Work What You Got

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  Everyone froze. Sharon was just like her mom, and I didn’t know if that was a good thing, but I certainly hoped the undergrad Betas heard what her mom was saying. I certainly didn’t want to lose my letters before I even got them.

  That same night, the sixteen of us were crammed into Big Sister Keisha Mean Machine’s apartment. It must have been the smallest apartment in the city—and the oldest. Within the apartment, there were power strips everywhere to make up for the lack of outlets in the place. Alongside that eyesore there was an abundance of old looking furniture and stacks of dusty books. Twenty other Betas were surrounding Keisha, but they weren’t familiar—and there weren’t that many Betas on campus.

  “I know some of these girls have graduated,” Bea said to me.

  Edythe went over to Keisha and said, “Look, we can’t do any of this anymore. Did you hear what Sharon’s mother said today? I’m not getting my letters taken because of you, Keisha. This is over the top.”

  “Whatever, I am not about to let these girls walk up in my sorority and not get a thorough pledge experience on my watch. They gotta pay dues just like everybody else. Where is the line president?”

  We all stood still. What was a line president? Penelope hadn’t told us about that.

  “These dummies hadn’t even selected a leader to answer for them. Maybe they need some cake shoved down their mouths.”

  Edythe saw us looking angry and confused. “Girls, as soon as you can, select someone that will represent you to all of us.”

  Keisha said, “Well, first just tell me whose momma said that stuff earlier today anyway?”

  Nobody raised their hand. I didn’t know Sharon, but I surely would not want to ask for trouble. However, as Big Sister Mean Machine started cussing, I knew anything but Heaven was about to break loose if someone didn’t come clean.

  Spitting and shouting, Keisha said, “Didn’t y’all hear me, scrubs? I said whose momma said that anyway?”

  All of us raised our hands. Instincts about protecting ourselves and our sisters kicked in all at once. I was proud to stand with a group of girls who cared more about the line than themselves.

  “Y’all don’t have to do that,” Sharon turned around and said to us, “Big Sister Keisha Mean Machine, it was my mom.”

  Keisha went over and yanked Sharon out of the line. “Ha ha, I thought it was you. What yo’ momma say? Nobody better not lay a hand on you?”

  Keisha pulled Sharon’s hair. She kicked her in the thigh. Then she shoved Sharon into all of her sorors.

  “Keisha, I’m serious,” Edythe said, helping Sharon to her feet.

  Keisha went over and grabbed Sharon again, shoving Edythe out of the way. “Your mom said don’t touch you, huh?”

  We were all stunned when Keisha back-slapped her. Penelope went to stand in front of Keisha. The two of them stared each other down.

  Finally Penelope said, “Hey, this is a little too much. I’m with Edythe, I don’t want to get my letters removed.”

  “I knew I shouldn’t have put the two of you guys in leadership. Y’all so weak. No backbone. Everybody knows you don’t threaten a Beta and expect to get away with it. Just because of you, Sharon, this whole line is gonna catch it.”

  For the next hour, we scrubbed the two toilets and bathtubs. Some of us cleaned the kitchen and the rest of us wiped the windows and blinds. We were working swiftly, thinking the faster we got the task done the quicker we could get out of there and study.

  Out of nowhere, Keisha came up to Bea and said, “I’m sick and tired of looking at you, fat girl. I told them not to put you on the line either. Sharon, where are you? You think your line sister is fat?”

  Sharon said, “No, Big Sister Keisha Mean Machine.”

  “Okay, well give me a push-up. Now Bea, get on her back.”

  “I don’t think I can hold her, Big Sister Keisha Mean Machine.”

  “Well, you shouldn’t have said she wasn’t fat. You said she wasn’t, so you gonna hold her for five minutes. Go.”

  I said to Trisha, “Let’s go, we can help.”

  “How?” Trisha said.

  I moved over to the action and said, “She said she’s got to hold her, well we can help hold her, too.”

  I got down on my back and Trisha got on the other side of Sharon. We allowed Bea to put her feet on us and that helped to prop her up.

  “Oh, so y’all think y’all can outsmart me, huh? Edythe,” she called out, “I want y’all to address her as Big Sister Dr. Edythe Right. Why? Because she’s president and is always right to y’all. No one gives her orders. Y’all got it?”

  “Yes ma’am,” we said.

  “Five minutes is up, Big Sister Dr. Edythe Right,” I said.

  “Naw, let them go longer,” Keisha snapped. “Since they got help, ten minutes.”

  Then she went over to Bea and messed with her stomach. “Fatso, I’ma get that meat off of you if it’s the last thing I do. We can’t have no wobbly Betas.”

  “I’m bored,” another Beta hollered out.

  “Let me get you some entertainment,” Keisha said to her. “Alright y’all, fall in line. We want to see a skit about domestic violence. Go. Now.”

  The four of us started scrambling toward the rest of our line sisters. Then all sixteen of us tried to come up with something. Keisha took a lamp and threw it at us. It cut Dena.

  “That’s what I’m talkin’ about. I want to see one that is more real. Hit somebody, kick somebody. Do something.”

  The next thing you know Dena turned around and punched her number two. Hands were all out of control. We were beating each other up. You woulda thought it was a lady’s boxing ring match, but the Betas were laughing and we looked like fools. What did this have to do with sisterhood and friendship? Absolutely nothing. The look on Edythe and Penelope’s faces showed it, but they were in the minority. The rest of the girls in the chapter, and the old heads that had graduated already, who came back to grill us, were loving the discord.

  Why did we stay? I wondered as I participated in the madness. Deep in my heart I believed in the sorority’s core values. I was doing this for my mom’s honor. And though I knew if she saw this she’d have my head herself, I had to stand and take it all. I was convinced this was the only way.

  Penelope got up and said, “Alright, you guys, this is enough. That girl’s got a bloody nose.”

  Keisha got up in her face and said, “I have had pints of blood drawn from pledges before, but I haven’t paddled a soul. Relax, nobody has drank any rubbing alcohol. If you stop any of this small stuff we are doing with them, I guarantee you your little line will be paper.”

  Keisha moved out of the way and sat down. Penelope looked discouraged, but didn’t respond. We were on our own now.

  At three-thirty in the morning we were released from Keisha’s apartment. We weren’t allowed to park in front just in case some chapter advisor or someone that we knew came by. There could not be anything that appeared to connect us with Keisha. So we dashed around the back of her place to the two cars the sixteen of us had to pile into.

  However, before we opened either car door, all kinds of emotions started coming from our group. Girls were screaming from pain, crying because they were scared, shouts of anger rang out. It was chaos.

  Sharon keeled over, held her stomach and said, “I got to quit right now. I can’t take any more of this.”

  Two or three girls stood behind her and nodded their heads in agreement. We all looked tore up, with bloody noses, and ripped up clothes. Who could blame anyone not wanting to keep the madness going.

  Trisha got up in their faces and said, “What are y’all talkin’ about quitting? What y’all think this was? See, that is why I don’t understand why they put folks on the line who didn’t go through any pre-underground stuff. Obviously these folks ain’t tested. They can’t take it. This is crap, the line might get dropped because of weakness.”

  Bea stood behind her and nodded. I understood her argument, but
she was tripping. I knew there were no limits to hazing, but I just never fathomed that girls who would soon be my sisters could be so cruel.

  “Look, if you think I signed up to be beaten up, or to fight with y’all, then you can have this crazy, stupid sorority,” Sharon ranted.

  Audria, visibly shaken, agreed. “This is supposed to be a Christian organization and God doesn’t like brutality. They are doing this all wrong. Obviously, with what just happened tonight, we can’t stop them. Us hitting on each other was their entertainment for the night. God isn’t pleased with none of what took place.”

  “Stop with the God stuff,” Trisha said to her.

  Bea said, “God gives us free will to choose, okay. But you heard Keisha. We could be paper if we don’t go through a little something.”

  Dena came over and said, “Excuse me, excuse me, if I could just say one thing.”

  Everybody looked at her expectantly, but when she had all sixteen of us ready to listen she froze. It took a minute, but Dena was finally able to speak her piece, “Well, if we could all stick together, I think we could get them to not go to the extreme on everything. Ultimately, they don’t want to lose the line.”

  After all that wait, no one listened to her. Trisha and Bea started arguing with Sharon and Audria. I just felt so overwhelmed.

  “Guys, we don’t need to listen to this. We don’t need to stand here and fuss,” Sharon said, as she appealed to the majority. “Look at us, blood dripping, arms bruised. I don’t know about you guys, but my ribs are hurting. Come on, let’s go back to the house and tell them we quit.”

  Bea stood between them all. “I wish y’all would. But you can’t, if you gonna drop line, you need to turn in an official letter to the advisor. We signed a document stating that. You are not going back to that house. You are not going to make it worse on the rest of us.”

  Sharon said, “I can’t believe you gonna stand there and tell me what I can and cannot do. I put up with this for far too long from them girls up there thinking they can push me around. You might be triple my size, Bea, and I might have had to carry you on my back all night long, but I am not gonna take any more junk from you.”

  Bea started taking off her earrings. “I know she didn’t talk about my size. It’s on now, whatever, come on, Sharon.”

  “Trisha, get your friend,” Sharon said.

  “I’m not getting her at all,” Trish replied, almost wanting another fight to take place. “Bea’s got a point—I don’t want you all messing it up for the rest of us. We tried to tell you. They put the wrong girls on line. Most of the ones who had the heart to endure it all were part of the pre-underground ...” Trisha said, turning to everyone.

  “Yeah, we know. See, we always have to hear that from y’all,” Sharon said, with watery eyes. “Thinking that you guys are the only ones who deserve to be Betas, just because you can take a punch or two, you’re better than us. We have morals. We have standards and we are not going to take it anymore. We are actually true Beta material. You signed some form saying you wouldn’t participate in hazing, yet you been involved in being hazed all along. All we got to do is turn you guys in and we could be Betas without you all anyway. At least we were actually on an official line recognized by headquarters before we participated in any of these activities.”

  I never even thought of that. They had a point, but I still didn’t want them to mess it up for me. This was extreme what we were going through. There might have been lines that have had it worse, but we had true blood, sweat, and tears to prove that what they were doing to us was wrong.

  “Come on, y’all,” Sharon said to all the other girls. “Let’s go tell them we aren’t taking this anymore.”

  Trisha hit me on the arm. “Do something.”

  I just stood there. What could I do?

  Bea went around and got in Sharon’s face one last time. She yanked Sharon’s sore arm. “I’ma tell you right now, you go up those stairs, it’s gonna be on. I promise.”

  7

  BLESSED

  Thinking from the depths of my soul, I ran in between Bea and Sharon and just started praying aloud. “Lord, this is crazy. We are at each others’ throats when we should be coming together. It’s going to take everything we have to make this line. Help us to say the right words to each other. Help us to put You first. Deep down I know we all wanted this so we can give back. Though our actions and attitudes right now aren’t reflecting that, I know if we give all this to You—all of the craziness, the madness, the anger, the hurt, and the pain—You and only You can make it better. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.”

  I didn’t know who was with me or who wasn’t, but I felt a peace come over us when I heard fifteen other Amens. This was emotional for us all. We’d been physically and emotionally beat up on. Though we were one line, we were made up of sixteen uniquely strong people. Obviously, we all handled the stress differently. However, at that moment we needed to act as one. We had to come to a unanimous decision. What one did would affect us all.

  Audria came up to me and said, “That was awesome. If Bea or Sharon don’t have any objection, I think you need to be our line president.”

  I was stunned. That was the last thing I was expecting anybody to say to me. I just knew that none of us needed to quit. None of us needed to walk away. This was all-important to each of us for various reasons. And regardless of what anybody thought of my prayer, I had to take a stand because I knew the only One who could fix the drama, and it wasn’t those crazy Betas who had been giving us hell.

  “Alright, alright,” Bea said, nodding. “I agree. Hayden would make an excellent line president.”

  Audria said, “Sharon, you cool with it?”

  “I just don’t know if I want to stay on this line,” Sharon said, holding her gut. The anguish she felt earlier hadn’t gone away yet.

  I went over and gave her both my hands. “We don’t know each other well and I’m sure you’ve got a lot of ill thoughts about me, but I do care about everyone.”

  “Well, I don’t like how you’ve been talking about me with your friends, like I can’t hear you guys. I’m right in front of you and Trisha,” Sharon explained.

  “Well, you’re right. And I personally owe you an apology for that. But Trisha, Bea, and I went through a lot before you guys came. And though we shouldn’t hold that against y’all, it just seemed a little unfair. And now for y’all to be talking about throwing in the towel and turning us in for something we participated in—it’s just a lot, and it certainly makes tempers flare,” I said in the calmest voice I could muster.

  “You’re right. I shouldn’t have threatened to just spoil what y’all have going on because I want to be done,” Sharon admitted.

  “We’ve got to find a way to be smarter though. What I admire about you, Sharon, is that you won’t take crap from anybody. None of us should have to. I want those three letters so bad, but am I willing to die for them? Not at all, and tonight really got me. I’ve been listening to you all go back and forth, but truth is, I also need to reevaluate what I’m trying to be a part of. I guess I’ve been telling myself that once I became a Beta, I could change a lot of the foolishness that goes along with pledging. I mean if the national president had any idea of what was going on ...”

  “So we should tell somebody. I mean why are we putting up with this?” Sharon said.

  “Because I know I have something to give and I know you do too. You have so much heart, Sharon, yet you’re also tough. That’s something we don’t want to lose. We’re all completely different, but it takes us all to be a line.”

  Audria chimed in, “Can’t we figure out a way to outsmart them?”

  “Yeah,” Trisha said, “like when they wanted Sharon to put Bea on her back. It was your brilliant idea, Hayden, for us to kneel down and take some of the pressure off.”

  “We just got to keep thinking like that, guys. We can do it. We can’t let these girls win. They’re about to graduate. Let’s change the image and the
focus of the Betas from what it is now to what it was when the founders gave their all to start it. We can be the difference together,” I said.

  I put out my hand. Then fifteen other hands piled on top of mine. Because we put God in the middle, He helped us find a way to work it out.

  There I stood among my peers, each of them looking toward me for answers. I didn’t take the leadership position lightly. I was honored that they wanted me to represent them. Though I knew even the greatest leader probably gets a little apprehensive at times during a crisis, there was no time to falter. I had to be strong, be ready, and willing to stand up for the group.

  “You guys go home. I’m gonna go and get Penelope and talk to her,” I uttered.

  “You can’t talk to her by yourself!” Sharon called out. “You know she is foolish.”

  “It’s not just her that’s crazy,” Trisha said. “All the rest of those Betas are cuckoo too. We’re not gonna let you go in there by yourself.”

  Though I appreciated their support, I felt strong enough going alone. So I picked up my cell phone and without hesitation I dialed Penelope’s number.

  I was surprised when on the first ring, she said, “Hello.”

  I could hear all the other Betas in the background. At that moment I was intimidated. What was I thinking calling her?

  “Hayden, this is your number. Are you there? Is anybody there?” Penelope called out.

  Snapping back into reality, I uttered, “Yeah, yeah I’m here. I need to see you alone. It’s important.”

  “We were just talking about you guys. Is everybody okay?” Penelope said, so low it sounded like she was whispering.

  “It’s pretty severe. Can you please meet me alone? The status of the line depends on it,” I said, looking around at the bleak faces of my line sisters.