Devotion (Indecision Duet Book 2)

by Brittany Fuller

  “Who here is the family of Evelyn Monroe?” One of the two men says before the other walks off in the direction of the cafeteria.

  Rex waves Micheal in from outside as Gwen and I both look at each other wondering who should answer. The doctor stands in front of everyone in the room waiting for a response. Before I can decide what kind of trouble I may get in for lying, the fear of the doctor walking away and leaving us without word takes over and I can’t wait any longer to know what has happened. Where she is? What condition she is in? And most importantly, when can I see her?

  “I am!” I find myself stammer. I get a heated look from Gwen who obviously isn’t too happy, but to hell with her right now. I look over to see Rex has successfully waved Micheal back in the room, and the two of them are hurriedly making their way over to us.

  “I mean, we all are.” I manage to respond as the four of us all gather to hopefully not hear what we have been dreading for the past two hours. The doctor just looks at me not exactly buying what I am saying. Thankfully, Michael speaks up before he catches onto my lie.

  “I am her brother.” Michael hurriedly offers. “My parents have been back there for hours. Please, what is going on? Can you tell us anything? We all just want to know if she is alright.”

  The doctor places a pen I didn’t realize he was holding in his right front pocket. Glancing back up at us, time draws on forever as we all wait impatiently to hear what he has to say.

  “She’s going to be alright.”

  Collectively we all begin to breathe deeper than we have all afternoon at finally hearing the five words we had all hoped for. Gwen immediately starts crying, and Rex rushes to her side, grabbing her close. Michael and I stand there and let his words sink into the silence. Still shaken up, but relieved we finally received the news we had hoped for over the few terrifying hours we were forced to wait I look up and say a silent thank you to the one above for pulling her through.

  “She suffered quite a few broken ribs, a broken left arm and a broken right leg from the crash. We’ve monitored her closely because of her concussion and the fact she was unconscious for a while. We wanted to make sure there was no swelling or bleeding on the brain due to the intensity of her accident. But, overall, she was one lucky girl. It could have been a million times worse. Along with a few bumps and bruises, she should heal up just fine.”

  The doctor continues speaking, but I don’t hear a word. All voices fade into a blur as I take a few steps backward and fall into a chair. The relief she will be ok finally takes over and causes myself to give in to the tears which threatened to break free a few minutes before. As the only few tears I will allow slide down my face, I look up in time to hear the doctor say, “We are going to keep her at least one night to monitor everything. Your parents, Michael, have asked for you to be brought back. Unfortunately, we are closing soon, so the rest of you will have to check back tomorrow.”

  I glance at Gwen just as she looks my way as well, and can tell anxiety has just hit the both of us over the news we will not be able to see her today. “But,” Gwen starts to beg. “We’ve been waiting here all day. I just, please doctor, I need to see her.” Her pleading is left on deaf ears as the doctor is already walking away with Michael hot on his heels to go see the one patient we all need and want to check in on.

  “I’m sorry Miss.” I hear him say before disappearing behind the large doors once again. “You will have to come back tomorrow. She needs her rest.”

  As the doors to the E.R. close behind him, a silence settles between the three of us filled with the relief that Evelyn is going to pull through. Even though I’m anxious to see her, to hold her, to tell her everything I had planned to say before receiving Gwen’s phone call earlier this afternoon - I know I can try and rest in knowing she will be ok. We can still have forever. If she’d let us.

  Rex grabs ahold of Gwen’s arm at the elbow and starts leading her towards the exit. “I’ll drive you home, Gwenie.” I hear him say. She doesn’t fight him, just leans in as he slowly gives her the strength she needs, and the two of them gradually make their way towards the parking lot.

  I, however, make no move towards the exit. I’m stuck, glued in place by the events which have transpired in just a few days time. Standing in the waiting room, I find myself a mix of emotions constantly tugging at every part of me as the day's events fuse together with the past and the future I want with the girl somewhere just behind those closed doors. The one woman I can’t live without.

  If only she’d still have me.

  Evelyn

  “Sweetie, I’m telling you, it was all over Vogue - black and blue is the new in. A little bit of MAC, and some lip gloss, and no one will ever notice those bruises.” Gwen teases me as she sits in the chair across the room. I start to laugh, but I’m cut off by the pain which immediately fills my rib cage. Wincing, the nurse checking my vitals stops to monitor me. After a few short breaths, she waits until my face relaxes back to normal before going back to the work she was doing.

  “Don’t make me laugh, I can’t take the pain.” I groan at Gwen, who watches over the nurse's actions like a protective older sister.

  I don’t know how she did it, but somehow Gwen snuck past security early and was let in to visit me a little after 6:30 this morning. I wasn’t sleeping, so the visit was a welcome surprise. Last night, after my mother, father and brother had left, I fell asleep for a while but woke up around 2 a.m. in horrible pain. When the meds the on-call nurse brought me finally kicked in, I was reluctantly left with my thoughts. Thoughts of giving up everything I built my whole world on for someone I can’t live without.

  “A few more hours until we can give you some more meds. Is there anything else you need?” I hear the nurse ask as she finishes her tasks. I just shake my head. She picks up the water jug on the hospital table hovering next to me and shakes it. “I will bring you some more water.” Glancing at Gwen she pauses briefly before looking back at me and making her way towards the door. “Try and get some rest, ok. You don’t need a lot of activity.”

  I nod as she disappears behind the curtain blocking the doorway. Gwen and I are once again left alone and I watch as she immediately stands and starts to make her way back to my side. She comes to a stop by my bed, and takes a moment before speaking. “I don’t like her. She looks at me like I’m trouble.”

  I smile. “You are trouble, Gwen.”

  She just shrugs her shoulders and paces around the small bedroom space, glancing at my vitals, then at the items on the sink across the room. Finally, she makes her way to the window and stares out at the storm still brewing since yesterday. A look I can’t read hangs in her eyes as she takes in the sights outside.

  “You ok?” I ask. She spins around to look at me, confusion in her eyes, but behind them, there is something unsaid. Something she is masking that I might never know.

  “You’re asking me that, look at you!” She remarks gesturing towards the bed I lay in. “We need to focus on getting you better my dear. Don’t you even think about me right now! I’m just glad you’re ok.”

  She comes back over to the bed and sits down. Tears well in her eyes as she fidgets with a string on the hem of the blanket hanging off the hospital bed. Her phone alerts to a text, and I watch, wondering what she is hiding as she reads it quickly before looking up at me.

  “Michael and Rex are on their way with your parents. I suppose Noah will be here soon too.” Her eyes roll as she sets her phone back down next to her. Not in any position to deal with her anti-Noah mentality, anxiety begins to fill me as I worry about seeing him again. As much as I had hoped he would have been here yesterday, I am not sure how everything transpired after my accident. How was he called? What was said? I know the way he felt the last time we spoke - and even though I know the way I feel inside, know the decisions I have made, I don’t want his pity. I want to be in his arms again, but not if it’s only because he feels bad about the accident.

  “Noah?” I ask. “Was he here ye
sterday too?”

  Gwen shrugs, and the pit of my stomach begins burning up to my throat, and then to my eyes, as I try to fight back the emotions her nonchalant shrug provokes deep inside. I feel so alone in everything I am feeling, and knowing I can’t lean on her when I need to most makes me swallow back my tears. Pushing my feelings deeper inside, I look across the room and stare at a crack on the wall.

  “What happened yesterday, Ev?” Gwen asks me, concern lacing her tone. I glance over to see her finishing typing out a text and then wait until she looks up to meet my eyes. She sets down her phone and continues. “Why were you driving so fast? What were you running from?”

  My head falls back against the hospital bed as memories surface. The phone call. The drive to Gatsby’s. Our fight. My need to outrace the world around me. It is my turn to shrug as I am at a loss for words. How can you even begin to explain your world crashing to an end? Especially to someone who seems to not care about the man I love so much. How can I even start to make anyone understand, especially Gwen, the war of emotions happening inside me? How do I begin to tell her that I finally realized the world is not worth being in without him by my side?

  “Did he do this? Did he hurt you?” I hear Gwen plead. I look away and begin to stare back at the crack in the wall. Did he? No. He didn’t. I hurt myself by never letting go. By continuing to chase a dream that became so insignificant compared to our love. But, how do you put that into words? How do you explain something to someone that you are still struggling to understand yourself? The more I wrap my brain around it, the more I sound childish, stupid and selfish. Admitting I’ve made this mistake is more than just saying I’m sorry. It’s coming to terms with a person inside I can’t believe I let myself become. A person so wrapped up in themself, I couldn’t see the new dream I had in front of me was all I could and would ever need.

  “No.” I manage to respond through my burning throat as tears well heavy in my eyes and I almost lose all control.

  “What happened then?” I hear my best friend ask again. I stumble over the words in my mind before I let them out. My eyes roll as I hear them rage uncaged in my brain and wonder what to start with first.

  “I got a call for a job in L.A,” I explain, figuring the best place to start is at the beginning of what I now fear might be our end. An end to a beautiful love I can’t believe I screwed up.

  Gwen sits up tall. “What?” I hear her exclaim as a thrill of shock laces her response.

  I just nod. Closing my eyes, I feel a few tears fall down my cheeks. I bring my right hand up and wipe them away, but it is no use. They keep falling. Gwen stands and grabs some tissue. Handing it to me, she sits and waits me out, wanting to hear more.

  “You know, I never stopped applying at the L.A. Times.” I start to shred the tissue in my hand a little as I gather my thoughts. Through hiccuped tears I keep my confession going. “They called, and wanted to interview me.”

  “Ev, that’s awesome. Oh my God! Your dream girl!” I close my eyes wincing at her use of the word dream. I just nod a few times, the hurt of letting go rising inside. I take a few deep breaths before continuing, needing to find strength as I say aloud everything that I have kept bottled up inside for far too long.

  “So,” I continue through sobs. “I raced over to tell Noah. I mean I had never mentioned it to him before or anything. I had been applying down there for so long, I honestly never really thought it would happen, you know? But it did, and all I wanted to do was share it with him. Even after…” My voice trails off as my head falls forward and I cry a little harder.

  I hear Gwen scoot her chair a little closer, and look up as she nods her head for me to continue. Blowing out a breath, I smile at how silly most of this might sound to someone else. At how stupid I feel finally coming to terms with it myself. “Well,” I smile sarcastically. “When I got there, he was not exactly wanting to talk to me. I had turned off my phone all weekend and hadn’t said a word after everything happened between us at my party.”

  “Really?” Gwen asks surprised. I look up and see an expression I wasn’t expecting coming from my best friend. She makes a face that makes me feel worse than I already do, knowing the mistake I made that I was too blind to see myself a few days ago.

  I shrug again and look down at my hands still shredding the tissue. “I didn’t know what to say. I gave him the cold shoulder after not remembering what I said the night before. And then all that happened with Trevor.” I blow out a breath and look up to see her staring straight back at me.

  “Well, you can’t blame the guy then, can you?” She asks bluntly. I look up and meet her eye. I know she’s right, but it hurts to hear the truth. It hurts to see the truth written all over her face as I wonder what had gotten into me and why I acted so childish.

  “Then I told him I got a call for a job in LA. To say he was less than thrilled is an understatement!” I manage a sarcastic laugh of sorts as I look away again.

  “Well, I don’t blame him for that either. So what are you going to do?” Gwen asks, taking a side I didn’t believe she would take.

  I shrug as I remember her words from almost a week ago. “If you tell me your dreams are to marry the sexy, southern, tall, construction working, hot volunteer firefighter from Kentucky and have a million babies, possibly being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen the rest of your life, I’ll respect that! But I won’t accept it!”

  How can I tell her honestly the way I feel now and have her believe me? Sitting back in her chair she lets out an exasperated sigh, “God, you really love him, don’t you?”

  Then I hear it. The voice of my grandmother again. Your road doesn’t lead here anymore. My emotions take over as I find it hard to look Gwen in the eyes. “I can’t live without him.” I begin to cry silently, trying to hold in my feelings for fear that once I release them completely, I will never be able to recover.

  Gwen blows out a breath. Sitting up straight she taps her fingers on the edge of the chair she is sitting in. “Ok then, what about L.A.?”

  I look out at the window leading to the outside. To a life forever changed by one man. To a dream, I have to let go; and finally, after fighting it like a spoiled child, I am ok with leaving it all behind. I am ok with letting go, as long as Noah is the only thing in front of me. I sit up a little taller in the hospital bed as it resonates inside. I am ok. This dream doesn’t define me. But a life without Noah, I’d be lost forever.

  “That dream, it can’t work,” I say sternly, a strength taking over as my new dream takes hold. “It was never meant to be. People change. No matter what, I’ve got to let go. Got to leave it behind. There is no use anymore. Not when I feel the way I do inside. Nothing and no one can change that. It’s time to say goodbye. Goodbye to what I’ve held onto for far too long.”

  Gwen leans in and rests her elbows on her knees. “If you’re sure?” I hear her ask me.

  I nod my head. “I’m more sure of this decision than I have ever been of any other one in my entire life.”

  She nods her head as the nurse comes back through the curtain blocking the doorway leading out into the hall. She hands me my cup now full of water and I take a sip, welcoming the cold liquid as she goes back to checking on my bandages. I look over at Gwen who smiles like she has finally received the confirmation she needed to hear all along about my feelings for Noah.

  “Well, I say you're about to embark on a new adventure neither one of us saw coming then,” Gwen exclaims. I smile as she goes back to checking her phone, and I notice her smirk herself as a text comes in. I just sit in silence with my new decision realizing the dream that used to weigh on my heart so heavily finally set me free when I released it. Letting go, I feel empowered. Undefined. Like the whole world is mine for the taking. Not just the little slice that I thought I always wanted.

  Michael rounds the corner through the curtain into my room. Hot on his heels, are my mom and dad with flowers in their arms and worried looks on their faces. Michael hands me one of the
two Starbucks cups he is holding. I take it with my right hand thankfully, and notice a small piece of my heart breaks when I look behind the three of them waiting for a face that I begin to fear might never show.

  Noah

  Putting my car in park, I sit and watch the sun just starting to rise across the parking lot. Symbolizing a new day and a new start, I rub my eyes in a sleepy haze remembering how I hardly slept last night just aching to get back to the hospital and be able to hold Evelyn in my arms. Tossing and turning all night, her words played over and over in my mind. The past week’s events spun through my head like a bad trip I couldn’t shake from some horrible drug. I laid awake just needing to hold her, touch her, be with her in any way to stop the assault.

  A new day. I try and wrap my mind around the incredible symbolism of it all as I sit watching the sunrise. Taking a few moments, the realization I wrestled with last night comes back to haunt me. Not much could have changed since our last conversation. She wanted Los Angeles. She had made plans without me that I never even knew were options for her. It is funny how you can practically live every minute with someone, and they can still have secrets you know nothing about. How there is still a small piece of themselves they leave guarded.

  I can’t stand L.A. - but, if it means I can be with her, I’d gladly pack it up and follow because watching her come alive and follow her dreams is one of the most thrilling things I have ever experienced. The good thing about my line of work is there is always someone needing a helping hand no matter where you move, and Los Angeles sure is one huge hole after dropping down some mountains with a helluva lot of people in it.