The Forbidden

by Lori Holmes

  “No, no, please, Eldrax.” She stumbled towards him closing the last of the gap between them. “My Eldrax, please. I loved you more than life itself. You do not know how much I have longed- Please, I’ll do anything. Anything. Just… forgive me.” She reached up and closed her hands around his face, rubbing her thumbs over his cheekbones as her tear-streaked eyes beseeched him.

  Eldrax wanted desperately to pull away, to cast her to the ground at his feet but he found he was once again unable to move. The ice he was fighting to hold around his heart shivered as she touched him as though her hands held an untold power.

  The sensation was not quite how he remembered it. When she had last held him so, his cheeks had been smooth with boyhood. But as the warmth of her hands permeated his cold skin, the ice began to crack, leaching out his anger. Mother….

  “My beautiful, Eldrax. How I love you.”

  “Mama.”

  Here were the hands that had held him as a baby, lifted him when he was small and wiped away his childish tears. Under her touch, he could almost remember the boy he had been. The boy she remembered and loved. Her sweet Eldrax.

  Her eyes held nothing but love for him. Eldrax could see it all in the dark depths: the pain of their separation, the relief of their reunion at last and the desperate longing for his love to be restored. He fought to hold on to his hate but he could not find it in the swirl of emotion rushing through his heaving chest. Of its own volition, his free hand moved up to clutch at hers as it did in his memory. Fissures appeared in the ice as it began to fall away. His eyes drifted closed as he pressed his cheek into the warm touch, her palm both rough and soft at the same time.

  “Mother…”

  “Yes. I’m here,” she breathed. “I’m here now.” Weeping softly, she began to stroke his hair, combing her fingers through the tangled mane. He felt he could live in that moment forever, all of the seasons rolled away. The hand still holding his spear loosened. Yes, she was here now, what did anything else matter? He bowed his head upon her shoulder to hide the tears that were coming, his tenuous composure threatening to crack around the edges.

  “Chief Eldrax?”

  The voice cut in on the moment and Eldrax blinked. Chief Eldrax. The haze of his boyhood memories ebbed away and he found himself standing once more in the harsh unforgiving landscape, surrounded by his expectant men. He trembled as conflicting desires warred for dominance in his mind. His mother was with him at last but there was something else he had come here to find. Something important. He struggled to gather his thoughts.

  “The witch… mother, where is the witch?” Eldrax whispered. He fought to keep his focus on what he had come to do as her warm hands continued to play over his face and hair.

  “Rebaa?” His words had shaken her back to reality and her hands paused in their movements. Her gaze flickered warily to Eldrax’s waiting men before settling back on his face. The flash of unease melted away as she drank him in. “You wish to know where Rebaa is?”

  “Yes. I have come a long way to find her. Please, mother.”

  She smiled, nodding as she resumed her tender ministrations. She would give him what he desired. She had always sought to make him content. The ice around his heart fell away and he found himself giving her what she wanted in return. “I forgive you, mother,” he said as he squeezed her hands. “I forgive you.”

  “Ah!” A guttural sob was torn from her chest as she threw her arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder.

  “Just tell me where the witch is, mother.” He felt her breath hitch as she hesitated again. “Please, help me,” he pressed, “and then we can go home.”

  At that word, he felt her stiffen in his arms. “Home?”

  “Yes. Back to the camp. As soon as we have the witch, you can return home with me.”

  “Cro camp?” She drew back and once again her gaze travelled over the hard faces watching her in the darkness. He felt her tremble, the indecision on her face cleared and expression that remained was not the one he had hoped to see. The motherly indulgence had vanished. “N-no, my Eldrax. I will not go back to the Cro. Nor will Rebaa. Evil men, Eldrax. Cro are evil.”

  Evil. The word shattered the spell she had woven over him. Evil. And yet… you left me with them anyway, mother.

  He allowed her to hold him for a moment longer, letting all that could have been flow through his heart before releasing it for the lie it was. The fierce pain of loss reignited his anger. No true mother would have left him as she had. No true mother would withhold what he wanted. Lies. And he had almost succumbed.

  “You deny me because you think us to be evil?” His voice was soft.

  “Yes, evil men. The Cro are cruel. I cannot go back. I cannot not tell you where Rebaa is for they will find her. I vowed tarhe for unborn baby. I protect her.”

  “You protect her?” Fury and betrayal such as he had never known burned through his heart. He was shaking with the force of it. Lapsing back into the Cro tongue, he spat. “You guard a spawn not of your blood when you did not protect your own? Evil men? Well what about me, mother. Do you think me evil, too?”

  Her face paled at his change in words and she took a step back from him. “Speak as I taught you,” she admonished. “You are not evil. You are not Cro.”

  “Oh but I am Cro, how could I be anything else? It is what you left me to be.” He caught her arms, refusing to let her retreat further from him as he gave her one hard shake. “I am running out of patience, mother. Where is she?”

  The first flicker of uncertainty travelled through her black eyes as she regarded him. For the first time, she was seeing not the boy she had loved but what she had left him to become.

  “No, no.” There was denial in her tone. She did not want to believe. She tried to look away, to take another step back but he dug his fingers into her arms, preventing her from moving. She stilled but kept her eyes down, avoiding his face, avoiding her crime. “And… if you had the Dryad, what would you do with her?” she whispered.

  “I would take her as my own as father took you. She will bare me strong children and make me the most powerful chief in existence.”

  “And what if she doesn’t want that, my son?” she asked, still keeping her eyes from his face. “Cruel to make her your mate if she doesn’t choose you.”

  Eldrax barked a laugh. “Cruel? What does that matter? The world is a cruel place and only the strong survive. She will make me strong whether she wishes it or not. Now stop being weak and tell me where she is!”

  Her eyes were drowning in tears as she finally looked up into his face but, behind the grief, a resolve had been hardening. “You are right, my Eldrax. You are truly Cro now. Like your father.” She drew a deep breath as the words spilled out. “My fault. My fault. I made a mistake. Not your fault. My mistake but I will make it right. I will make it right now. Forgive me, my Eldrax!”

  She was so fast, he almost didn’t see the knife plunging towards his heart. He grabbed her wrist just as the tip buried itself into his furs, stopping it short as it kissed his skin. Shocked, he forced her arm away, twisting her wrist until she dropped the knife. Something cracked and groaned in the wind overhead but he ignored it as his vision hazed red.

  “Oh mother,” Eldrax whispered in her ear, drawing his own knife. “I do wish you hadn’t done that.”

  * * *

  18

  Shalanaki

  Her baby was born. Exhausted, Rebaa collapsed back, gasping as the sweat dripped from her brow. She was trembling all over, too weak to even raise her head. Then the cries of her newborn reached her ears. Finding a strength she did not know she had, Rebaa pulled herself upright and scooped up her baby from where he lay struggling upon the furs.

  She grabbed the sharpened rock that Nen had used for stripping skins. With shaking fingers, she held it in the fire for a few moments then used it to slice through the bluish rope that still tied her baby to her. She felt an acute sense of loss as the physical link between them was severed and it
unbalanced her for a moment.

  Numb, Rebaa gathered her squalling infant and wrapped him inside her furs next to her breast. With the tears still falling from the trauma of his birth and her fear for Nen, she looked down into his face for the very first time; this being that she had so loved and feared all at the same time.

  He was wailing lustily, protesting hard at being brought into this strange and cold world. The familiar feeling of his distress rolled over her, though it was a different sensation now, separated from her as it was. She held her breath, waiting for that terrifying onslaught of power but it did not come. She sensed nothing from him, no flicker of energy.

  She didn’t have time to ponder on it as she anxiously studied him from head to toe. She let out a breath when she found that he was whole and strong. He showed none of the cursed deformities that had begun to mark so many Ninkuraaja newborns. His piercing wails continued to grow in strength. Rebaa glanced fearfully at the blocked cave entrance. They might hear him. They’d come and they’d kill him. Nen’s efforts would be for nothing.

  “Shh, shh,” she put her face close to his, touching at his new and undeveloped mind. “You must be quiet. We must not be found.” She was still shaking violently.

  And the baby stopped squalling. He opened his eyes and blinked at her. Rebaa gasped. Green eyes. Forbidden eyes. She had never seen anything like them. For a moment they stared at one another, the green against the indigo. But… there was no fear.

  Gazing down into that serious little face, Rebaa was knocked breathless by a love that transcended everything she had ever felt. She wondered dimly that the ground did not tremble at the strength of it. Nothing else mattered now but him. She would die for him if she had to. Not a monster. Not a curse. Nen had been right. Unthinking, she lifted her head in joy, searching to share this revelation with her friend.

  The cold walls of the cave were the only thing to meet her glowing eyes and her breath hitched as she remembered that Nen was not there.

  The wind lashed against the rocks piled against the cave mouth, whistling eerily through the cracks. Rebaa wrapped her arms around her precious one, rocking back and forth. She waited for Nen to return. She refused to believe she would not. Nen knew what she was doing. She knew this range better than any Cro. The snow would have hidden her enough to evade their enemies once she had lead them away. Rebaa repeated this to herself over and over as she continued to hold her son and remain quiet, waiting for her friend to return.

  The wind eventually blew itself out. Rebaa found the silence it left behind worse than the wailing. She fed her new baby and saw to it that all that had followed him from the birth, including the soiled furs of her birthing nest, were burned, lest they attract predators. She cleaned him and dressed him in the warm coverings Nen had made, all the while hoping to feel at any moment the return of a familiar presence and the soft tread in the snow outside.

  It never came.

  It was the longest night Rebaa had ever spent. The growing anxiety gripped at her heart like claws, making it hard to breathe. The empty moments slipped by. She knew now that something was wrong. She wanted to go out and find Nen but she would not take her baby out into danger and the exposure of the night. Still she waited, breathless but with a steadily dying hope.

  At last the dawn light reached its fingers through the gaps in the rocks and brushed across Rebaa’s drawn, sleepless face. She and her baby were still alone. She could wait no longer. Donning the sling Nen had fashioned out of the bear hide, she tucked her baby into it, making sure he was as protected as possible. She moved stiffly. The birth had taken a severe toll. Blood dripped down her leg and she knew she was badly torn. She hissed in pain with every motion. It didn’t matter. She had to find Nen. Seizing the knife her friend had left for her, she cast quickly about with her higher senses. She felt nothing. No living thing was anywhere near the cave. Rebaa shuddered at the thought. Nen! Her heart cried out. Please don’t leave me alone!

  Her hands were trembling as she pushed hard at the rocks blocking the entrance to the cave. She didn’t have the patience to take them down one by one. They tumbled outward with a deafening clatter and flump of snow. After so long of keeping such careful silence, the sudden din was frightening. Rebaa froze, fully expecting to be attacked.

  Nothing happened and after a while, Rebaa was able to make herself move again. The cold hit her like a fist, stealing her breath. The landscape tumbling away before her had been transformed by the storm. The wind had swept the snow from the ground and dumped it against the rocks in immense drifts three times her height.

  She was alone. Everywhere was stark and empty. Only the tall, dead grasses stirred in the breeze where the wind had swept the snow aside. Drawing a sturdy stick from out of the wood pile, Rebaa used it to brace her aching body as she set out to find what she would.

  “Nen!” she called out as often as she dared, listening hard, each time hopeful that she would hear a faint answer floating over the deadening snow drifts. “Nen!”

  The going was slow, many of the paths she had come to know had become impassible, hopelessly choked with mountainous drifts of snow. She trudged for what felt like an eternity, picking her way as best she could, resting often to catch her breath and feed her baby. She was weak. She needed rest but she could not stop until she found her friend. Nen might have fallen and was injured, unable to walk. She could be trapped somewhere, waiting patiently for Rebaa to come. The image was a torment. She had to find her. Whatever awaited, she had to know.

  Darkness was once again creeping over the snowy land when Rebaa at last detected the brush of a presence in the near distance. It was a faint energy, flickering like a flame fighting to stay alight against a relentless wind. Rebaa struggled to increase her pace, bracing herself on her makeshift staff and clutching her baby close with her other arm. He was very quiet.

  Scrambling over the rough ground, Rebaa cried out when she spotted something like fire waving gently in the breeze, vivid against the dead grasses and scattered rocks. Everything in the surrounding area was spotted and spattered with deep crimson, appearing black in the looming darkness.

  Rebaa’s stride faltered. She did not want to witness the scene that awaited her just beyond those rocks. She knew what she would find. She knew it. A cold sweat broke over skin as she forced herself to move forward.

  Rebaa sobbed and fell to her knees beside the body of her friend. Nen was lying partially naked in a pool of blood. The sickly scent filled Rebaa’s nostrils. Wounds littered the pale body beneath the torn furs, her fiery hair tangled and matted around her face. Nen’s stained spear lay beside her. It was snapped in two. Rebaa noticed several other bodies lying nearby. Nen had managed to kill some of her enemies before they overcame her.

  “Nen!” Rebaa sobbed, blinded by tears. “Nen!” She feared she was too late and Nen had already left her.

  But the black eyes opened and Nen’s face fell sideways towards the sound of Rebaa’s voice. “Rebaa…” she slurred.

  “Yes, I-I’m here, Nen, I’m here. You’re going to be alright, you’re s-safe now.” She caught hold of one of the thick hands between her own. It was freezing. With trembling fingers, Rebaa did her best to cover her friend with the tattered and torn furs.

  “Need to go. Need to run. He looking for you… run…” Her voice was barely audible.

  Rebaa’s hands went around the cold face, bracing it. “Who, Nen? Who is looking?”

  “Eldrax…” Nen’s eyes moved as though searching. “My Eldrax?” Rebaa wasn’t sure if she was entirely lucid.

  “H-he’s not here, Nen. It’s just me.” She cast around the surrounding hills and cliffs with her eyes and her higher senses but she and Nen were alone. Her eyes followed a smear of blood leading from Nen to the nearest rock face, which was cracked and tumbled. The freshly fallen boulders blocked off the pathway beyond. Rebaa swallowed down a sick feeling as she realised Nen had dragged herself along, perhaps trying to return to the cave, before blood loss and inju
ry finally overcame her and she had collapsed where she lay.

  “Was here… tried to s-stop him.” The black eyes glimmered. “My Eldrax… My fault.”

  “Eldrax was here?” Rebaa flinched back as the meaning of Nen’s words struck her. “He did this?”

  The head between her hands nodded weakly. “He looking for you. Wants badly. My fault. Left him with monster…” Nen’s eyes rolled closed, she was drifting.

  “No, Nen!” Rebaa shook her face. “Stay with me.” Fury was coursing through her veins. What sort of creature could do this to his own mother?

  “Baby?” The eyes opened to regard her, both apprehension and a fervent hope flickered in their fading depths.

  “He’s here, Nen,” Rebaa soothed, quickly. “He’s here, he wants to meet you, his tarhe.” She lifted the baby out of his sling and put him near Nen’s face so she could see him fully. She was desperate to keep the Thal woman conscious. She needed to stop the blood flow but the wounds were deep and beyond her skill. She struggled to think of what her brother would do. She would have given anything for Baarias to be near. “He’s safe. You saved us.”

  Nen focused with obvious effort on the baby before her. He stared back solemnly then reached out with a little fist to tap her cheek. Nen smiled and caught his tiny hand in hers. “Good… Saved little strong one. One thing right.”

  Rebaa could feel Nen’s life energy slipping away quickly now. The bright flame was giving up its battle against the relentless wind. “Stay with me, Nen,” Rebaa begged. “We need you still.”

  Nen shook her head once. “No. Weary. I go to Eron now.” Tears started in her eyes as she fixed them on Rebaa. “You think he forgive me and permit me into la’Atzu?”

  Rebaa’s own tears fell on her bruised face. She had no idea what la’Atzu was but she was willing to say anything to ease her friend’s pain. “Yes, Nen,” she whispered. “He’ll forgive you. He’ll be proud to have had such a brave child.”