The Last First Kiss

by Julie Cannon

  “Let’s go talk to Jordan.” Becca pulled Sandra’s arm, leaving them alone.

  Matt’s mouth was suddenly dry as she approached Kelly.

  “It was a beautiful ceremony,” Kelly said almost reverently.

  Warmth flooded Matt at the sound of the voice she thought she’d hear again only in her dreams.

  “Yes, it was,” she somehow managed to say. “How…”

  “Becca tracked me down,” Kelly said, explaining how she was standing in front of her. “She insisted that I come.”

  “She can be persuasive,” Matt said, forever grateful Becca was.

  Kelly looked back and forth from Jordan to the large photo of Andrea on the easel in the front of the room. “She’s beautiful,” Kelly said. “He looks just like her.”

  “Yes, he does.” Matt’s heart warmed. She saw the resemblance more and more every day. “He’s exactly like her too.”

  “Quite a young man.”

  “He is definitely his own man. I know he gets teased a lot in school, but he doesn’t care.”

  “You should be very proud. Is he okay?” Kelly returned her gaze to Matt. “Becca said he was hurt?”

  “He’s fine now. It was touch-and-go for a few days, but kids bounce back pretty quickly.” Matt recalled how panicked she’d felt until she saw him with her own eyes. “Some scrapes and bruises, but he was up and about in a few days and wanting to finish the summer at camp.” They’d argued when she’d said no. “He wants to go to West Point.”

  “Does that scare you?” Kelly asked intuitively.

  “To death. But I have a few years to get used to it.”

  They stood there, and Matt wanted to know why she was here, why she had agreed to come, but she didn’t want to break the sheer comfort of just having Kelly near her.

  Well-wishers and those offering their sympathy for her loss interrupted them several times. A thin man in a military dress uniform slowly approached her, uncertainty written all over his face. He stopped, snapped to attention, and saluted her. Matt didn’t know what she should do.

  “Ms. Parker,” he said after relaxing. “My name is Sergeant Maxwell Young. I had the pleasure of serving with your wife at Aid Station, Greenway. She was an outstanding officer, ma’am.”

  “Thank you, Sergeant.” Greenway was the base where Andrea was killed. Kelly started to step away, but Matt grabbed her hand, silently imploring her to stay.

  “Ma’am, Captain Underwood saved my life, and I, and my family, are forever grateful.”

  “Andrea loved being a nurse and helping people.” Matt repeated the words others had said to her so many times. “I’m glad she could help you when you needed it.”

  The soldier grew hesitant, then straightened, pain on his face.

  “No, ma’am. You misunderstood. Captain Underwood saved my life. I was the one she was going after when she was…” Sergeant Young was struggling with his words. “When she was hit. Please accept my deepest sympathies to you and your son.”

  In the days after Andrea was killed, Matt often wondered what she would say or do if she ever met the person she had died trying to save. In one scenario she would scream and rant and blame him for ruining her life, blame him for Jordan growing up without knowing how wonderful his mother was. But now that the man was in front of her, she did neither. She simply extended her hand. “Thank you, Sergeant. Your coming here today to honor Andrea means a lot to me and our son. You are very brave.”

  Matt saw him visibly relax, as if anticipating she would scream at him or strike him in anger. No way could she do that. Not now.

  “It’s not your fault, Sergeant.” Matt’s voice was strong, her conviction firm. “I never thought it was. Like Andrea, you were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. I hope you are doing well?”

  Matt knew a little about post-traumatic stress disorder and the toll it took on service members and their families. She in no way wanted to assume this man suffered from it, but how could he not?

  “Yes, ma’am. A little better every day. Even more so today,” he said solemnly, glancing at Andrea’s picture, then back at her. “I don’t want to take up any more of your time, ma’am. My sympathies again.”

  “Thank you, Sergeant. Please take care.”

  Matt watched as the man walked away, stopped in front of Andrea’s picture, saluted, then walked out of the room.

  “That was powerful.”

  Matt was so overcome with emotion at the soldier’s story, she’d forgotten Kelly was beside her. “Yes, it was. He’s a brave man. I hope he’s doing okay.”

  Kelly squeezed her hand. “I think he will be now.”

  Matt looked down at their hands, fingers entwined. She brought Kelly’s hand up and kissed her knuckles. “Thank you for coming.”

  Kelly didn’t respond for several beats. When she did, she asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Pain stabbed Matt in the heart. “Which? That I had a nine-year-old son, or my wife was killed saving somebody else?”

  “Both, I suppose, but I understand now why you didn’t.”

  “It definitely would have been a real mood killer,” Matt joked.

  “No. That’s not it.”

  Matt looked at Kelly, puzzled.

  “It’s very personal, and we weren’t in a place where we were sharing personal.”

  Matt chuckled and kissed Kelly’s hand again. “If I’m not mistaken, we were as personal as two people can get. Many, many, many times, as a matter of fact.” She flushed all over at the memory.

  “How dare you sully my daughter’s name.” Matt turned. Cynthia was standing right behind her, her face contorted in rage.

  Cynthia looked at Kelly’s hand in hers, then back at her, with something in her eyes Matt had never seen. It took an instant for Matt to realize what she’d known all along, and it didn’t scare her. Kelly was worth fighting for.

  “Cynthia,” Harrison interjected. Matt didn’t know where he came from. “Stop it.”

  “I will not stop it,” she spat, her teeth clenched. “We are here honoring my daughter, and she had the nerve to bring her…”

  “Be careful what you say, Cynthia,” Matt warned her.

  “I know exactly what I’m saying.” She growled.

  Matt interrupted her. “Then say it somewhere else. This is not the time and definitely not the place. If you truly want to honor your daughter, then you’ll keep your opinions to yourself until we get outside and away from my son.”

  She’d had enough of Cynthia’s sanctimonious attitude regarding her daughter and how Matt should carry on her life without her. She had no idea who her daughter was. She’d never spent a minute alone with her the entire time Matt and Andrea were together. She’d never told her she was proud of her or of her allegiance to her country. Not once had she told Andrea that she was honored that her daughter was serving her country, one that took her away from her family, her child. A commitment that ultimately got her killed.

  Mercifully the event broke up before Cynthia could cause a scene, and Matt found herself outside face-to-face with her. Becca was her wingman, Sandra next to Kelly. Jordan was already in the car, talking animatedly on FaceTime with his friends.

  “And just how am I dishonoring Andrea’s memory, Cynthia? Because I’m moving on with my life? Because I’m not wearing black and wallowing in grief over her death? That I didn’t curl up and simply exist? Andrea would not want me to do that, and if it were any of your business, which it’s not, she specifically made me promise, on more than one occasion, that I would not stop living. That I would find someone to love and who would love Jordan as much as she did.” She was so angry her hands were shaking.

  “My daughter is dead because of you,” Cynthia spat.

  “Me? She did nothing because of me,” Matt said. This confrontation was getting ugly, and she was powerless to stop it. Nor did she want to.

  “Because of you, she thought she had something to prove.”

  Cynthia wasn’t mak
ing sense. “How so, Cynthia? She was an honorable soldier and a great mother. She didn’t need to prove anything to anyone, including you.”

  Cynthia blanched. “Because you made her what she was. You turned her against everything that was right and natural.”

  Cynthia’s words were mean and so far from the truth. But Cynthia would never see that, would never understand her daughter was a vibrant woman who had loved other women for years before she met Matt.

  “Cynthia, I said that’s enough,” Harrison said, taking her arm. “Matt, I’m sorry,” he said.

  “You don’t have anything to apologize for, Harrison.”

  “I’m not apologizing for Cynthia. She can either do that or not. I don’t care anymore. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this for so long and that I haven’t stepped forward and said anything until now.”

  Harrison’s words stunned Matt. He never agreed with his wife, but he never did anything to shut her down or try to change her beliefs either. Why now?

  The whipsaw of the last half hour was making Matt’s head spin. She needed time to think.

  “Dad?” Matt called to her father a few yards away, listening intently but not butting in. He knew Matt could take care of herself. “Dad, would you and Mom take Jordan to the museum? I don’t think I’m up to it right now.” She’d promised Jordan they’d take him to the Air and Space Museum after the ceremony.

  “Sure, honey,” he said, looking between her and Kelly. Her parents knew something was up. She’d told them about Kelly shortly after she returned home, and they were supportive in whatever she wanted to do.

  “You go back to the hotel and relax. Don’t worry about Jordan,” her father said.

  A few minutes later everyone left, Cynthia stomping back to her car and leaving Matt alone with Kelly.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  “Can we walk?” Matt asked, indicating the wide sidewalk. The crowds were thick, but they seemed to part as they approached. “What are you doing here?” Matt asked as they passed in front of the White House.

  Kelly had been asking herself that question ever since she had arrived yesterday. It had been a week since Becca had called her and more than six since she’d seen Matt. Every day had felt like an eternity, each lasting longer than the day before.

  She hadn’t seen or heard from Becca or Sandra after the morning Becca had told her Matt had left. She almost hadn’t answered the unfamiliar number on her phone six weeks later when it rang.

  “Kelly, it’s Becca.”

  It took a moment for her brain to connect the name to a face. “Becca, hi. How are you?” She had really liked both Becca and Sandra and could see them being her good friends in a different circumstance. Why was Becca calling?

  “I hope I’m not disturbing you. Do you have a minute?”

  Kelly glanced at her watch. She was leaning against the counter eating a bowl of cereal and watching Good Morning America. She had twelve minutes until she needed to leave her house and get to the job site. But she was the boss and could be late if she wanted to. “Sure. I have a few. How have you been?”

  “I’m well, thank you. Keeping busy putting criminals in jail.”

  “And the citizens of the US appreciate it,” Kelly said. “What’s up?” she asked carefully, not sure she wanted to know the answer. Becca surely wasn’t calling just to say hi.

  “Sandra and I debated if we should call.”

  Kelly’s heart started to beat faster. Was it Matt? Had something happened to her? Was her son okay? She wasn’t going down that road again. She’d just started to pull herself back together after she’d made a complete ass of herself over Matt. She’d never said any of the words, but she’d fallen completely in, way-over-her-head crazy for Matt.

  “Obviously you decided to, so tell me.” Kelly hoped she sounded disinterested, even though she was anything but. Matt was always on her mind.

  “It’s about Mattie.”

  Kelly placed her bowl on the counter and willed her heart to slow down and beat normally.

  “Look, Kelly,” Becca said, sounding unsure. “Um, have you talked to her?”

  “No.” But I’ve dreamed about her every night. Longed to hear her voice, see her smile, feel her touch, breathe her air. Jesus, Kelly, STOP!

  “She needs you, Kelly.”

  “Is she okay?” Kelly turned off the TV and sat on one of the bar stools, her legs suddenly weak.

  “She is, well, sort of. I mean, nothing’s wrong with her, but she’s not happy.”

  Kelly hoped it was because of her, but that would be too good to be true. Just because she’d been miserable ever since Matt left the island didn’t mean she was unhappy too.

  “She misses you.” Becca’s words were simple.

  “Misses me? She misses me?” Kelly asked, incredulous.

  “Yeah.”

  “Then why hasn’t she called?”

  “She’s afraid to.”

  “Of what? Me?”

  “Well, yes,” Becca said hesitantly.

  “What in the hell for? I understand why she left. I’m not mad at her.” Kelly felt like she was in the fifth grade talking through an intermediary.

  “She’s afraid you believe your hooking up was just a vacation fling, nothing more. That you won’t want anything to do with her. And because of Jordan.”

  “That she didn’t tell me about him or that she has a son?” Kelly didn’t address the first part of Becca’s statement.

  “Both, I think.”

  “Does she know you’re calling me?”

  Becca laughed. “She’d kill me and Sandra if she did.”

  “Then why are you?”

  “Because we love Mattie, and we haven’t seen her as happy as she was when she was with you in a long time. We want to see her that way again.”

  “What makes you think she didn’t view our time together as a vacation fling?” Kelly asked, trying to stay calm. The last thing she needed was to make a fool of herself, again, over a woman who didn’t feel the same. It was bad enough to have done it privately, but to put herself out there in front of Matt and be turned away would be devastating.

  “Because she can’t stop thinking about you. She gets this wistful look in her eyes when she thinks we’re not looking. She doesn’t laugh, and her smiles are all for show. Even Jordan knows she’s different. And he’s just a kid.”

  “What has she said?”

  “That’s just it. She won’t talk about it. She just keeps saying that nothing’s wrong, that she’s still getting over Jordan’s accident and back to her life. But Jordan recovered very quickly, like kids do.”

  “And you expect me to what, show up on her front doorstep and declare my undying love? Sounds a lot like jumping off a cliff to me.” As crazy as it sounded, that’s exactly what she wanted to do.

  “Well, actually,” Becca said, and Kelly listened.

  “Becca called me,” Kelly said, answering Matt’s question as they stepped around a family taking a selfie with the White House in the background.

  Matt stopped walking. “She had no right to,” Matt said, sounding angry. “She never should have overstepped like that.”

  Kelly’s heart sank into her stomach at Matt’s words. She didn’t want her here, or anywhere in her life for that matter. After she’d hung up from talking to Becca, Kelly had calculated all the reasons to stay away. Matt lived across the country; she had a child, memories of a wife who had died a hero, and now obligations the military were putting on her. Could she compete with that? Did she want to? These were huge complications she didn’t need in her life. Did she want them even if Matt was the prize at the beginning, middle, and end?

  But here she was, standing in front of her, and there was no other place she wanted to be. Before she could change her mind, she’d booked a flight and filled out all the necessary paperwork to be allowed into the ceremony. She had a suitcase full of clothes in a hotel room a few miles away.

  She pulled herself together. “They’r
e worried about you.”

  “They?” Matt asked, apparently surprised. “Sandra’s in on this too?”

  “Would you have expected otherwise?”

  “I’ll kill them,” Matt said, clenching her teeth.

  “I don’t think you should say something like that when we’re this close to the White House,” Kelly said, trying to lessen some of the tension between them. They continued to walk, the sidewalk crowded.

  “When did she call you?”

  “A few weeks ago.”

  “What did she say?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “Not if it’s pity that brought you here,” Matt said shortly.

  It was a legitimate question, but Matt’s words hurt anyway.

  They crossed the street, and Kelly stopped in the shade under a large tree. She turned to face Matt. “Do you want me here?”

  “Here is over.” Matt lifted her hands toward the White House, indicating the event they’d just come from.

  “You know what I mean,” Kelly snapped. Her nerves were raw. She was taking all the risk here, and she was teetering on the edge. “Don’t be obtuse. Why aren’t you answering my question?”

  “Do you honestly want to be in the middle of all this?” Matt shot back. “I have a child who idolizes his dead mother, intrusive in-laws, a demanding publisher, meddling friends, and a dog that eats anything that isn’t one of her toys.”

  “I didn’t put my business on hold, fly a thousand miles in shitty weather, have the FBI dig into my past and interview everyone I’ve ever slept with, including Suzanne, and have your mother-in-law insult me because I didn’t have anything else to do.” She took a deep breath to calm down. It didn’t work. She was teetering on a razor-sharp edge that would determine the rest of her life, and she needed a cool head. Well, Kelly thought. I was never good at doing what I needed to do. She jumped.

  “I know we said it was only vacation sex, no pressure, no obligations, but I want more. I don’t care that you have a child, only that you didn’t tell me about him. I get it,” Kelly said, raising her hand to stop Matt from interrupting her. “I get that we weren’t in a place where that mattered, but it matters now. I understand why he idolizes his mother. He has every right to. I don’t care that your in-laws are intrusive. They lost their daughter and don’t want to lose her son. I’m a demanding boss, so I know what it’s like to have one. Your friends love you, and as long as your dog is house-trained, I don’t care.” She put her hands on her hips. “Did I miss anything?”