Fearless & Fabulous: 10 Powerful Strategies for Getting Anything You Want in Life
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Celebrate Your Strengths
I know how easy it is to focus on your weakness, but you’re going to have to learn to celebrate your strengths in order to become a fearless and fabulous woman. This practice helps you develop a healthy self-esteem and helps you move into a more positive state of mind. Honing in on what you love about yourself is the quickest way to kick negativity to the curb (while wearing your favorite stilettos, of course). As important as this exercise is, it can be challenging. Many of us feel uncomfortable celebrating ourselves because we feel that it’s narcissistic, but that could not be farther from the truth. If you don’t celebrate yourself, who will?
In order to channel a sense of confidence, think about the way you’d talk to a child. Would you identify that child’s weaknesses and focus solely on what they need to improve upon? Of course not! You’d nurture that child by showcasing their strengths in a positive light and using those strengths to help them breed even more confidence. You’d tell them what they are great at and highlight examples of their success. It’s time to start doing the same thing for yourself.
FEARLESS & FABULOUS EXERCISE
Write down five of your strengths you can celebrate!
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How have those strengths helped you in the past?
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Smarten Up
One of the biggest causes for insecurity is lack of knowledge. And I totally get it. You can’t rock true confidence if you feel like you have nothing to back it up. Imagine you’re running for mayor of a town you’ve never lived in. Imagine that not only are you unfamiliar with that town, but you know absolutely nothing about politics. Even if you channeled your best “fake it till you make it” attitude, your confidence would probably be quickly slashed if you were forced to speak to a crowd of people in a town hall meeting. It’s virtually impossible to be confident if we are not knowledgeable.
So how can you gain confidence? Smarten up! If you’re insecure about your career, take courses and educate yourself on your industry. Look toward people in your community that you can learn from. Get a mentor. You will immediately feel better when you learn new information and share it with others. Knowledge is power. And power builds confidence.
Develop Your Confidence From Within
When I was in my early 20s, my confidence was on a serious roller coaster ride at all times. If I was in a relationship and things were going well with that guy, I was on a self-esteem high. If I landed a new job, I felt on top of the world. Yet, on the opposite end of the spectrum, if said guy broke up with me, I was crushed. My confidence was zapped and I felt like the lowest of the low. If I didn’t get the call back from a job I wanted, I felt worthless.
Yet something interesting happened when I entered my thirties. Suddenly my confidence remained balanced despite what was going on in my life. I credit this to a resolute belief that I was good enough no matter what. I began to understand through experience that life was a series of ups and downs, and I was no better or worse a person because of what was going on around me. I was a little older, a little wiser, and a lot happier. Things were always in flux, and as long as I could focus on what I loved about myself, I could get through anything.
As you embark on your fearless and fabulous journey, pay close attention to how you feel about yourself. Identify the triggers that challenge your self-worth. If a relationship ends and you feel like you’ll never meet someone else, flip the script. View it as an opportunity to discover yourself again. Capitalize on that precious alone time and do things that make you happy. If you lose your job, view that as a chance to discover what really lights you up. You get the picture. Once you realize that you can control the way you feel no matter what is going on around you, a sense of confidence will take center stage and your fears will begin to fade away.
FEARLESS & FABULOUS SUCCESS STORY
An Essay by Annette Callan
Most people who know me would probably describe me as assertive, but what they don’t know is that being assertive is extremely difficult for me. I have all kinds of reasons why it’s so hard for me to say what’s on my mind, confront a difficult situation, or stand up for myself.. For me, it came down to fear of someone not liking me, not feeling worthy, and the fear of looking like an idiot.
Not long ago, my manager was let go and I began reporting to his boss, the Director. She is smart, experienced, and educated. My inner thoughts spun with self-doubt and negative talk while I listened to her speak on company calls. I wondered if I was good enough to work for her. I questioned myself, doubted my work and began to get really nervous when I had to update her on a project. The time came when I needed to work with her on a daily basis and I knew I needed to be confident in my recommendations. I wanted to impress her. I needed to be more assertive, not only for my career but for my self-worth. I had to force myself to see this as an opportunity. An opportunity to be proud of the work I do, proud of my foresight in my projects and proud of the relationships I build! I planned our meetings to be extremely productive. I spent each evening preparing for the next day, the next meeting and the one after that. It worked! She was pleased with my work. She respected my opinions, asked for my recommendations and praised me! All the negative thoughts in my head were gone…for that moment.
Even now, I let doubt creep in, I’m human…but I use the energy to prepare. I give myself the time to be the best I can be and know that I have the knowledge and wisdom to succeed!
Annette’s story is a perfect example of how you can use your fearful energy to fuel your success. She learned how to manage her fear and spend her time and energy focusing on how she could win the respect of her boss. Annette became present to her fear, yet walked through it anyway by focusing on what she was good at doing. She celebrated her strengths rather than wallowing in her self-doubt. And as she admits, her fears have not completely disappeared, but she has learned how to move ahead regardless. Go Annette!
Genuine confidence comes from within. Celebrate what you love about yourself and give up your self-limiting beliefs.
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
— Neale Donald Walsch
One of the biggest reasons people hesitate to leap fearlessly into their dreams is because they assume they have to do it all at once. There is nothing more frightening than stepping into the unknown, especially when you’re not yet fully comfortable experiencing fear. But in order to be fearless and fabulous, you’re going to have to learn to get uncomfortable.
Life is easy when we’re in our comfort zone. It’s effortless and cozy to remain stagnant and just go through the motions of everyday life. There’s a sense of dependability that we as humans need in order to feel safe and secure. From a scientific standpoint, your comfort zone is a behavioral state of routine and patterns that provides low anxiety, regular happiness, and limited stress. Doesn’t sound so bad, huh? Not so fast! If you want to stretch out into your full potential and truly live an extraordinary life, you’re going to have to get out of that cocoon. Nothing fabulous happens inside of a comfort zone. Repeat that if you have to: nothing fabulous happens inside of a comfort zone!
In fact, there is a classic psychological experiment that proves this theory. In 1908, psychologists Robert M. Yerkes and John D. Dodson explained that being in a state of relative comfort creates a steady level of performance. However, to achieve maximum performance (aka become fearless and fabulous),
we need to step into a space of relative anxiety, meaning a space where our anxiety is slightly higher than normal and a healthy level of stress has been induced. This space is called “Optimal Anxiety” and it’s where we as humans operate at our best.
On the other hand, too much stress causes our performance to suffer, but working just outside of our comfort zone can do wonders for us. It’s important to understand the difference and not set unrealistic, wild goals that cause you to freak out and ultimately get nothing done. There is a gentle balance. Get to know what your comfort zone is, and then dance around outside of it for a bit to gauge your stress level. If you feel excited and productive, you’re at a good distance from it. If you feel terrified and unproductive, tiptoe back a few steps and try again. Think about a time in your life where doing something a little scary actually energized you. That’s what we’re striving for here.
FEARLESS & FABULOUS EXERCISE
List the top three most proud moments of your life. Did these moments force you to stretch outside of your comfort zone?
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About three years ago, I discovered a blog titled Tales from the Chambre de Bonne. It was an addictive collection of stories from a girl who had a set of balls I could only dream of having. I quickly became hooked on her stories of living in Paris, alone. From her gut-wrenching breakup tales to her hilarious French faux pas, I lived vicariously through Lisa’s musings for quite some time before I worked up my own balls to email her. We hit it off and have since become great friends. I asked her to be a part of this book because she inspires me every day with her lust for life and her courageous attitude.
FEARLESS & FABULOUS SUCCESS STORY
“A New Yorker in Paris”
An Essay by Lisa Czarina Michaud
Paris-Based Writer and Blogger at Ellacoquine.com
How powerful is fear to you and would you let it stop you from pursuing ambitions? Would you not launch that dream project out of fear of public failure? Would you not put down those first words out of fear of bad writing? Would you back out of experiencing an exotic destination out of fear of flying? I ask myself these simple questions when inspiration strikes and I see that my fears are trying to talk me out of it.
I have never been one to shy away from a challenge, especially when I was a younger woman. But as I crept towards thirty, the stakes seemed to be higher. It put my last whopper of a dream in question: should I move to Paris by myself?
The idea to move to Paris knocked all of my other experiences out of the ballpark. It wasn’t moving to the Pacific Northwest at eighteen-years-old, it certainly was not moving down to Los Angeles to chase down the coveted SAG card, or even working for famous fashion tyrants in Manhattan where I really had something to be scared about every day. This dream involved uprooting my life to a new country, learning a new language, and truly starting afresh, alone.
Along with my own doubts on how I was going to make this happen, friends at the time fed me with an assortment of their fears that they were pawning onto me: “It would be impossible to learn a second language as an adult” or “The unemployment rate is higher in France” or “You’ll never get married if you keep moving around” or “Did you know that the euro is stronger than the dollar?” and “The French are rude.” Bereft of funds, a job, and proper paperwork were certainly significant factors to consider before making this decision. The other excuses, however, were not. Essentially, these friends were a form of fear, just in cuter outfits.
With two suitcases and a bright outlook, this New Yorker arrived at Charles de Gaulle airport on a sunny morning in September to go see about this dream.
As much as I would like to say that two months later I put all of those naysayers in their place with a settled-in life replete with a dream job, a lively group of friends who helped me learn to sspeak passable French (even if it was with a thick New York accent!) with my polite and loving French man, I can’t. It took eight months. And about another eight to completely lose it.
From six thousand miles away, I could feel the silent satisfaction from said “friends” when my Paris life came crashing down on me: the polite and loving French man decided a month after I had given up my apartment to live with him, that he would rather be alone, the lively group of friends disappeared with him, my savings account was thinning out, and I got robbed by someone I knew. Overnight, my French dream had morphed into a total nightmare putting me at yet another crossroads: Do I stay in Paris or go back home?
This is a “Champagne Diet” book, ladies, what do you think I did?
I did end up going back to New York to secure a proper visa that would allow me to work in France. Upon my return, I found a small part-time job, joined a gym, and started a blog to share my stories and experiences with other like-minded women. Because I was placing the focus on helping myself rather than seeking the next rescue, I was unconsciously laying down the foundation of a stronger life in Paris on my own. It’s really what I should have done in the first place.
Five years after that fateful first morning at the airport and I’m still in Paris. Can you believe it? I can! I live with my husband (a different guy!) in a quaint apartment near Bastille where I am working on my first novel, work a part-time job, and welcome each day with gratitude. Paris has certainly been more of a struggle than I set out for, but like any true diva, she was worth fighting for.
Lisa knew that pursuing her dream would make her uncomfortable, but she did it anyway. And now she’s reaping the benefits (in the form of the most fabulous cheese and wine this world has to offer!) Merci beaucoup for your balls, Lisa. They are an inspiration to all of us.
Laugh at Yourself
I’ll never forget the first time I had to speak in public. I was a panelist at a discussion among women entrepreneurs and a room full of at least 100 amazingly talented women surrounded me. Talk about pressure! I was so freaked out about how I looked, what I sounded like, and whether or not I’d make any sense. Before the event, I took deep breaths and tried my hardest to center myself. I went over all the points I wanted to make in my mind, prepared for possible questions that may be asked, and repeated positive affirmations in my head.
When the time came to speak, the moderator started with me, and I completely lost my train of thought. She asked me a question that I did not expect, but rather than get flustered and turn beet red (what the “old me” would have done), I paused, made a joke, and the audience erupted with laughter. Being able to not take myself so seriously broke the ice for all of us, and the vibe of the night immediately shifted from somber and stoic to light-hearted and fun.
You know that quote, “If you embrace your flaws, nobody can use them against you.” That has been my guiding star in any would-be embarrassing moment. Owning who you are, flaws and all, is the key to being fearless and fabulous. Nobody is perfect. We all forget our lines. We all slip on ice in front of the hot guy. We all spill the entire contents of our purse (including tampons) on the subway. We all have that awkward moment. The trick is embracing it, laughing at yourself, and moving on gracefully.
Baby Steps are Brilliant
No matter what your dream is know that it can absolutely happen if you take baby steps. In fact, baby steps are brilliant. They allow us to gain momentum and the confidence to keep going. Think about dipping your toes into a freezing cold pool. That first dip is super cold, right? But slowly, as you submerge the rest of your foot, the temperature of the water becomes more bearable. Soon enough you are sliding into that pool, barely noticing how chilly it is. It’s all about easing in.
Some of the greatest accomplishments start with small steps. Take for example someone who has lost 100 pounds. If they looked at their overall goal in the beginning of their weight loss journey, they probably wouldn’t have gotten past day one. But if they look at each day or even each hour
as an opportunity to take a step in the right direction, their goal becomes much more manageable. And better yet, we’re able to measure success on a smaller scale and celebrate those wins along the way to keep pushing us forward. So break that goal down into baby steps and prove to yourself that you can accomplish whatever you want. Your fear will quickly shrink as you sashay all the way into your dreams.
Nothing fabulous happens inside of a comfort zone.
I’ve always been a dreamer. I spend a lot of time in my own head, fantasizing about the kind of life I want to live. One of my best friends has a running joke with me that I live in a bubble, and she’s right, I do! This isn’t an insult to me; in fact, I think it’s crucial that we all live in a bubble, at least part of the time.
Let me explain.
We live in a world that is tainted with negativity. Just put on the morning news and there’s a good chance you’ll hear about a murder before you’ve even had your first sip of coffee. And while you can’t tune everything out, you also have to give yourself some healthy space from “reality.” And I use the word reality in quotation marks because the reality we’ve been conditioned to does not have to be the one we live in. Ultimately, we are responsible for designing a world that feels good for us. I’ll explain more about that in a minute.
Release the Energy Vampires
Everything around us is energy. From the conversation you have with the clerk at the supermarket, to the music you listen to, to the couple you hear fighting in the apartment above you. We are like a giant sponge, constantly soaking in the energy around us. And if you’re not careful, the bad energy can quickly creep in and affect you in a major way.
Do you have someone in your life that just loves to burst your bubble? That person who whenever you share your wishes and goals with they come up with a reason why they think it won’t work? These people are what I call energy vampires, and they breed fear. They love to discourage dreamers and they love to suck you into their negative worlds. If you’re working on becoming a fearless and fabulous woman, you’re going to have to seriously limit the time you spend sharing your desires with these types of people. Craft your conversations with them carefully. If they shoot down your dreams, they aren’t the right people to share them with.