“Doing alright,” I lie. “How was work at the diner?”
My question is met with a roll of the eyes as she glances behind me to look into the living room and keep an eye on her daughter who is now dancing to whatever kid’s show just came on the TV. She smiles watching her daughter from afar, and I notice the sadness that lurks just behind the facade she has learned to hide behind in the two years since I have been gone.
“Nothing matters when I can come home to that little girl right there.” I turn to see Anna May dancing around and shouting back at the TV when she is told to by the crazy out of the world looking characters dancing and singing on the screen in front of her. I smile along with my sister before I am pulled out of my thoughts by something my mother says. Something completely unexpected and something nothing could have ever prepared me for.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you, Noah. Two women came by here looking for you earlier. Could tell from a mile away they weren’t from around here. Looked a lot like someone I’d expect you’d met in California. Told them you’d be back later this evening.”
My head snaps around to meet my mother’s eyes so fast I almost give myself whiplash. I turn when she doesn’t look up just as fast to see my sister staring back into my eyes with a sly smile only a taunting sister could give. Not believing what I just heard I shake my head a few times at my mother before speaking. “Are you sure they were looking for me?”
She only nods her head before looking back down at the can she is filling. “I asked them if they would like to wait. It was only about an hour or so before you were supposed to come home. A red head and a blonde, that’s right.”
My nerves begin to rise as I watch my mother in front of me trying to remember. Still not believing it, my mouth falls open as I try and wrap my mind around what she just told me. I turn back to look at my sister who’s smile has now evolved into a low laugh only setting my nerves more on edge. I roll my eyes at her and shove her to stop it, which only makes her laugh harder as she takes another sip of her wine.
“Lovely girls.” I turn back and watch my mother as she continues. “The blonde was much shyer then the red head. A little nervous if you ask me. Pretty little thing, said they would just go back into town and try to come back later. Anna May took a liking to them too. Asked them to come in and play with her. You never told me you made any woman friends over there, otherwise I may have been more prepared.”
Just as my mother finishes speaking a knock comes on the screen door. A few seconds later and I hear Anna May, “Hi! Did you come back to play with me? I painted a picture of a doggie, want to see?”
My mother smiles as she makes her way towards the front door. My sister smirks as she raises from the kitchen table and gives me a look which screams ready or not, here we go.
“You coming lover boy,” she taunts me. “I’m just dying to meet the girl that has you all tangled up like I’ve never seen you before.”
Laughing slightly she makes her way towards the door with her wine glass in hand following my mother’s footsteps from a few minutes earlier. My palms go sweaty as I try and will myself to move from the chair I am sitting in. It can’t be. It isn’t possible. Maybe I am still dreaming? That’s it, this is only a dream because hell if this would ever happen in real life.
“Noah, company is here to see you, honey.” I hear my mother’s voice beckoning me from the front room, but I still can’t force myself to stand and make my way towards a past I never thought I’d see again. A past that has haunted me since I let it go, and will forever haunt me. Damn it if I don’t already know that! But I am not sure I am ready to face it just yet. Not now. Not yet anyways.
Eventually, I stand and take a moment as I try to grab a hold of the reality surrounding me. A reality that seems harder to stay in the more it starts to register that the one person I never thought I’d see again might just be standing around that corner at my front door. I try and remember everything that happened at the end. Everything that took me back here to my mother's house, and everything I heard her say before I left and never thought I would hear her voice again.
“Noah Ryan! Don’t be rude!” My mother scolds me from the front room, and I exhale a deep sigh wondering if my heart is ready to face what is just on the other side of the wall.
I close my eyes and count to five. Slowly, I turn and put one foot in front of the other as I prepare to face a woman I never thought I’d see again. A woman who I thought had made her choice to walk away. A woman who was now possibly standing on my front porch wanting God only knows what from me, and one I am not sure I can stand to let back in my life. Not if she will only once again pick up and want to leave me behind.
I guess my sister’s look said it all. I round the corner as my breathing quickens. Ready or not, here we go!
Evelyn
The gravel road crunches under the tires of the rental car as we make our way back towards Noah’s house. After stopping by earlier, having come straight from the airport and meeting his mother, we made our way back into probably one of the cutest little towns I have ever seen. Not that hungry because nerves were making it impossible to function normally, we took to the many boutique shops that lined the streets of Kentucky’s Bardstown, and I immediately fell in love with the small town feel and all the nice people in it.
Now, moments away from facing a man I came across the country to confront, the peaceful feeling I had walking the downtown streets have faded and I find myself trying to swallow over a lump in my throat as the small country house in the distance grows closer the more Gwen drives towards it. Windows down, I feel the strong gusts of wind blow in the window as we travel towards my not so distant past and the radio plays “Meant To Be” by Florida Georgia Line. I look over at Gwen who is smiling having to know the way I am feeling and taking way too much pleasure in it. I blow out a deep breath as I go over again in my mind the words I have been practicing since I agreed to come on this crazy trip to Kentucky. Only now, the only bit I can remember from everything I’ve rehearsed in my mind sounds stupid as hell.
We pull to a stop in front of one of the cutest little houses I have ever seen. Situated back on 40 acres off a dirt road, the brick house has white shutters and a small white porch that extends across the whole front of it with a few rocking chairs swaying back in forth in the heavy winds picking up speed. A crop of some sort is growing behind the house in the expansive field that seems to go on endlessly with a large black barn at the far end. I look to the left and notice Noah’s truck parked in front of a large outhouse building, almost larger than the house in front of me.
“You ready for this Lady?” Gwen asks exiting the car.
“Ready as I will ever be,” I whisper more to myself then her as I grab the door handle and step out into the Kentucky evening. A small little face appears in the screen door watching us. I smile remembering the little girl we met earlier and can barely hear her as she talks to us while we approach. I smile as Gwen and I slowly walk up the steps coming to a stop in front of the door and notice the little girl's smile grow bigger as she rocks back and forth a few times on her feet.
“Anna May, leave these young ladies alone,” comes the older woman’s voice from earlier as she makes her way to the front door from somewhere inside the house.
“Hello again.” I manage. “Did we come at a bad time?”
“Oh Darlin’, you’re fine. I was just telling Noah you stopped by earlier. He’s just right inside. Noah company here to see you, honey,” she yells over her shoulder.
A brown haired woman steps around the corner towards us as Noah’s mother opens the screen door and ushers us inside. The new woman smiles a smile which makes me nervous as she leans against the wall to the right and puts one hand on her hip while the other holds a wine glass. She’s obviously prejudging us, and under her scrutiny I feel extremely small and begin to second guess every motive that brought me here. Gwen tenses at my side as she watches the woman we have never met before stare us down.
&
nbsp; “I’m sorry, where are my manners. You remember Anna May? This is her mother, Jolene. Noah’s sister. Noah Ryan! Don’t be rude.” Noah’s mother yells once again over her shoulder.
I smile softly at her as a tall figure comes in focus behind her. My breath hitches and then stops as he comes a few steps closer. The room begins to spin, and with it my stomach. I look down briefly at the ground before raising my gaze back up to meet his stare. Tears threaten to break free because all I want right now is to run into his arms. To hold him and be held by him. But, from the look he’s giving me it’s probably the last thing I should do. Maybe this whole idea of showing up on his doorstep was the stupidest plan ever, and I should have never listened to Gwen.
“Hi,” I manage. Unable to find a better greeting to expand further than one word. I shift my weight on my feet as I take in his haunted stare. He doesn’t say anything, just continues to look at me for a few moments. It isn’t long before everyone in the room starts to grow uneasy. Anna May is the one to speak first.
“I picked strawberries earlier with MeeMaw,” she says. “I don’t like strawberries, but momma makes me eat them. Want to see them?” The little girl asks jumping up and down.
“Anna May, why don’t we go into the kitchen with your momma and this young lady’s friend, and give her and Uncle Noah a minute, ok?” Noah’s mother says obviously catching onto the mounting tension between the two of us.
Anna May isn’t having it though. “Promise you’ll see my picture before you leave? And the strawberries too?” She begins tugging on my arm and swaying back and forth.
I look down at her little face and smile. “I promise.” I manage to say as I look back up and into the eyes of a man who seems so guarded, so distant it scares me.
Anna May grabs ahold of Gwen’s hand. “Come on! I’ll show you first!” She pulls Gwen in the direction of the back of the house. Noah’s mother follows, and shortly after, giving me a dagger of a smile - so does his sister Jolene. Now alone, Noah and I stare at one another as an uneasy feeling builds like static between us. I start to speak, but stop as he holds my stare across the room. I shift on my feet and look to the ground. Glancing back up, I stare into his eyes pleading for him to open up to me. Quickly, he walks towards me, and just as I swear he might reach out, he shoots past without a touch and through the front door. Following quickly, I find him descending the few steps off the porch and coming to a stop in the gravel driveway.
“Noah! Where are you going?” I begin to plead, but fear takes hold and I catch my breath. Noah comes to a stop and turns around to look at me. The look he gives me makes me falter on the bottom step and come to a halt. A few raindrops start to fall from the sky and then stop as the wind circles around us and we stand in the driveway fixated on one another.
“I..” I begin to say, and then suddenly stop. He looks at me like it pains him to see me. Like he wants me to speak, but yet still not say a word. His face fills with sadness and begins to harden as a few more drops fall from the sky. His jaw clenches as he stands a few feet from me and looks me up and down. Taking me in with a madness I have never seen before, a fire builds in his eyes as they raise once more to meet mine. Staring back at him, my own eyes well over with tears and I don’t even try to stop a few that break free and run down my cheek. His eyes darken as he gives me a pleading look, and then quickly glances away. When he looks back, the fire once again replaces his hardened stare as he takes the few steps towards me and forcefully grabs the back of my neck pulling me into him.
I gasp as he rests his lips seconds from touching mine, our breaths quicken instinctively and find their rhythm together once again. His eyes stare into my own as he breathes me in. Seconds drag feeling more like minutes while I wait, wanting him to claim my lips with his own. I need him to kiss me. I need him to stop everything that has gone wrong since we have been apart and finally make everything right again. I close my eyes and wait. Then, I open them once again when his grip starts to loosen on the back of my neck. My eyes grow wide as I feel him back away. His hand drops to his side, making my skin grow cold from where he pulled me close. He rests his head against mine as a few more tears fall from my eyes and I sob a little leaning against him. His eyes raise once more to meet my stare.
He holds still for a moment before saying, “I’m sorry. I can’t.” Then, he releases me completely. I watch as he races across the driveway towards his truck.
“Noah!” I yell out behind him, but it’s no use. His sad eyes meet mine for a brief moment before his foot hits the pedal and he speeds out of the driveway and down the gravel road. I hear the screen door open and close behind me as I release another sob and the rain begins to fall harder. I watch as dirt flies up after his truck speeding down the road taking him far away from me once again.
“There is a lot of things about my brother you don’t understand.” I hear the voice say behind me.
I turn to meet the stare of Noah’s sister, not knowing her intentions at all after such a comment. I have a brother and know all too well how these encounters typically go. Always protecting your own, I’m sure she’s about to let me have it. After what I have put her brother through, I know whatever she has to say is probably well deserved.
“The way I see it, I’ve got two options.” Jolene starts to say as she takes a few steps towards me. I tense slightly, not exactly sure if I am ready to hear what she has to say. “I can hate your guts and plot each and every way I intend to make you pay for whatever happened between the two of you, or,” she says, coming to a stop right in front of me. A sympathetic smile spreads across her face as she links her arm through mine and gives it a tug to follow her up the steps. “I can help you. Because Lord knows sister, you need it. If you’ve been half of the lovesick puppy he’s been acting like, which I am guessing you have since you followed his sorry ass all the way to Kentucky, then there is only one thing to do. And that is to find a way to get you two kids to stop acting so stupid!”
She pushes the screen door open and ushers me back inside Noahs mother’s house. We walk down a hallway and take a right into the kitchen. Jolene heads to the fridge as I see Noah’s mother look up at me from making dinner with Anna May. Gwen is standing with them mixing something together in a dish and laughing at a remark the four-year-old has just said. Jolene returns to my side and hands me a wine glass. Gesturing towards the small kitchen table I follow her and sit down in Noah’s home wondering how I ended up here and what the hell I am supposed to do next.
“So, Evelyn.” Jolene starts to say as I take a sip of the sweet wine before glancing up to meet her stare. “I’ve already heard his take. Tell me, how’d you meet my brother?”
Noah
“You’re an idiot. The fire marshal would have totally shut that place down no matter what!” I hear Rex say to Cash as I stare out of the fire station on Main Street to the cars passing by.
“All I am saying, is they don’t have no place to go.” Cash argues back. “The city should do something. Lots of those people don’t have the money to try and find another place. What are they supposed to do?”
Cash’s feet hit the treadmill he is running on with force as he breathlessly tries to make a point Rex could honestly care less about. Normally, I’d be more into the debate over if it was right or not one of the largest local apartment complexes was just condemned, but after what and who I left standing on the steps of my mother's house a little over an hour ago, I don’t have it in me to argue either side right now. Their conversation fades into a blur in the background as I try and wrap my head around the fact that Evelyn is here, in Kentucky, at my house - and I just ran away from her like a scared stupid son-of-a-bitch.
“Earth to Noah.” I hear Rex say, bringing me out of my nightmare. “Dude, what the hell is up with you? You’ve been acting strange since you got here.”
The scanner goes off in the distance and we all stop to hear the call, waiting to see if our station will get toned out. A couple still moments later, and we all re
lax a little when we realize the station across town is the one being alerted. Shrugging, I don’t exactly know what to say. Especially in the presence of Cash. Rex, maybe. But the mess I made which suddenly followed me across country is not something I want to share with a guy I am just getting to know since taking a job at the station almost a month ago. No matter how well we hit it off and became friends.
“I’m fine,” I say leaning back in my chair and stretching, trying my best to act nonchalant. Cash hits end on his workout, slows his run to a walk and steps off of the machine. Grabbing a nearby towel, he heads off towards the showers leaving Rex and I alone in the bay, obviously fully aware of a conversation he’s not welcome in.
“I call bullshit!” Rex says as the door to the building closes. “You showed up here after just getting off a few hours before. I mean hell, don’t lie to me and tell me you don’t have something better to do because we both know you’d be full of shit. Whatever happened to that red head that was rubbing a little too close to you the other night at the bar?”
I shake my head and look out at the street once again. “It isn’t that red head that I am thinking about. It’s another one that showed up at my mom’s house earlier with a blonde I thought I’d never see again!”
Expecting some sort of surprise response from Rex, I am confused when he doesn’t say a word. I look back to see him only staring at me with a smile. I glare back at his dumb ass trying to understand his smug look, or better yet, try and wrap my brain around how he isn’t getting the slightest damn clue about what I am trying to say.
Devotion (Indecision Duet Book 2) Page 5