Dirty Little Secret

by Kendall Ryan

  Rather than flinch, my instinct was to moan and push back against him. Gone was the meek little librarian. Gavin made me wanton and reckless.

  “Lift your ass for me, baby,” he growled.

  Oh.

  I arched my back, offering myself up to him, knowing his gaze caressed my private areas that were on display for him.

  As demanding as he was, his cock was even more impatient, pushing forward and invading my body in a firm thrust. He continued inching forward, and I waited to feel him bottom out.

  I gasped. “Jesus, Gavin. That all of it?”

  “Just a little more. You’ll get used to it.”

  I whimpered softly, my head moving from side to side as I gripped his duvet.

  “It’s a blessing and a curse,” he said through gritted teeth, a hint of amusement in his voice.

  It might have been our first time, but apparently, that didn’t mean Gavin was going to take it easy on me. The sex was rough, almost brutal, like he was working out his demons on me, like he had to erase all that vulnerability he’d shown.

  Pressing hot kisses between my shoulder blades, Gavin hovered over me, his hips continuing to work their magic.

  Though my head was spinning, processing, my body loved his total and complete domination.

  “Should have pushed you from my mind after I first saw you. Fuck. You shouldn’t be here, pretty girl. Don’t deserve you.”

  I wanted to tell him he was wrong, that he deserved love and admiration, but it was all I could do to hang on, grasping the bed as he pounded into me again and again.

  My body clenched around him, and I came with a cry.

  Gavin followed—gripping my ass in both palms as he let out a low grunt and emptied himself into the condom, his cock jerking inside me as my muscles continued to spasm.

  When it was done, he leaned over me once more and pressed a soft kiss between my shoulder blades. “Stay put.”

  Moments later, he was back with a warm cloth, wiping between my legs. The moment was so unexpected and tender. Tears stung my eyes as Gavin helped me to my feet, and we each dressed in silence.

  A heaviness hung in the room around us that wasn’t there before, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

  I didn’t expect him to pull me into his arms for a cuddle session, necessarily, but he hadn’t even given me the privilege of laying me down on his bed, kissing or holding me while made love. He’d just bent me over the edge of it and had his way with me. But before I had time to fully process that, Gavin led me toward the hall.

  “My driver will take you home now.”

  I paused, balling my fists at my sides. “That’s it? After everything we shared today?”

  “I don’t know what to tell you. This is who I am, Emma.”

  “But you took me to see where you grew up, the restaurant . . . the intimacy tonight. I thought things between us were turning into something real.”

  Gavin’s reserved demeanor was back, his gaze icy and cold. “This isn’t one of your storybooks. I never promised you a happy ending.”

  As we stood beside the front door, I put on my shoes and grabbed my purse. “Cooper never made me feel like this.” I hurled the insult at Gavin with all the force I could muster, hoping since nothing else seemed to matter, the one thing that might would be his own sense of pride.

  A flash of jealousy broke through his steely gaze before he blinked, and then it was gone in a flash. “Then maybe you should go and spend more time with him.”

  With tears stinging my eyes, I fled, stabbing the button for the elevator.

  “Ben will meet you downstairs,” Gavin said just as the elevator doors slid closed.

  As if I needed one more reason to stay away from him, his cold and callous behavior tonight had sealed the deal.

  Despite what he’d said, he had let me in today—however briefly. And it was magical. What else did I want? A relationship? Marriage? I almost choked on the word. Men like Gavin didn’t tie themselves down to one woman for all of eternity.

  He was arrogant, cold, and incredibly frustrating. The way his powerful body moved, the way my skin heated when I was near him, I craved all of it. I wished I didn’t, wished desperately that I was stronger. But Gavin Kingsley had a hold over me unlike any I’d ever experienced.

  Which was exactly why I needed to get out now—while I still could.

  Ben opened the car door, and I slid inside just as a broken sob slipped from my throat.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Emma

  I do love nothing in the world so well as you—is not that strange?

  The great William Shakespeare was one of my best friends, and his Much Ado About Nothing was a favorite.

  I was curled up on my couch under a blanket, reading, and struggling to keep my brain off the fact that I kept failing at this whole romance thing. Hard. Was it possible that I only attracted men who were all wrong for me?

  Gavin had begun to let me in—only to slam the door cruelly on our relationship when it started getting a little too real for him.

  Still feeling hurt after our last encounter a few days ago, I’d retreated a bit. After I talked it over with Bethany, she agreed a little space might be a good thing. Since that night, Gavin hadn’t called, hadn’t texted, and I had no idea where his head was at.

  My mind swirled with thoughts of not only Gavin, but my last relationship before him.

  When I thought back to my time with my ex, my heart hurt. Nathan had always been rough—rough kisses, rough sex—but he’d never been violent. Until he was. Shoved me down the stairs after a stupid argument, then spent the next hour working me over until he was breathless and I was a bloody mess, unable to stand on my own two feet. As soon as he left, I dialed 911, and vowed I’d never get involved with a man like him ever again.

  And my greatest fear, more than falling for Gavin, was falling for Gavin and having him turn out just like Nathan.

  I was in for the night, licking my wounds and trying to think about anything but the man my heart still yearned for, despite everything. Which was why the knock at my door at nine that night was unexpected.

  Setting my book on the cushion beside me, I rose from the couch. Another knock sounded on my door, louder this time.

  “Emma!” a man shouted as he pounded firmly again with his fist.

  For a moment, I couldn’t place that voice. But when I did, icy chills snaked down my spine.

  Nathan.

  Frozen in place, I dared a peek through the peephole.

  “I know you’re in there, Emma. Let me in. We need to talk.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about. Go away!” I called back.

  “I miss you. Want you back, sweet Emma.”

  Not a chance in hell.

  I should have never trusted him, never given him my heart in the first place, and there was no way I was ever going down that path again. The entire time we were together was a sham. I’d thought he was mine, but in reality, he was a total player, dating his way through half the city while I stayed home, missing him.

  When I finally confronted him, he said a woman couldn’t expect monogamy in this day and age. Yet he’d demanded it from me. Funny how that worked. And then he’d gone from dominating to controlling to downright scary in a matter of months.

  The last time, he beat me so badly, I spent a week in the hospital eating my food through a tube. That had been the final straw.

  Summoning my strength, I tried my most intimidating voice. “I’ve called the police, Nate. Get out of here and don’t come back.”

  He grumbled something unintelligible under his breath, but moments later, I saw his form retreat away from my door and toward the street beyond.

  With shaking hands, I grabbed my phone from the counter and then hesitated. My instinct had been to call Gavin, to beg him to come over and stay the night. But as my heart rate slowed, I thought it over. Based on our last int
eraction and the way things ended when I left his apartment, I didn’t feel quite right calling him. He’d behaved like an ass, and I didn’t want to call him begging him to rescue me.

  Instead, I dialed Cooper, silently praying that he’d pick up.

  “Princess!” his deep voice boomed, excitement radiating from it.

  “Cooper,” I choked out, and my voice broke.

  “What is it?” His excitement was replaced by concern.

  “Can you come over?” I sniffed.

  “Did something happen?”

  I filled him in on the unwelcome visit from my violent ex.

  “I’m on my way. Keep the doors locked, and if he comes back, call the police.”

  “Okay.”

  Restless, I paced the house, still in shock that Nathan had shown up here. I hadn’t heard from him in months. I probably should have called the police, but I didn’t feel like waiting half the night for the city cops to show up, and then spending my evening answering questions and filling out paperwork. I knew from experience there wasn’t much they could do.

  A short time later, a soft knock came at my door.

  “Emma? It’s Cooper.”

  As soon as I opened the door, Cooper pulled me into his arms, hugging me tightly to his massive, muscled chest. I sagged against him, instantly relieved.

  “I’m here now. You’re safe,” he murmured.

  When he finally released me, we went to the couch and settled in side by side.

  “How are you doing?” he asked.

  I blew out a frustrated breath. I wanted to open up, to share all the depressing bits of my life, even though I knew he was just asking about Nathan. And his visit had rattled me, it had, but it was nothing compared to the deep ache in my soul over Gavin’s rejection after the night we made love.

  “You can tell me, princess. I won’t judge.”

  I’d been sliced raw by Gavin, and I desperately needed the perspective of someone who knew him.

  “What’s up with your brother?”

  Cooper chuckled. “Why do I know you’re not talking about Quinn?”

  I rolled my eyes. Of course, my mind had once again wandered to Gavin. It seemed that the more determined I was to stay away from him, the more I yearned for him. Foolish, I know.

  “What are you referring to, princess?”

  I leaned in closer, enjoying the body heat we shared in the chilly living room. Cooper always made me feel safe, like I could tell him anything. It was refreshing, especially after all the secrets lurking between Gavin and me that remained unspoken.

  “He’s just so infuriating. Has he always been like this?”

  “Like what?” Cooper cocked his head, studying me as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.

  “The man is about as in tune with his emotions as a mosquito.”

  Cooper chuckled again and dropped the lock of hair he’d been toying with. “That’s just the way he operates. Has been since . . . fuck, I think high school, if I had to guess. Now, tell me what’s going on.”

  “We had sex,” I finally blurted.

  Cooper cleared his throat. “I see.” After a moment’s silence, he asked, “And what? He didn’t live up?”

  I turned to see his mouth quirk up a fraction, and I chucked a pillow at him. “No, not that. It’s just . . . well, he had Ben drive me home straight after, like it was nothing more than a meaningless hookup.”

  “I’m sorry, Emma.”

  He used my name rather than the playful nickname he normally called me, and I knew it was because he truly was sorry.

  “Do you think he’s slept with a lot of women?” My question came out of left field, but Cooper didn’t bat an eye. I loved that about him, how he never judged me. He rolled with every punch, including my insatiable hunger for his brother.

  “I don’t know his number, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  I shook my head. “I figured. I’m just curious . . .”

  “I’m sure this isn’t what you want to hear, but I told you I’d never lie to you. So, yeah, I’m fairly certain that over the years he’s been with an astronomical number of women. Most of them didn’t matter. Women to him were just a way to blow off steam.”

  My stomach sank like I’d swallowed a piece of lead. Every new thing I learned about Gavin told me to run far, far away, and yet at the same time, the pull to get closer was stronger than ever. Stupid as it was, somewhere in the back of my mind was the notion that maybe I’d be the woman to change him.

  “I figured as much.” The knot in my throat was impossible to disguise. Cooper knew I was upset, but he continued sitting quietly beside me, each of us studying the TV that played on mute before us.

  “Maybe it doesn’t have to be Gavin, princess.”

  I looked into his eyes, and the tenderness I saw there almost gutted me. My brain knew Cooper was the safe choice. But my heart? My heart yearned for Gavin.

  “Maybe you could try . . .” His voice was uncharacteristically soft, and my heart squeezed.

  Try. I knew what he meant. Try to open my heart. Try to forget the dominating Gavin who was all wrong for me. Try to give my heart to Cooper instead.

  Swallowing against my suddenly dry throat, I shook my head. “I have been trying.”

  That sad truth was something that neither of us wanted to face—that on paper, Cooper and I were perfect for each other. He loved literary classics and had an impressive library. He was tender, sweet, and gentle with me, all the things I knew I needed, especially after my last brutal relationship. But he was none of the things I wanted.

  I craved Gavin’s harsh brand of love. His steely persona I had to work to uncover, his presence and intensity that only intrigued me more. I was beguiled with him. It wasn’t a switch I could turn off—if it were, heaven knew, I would have. I knew Gavin wasn’t healthy for me, and yet, he was all I wanted.

  I suddenly felt so cruel for stringing Cooper along this entire time. “I’m so sorry,” I said, my eyes stinging with unshed tears.

  His finger on my lips stopped me. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” His tone was sweet, but his words lacked the sincerity I’d come to love from him.

  I gave his hand a squeeze.

  “If he hurts you, so help me God. You let me know, okay? I’ll be there in a heartbeat to make it all better.”

  “I will.” And I knew what he said was true. Cooper would be there for me if I needed him.

  A little while later, Cooper left, and shortly after that, my phone rang.

  It was Gavin. I couldn’t help but wonder if Cooper had called him and reamed him out for the insensitive way he’d behaved, and told him about my surprise visit from Nathan. I hoped Gavin felt bad—it served him right if he did.

  “Did you need something?” I asked, my tone icy.

  Gavin hesitated for a long moment, and then his voice dropped low and silky. “Are you okay?”

  “I am now. Cooper came over.”

  A slight pause. “Good. I wanted to let you know I’ve made some calls, and Nathan won’t be bothering you anymore.”

  Gavin’s tone was so resolute, so final, relief instantly flooded me.

  I sagged against my sofa. “Thank you. Is that all?”

  “No, I’d like for you to come over tomorrow night. Are you free?”

  “I’m free. What time?”

  “Eight o’clock. I’ll send a car.”

  “Okay. Good night, Gavin.”

  “Good night, pet.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Emma

  As I dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a cable-knit sweater, I steeled my nerves, preparing myself for anything. Which man was I going to get tonight? The ultra-romantic one who whisked me off in a helicopter to a swanky winery, or the cold, calculating man who took control of my body and fucked me senseless?

  Ben saw me to the elevator and then disappeared, going off to do whatever it was he did when he was
n’t at Gavin’s beck and call.

  When the door opened, Gavin stood there, all six feet three inches of him, looking delectable in a pair of dark-washed jeans and a white tee shirt. His long feet were bare and the tops were dusted with fine hairs. I’d never seen him so casual.

  “Thank you for coming,” he said, ushering me inside.

  But I knew one thing for sure. It didn’t matter how sexy he looked, how sweetly he behaved—tonight would not end in sex.

  I cleared my throat. “So . . . what’s on the agenda tonight?”

  “Since you seemed to appreciate the idea of using the media room . . .”

  “We’re watching a movie?”

  He nodded. “I figured you’d enjoy some of the classics, based on your love of reading the old classics.”

  A Netflix and chill night had been the last thing I was expecting, but I was pleasantly surprised.

  In the kitchen, we each grabbed a bottle of sparkling mineral water, and Gavin led the way upstairs.

  His media room would have been the envy of any design magazine. The walls were painted a deep navy, and a brass chandelier hung from the ceiling, giving the room a dreamy ambience. Rich otter-colored microfiber sofas, plush tufted ottomans, and the softest cream-colored carpet I’d ever felt under my feet completed the picture.

  But I couldn’t allow myself to fall under his spell just yet. We had a lot of talking to do, and if I had things my way, he had some groveling to do.

  As I lowered myself to the couch, I straightened my shoulders. “We need to talk.”

  He nodded. “I know. I owe you a massive apology.”

  “I’m listening.”

  Gavin smirked. “Sending you away after we had sex—”

  “Made love,” I said, correcting him.

  He cleared his throat as though something was lodged there. “Made love.” The words sounded foreign on his tongue, like he’d never spoken them before. “Fucked, whatever you want to call it.”

  I raised my eyebrows.

  “It was wrong to send you away after.”

  “Then why did you?”

  He took my hands in his, turning to fully face me on the sofa. “I’ve never had anything like this. Never felt this connected to anyone before. I’ve been trying to give you more, trying to let you in.”