“I thought trouble wasn’t blowing in until tonight. The girls must have caught an earlier flight.” Rex says making my head spin. “Don’t tell me you weren’t happy to see her?”
“You knew?” I demand as I begin to stand up from my chair, my nerves and irritation rising.
“Of course I knew. Someone had to tell the duo how they could find you. Besides, you’d be lying if you tried to tell me you hadn’t been secretly wanting her to show up anyways.”
Played by a guy I trusted most, I am moments away from kicking his ass but find I’m rooted in place by the sudden knowledge that I can’t take her walking back in my life. Sure, ever since I left California I had nights where I’d wake up in a damn cold sweat from a nightmare I couldn’t shake. Much like last night, but the reality that I walked away from a dream I could never again obtain is what always sobered me up. But fuck, seeing her today made me realize I can’t let her back in. Not when she might walk away again. I barely lived through that the first time. It would kill me to lose her again.
“I didn’t want her coming here asshole,” I yell, but Rex doesn’t even flinch. “What the hell would make you think I wanted your help? Stay the fuck out of it Rex!”
Rex laughs, and I swear if he doesn’t stop I’m about to make good on my earlier thought to give him an ass whooping for helping her find me. For helping her weasel her way into a life and a world that was the only place I had left that she hadn’t tainted. Her tainted love for me was a joke. The distance showed me that. I have no intention of wanting to experience her love again just so she could make a joke out of me like she did before.
“Maybe you should come down off your high horse country boy. There might be more to this whole story than you think. You might actually thank your dumbass for actually listening in the future.”
“The only thing that I need to know is that she was leaving. End of story. I told you, I had to let her go. Hell, letting go does not equal letting her back in you idiot. Never, never again will she ever be able to make a fool out of me. And I don’t need you helping her.”
Rex nods a few times before standing to meet me eye to eye. He takes a moment and then says, “One of these days you’re going to regret this, you know that.”
Snorting I look away and out across the street at all the people out on Main Street walking under the street lamps. I pause for a moment, remembering her face and the way she made me feel with just the mention of her name earlier in my mom’s kitchen. My heart raced the first second I rounded the corner and saw her standing in the doorway. Hell, I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t be anywhere near her because I would always give in. I had to leave. I had to put distance between us if I stood any chance of not being made out to be the type of guy that would always just cave and let a woman walk all over them. I stare at all the cars coming and going and I wonder for a brief moment if maybe Rex is right, but I know like hell he isn’t. He can’t be. I immediately feel myself harden towards the slightest idea of letting her anywhere near my heart again. Fool me once and all that shit. I’ll be damned if I will let her do to me again what I swore I’d never allow a few years back after Becky.
“Nah,” I say as my hateful glare takes in a couple across the street so in love they are oblivious to the world around them. “I think this is one time you’re going to be wrong. That girl should have just stayed in California. I’ve got nothing left to say to her.”
Rex slaps his hand against my back as he walks away towards the door to the fire station. “I’ll remember you said that. I’ve heard eating crow can be a bitch.”
“Something you would know better than me you ass!” I yell after him as I hear the door to the station close and a muffled laugh escape his lips.
Remember I said that? Hell, he can write it down, record it, take a picture I don’t give a shit. There is nothing I can see that will ever make me change my mind. As much as I’ve lost sleep the last few months since leaving her behind, there is no way I am about to let a woman back in my life that only put herself first. That only thought about herself when I had given her so much. I’d still be willing to bend over backward if she hadn’t knocked me to my fucking senses after acting like a lovesick fool for months. I laugh at the thought of me having rearranged my entire life to follow her anywhere.
I thought letting her go would be easier than it was. And hell yes it still stings. But if letting her back in would only end up hurting me more, that is a chance I am not willing to take. Not even if she did follow me across the country weeks, months even, after I heard her choose a life she wanted without me. I bet her dream didn’t work out. It was only an interview after all. I bet they didn’t want her, and so she thought she’d come crawling back to me and I’d just open up and let her back in to walk all over me again until the next best thing came along.
Like hell, I will! Lesson learned. This is one time I refuse to be made to look like an idiot. Every day it has become easier to live life without her. In time I won’t need her just as long as I keep telling myself I don’t. In time, she’ll only be a memory. Hell, I’ll forget. Forget her and every damn way she made my life feel so perfect. That is one promise I’m keeping. For both our sakes. Forgetting is the only way it won’t hurt. The only way we’ll both move on. I can’t do this again. Not now. Not when I finally had the strength to walk away. Walking away is the smartest choice I ever made. It will take time, but I’ll make sure I forget. And when I do, she’ll thank me. If only I can convince my heart that.
Noah
“Man, I’m telling you, the Dodgers don’t stand a chance if the Giants sign Bryce Harper. It would just be a death match every damn time they tried to show up, even with Kershaw pitching.” I overhear Cash say to Rex Friday night over a few beers at one of our favorite downtown dive bars.
“You’re full of it!” I soon hear Rex rebuttal. “Harper or not, have you seen that kid Buehler. He’s even one of your own straight from Lexington. Thought you bled blue Montgomery?”
“That’s basketball you dumb ass! Didn’t say I was a San Fran fan, just think that would seal the deal on any World Series for a long ass time. Not that your Dodgers have even been able to seal the deal there either the last few years. Harper or not.”
I laugh as Rex huffs off in the direction of the bar. “That was cold man,” I say to Cash once he’s out of earshot.
Shrugging once, Cash lifts his beer to his lips and smiles. “He’s such an easy target,” Cash says. “Doesn’t take much to ruffle his feathers.”
Downing the rest of our beers we stand and make our way to the bar just as the cover band in the corner starts to play a familiar tune. It has been a little over 48-hours since my encounter with my past, and luckily, I have not heard from or seen the California duo since my run-in with them at my mother’s house day before yesterday. Evelyn is no doubt on a plane back towards the West Coast and I am absolutely positive that is better for the both of us. Yet, every time I think about it, I can’t ignore the pain in my gut. A pain that feels a lot like regret. Like knowing I gave up the race when something deep inside tells me maybe I could have stood a chance to win.
Coming up to the bar, we slide on stools next to Rex who is busy chatting up Charlotte, a girl I have known since Kindergarten who has been more than happy to wait on him. Reaching across the bar to touch her hand, her giggle is almost repulsive at how easy she is making it for him to come onto her. Batting her eyelashes and blushing at something he said, she looks up at me and Cash for the first time since we sat down a few moments earlier.
“You boy’s ready for another?” Charlotte asks as she tilts her head in a shy way and busies herself with wiping down the bar top.
Raising my glass I motion that I will have one of the same right as she glances my way. She grabs a clean pint glass under the bar and starts to pour me a West Sixth IPA. After handing it to me, she pours another for Cash as well before leaning in close to Rex and whispering a secret. Sliding a piece of paper across the bar towards him, I f
eel sorry for her because I know she doesn’t stand a chance at what she is hoping for.
“It’s so easy it almost makes me not interested,” Rex says as he picks up the piece of paper and puts it in his shirt pocket after she has walked away.
“Is that so?” I laugh at him. “Don’t think I believe for one second your not about to try and hit her up later.”
He shrugs and rotates in his seat to watch the band playing in the corner. Doing the same, the three of us fall into a comfortable silence as the band accepts some applause from the audience before starting up another song.
“Maybe,” Rex finally answers. “Maybe not. Lately, I’ve been seeing red if you know what I mean. A brassy brunette just isn’t what I am into. Even one as exotic looking as her.”
“Blondes have always been more my thing.” I hear Cash say. “Like the one that just walked in.” I hear him whistle and turn to look in the direction of the door. “I sure as hell am all over trying to get me some of that before the night is through.”
I take in just who Cash is talking about right as the bartender comes around to check on us once again. Not so much as needing to know if we need anything, but more so to check on Rex.
“A blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a bar,” I hear Cash say. “Looks like we all have a chance on this one tonight”
“That’s his sister you dumb ass!” I hear Rex say as my eyes lock with a woman I swore was already long gone and back home after the meeting we had.
My jaw clenches and every muscle in my body goes stiff as I see her standing near the front door with Gwen and my up-to-no-good-pain-in-the-ass sister. Looking ever so damn perfect, her sundress she’s wearing does nothing but show off all her curves. Turning and looking at me, she gives me half a shy smile before looking away.
“You boys doing ok?” I hear Charlotte say, no doubt trying to catch Rex’s attention. We both swing our chairs around to meet her stare. “Can I get you anything else, sugar,” she asks Rex leaning in suggestively.
“You know what?” I exclaim a little too loud as my emotions take over me. Slapping Rex on the back I laugh a little at the irony of her being here. “I think we need a couple shots.”
Rex turns to look at me. A mischievous smile I’ve seen one too many times in our college days plays across his face. Slapping his hand on my back, he mirrors my stance and slams his beer down on the counter. “Shots it is! You in on this one, Cash?”
“Nah, I don’t touch that hard stuff buddy.” I hear him stutter. “One too many nights I don’t remember all that well and would rather keep forgotten.”
“How many darlin’?” she asks as she starts lining the shot glasses up in front of me.
I shrug as I smile at Rex. I’m not sure if I have gone a little mad, or if this is a brilliant idea to try and kill the pain. Either way, to hell with reality. I’m taking as many as I can handle, and Rex is coming with me. He always was a damn good wingman when I needed him most. And right now is one time I am happy to have him flying by my side.
“6!” Rex says before I can even respond. “Bourbon, best you got!”
The bar top is soaked with the bourbon as she pours over the top of six shot glasses lined up in front of us. I don’t even wait for her to stop pouring, I grab the first and slam it down. Rex is quick to follow. He takes his card out of his wallet and slides it across the bar, signaling to start a tab. I grab the second, and then the third as I start to see the three women begin their walk towards us.
“Woah, easy there lover boy!” Rex says as I wince with the burning sensation running down my throat. “Haven’t you ever heard it’s bad to throw alcohol on a flame.”
“Old flame.” I correct him, right as my sister comes to standing in front of us, Gwen in toe and Evelyn quickly behind her. Evelyn stops right in front of Cash who I see eye her up and down like he’s imagining all the ways he plans to take her later if she’ll allow it. My feet shoot to standing and Rex is quick to push me back down.
“Well looky who we have here.” Jolene starts in. “Isn’t there a fire somewhere that needs to be put out? Or did they give you three time off for good behavior?”
I smile sarcastically at her. “Isn’t there a table somewhere that you need to wait on.”
She laughs. “Oh brother, you really are an ass. After you ran off the other night, someone had to take care of your guests who traveled all this way just to say hi. Didn’t our mother raise you better than that.” Her hands go to her hips, and she laughs when I have no response. “Don’t worry, we have no intention of interrupting guy night, whatever the hell that is. Just came for a few drinks, we’ll stay out of your way. You won’t even know we are here.”
Jolene winks at me before she walks towards the back of the building and Gwen and Evelyn begin to follow. Evelyn stops briefly in front of me, but doesn’t look up - and I don’t know if it is the bourbon or the fact that I need her touch, but I almost lose all control and pull her into me like I used to. She saves me though as she hurries along behind Gwen and takes her seat at a high top table near the back of the room.
“Well damn it if I missed something there,” Cash says. “You don’t get girls as good looking as that around here. Had to be out of towners. That blonde is like the perfect combination of sugar and spice huh? I wouldn’t mind if…”
“Save it!” Rex buts in as he lifts another shot up to his lips. Motioning towards the bartender, I overhear him ask for a couple more as my eyes train on Evelyn's stare across the room.
Why is she still here? What does she want? She already made up her mind! I know that me, that this, is not what she wants. My jaw ticks as she meets my stare, then looks down at the ground in front of her. What the hell is this? Did my sister talk her into staying? Why the hell would she care? What is it to her if Evelyn stays or leaves, because damn it if I am not 100 percent sure her ass, as irresistible as it is, will only be cuddling up to leave me high and dry again the second something better comes along. My eyes meet my sisters and she smiles a smug ass smile back at me. She’s up to something that is for damn sure. But hell, this isn’t any of her damn business! That’s right, nosey ass Jolene strikes again. She makes everything her damn business. Kinda like that red head I could have done without ever seeing again either.
Rex nudges me as he hands me another shot. “Bottoms up asshole. I’m not drinking all of these by myself. The night is young yet, and I plan on having many more of these before I’m done.”
Grabbing the glass, I shoot back the brown liquid and stand to make my way towards the bathroom just as a cold breeze hits me from the front door swinging open a few feet to my left. A wind that carries with it a past I never thought I would meet again.
“Oh hell!” I hear Rex mutter under his breath. “What dragged her in here?”
Turning to look, I see a woman I once knew more than anyone else in the room. A woman I had sworn to spend the rest of my life with. A woman who still haunts my thoughts and stops me from ever moving on and trusting again.
“Becky? I thought she moved to New York or something?” Rex asks just as our eyes meet across the room and she smiles a smile that means only one thing. Trouble.
“Charlotte!” I yell as she turns quickly from what she was doing and catches my eye. I lift the shot glass I’m holding. “Four more. Set em’ up and keep them coming.”
I wink at her and watch her smile out of the corner of my eye before turning to meet Evelyn’s stare. A hurt expression drowns in her blue eyes but the bourbon is taking hold and without another thought, I push my way into the men’s room as I attempt to push both women who just walked in hell-bent on rocking my world from my mind.
Evelyn
I watch as the people I’m surrounded by down drink after drink and the cover band plays a variety of songs at the far end of the room. Completely sober, and slightly irritated, wrestling with the thoughts in my own mind prove minimally important compared to trying to figure out who the blonde is who just walked in the bar and
quickly made her way over to Noah and Rex. And even though I see him give her the cold shoulder like he did to me, I can tell there is history there by the way she circles and waits for any opportunity to warm up to him again. A lioness who could care less about subtlety.
The girls order another drink from the bar and make their way back towards me. Silently, I sip my water and glance away when my eyes happen to lock on Noahs from across the room. I had every intention of leaving a few nights ago, but after I was convinced to stay by Jolene and not take offense at the way Noah reacted, we booked a few more nights at the hotel we were staying at and I tried to process all she told me about a past he wrestled with.
I guess I am not the only one hiding secrets.
Still not sure exactly what that past is, as Jolene had only led on to some of her brothers secrets but not all, I am now sure one of them is the female in front of me circling her pray and getting too close for my liking to a man who seemed so secure to only me a few short months ago.
I’m not sure why I didn’t say anything to Noah when we first walked in. I’ve never been one for not speaking my mind, but the coldness he left me with a few nights back still hurts and I am not sure I am ready to feel the sting of his rejection again. Not able to come up with any real reason to explain my being here, I figure sitting in the corner at our table is the safest spot, and hopefully, he will come over once he’s not too busy downing all that bourbon at the bar. Better yet, maybe any kind of confrontation should wait when I remember the last time our paths crossed after he had taken one too many shots.
“Loosen up lady!” Gwen says catching my attention for the first time in a few minutes. “Have a drink. Stop focusing on what you can’t change immediately and just let the night take its course.”
I shrug. “Not interested, I guess.”
“Staring at a picture never changed it for anybody,” Joelene says, gesturing towards the bar top and the two men consuming themselves in way too much alcohol and one of them also shamelessly flirts with the bartender. The other is busy trying to shew away a pesty female who won’t take the hint, and obviously also won’t take no for an answer.
Devotion (Indecision Duet Book 2) Page 6