Devotion (Indecision Duet Book 2)

by Brittany Fuller

  “Evelyn! Don’t go!” I say through rushed breaths.

  Her eyes are stunned. Her expression void of any emotion. It takes a moment for her to register everything before taking a step back and looking down at my hand grabbing her arm. When she looks back up at me hesitation lingers across her features.

  “Noah? But you said…”

  “Damn what I said!” I yell, pulling her in closer. “I was an idiot. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I’m not marrying Becky. That was just a lie because I thought you needed better. But hell, I almost lost you once, I can’t live with myself if I lose you again. I thought pushing you away was the right thing because holding you with me is damn selfish. But, Ev, I can’t breathe if I am not with you. I can’t live knowing that I won’t be able to wake up to your beautiful smile, never hold you - or make love to you ever again. I know staying with me isn’t the future you always dreamed of, but watching you leave and knowing letting you go is the biggest mistake I am about to make twice - shit I can’t live with myself!”

  Her eyes are searching mine and she still has yet to speak. I pull her in close, needing to hold her, and hell if I don’t notice she doesn’t hug me back. But that doesn’t matter. I pull away again and take both of her hands in mine. A shocked look graces her features, but still, I continue.

  “I know you probably should go. I know staying with me will always hold you back. But damn it, Evelyn, I promise if you stay with me I will love you every damn day I am lucky enough to have you by my side. I will never ever stop making you happy. I will fight for us, always, just like I am finally fighting now. I can’t let you walk out of my life without knowing I did everything I could to stop you. To keep you here where you’ll always be loved. Where I promise to never….”

  A smile breaks out across her face. She slowly puts her finger up to my lips, shutting me up and making me take a moment to try and read her. To try and see what lies in those beautiful blue eyes I love so much.

  “No more running,” she whispers, pulling me a step closer. I smile as I frame her face with my hands. Drowning in her stare, my heart finally starts beating again knowing I’ve done the right thing and she is not walking away. She’s not leaving, and damn it if that doesn’t feel great.

  “Never!” I insist as I pull her face towards mine and greedily take a kiss I never thought I would taste again.

  “Well, it’s about damn time!” Gwen says breaking up our tender moment. I smile against Evelyn’s lips as she laughs before breaking our contact. Still, I hold her close not ready to let her go. Not when I finally man up-ed and did what I should have done a long ass time ago.

  “Does this mean maybe you can start sooner?” Mary says to our left. My brow furrows as I look at Evelyn. She smiles at me mischievously before turning to Mary.

  “I’ll see what I can do. Thanks again for everything, Mary. I will call you when I get back home and let you know my time frame.”

  “Looking forward to it,” I hear Mary say, but my eyes are still glued on the woman in front of me. “Have a safe flight, we’ll talk soon.”

  Mary leaves as Evelyn turns to look at me. A questioning look comes across my face, and she just continues to smile. “What does she mean, ‘start sooner?’” I ask.

  Evelyn shrugs before responding. “Well, there was no need in both of us being stubborn,” She laughs. “I didn’t turn down the job. See, the truth is, even if you hadn’t come to your senses, I already made up my mind. You’re kind of stuck with me. What was it you told me once? ‘It’s time you start accepting it.’”

  Her grin is contagious as I pull her in closer until I can almost taste her lips against my own. “Is that so, Ms. Monroe?”

  “Mmhmm,” she purrs deliciously as she melts into my arms. I am moments away from tasting her - savoring her - before just like clockwork, I hear Gwen’s annoying voice breaking us apart.

  “I hate to intrude, once again,” she buts in, now having exited the car and is standing glaring at us outside the driver's door. “But there is still a flight to catch in about two hours.”

  “The lady will catch a later flight,” I say without hesitation. Evelyn smiles as her eyebrows shoot up challenging me.

  “I think the lady can decide that for herself,” Gwen retorts.

  “You heard the man!” Evelyn replies, never taking her eyes off mine. My smile grows wider as I pull her close and kiss the tip of her nose.

  “I’m never letting you go again, darlin’. Come hell or high water, nothing and no one will ever come between us. You have my word!” I say pulling back slightly and looking her in the eye. I glance to my right. “Gwen, do you think you have time to take Evelyn back to my mothers?” Looking back at the woman I love I hug her a little tighter as I explain. “I’m still on shift for another couple hours.”

  She shakes her head, smiling. “There is no place I’d rather wait.” I kiss the top of her head and can barely tear myself away from her. The next few hours are going to be hell waiting.

  “Yeah, yeah!” Gwen says coming around the car and smiling. “Hurry up and kiss her goodbye, Romeo. Even if she is staying, I still got a plane to catch.” As much as we may not always get along, I smile at Gwen as I release Evelyn and she pulls me into a big hug. “Glad you came to your senses, Noah!” She hugs me tight and I feel a small understanding, a slight acceptance between the two of us after all this time. Releasing me, she turns to Evelyn. Without saying a word, she pulls her close and hugs her tight. “I told you! Not all who wander are lost. You made the right choice, Ev. I’m happy for you.”

  Tears fill Evelyn’s eyes as Gwen releases her and wipes a few that have fallen from her own. Rounding the car once again, Gwen climbs into the driver’s seat and waits patiently. Kissing Evelyn briefly, I ache as I let her go even if it’s only for a few hours until I get off shift. She releases me with a smile as I watch her climb into the passenger side and I close the door behind her.

  “I love you,” I tell her. “More than you’ll ever know.”

  “Remember, talk is cheap Mr. Stewart! Come home to me in one piece and I will show you just how much I love you.” She says with a wink.

  I laugh remembering the first time I heard those words from her mouth standing in her kitchen and wondering how I ever got lucky enough to love someone as breathtaking as her. She blows me a kiss, and with that, I watch as Gwen steps on the gas and takes off from the curb. With a sigh of relief, I turn my attention back to the station across the street and feel lighter as I glance to the right and then left before crossing through traffic. As I come to the sidewalk, my stare catches Rex’s and I notice a smug smile he has plastered across his face.

  “Not one word,” I grin back at him as I enter the station.

  Before Rex can speak, I hear someone enter the bay. I turn to look and see Becky standing in the entrance. A look of determination in her eyes. She crosses her arms over her chest and gives me a smug look.

  “Probably not a good time.” I hear Rex say to her. She just glares at him and gives him a look to shut up.

  “Save it, Rex.” She hisses. “I’ll talk to Noah when I like, and how I like.”

  I lean against a wall at the entrance and mirror her crossed arms. My jaw ticks at the hatred running through my veins for the woman standing in front of me. A woman who holds a piece of my life hostage with a secret I never expected.

  “What is it, Becky? How have you come to ruin my day this time?”

  Her Cruella de Vil laugh grates on my last nerve as she walks a few more steps towards me. “Oh, honey, you haven’t seen nothing yet. Don’t push me!”

  How I could have ever fallen in love with her is beyond me as I watch her come closer. A woman I would have once given up everything for I now can’t stand the sight of. I curse the day I ever wanted her in my life and ever thought she was the one when all I could ever want, need or desire I finally found in Evelyn.

  “I’m just making sure that you will, in fact, be stopping by later to see
Bentley!” She demands when I don’t speak.

  “I told you I would.” I glare back at her and shrug. “That hasn’t changed since yesterday. Speaking of which, where is our son since you obviously are not with him?”

  She flings her hair over her shoulder and grins. “Momma has him. She’s taking him shopping for early birthday presents. It’s not every year you celebrate your first birthday.”

  I close my eyes and remember where I was a year ago right now before my world was shaken twice. I’m just damn glad I managed to save myself moments ago from making another horrible mistake before it was too late. Opening my eyes, I see Becky take a few steps closer until she comes toe to toe with me. Her closeness alarms me. Her assertiveness turns me off completely, and although any normal person would back up and put some space between the situation, I stay still. Rooted in the hatred I have for a woman who’s out of her mind and holding me hostage in a life I can finally say I never wanted with her.

  Her hand raises and she brushes her fingers across my badge on my shirt. “It’s been a long time Noah, but I still have never forgotten how good it was. Have you?”

  Without a blink, I look her straight in the eye. Grabbing her hand and jerking it back from my shirt I say, “I’m talking to you for only one reason, my son! So, let’s get this straight now. There will be nothing between us. Not now. Not ever. You got that princess?”

  Becky stiffens. She backs up a step before a fire sets a blaze in her eyes. “No one turns me down, asshole.”

  “Well,” I say, standing up straight and turning to leave. “Looks like I just did. You know where the door is, Becky. Don’t let it hit you in the ass on the way out.”

  Noah

  The sounds of laughter fills my ears as I exit the car at Becky’s parent's house. An eerie feeling of deja vue comes flooding back to my senses. It has been almost two years since I have been here, yet somehow it still feels almost like yesterday. The harshness of her parent's hatred towards me stops me in my tracks as I come closer to the outdoor gate. The gate is the only thing separating me from the party on the other side. A party I am not yet ready to walk into, but know I have no choice.

  After returning home to Evelyn after my shift, I stole her away from everyone and we took one of the farm’s quads out on the property. I made love to her for hours on a blanket underneath the stars as we promised ourselves to each other in a way we had never before. Now, with finally nothing between us, our entire future was ours for the taking and we wasted no time making plans. Leaving the next day, she understood my need to face Becky and my future with my son as she went home to the West Coast and wrapped up her life back there. Now, a few days later, this party was the only thing standing in between me and catching a flight back to California in a few hours to help her pack and move to Kentucky to start our new life together.

  My meeting with Becky and Bentley the other night went I guess what anyone could say was according to plan. Just the three of us, I found myself trying my hardest to get along with Becky as she walked me around her place and showed me all kinds of pictures and artifacts of my son’s first year of life. But I still felt so detached. Even worse, was the boy looked nothing like me at all. He looked much more like his mother,. I tried to play with him - tried to pick him up, but he just cried. Finally, I succumbed to sitting on the couch and watching him play on the floor. Occasionally I would pass him a toy or two while I listened to the endless chatter of Becky’s stories, but that was it.

  Nothing. No feeling. No tug at my heart like I thought would be there when I first laid eyes on the boy, which only makes me feel like a bastard.

  I tried telling myself that it was normal, that only chicks got that motherly feeling. But yet, I couldn’t help the nagging feeling that I am not parent material, or some shit. That something is wrong with me because I did not get any kind of fatherly bullshit tug on my heart after spending time with him. Jolene said it would come, but all I can hope is that it comes this afternoon at this party, otherwise I am scared to death at trying to fight feelings I should naturally have for my own flesh and blood, especially when his mother is one of my most hated people in the world.

  Pushing open the gate to the backyard, I come face to face with complete chaos. A scene taken straight out of how best to spoil your child unfolds in front of me. Bounce houses line the back fence, a clown is making balloon animals, a small petting zoo sits off to the right and kids are jumping in and out of a pool in the center of the yard. A large buffet table sits to the left, and although I know Becky’s parents have more money than I could ever dream to, I can’t help but wonder why a one-year-old needs this at his birthday party.

  “There you are,” comes Becky’s annoying voice. She struts up to my side and slings her arm through mine. I pull away and she lets me briefly. Grabbing me back, she pulls me forward into the party. I feel my feet getting heavy the further I walk and almost stop when I see her father look up at me across the way. I had never said anything to Harold before leaving town. I had never shown up, never called and never talked to his daughter again. After all that has happened between now and then, I feel incredibly small the shorter the distance comes between us.

  “Daddy, you remember Noah, don’t you?” Becky says when we reach her father.

  He doesn’t say a word. Just sticks out his big chest, and puffs on his cigar. I am immediately reminded why I hate this family and everyone in it, except my son - wherever he is. I scan the party trying to make out a glimpse of him, but fail and look back at the man standing in front of me instead.

  “Good of you to come, Noah,” Harold says. “About time you did the honorable thing. But I guess you can’t expect much with a last name like Stewart, can you?”

  I stand a little taller and prepare to meet his disapproval head on. “Nice to see you again, Harold. Excuse me please, I’m looking for my son.”

  As I turn to leave, I hear a disapproving snort come out of Becky’s dad and try and let it roll off my back. Becky grabs my arm again as she waves across the party to some girl I don’t even know. Pulling me along with her, she starts the process of greeting everyone we pass and telling them who I am. Her son’s father, she says, who made it home in time for his birthday. Made it home from where? I don’t know! It’s surely one of her numerous lies and so I don’t even bother to figure it out.

  “Where is Bentley?” I finally ask after I have been ushered past the sixth or seventh person.

  “Oh, momma just put him down for his nap.” She says as she waves her hand like a pageant queen to someone off in the distance. “You’ll see him soon enough. But, now, I want you to follow me. We have some people to meet now that you are back in our lives for good. Time to get you better acquainted with your new role as Bentley’s father.”

  “In his life, Becky.” I correct her. “Not yours.”

  She rolls her eyes and continues dragging me forward and into a past I never thought I’d see again. I’d give anything not to be in my own shoes right now. I’d even go back to Los Angeles and love it. I’d bask in all its chaotic glory if it meant not having to be with Becky and schmoozing our way across her parent’s backyard and back into a life I’m only now realizing I felt so free getting out of the first time.

  * * *

  After almost an hour and a half, my brain is swimming from all the hands I have shaken and all the new names I was told are required to be remembered. Bentley had been brought back out from his nap about 30 minutes ago, and for a brief moment I held him and felt a small connection which was missing the other night. As he played in my arms, it almost felt natural to hold him. To be with him and be a father. A shock really to me, but maybe it’s a start.

  Leaning against a wall on the back patio, I look out across the party and watch people mingling and carrying on and wish I could be anywhere else in the world right now but here. Pushing off the wall, I make my way into the house for a drink. If I am going to be around this party much longer then a beer will have to see me through. Pus
hing through a few people who are exiting back into the party, I come into an empty kitchen and open the fridge. Grabbing a dark IPA, I pop the top, take a drink and turn to leave when I overhear a conversation that makes me stop in my tracks.

  “Eddie, stop! You’re making a mess of me and I have to go back out to that party.” Becky’s hushed raspy voice comes from the back room. I roll my eyes and turn to leave seeing she is up to her old tricks and figuring I should have known those two would still be a thing after all this time.

  “Why’d you invite country boy?” I hear Eddie say through rushed breaths and can only imagine what is going on just one room over. His comment makes me still, so I stop and listen.

  “Eddie,” Becky drawls out, “I had to. You know that. Especially after the test earlier this week.”

  “It’s a good thing you got your father to botch that paternity test, baby. Now we can go back to the way it was before.”

  The beer slips out of my hands and crashes to the floor shattering everywhere. Both Eddie and Becky still in the back room. Fuck me, I should have known! Becky comes around the corner straightening and smoothing down her dress as she looks to the floor in front of me, and then meets my eye. A look of recognition flashes across her face. Before she has a chance to say a word, I turn and walk like hell through the back door and towards my car. I just exit the gate when she catches up with me.

  “Noah, wait! Where are you going?” She screams at me across the yard.

  I turn around and almost bump straight into her as she is charging towards me. Breathing heavily, I stare her in the eyes and wait for any glimmer of apology. It never comes, and I am not surprised at all knowing what a heartless woman she is.

  “I should have known, Becky. You used me! You used me as a pawn because you couldn’t get Eddie to do as you like. What? Did I show back up in town and you both conspired this little plan to ruin my life a second time so you could have it all your way?”