by Xana Jordan
It’s still early when the movie lets out, but Noel’s had a long day and decides to call it a night, and we leave the others to their ritual cruising of Northwest Avenue. Noel looks dead on his feet, and I can’t blame him for wanting to call it an early night. He played hard in the game today, helping the Varsity team win by three runs.
Noel and I are pulling out of the movie theatre parking lot when he looks over at me. “It’s only nine thirty. Do you want to go to my house for a little bit?” Noel holds my hand in his and stops at the red light.
“That’s fine with me, but you don’t have to entertain me. You can take me home if you’re tired. I don’t want to keep you up.” I look at Noel as the light turns green, and he turns in the direction of his house.
“I’m fine, but I want some time with you, if that’s okay.”
“Yeah, as long as you’re sure that’s what you want.”
“I’m sure.” He squeezes my hand in his and places it in his lap. We finish the ride to his house in comfortable silence, merely enjoying being together.
Noel and I sit together on his couch and watch a little television, doing more talking than watching. I sit next to him, my legs across his lap and his arms wrapped around me. I fiddle with the buttons of his shirt and his fingers run along my arm. It always amazes me just how well we fit together, my head tucked under his chin.
Noel lowers his head to mine, his hand moving to cup my face. He takes a deep breath and holds it for a moment before exhaling. My hands move to his waist, and I raise my eyes to look into his.
“Xana, I hope you know that I didn’t plan what happened between us last night, and I don’t expect it from you all of the time. I don’t regret it, either.” His thumb brushes my cheek, relaxing me further.
“I never thought that. I didn’t plan on it happening yet either, but I wanted that with you, too.” I lean forward and kiss his lips softly. “We’re okay, right?”
“We’re more than okay,” he says and then pauses. “I want you to be mine forever, Xana,” he admits and runs his nose against mine. He kisses me gently, before pulling back to look at me.
“I think I want that, too, Noel.” We spend the rest of our time together kissing and talking, both of us not wanting the night to end.
Oratorio Choir has a contest this Saturday in Little Rock. We’ve had mixed reviews on our performances so far at competitions. Mrs. Allen has called a few extra practices over the past few weeks in preparation for this performance. There are only two school days left for us to get everything perfected before the contest. We have to leave so early on Saturday morning that I’ve decided to spend the night before with Andi and just ride with her instead of riding the bus with everyone else. Half of the choir is driving anyway, so we’ll have more fun on our own. Noel wanted to come and watch us perform, but Varsity has an important ball game Saturday.
Our group performance is at eleven o’clock, but Mrs. Allen wants us there by nine so we can get settled and have a chance to get warmed up and practice in case there are any last minute adjustments needed. After lunch, we have a smaller ensemble group performing that Andi and I sing in. When all of our performances are over, we will have free time until the ratings are announced. It’s supposed to be very late when we get home, so I’m grateful Andi is the one driving.
Noel and I haven’t really seen much of each other much at school. Between his practices and my rehearsals, we haven’t really seen much of each other the past few weeks, and today is no different. His ball game tomorrow is out of town, and they have to leave earlier than Andi and I do. I hate missing any of his games, but Stacy promises to keep me up to date with their game. She is riding up with Jason and Erika to watch them play. We didn’t even get to see one another after school today. He had practice right after school, and I had to go to the library to get a few books for a research paper since I would be gone all day tomorrow, one over an author for English, and I got stuck with Rudyard Kipling. Yeah, the Jungle Book was a good movie when I was little, but his writing makes me want to cut my eyes out from boredom. Watching baseball practice is much more interesting that reading his books.
Noel and I talk on the phone for a little while before I go over to Andi’s house. He doesn’t talk too long before he lets me finish packing. He is going to bed earlier than usual since his alarm is set for the butt crack of dawn, as he puts it. Honestly, I’m ready to crash myself. This week has been exhausting for us both.
Andi and I end up following the choir bus to the competition, so we get there in plenty of time to stop through a drive-thru and grab a bite to eat. After our first performance, Andi receives an unexpected text from Jaxson. He and Blain have driven up to watch us perform as a surprise for Andi. It’s our last major competition, and Jax has been unable to come to watch before because of his work schedule. Mrs. Allen gives us a fair amount of leeway on trips, so we are able to have them with us in between performances. Blain’s sister is also in choir and he thought it’d be nice to see both of his ‘sisters’ perform together, so he came with Jaxson.
We are performing at UALR and there are several fast food places near the campus so we take Jaxon’s car a few blocks down and grab a quick lunch before we have to head back and get ready for our last performance. Blain’s sister wanted to go eat with her friends, so it’s just the four of us eating together. I’m too nervous to eat much of anything, even though I know I should eat something.
Andi’s done this so many times she doesn’t have any problem eating all of her lunch. You’d think that having performed in numerous marching and concert band contests, as well as ball games, over the past five years, this competition would be a piece of cake. However, Andi’s always been the singer, not me, and I still get nervous at these things. The large group songs we have sang at every competition, but the ensemble pieces we’re singing today are still fairly new to us. I just don’t want to screw it up.
After finishing lunch, we all find our way back to the practice area so Andi and I can change into our ensemble outfits, which are much more comfortable. Since Reece, Blain’s sister, isn’t performing in the ensemble, they decided to hang out with her and the rest of the choir until it was time for Andi and I to perform.
It’s about three o’clock by the time our ensemble performs and returns to the auditorium to wait for the final ratings. I check my messages while we are waiting. Stacy has sent me several texts to let me know how Noel and Cade’s game is going. It’s killing me to miss this one. He’s been able to see a few of our competitions when he hasn’t had practice.
“How’s the game going?” Blain asks as I put my phone away. I know Noel isn’t too keen on me getting too close to Blain right now, but we’ve had a chance to talk things over right before Spring break and have worked things out. We’re not as close as we used to be, that will take some time, but we’re talking again. I really think that since he’s here with Jaxson it should be okay with Noel if we hang out. Reece is also here, so it’s not like we’re alone again for anything to happen.
Smiling, I turn to him and say, “Great, so far. Stacy said in her last text that they were in the top of the last inning and we were ahead. That was about an hour ago, so they should be done by now, I think. She’ll text me when they’re finally done.” As soon as I finish speaking, my phone dings with a text notification.
“Speaking of the devil,” Blain laughs as I check the text. Sure enough, it’s from Stace. I can’t help but smile as I read it. Stacy has sent me a few pictures she took of Noel and Cade as they played.
“They won fifteen to seven. Noel scored three runs,” I tell him, my smile even wider than before. “One of them was a home run!” I cannot contain my excitement about how well Noel played, and am suddenly struck by the fact that I missed it all.
“Oh, don’t be sad, Xan. I know you hate missing the game, but there will be others you can go to. Besides, I’m sure someone has it on video you can watch. There are always people recording games these days,” Blain says
in an attempt to cheer me up. “Stacy even sent you pictures.”
I run my fingers along the picture of Noel on my phone. I can’t help but feel a little sad that I wasn’t there to wish him good luck and hold his fingers through the fence. I know he’s still busy with the game, but I wish I could hear his voice.
“You love him, don’t you?” Blain asks me, concern for my sadness on his face.
“Yeah, I do,” I say softly and look back at Noel’s pictures. “And he loves me. Can you handle that?”
“Yes, I can. I think I was just so used to it always being the two of us, that when it wasn’t anymore I was more jealous than anything. I didn’t see it as that and got it confused with missing my friend. I can tell he makes you happy, and I am happy he does. But if it ever changes, I’ll kick his ass.”
I can’t help but laugh a little when I imagine Blain kicking Noel’s ass. I run my thumb over his picture one more time before putting my phone away.
“Cheer up. You get to spend time with me, and I hear I’m pretty awesome,” Blain laughs as he pokes me in the side. I can’t hold back a giggle as he wiggles his eyebrows at me. He and Jaxson have always been able to cheer me out of whatever mood I’m in. The way he acts just like Mike, I’d swear we’re related at times.
We listen to a few more performances before it is time for the ratings to be announced. Our whole group performances received all high ratings, as well as the ensemble. All of our extra practicing paid off. It feels amazing to end the school year with a high note. I can barely keep my hands from shaking when I text Stacy and Noel with our scores.
After the competition was over, Andi and I followed the choir bus to the local mall and spent time with the rest of our classmates. Jaxson and Blain came along with us to the mall. They had way too much fun embarrassing Reece in front of her friends. We all had a lot of fun walking around and even had time to catch a movie before everyone had to board the bus and head home.
Jaxson and I traded places so he could drive Andi home, and I rode with Blain and Reece, who is a freshman. Mrs. Allen had already talked to their parents about him taking her home since they were out of town and wouldn’t be back in time to pick her up.
Reece is a lot of fun and has a major crush on some guy named Trenton, who is on the track team with Jaxson. She loves to torture Blain and talk about Trenton around him. I couldn’t help but join in when I saw how flustered it made Blain. At one point, I thought he might actually pull the car over and make her walk the rest of the eighty-five miles home like he threatened to do.
The three of us have known each other for so long most people misinterpret our relationship as being more than just friends. I can see how Blain got things mixed up about his feelings for me. Blain and Reece live down the street from me and we’ve been friends since we started kindergarten. With Mike being five years older than me, Blain and I were naturally closer, more like siblings than friends. He’s always been there to look out for me, and Reece is like the little sister I never had. When we were younger, we always played together and our parents even called us The Three Musketeers.
The fact that we went to Homecoming together last year probably doesn’t help with the way people see us, but Andi and Jaxson had just started dating and she didn’t want to go alone, so of course we went with them. I think he was so used to protecting me and Reece that those instincts just took over when I started dating Noel. He just didn’t trust Noel to take care of me the way he did.
By the time we got back to El Dorado, it was after midnight and I still had not gotten any texts or calls from Noel. I’ve texted him a few times today, and even tried calling him on our way to the mall, but all I’ve ever gotten was his voice mail. I know from talking to Stacy that the team got home around eight o’clock and a group of them were going over to Liam’s house for pizza and movies to celebrate their win. Why hasn’t he answered my texts?
Once in my bedroom, I send Stacy a text to see if they are home yet and go take a shower. I wash my hair and scrub to get all of the traveling grime and make up off me, and apply some leave-in conditioner in my hair, hoping it won’t be too frizzy in the morning. Walking back across the hall to my room, I see the notification light blinking on my phone. Picking up the phone, I sit against the headboard, with my legs crossed, and check the message. Stacy.
S: Hey, X! C and I left Liam’s about an hour ago. I think N was still there. Just call him.
ME: Oh. I’ve tried all day. I guess I’ll try again.
S: Well, let me know. I’ll be up for a while.
ME: K
I find Noel’s name in my contacts and call him. It rings and rings, and just when I think it’s about to go to voicemail, it’s answered.
“Hellooo,” a female voice coos into the phone. Surprised to hear someone other than Noel, I look at the number displayed on my phone’s screen to double check the number I dialed. Yep. It’s Noel’s number, but who the hell is that?
“Um, who is this?” I ask her, unsure I want to know the answer. I know the voice sounds slightly familiar, but there is so much background noise it’s hard to identify
“This is Mercedes. I’m sorry, who are you?” she asks a little too sweetly, only making me more upset.
“I need to talk to Noel,” I tell her, ignoring her question.
She giggles a little and I can hear her cover the phone as she talks to someone. After just a few moments, she uncovers the phone and says, “Oh, I’m sorry. He can’t come to the phone right now. He’s kinda busy. Can I tell him who’s calling?” Her voice is very apologetic, and very fake.
I can hear music and voices in the background but can’t make out any of what’s being said. “Can you take the phone to him,” I ask her, not wanting to believe what I’m hearing.
“No, honey, I said he was...busy. I’ll tell him you called. What’s your name again?”
Unable to figure out why this clinger has Noel’s phone, I simply quit trying to get more information from her. This is going nowhere. “Um yeah, I know you know who I am. Tell him to call Xana.”
“Oh Xana, right. I’ll tell him you called. Bye.” She hangs up before I can reply. I’m not too convinced he’ll ever get my message.
I put my phone on the charger and tuck myself into bed. I’m too confused to go to sleep now, even though mere minutes ago I was ready to fall asleep instantly. I turn the television on to some cheesy, late night weekend movie that I’m not really watching. I lie there thinking about what Stacy has said, and what I was told on the phone.
I’m not sure how much time has passed when my phone starts playing Fall Out Boy’s ‘Dance, Dance’, alerting me it’s Stacy. I’m just not in the mood to talk to her right now. I’m tired, confused, and quite honestly, a little mad. I roll over and turn my phone to silent and turn off the television. Curled up in my comforter, I lay there with my eyes closed until I eventually fall asleep.
Xana tried calling and texting me several times yesterday. I know I should have answered her, but I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to do it. On our way back home, one of the guys from the team showed me some pictures his sister took on the choir trip today. I wasn’t sure why he would want to show me pictures his sister sent him since I didn’t even know her. Yeah, I figured that out when I saw them. They were of Xana and Blain. Pictures of them at the competition, hugging and laughing with each other, sitting in the movies, pictures of them everywhere.
I know they’ve sort of made up after what Blain did, but I thought we had an understanding that she wouldn’t hang out with him like that just yet. I just can’t be sure he’s gotten over his feelings like he’s claimed. Why was he even at the competition? I don’t want to believe what the guys were insinuating about the two of them, but I’ll be the first one to admit that seeing Xana with Blain like that made me angrier than I ever thought I could be.
After we got home from the game, the guys wanted to go over to Liam’s house to have some pizza and watch a few movies. We had a really good time,
and I was able to put those pictures and Xana out of my mind. There were several guys from the team, a few other people from our class, and a few of Liam’s sister’s friends. His parents bought several pizzas and a few people brought some other snacks.
Cade and Stacy left around eleven o’clock, but I stayed to talk to the guys for a little while longer. Mercedes and Jessica were there hanging out with Liam’s sister and we sat and talked for a little while. She wasn’t being clingy or annoying and I didn’t mind her being around for a change. It was nice to get my mind off Xana and those damn pictures. It was almost one o’clock when I finally decided to leave Liam’s house.
Mercedes walks me to my car and kisses me goodnight. I’m so upset with Xana, thinking that she wants to be with Blain, that I kissed her back. A lot. Mercedes wraps her arms around my waist and pulls me closer to her. “Noel,” she moans as she kisses me harder. The wind stirs her perfume around and jolts me out of the kiss. She’s not Xana, and I just made the biggest mistake possible.
“What’s wrong Noel?” Mercedes attempts to kiss me again but I break away from her hold and wipe my mouth.
“That shouldn’t have happened. EVER. And you know it.” I get in my car as quickly as possible and leave.
My mind was so messed up when I left it took me three hours to sleep when I got home. I kept replaying everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours over and over in my head. How could I mess up like that?
It was almost noon when I woke up the next day. My body was sore all over, and I felt like I had been rolling around in the dirt. I stayed in bed for a little bit before getting up to shower and grab something to eat. Mom and Dad left me a note on the kitchen counter saying they went to eat lunch with Cade’s parents and would be back later that afternoon. Setting the note aside, I rummage through the fridge until I find some of Mom’s leftover Italian meatloaf to fix for my lunch.