's deck." Willey was smiling from ear to ear. He was glad to hear they missed him.

  We got on 19 North and headed up to Tarpon Springs. The wind was hitting the Wrangler on Willey's side, and water was spraying through every tiny crack and opening on the soft top. Finally, Willey had to take off his socks and stuff them into the cracks to keep the water out of his face. A couple of times we were afraid the wind would tip us over. The wind pushed my little Wrangler all over the road and we had to swerve around downed power lines and trees. But somehow we managed to rock and roll our way up to Tarpon Springs.

  Chapter Twelve

  WE DROVE DOWN Dodecanese Boulevard, the main street of Tarpon Springs. It was strange to see that street empty of people. I had only seen it before when it was crowded with tourists. The shops were all boarded up. We were the only people crazy enough to be out in this weather. The sponge boats that line one side of the street were tied at their moorings, rising and falling in the windswept water. Eduardo took a left turn up into the residential section, and soon we turned into the tree shrouded driveway of Sofie's house.

  "It's nice that your grandmother has a house on the water," Willey said.

  "Yes," Eduardo said. "It comes in handy when I have to bring in a high profile person that is afraid to travel by car. We bring them in from the water. It's on the Anclote River. When my grandparents came here long ago this area was all brush. In those days nobody came to Tarpon Springs except to gather sponges. Land was cheap back then. Today that house is worth a fortune. I just hope the house stays in the family, I'd miss it if it was ever sold."

  We ran from the Wrangler to the safety of the door roof. Sofie opened the door wearing an apron and a smile, well, she was wearing cloths, too, but you know what I mean. "Come in, come in," she said and led us into her small kitchen.

  "Yaya," Eduardo said. "I've brought Barney and Willey to stay with you for a while."

  "My heros," Sofie gave us both a hug. Eduardo reached behind us and took Oscar's hand. "And this is Oscar," he said.

  His grandmother's face lit up. "You poor little thing," she said to Oscar, as she took his hand. Oscar gave her his, yes I'm cute, smile. "Come along, Oscar and I'll dry you off." To us she said, "You'll catch your death if you don't get out of those wet clothes. Eduardo, take them to your room and give them some dry clothes while I take care of Oscar." Eduardo gave us towels and dry clothes that didn't fit too badly. "Come out to the kitchen when you're ready," he said. "You guys must be starving."

  When we came back to the kitchen we smelled something delicious. There were Pigs in a Blanket heating in the oven, Yaya said, and spinach pie. My stomach was growling. "What is a pig in a blanket, Yaya?"

  "It's basically ground pork and beef mixed with tomato sauce and rice, all wrapped up in grape leaves and baked. You'll love it." Sit, sit," she said. She picked Oscar up and sat him in a chair with a couple of cushions on it, so he could reach the table. Then she opened the oven and piled our plates with food. We ate like we hadn't eaten in a week instead of a day. Oscar had his own place at the table. He was dry and was wearing a dry pair of shorts. Sofie had put his clothes in her dryer. She lovingly put a bib around Oscar's neck and cut up his food so he could eat with his fingers. "Eat up, Oscar. You're a growing boy." After we ate we sat in the living room and watched the wind whip the trees around.

  That evening Mary called to see if we were alright. "Yes, we're alright," Willey said. "No, the tree house was destroyed. We're out of town now, staying with some friends . . . No, it's better if you don't know where we are. The less you know, the safer you'll be. What? . . ." Then Willey said, "Barney, the park wants us to pay our rent." I had forgotten about that. We told her we'd mail money orders to her, and asked her to hand them into the office. We told her we didn't want to mail them to the office, because the letter would have a post mark on it that would show where we mailed it from. Mary already had a new phone. Willey repeated her new number to me and I copied it down. We assured Mary we were alright, and asked her to keep us informed about the park and what was happening. Then we said our goodbyes.

  Later that night someone came to pick Eduardo up and drive him to the airport. "I have to leave for a week," he said. "You'll be safe here. Don't worry."

  Eduardo kissed his grandmother goodbye, and then he was gone.

  That night I slept better than I had in days. In a real bed. In Sofie's house.

  ****

  Eduardo left his grandmother's house with a lot on his mind. He wished he could spend more time with Barney and Willey, to give them training about working undercover. But he had to go to Quantico for a briefing on terrorism. There was a fake charity operating in Texas under an innocuous name. It was funneling money to terrorists in the Middle East. Eduardo was going to be part of a team of agents that were assigned the job of gathering enough evidence to prosecute them.

  Anyway, there was nothing else he could do except to hire Barney and Willey. There weren't any available agents to do the job, what with the hiring freeze. Too bad they don't get rid of the deadwood and replace the
m with new agents, he thought. Yeah, like that was going to happen with all the politics going on. But he still worried. Especially since Barney and Willey were dumb enough to try a break-in into Flaherty's offices. Or did they actually break-in. He couldn't believe his eyes when he read the report. All in all, Eduardo thought the monkey was the smartest of the three of them.

  But he knew his grandmother could handle anything that might come up. She was his rock. He relaxed a little as he and the driver drove through the last of the hurricane--just a lot of heavy downpour and flooded streets. He hoped Tampa airport would be operating again within a couple of hours. He hated waiting around in airports.

  ****

  The next morning Willey and I were sitting on Sofie's back deck admiring the view. Oscar was in the kitchen following Sofie around. Sofie seemed to have adopted him. After an hour we got bored watching the boats go by, and went back into the house. When we walked in Sofie was on her hands and knees in the bathroom. She was taking out everything that was under the sink.

  "Is there something wrong, Sofie?" I asked.

  "Oh, it's just that the faucet is leaking and getting everything under the sink wet. I'll have to call a plumber."

  I looked at the faucets. There was a puddle of water behind them. The 'O' rings were worn out and had to be replaced. I don't know much about plumbing but this was not a job that required a plumber.

  "Willey and I can fix it for you, Sofie. It's just a small job. No need to call a plumber."

  "Do you think you can do it?" Sofie asked.

  "Sure we can. Right Willey?"

  "Sure," Willey said. "The 'O' rings wear out all the time. We'll have it fixed in no time."

  I helped Sofie to her feet. "All we'll need is a Phillips screw driver and a good sized pair of pliers."

  "Thank you," Sofie said. "I'll get the tools, and while you're doing that I'll bake a blueberry pie." Willey got under the sink and turned the water shut-offs. He can bend easier than I can. When Sofie came back with the tools she took Oscar by the hand. "Come on Oscar, you can help me bake the pie. Oscar went willingly. He knew that wherever Sofie was, delicious food was never far away.