by Claire Adams
“Jackson,” I heard a woman’s voice call.
I grabbed her and pulled her into my bed with me. In a daze between a dream and sleep, I grabbed the woman I thought was Rose and held onto her tightly. Her skin felt so good next to mine, I had missed it for so long.
“Oh, Rose, I’m so glad you’re safe. I’ve missed you so much,” I said.
“Jackson, its Roxanne. Are you alright?”
I started to wake up and released my grip on Roxanne. It wasn’t Rose who I had been holding. As much as I wished she was still alive, it wasn’t her.
“I’m sorry. I was dreaming,” I said as I sat up in bed.
“Who’s Rose?” Roxanne asked as she sat next to me.
I didn’t really want to go into all the details with her. It wasn’t like we were friends or anything. She was just someone who was working with me on a case. She didn’t need to know all the details about my life and my past.
“Just a woman I once loved,” I said as I got up and went to the bathroom.
“I’m sorry. Is she dead?”
I pretended not to hear her as I used the bathroom and grabbed a drink out of the fridge. I really wasn’t in the mood to explain my entire past. I just wanted to go back to sleep. My past wasn’t something I shared with people. It was mine and it wasn’t public knowledge, there was no need for Roxanne to know about Rose.
On the other hand, I felt bad for what Roxanne had gone through and I didn’t want her to think I was being a jerk. I decided to tell her a little bit.
“She was just someone I once knew. I loved her and she died. Are you going to stay here all night or are you going back to your bed?”
“You don’t need to be an ass about it,” Roxanne said as she stormed off back to her room.
If there was one thing I was good at, it was getting a woman to leave me alone. Intimacy and feelings just weren’t in my DNA and I was much better at being alone than I was at being around other people. Roxanne would just have to learn that I wasn’t the kind of touchy feely guy she thought I was. Even when I was trying to be nice, it often came off has jerky to the women in my life.
Roxanne slammed the door between our rooms and instantly I felt the pang of guilt as it came over me. I didn’t purposely mean to be an ass. It’s just the only other way I had of dealing with women sometimes. I knew if I was a jerk, they would leave me alone. And I deserved to be alone for what happened with Rose in Qatar.
I heard the sound of Roxanne crying through the door and winced at the realization that I had just done that to her. Why did I always have to be such a giant ass to women? It was one of my special traits and I hated it. She had just been through a traumatic event and there I was, telling her to leave me alone.
Only a few short hours before, I had been thinking about how badly I wanted her body. I hated how I acted toward her. One minute I wanted her and the next, I wanted to push her as far away as possible.
I knocked quietly on the door and then opened it.
“I’m sorry,” I said as I walked over toward Roxanne as she lay on the bed in tears.
“You know, I don’t care about you or your stupid dead girlfriend. My life is falling apart and I was almost killed tonight. I don’t need this shit.”
The fire in Roxanne’s eyes made me smile. Not because she was in pain, I certainly wouldn’t have smiled at anyone who was in genuine pain. I smiled because she looked so damn sexy as she screamed at me and passionately tried to hurt my feelings.
“I’m sorry,” I said again as I moved a little closer to her.
“Don’t look at me with those sexy blue eyes and tell me you’re sorry. It’s not going to work.”
“Oh, my eyes are sexy?” I snickered.
“Stop it. You know what I mean. You are all Superman sexy and I’m crying and now you’re telling me you’re sorry. I don’t want to hear it.”
“Superman sexy?” I smiled. “You think I look like Superman?”
“Oh my God. Stop putting words into my mouth. I get it. You’re sexy and you get all the women whenever you want them. But I’m not going to be one of those women. You probably have a different woman every week or something like that. Well, I’m not falling for it.”
I couldn’t hold it in another second and I burst out laughing. If only Roxanne knew just how few women I had been within my lifetime. Sure, women came on to me and I flirted a lot when I was younger. But since losing Rose in Qatar, I had hardly looked at another woman until I met Roxanne. I certainly hadn’t been with anyone that lasted more than a short time. I just avoided them all together.
“I’m sorry,” I said for a third time as my laughter continued.
“Why are you laughing?” Roxanne screamed at me.
“Because I’m not a lady’s man. I haven’t had sex in several months.”
The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them, but when I saw the look on Roxanne’s face, I desperately wanted to take back everything I had said. Suddenly, she looked at me with confusion and bewilderment.
“How many months?” she questioned me.
“It’s probably closer to a year,” I said matter-of-factly.
“Holy shit. Why not?”
“I haven’t found someone I cared about.”
The words lingered in the air and I could tell Roxanne was processing them. I wasn’t the kind of guy who could just fuck a girl and move on. I liked being with women I had feelings for. I knew it wasn’t normal for many men, but to me, it was the only way I liked my women.
No, I didn’t need some sort of commitment or anything like that. But I wanted to know her, I wanted to like her both mentally and physically. I needed that mental connection to make it worth my while.
Roxanne looked at me and then sat up in the bed. Her tears were gone, and she moved closer to me. She gazed at me intently as I gazed back at her.
“Stay with me,” she whispered as her hands grabbed my face and she kissed me.
It was the first time we were both awake and not in a strip club. The moment was intense and I felt myself getting drawn into her and the passion she had. I liked Roxanne, I was perfectly happy with the idea of spending the evening with her in her bed, although it certainly wasn’t professional. I also liked that she had initiated the offer. She was a fragile woman and I didn’t want to push her farther than she was ready to go. But apparently, she was ready to go all the way. Roxanne was ready to take me to her bed and have me with her for the night.
Chapter 8
ROXANNE
It wasn’t very often that a man actually surprised me. But the realization that Jackson wasn’t going around fucking all the women I was sure were throwing themselves at him, well, that shocked me. It was also incredible sexy. Hot guys were usually the biggest man whores I knew.
When a hot guy had a girl throwing herself at him, he usually just took the opportunity to let the girl have some fun. I had friends that would say they were doing the girl a favor because she would tell people she got to sleep with him. It made me sick. Guys just had a whole different idea about sex than most women did. But Jackson had just blown my theory out of the water.
Jackson was a tall, blond, handsome guy. His deep blue eyes and muscular build was just what every woman wanted in her man. Not to mention the large body part that I had been stroking the night before.
Yes, I remembered what had happened. I remembered my dream and I remembered feeling of him in my hand. I wanted Jackson more now than I had wanted him before, though. There was something so damn sexy about a guy that would swear off sex after losing a woman he cared about.
But the truth was, I was scared and I desperately wanted Jackson to stay in my bed with me again. I didn’t care if we did anything more than that kiss we had just had. I was terrified that Stephano was going to get into my room and kill me in my sleep.
It was an illogical fear; my brain knew it. Firstly, Stephano had no idea where to find me, and I no real information that he even cared where I was. For all he knew, I
had gone home after the club. The more I thought about it, I didn’t think he had ordered his goon to strangle me. I think that guy did it all on his own out of some sick idea of being loyal to Stephano.
I wasn’t really afraid. When I let my brain stop and think about the locks on the door and how hard it would be to figure out what room I was in, I knew better. But still, when I closed my eyes, I felt that man’s hands around my throat and it sent a feeling of panic throughout my body.
The pain in my neck still throbbed and when I tried to close my eyes, I felt like I couldn’t inhale. Panic filled my mind and I needed Jackson there to help me through the evening. He didn’t have to do a single thing besides lay next to me and I would even put a pillow between us to prevent my roaming hand from accosting him while he slept, if that was what he wanted.
As I pulled away from our kiss, I pulled Jackson closer to me. I wanted to feel his arms around me. I wanted to lay naked next to him in my bed. I didn’t care about anything else at all, I just wanted to have something to take my mind off of the horrible memories that filled my head.
But Jackson kept pulling away from me and didn’t seem like he wanted to stay with me. When he held onto my hands and looked into my eyes, I felt like I could get lost in his deep blue gaze.
“I don’t think we should go any further,” he said. “But I’ll stay with you.”
I didn’t have the energy to ask him why or even push for him to go further. I was happy to just have him in my bed. My heart pounded at the thought of what we had done earlier in the evening. We had come as close as two people could get to having sex, and then we backed away from it. It was going to be weird to have him in my bed and neither of us touching each other.
We crawled under the covers fully clothed and Jackson wrapped his arms around me. I felt safe and comfortable with him there. I felt like the whole day was melting away around me. I couldn’t remember a man ever giving up a night of sex to cuddle with me. It impressed me that Jackson was willing to do something so selfless. And, I was happy I he hadn’t asked me to put a pillow between us. The feeling of his arms wrapped around me was amazing.
“What was her name again?” I asked him.
“Rose.”
“How did she die?”
Jackson was silent for a minute and then I heard him take a deep breath.
“We were in Qatar. She went out to the farmer’s market without me, before I had woken up. I had told her it wasn’t safe to go out alone, but she snuck out anyways. She never returned. There were people looking for me, coming after me, and they killed her to get to me.”
I heard the sorrow in his voice, and I could tell she had meant a lot to him. I didn’t need to know anything more. My hands wrapped around his and I held onto him as we both drifted off to sleep. It wasn’t exactly an erotic evening or anything like that. But it was an intimate evening and that was enough for me.
The intimacy in my life had been non-existent for many years. It wasn’t like working as a stripper was a job where I would meet the man of my dreams and I knew that. I knew I had to just tough it out until I got myself into a better situation. But year after year came and went and I never got myself into a better situation. I had felt so trapped before I met Chase, Jordan, and Jackson.
The previous night at the club felt so different to me. I didn’t need to be there anymore. I had an offer from Chase for $250,000. My life was going to be totally changed after we found Ana. There was a sense of relief in knowing that I could finally start my life over. Perhaps I wouldn’t even have to dance again. Because dancing that night hadn’t been fun at all.
Dancing when you don’t have to dance was a totally horrific experience. It felt like I was selling my soul on that stage. Then, when I saw Jackson walking to the private room with Ally, well, it was the last straw for me. I couldn’t take it another second.
I hated dancing, no matter how good I was at it.
As I finally drifted off to sleep, I vowed to not cry in front of Jackson again. I felt like I was turning into some needy woman who needed him by my side and that wasn’t who I wanted to be. I never wanted to need a man. I was stronger than most the men I knew.
Jackson, of course, was a far different case than most of the men I knew. He was strong, stable, and sensitive. He was more even tempered than any man I had ever met, and he smelled like a man. His smell hit my nose like a delightful range of scents that I couldn’t get enough of.
Throughout the night, as we stayed wrapped up in each other’s arms, I periodically smelled Jackson. Not like a little sniff of the man, no. I took in a long drawn out breath that filled my nostrils with his scent. I didn’t think he wore cologne or anything like that, his smell was more natural than that. Perhaps a combination of his shampoo, soap, and deodorant.
I didn’t sleep well that night, but it wasn’t because of nightmares or fear. Instead, my mind was wrapped up in the thoughts of Jackson and how he had loved this woman so much, he hadn’t slept with another woman since her death. It was extremely romantic and I hoped someday I would find a man who loved me that much. Obviously, I hoped I wouldn’t die, though.
We both tossed and turned as the daylight started to seep into the room through the curtains. My throat was incredibly sore, and I reached up to feel the tender bruise that I knew covered my neck. There would be no more dancing for me for a few days. At least Stephano would know I had a logical reason for taking the days off and I wouldn’t have to explain anything to him.
“How does it feel?” Jackson asked as he gently touched my neck.
“It’s sore, but I’ll be alright. I’ve had much worse.”
I didn’t want to say that and felt bad after I did. Jackson didn’t need to know about all the times I had been abused or beaten in my life. He wasn’t there to hear my sad story. He was there to help find Ana for his brother.
Jackson sat up and flipped the light on so he could take a closer look at my neck. I smiled as he looked at my bruising with a serious face. He seemed like he was examining the stocks for the day. I couldn’t help but start to laugh.
“What are you looking at?” I giggled.
“You.”
“Well, I’m alright. You don’t have to keep looking at my horrific bruise.”
“It’s not so bad. I mean, if you like the purple scarf look.”
“Oh, no, is it already purple?” I said as I jumped up and went to the mirror to look at it.
Jackson was quickly behind me and I felt him move my hair away from my neck to behind my shoulder. His fingers gently moved across my back and I watched in the mirror as he leaned down and gently kissed my neck.
It felt so good to have him touching me. I wanted to hate it. I didn’t want to fall for Jackson. But the gentle touch of his lips sent my heart fluttering into the stars. He was the whole package and as much as I didn’t want to sleep with him, I did want to keep him around forever. His touch was exactly what I needed in my life.
My eyes fixated on him in the mirror and the gentle touch of his kisses. He towered over me and his body was, at least, twice the size of mine, yet he was so gentle. Jackson was a giant with a sweet heart and a good soul.
I let my eyes close as I felt the softness of his touch on my skin. It was sweet and calm and nothing that I had felt in a very long time. He didn’t grab onto my body; he didn’t pull me close to him. Instead, he just continued to hold my hair out of the way as he kissed the back of my neck.
Then, I felt his kisses as they moved slightly around to the side of my neck. He continued to kiss me gently and paid specific attention to my purple bruises. I opened my eyes to look at him in the mirror and saw him bent over as he tried to reach my neck. Finally, he just sat on the dresser and pulled me toward him.
He pressed my chin up into the air so he could continue to kiss each and every section of my bruised neck. It was soft and sensual, and I longed to stay in that moment for as long as possible.
Jackson continued to turn me as he made his way across
my neck with his lips. He moved slowly and gently until he had finally turned me all the way around and his lips touched the back of my neck again.
I sat down on his lap as I pulled his arms around me and held onto them while his lips moved up and down my spine. There was a part of me that wanted more. I felt the need to ditch all my clothes and pull Jackson into the bed with me.
But then there was a part of me that just wanted to stay right there in that moment with his soft lips pressed up against my injured body. It felt safe, it felt romantic. I liked every second of it.
There was a contradiction with Jackson that was hard for me to get my mind around. He was a tough and rugged guy, yet when he kissed me, he was soft and sweet. I suspected that the true Jackson was somewhere in the middle of all that. And, I really wanted to get to know that man. The guy that didn’t pretend to be tough just to show off. I wanted to know that guy.
“I need to shower and then we can talk about the day ahead.”
“Me, too. I think I know how we can get into Stephano’s house. He’s angry with me, but I’m sure he will let me in. Then, you could come in right behind me and we could find her quickly and sneak her out,” I said as I turned around and faced Jackson.
“How about we start with showers and food? Then, we can move on to planning our mission for the day,” he laughed.
I knew I was taking things seriously, but I liked having a purpose that didn’t involve taking my clothes off. I enjoyed feeling useful and I really wanted to find Ana and make sure she was safe. I hated the idea of Stephano having control over her. I hated that he was such a dangerous man and she was so vulnerable.
Ana wasn’t at all like the other girls at the club. She wasn’t at all like me. She wasn’t going to be able to protect herself and that just made me sick to think about. Stephano would use her and abuse her all he wanted. He didn’t care if a guy wanted her kept clean, he always did whatever the hell he felt like doing.