by Ni-Ni Simone
I rode the bus home, and once I stepped off I noticed Malachi sitting on my porch in the rocking chair. He was so cute that I couldn’t stand it. I have to admit that I was happy with my fit because my baby was right where I wanted him to be.
I walked over to him. “How often does a girl get two stalkers in one day?”
“Let me set the record straight.” He eased up and looked dead into my eyes. “’Cause you seem to either think the stunt you pulled was cute or that I’ma fool.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“I’m talking, don’t cut me off again. Understand this: I’m not the one, Zsa. For real, don’t even do it to yourself. I don’t chase and I’m not gon’ sweat you. I’m feeling you, I’m feeling the hell outta you, otherwise I wouldn’t be sittin’ here, but I will leave you alone so fast you’ll wonder if I was ever real.”
“You were all in Staci’s face. What did you expect me to do!”
“Did you ever think to ask me why? Did you ever think that she stopped me? I’m her ex-boyfriend, she was hurt, and she felt like she had some things she wanted to get off her chest. Is that a crime? What you should’ve done was asked me if you could hollah at me and I would’ve explained, but no, you assumed you had the answers from beginning to end.” He stood up. “I’m not that cat who smacked you in the club, I’m not no cheating and disrespectful dude. My mother and my father both raised me to love and respect women. Therefore I know I’ma good man, so I have a choice and I don’t tolerate childishness. Now either you wanna be a kid or you wanna be the grown woman you claim to be and chill with me.”
Did he just read me? I started to say something smart but judging by the look on his face I decided against it. “You know I wanna be with you—”
“Then don’t pull a stunt like that again.”
My ego and pride wanted to be like “I’m not sweatin’ you either, so you can step.” But that’s not what my heart wanted…so I gave in to my heart and said, “My fault. But he didn’t bring me home, you saw me getting off the bus.”
“Umm-hmm.” I could tell he was fighting his smile.
“My baby was jealous?” I locked the tips of my fingers around his neck. He was too tall for me to cross my arms. “I cussed that cat out as soon as you pulled off. He was all in my grill like, ‘yo’, what you just say?’”
“Stop testing fate and leave that cat to himself, ai’ight?” Malachi said, more as a warning than a statement. “The next time just tell him to get ghost. Don’t even play with him like that.”
“You’re right.” I kissed him. “It won’t happen again.”
Malachi stroked my hair and looked down into my eyes. “I love you, Zsa.”
“And I love you.”
“Tell me, how long have you been in love with me?” He pressed his lips against mine.
“Since I was twelve.” I responded to his kisses. “And it won’t go away.”
“It better not either.”
After we kissed, I laid my head against Malachi’s chest and I could feel his heart beat. “Can you stay for a while?”
“If Ms. Minnie cooked, I’m all in.”
“What, you don’t trust my cooking? I can burn.” I put my keys in the door.
“Yeah, baby, I’m sure you can burn.”
I opened the door, and to my surprise balloons and streamers were everywhere. There was light jazz playing in the background and my mother was prancing nervously around the dining room table and dressing it with her best china.
“Hi, Malachi,” Hadiah said, and then turned to me. “Jazmyn Fields left out of here this morning and Glenda the Good Witch came back. Yo, she is being real nice, dancing, singing, and straight buggin’.”
“Ma,” I said, watching her place the silver cutlery on the right and then on the left of the plate, “what’s going on?”
“I have a surprise.” She smiled at Malachi. “Hi, sweetie. I’m glad you’re here. How’s your mom and dad?”
“They’re fine. My mother said to tell you hello.”
“Tell Karen I said to call me, we need to catch up.”
“So what’s the surprise, Ma?” I asked, and that’s when it clicked. My brother might be coming home. “Ma, is Derrick coming home?” I jumped up in glee. I couldn’t wait to see my brother.
“Derrick?” she said, surprised. Before she could go on, Cousin Shake walked into the room.
“Zoom-Zoom, are you looking for the homework police?”
“Not really.”
“Well we’re right here,” Cousin Shake said. “I know you missed us. Hey there, Moses.” He waved at Malachi as he stepped into the living room, and I swear I almost lost a week’s worth of lunch looking at him. Cousin Shake wore a three-piece, clear plastic suit, trimmed in tiny green bulbs that lit up his lapel like a Christmas ornament. On the back of his jacket was a blinking flamingo, and written across the butt of his pants was, STRAIGHT CHILLIN’. His knotty chest hair was smashed against the smedium vest he had on, and his tiger-print, booty-chokin’ briefs could be seen straight through his pants, yet he thought he was sharp. “I see you lookin’, Zebra. I see you, Hollyhood. Milky Way,” he said to Malachi, “you seem to be a nice li’l dude so I’ma let you in on my dressing secret. The reason why you don’t see no sweat coming from this suit is because I put holes right here.” Cousin Shake bent over and pointed to his butt. “See, nobody will ever know they’re there.”
We were all silent, except for my mother, who was too busy to notice. And just when I thought Cousin Shake was bad, his wife stepped into the room. “Here come Minnie,” Cousin Shake rapped, “lookin’ like good and plenty. She got nothin’ but love, lookin’ sharp like a tree shrub.”
Ms. Minnie danced around in her blond Afro wig and plastic minidress with her neon pink underwear and Vickie Secret bra to match. “And you know this,” she said.
I turned to Malachi. “I’m sorry. I know your appetite must be ruined.”
“Nah.” He did all he could not to fall out laughing. “I’m straight. This is funny to me.”
“That’s ’cause you don’t live here,” I said, tight-lipped. “My brother is gon’ trip when he comes home to this.” I couldn’t stop smiling. I hadn’t been this excited in a long time. I turned to Malachi. “I can’t wait to see my brother.”
“Okay,” my mother said, as if she’d just returned to the same planet we were on, “how does everything look?”
“Ma, can you just tell us, is it my brother?” I asked again. “Please.”
“I asked her the same thing, Zimbabwe, but all your mama would tell me is that she wanted us to get dressed because she had a surprise,” Cousin Shake said.
“So here us is,” Ms. Minnie said. “We so sharp it don’t make sense.”
“It don’t make no sense,” Hadiah said. “Not even a little bit.”
“Behave, Hadiah,” my mother said as the bell rang. “Okay, okay.” She took a series of deep breaths. “How do I look?”
She wore a fitted red and black kimono dress with rhinestone accessories. Her hair was pulled back behind her ears, and her makeup was flawless. “You look fine.” I hurried to the door. I couldn’t wait any longer for her to primp, I had to see my brother now. I snatched the door open, and instead of Derrick standing there it was a six foot tall, caramel-colored man with sprinkles of premature gray in his short hair and beard. He was dressed in a two-piece Armani suit with black wing tip shoes.
I looked at my mother. “Who is this?” I turned back to the man. “Who are you? You’re not my brother.”
“You must be Zsa-Zsa,” he said. “I’m Kenneth.”
“Who?” I looked him over, and that’s when I noticed that he held two plastic bags filled with Chinese food cartons in his hands. Don’t ask me why, but my eyes looked at the calendar and noticed that it was Friday. I felt like bells were going off in my head as I saw flashes of my father’s face.
“Everyone”—my mother walked over and grabbed his hand—“this is Kenneth and Kennet
h, this is my family.” She pointed around the room and introduced us by name. “Family”—she took a deep breath—“this is my fiancé. We’re getting married.”
“What?” I was in shock and felt frozen in my spot. My mother had officially lost her mind. She was never home, never had time for us, acted as if my brother and father didn’t exist, and somehow in the midst of all of this, she managed to date a man long enough to agree to become his wife. Oh, hell, no. “Are you serious?” I blinked my eyes in disbelief.
“Chill, Zsa,” Malachi mumbled to me.
“Jazmyn,” Cousin Shake said, “I need to speak to you.”
“After dinner.” My mother arched her eyebrows.
“All right,” Cousin Shake said, “I’ma give you that, a li’l later.”
“How’s everyone?” Kenneth said, extending his hand to the men. Malachi and Cousin Shake shook his hand. He turned to me and Hadiah. “I’ve heard a lot about you two.”
Hadiah walked over to me and grabbed my hand the same way she used to when she was little. “Me and my sister were fine,” she said. “At least until the bell rang.”
My mother shot her a look and instantly she was quiet.
“Well,” Kenneth said, clearly uncomfortable, “I hope every one likes egg foo young. I brought plenty, especially since your mother said it was your favorite.”
I looked at my mother as if she had really gone bonkers. I couldn’t believe she told him that. She of all people should have known that I hate Chinese food.
“They love it,” my mother said. “Everyone have a seat.”
“Stay cool, Zsa,” Malachi whispered from behind me.
I watched my mother fix us plates of egg foo young while I did all I could to fight off memories of my daddy. Malachi squeezed my hand underneath the table, while Hadiah held the other one.
“Can you say grace, Cousin Shake?” my mother asked, fostering a smile.
“I sho’ can.”
We all stood up, held hands around the table, and bowed our heads. “Father and Brother man God, what’s crackin’? We come before You askin’ You for strength. Strength that I don’t take my grown niece and put her over my knee for being selfish. Strength that I don’t bust her up for thinking that she can just walk up in here, announce that she is about to be a Mrs., and she hasn’t even taken the time out to be a mama. Strength, dear Jonathan, that I don’t lose my relish, be less than a Christmas, and bust me up some thangs up in here. Dear Father, I need patience, and give li’l Zulu some strength ’cause she look like she about to bust a cap at any minute. Oh, and bless this food, ’cause we don’t know this man and don’t know where he got this food from. Now, say Amen.”
“Amen,” everyone responded.
For the first few minutes everyone was silent, and Kenneth and my mother were the only ones eating. “You want something to drink, sweetie?” my mother asked Kenneth, while doing her best to ignore us.
“Sure,” he said, obviously uptight.
My mother went quickly into the kitchen and then returned with a beer and a shot of Hennessy. “A Coke would’ve been fine, sweetie,” Kenneth said. “I don’t really drink alcohol much.”
“Oh.” My mother blinked as if she just realized what she’d done.
True story, I was outdone. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone as flashbacks of my past kept running through my mind. After a few more minutes I absolutely couldn’t take it anymore so I said, “So, Kenneth, tell me since you like Chinese food so much”—I pointed to his empty plate—“do you kick your women’s asses in the morning, at night, or only on Fridays?”
“Zsa-Zsa!” my mother said. “You better shut up!”
“Really, I better shut up?” I sat up straight in my seat. “Did you tell him about us? Or are we just as mysterious to him as he is to us?”
“Zsa, chill,” Malachi mumbled to me.
“No, I’m not chillin’, I’ma say what I have to say. Tell me, Kenneth, did my mother ever tell you how she used to get her butt kicked? How she used to drag us behind her to press charges on my father, who she likes to pretend didn’t exist? Did she tell you that I hate Chinese food”—I pushed my full plate away from me—“and I hate it because it’s the same thing she used to make us eat before she got bust in her head? Did she tell you that?”
“Shut up!” my mother yelled.
I ignored her. “Did she tell you that I have a brother, who I was hoping was the one really at the door and not you? Don’t let this big house fool you. But it’s cool, ’cause when I turn eighteen, I’m bouncin’ and I’m takin’ my little sister with me, so you two can have these four walls all to yourself.”
“You better shut the hell up!” My mother rose from her seat.
“Or what? You gon’ hit me? You gon’ finally recognize me? You gon’ finally see that I’m here and that I didn’t disappear. What, what are you going to do?”
My mother looked too shocked to respond.
“Exactly what I thought,” I continued. I shook my head and could feel years of tears filling my throat and eyes. “I’m out of here.”
“You better sit down!” my mother screamed.
“Let her go,” Cousin Shake said. “I can understand the child needs some air. Because finally I see what the problem is.” He looked at my mother. “It’s you.”
“How could you say something like that to me!” my mother screamed.
Cousin Shake continued on. “Jazmyn, right now you just the woman who had three kids. Not a mama. See, when you called down to Atlanta, I thought me and Minnie were coming up here to get them in check, but you need to be in check. You wanna be the mama when it suits you. Even I noticed that you don’t have one picture of Zach up in the house.”
“Zach beat on me!” my mother screamed. “I don’t have to celebrate that!”
“No, but you have to deal with these kids.” Cousin Shake turned to Kenneth. “I’m sure you are a nice man, and this is no reflection on you, but Shake-a-Deen Green is gon’ say what’s on his mind.”
“And while you do that, Cousin Shake, I’ma bounce,” I said, standing up. “I’m out of here.”
“Zsa.” Malachi grabbed my hand, and I snatched it away. “You don’t understand, I need to leave.” As I ran outside I could hear Cousin Shake telling my mother, “You need to be ashamed of yourself!”
I got in my car and put my keys in the ignition, and before I took off Malachi slid in the passenger seat. “Where are you going?”
“I’m leaving!” I took off and headed down the street.
“Ai’ight,” Malachi said. “Can you let me close the door first?” I stopped for a moment so that he could close the door and then I took off again. “So where are we going?”
“Far away from here.”
“Okay, but when we come back you know you’ll still have to face this, right?”
“I’m not dealing with that nonsense.” Tears rolled down my cheeks.
“Pull over in the park.” Malachi pointed.
“I don’t wanna go to the park!”
“Would you just pull over and stop for a moment. Just stop.”
Reluctantly, I pulled into the park. The gravel made music beneath the tires as I parked by the lake, where the moon made a shadow on the water. I got out and Malachi followed me. I sat on the hood of my car and he sat beside me. Rain had started drizzling from the sky, but I was too mad to care.
“You can’t run away, Zsa,” Malachi said, wiping tears from my face.
“Yes, I can. My mother doesn’t give a damn. The only one who’ll look for me is Hadiah and maybe Cousin Shake and Ms. Minnie.”
“And what I’ma do?”
“Come with me.”
“I don’t run away from problems. I deal with them.” He stroked my cheek.
“It’s just that she acts like our life and my daddy, and my brother, and everything we had was nothing. I’m sorry my daddy was like he was. I am, but I didn’t know how to change him.” I cried. “No matter what I tried, he w
as the same and then he died. He died!”
“Zsa,” Malachi said, “you gotta let some of that pain go. Your father being the way he was was not your fault. There was nothing you could do. But running away from your mother is not going to change anything.”
“I can’t stay here with her.” I wiped my eyes.
“Ai’ight,” he said, “so you run away and what changes? Your mother tried to run away from everything. And what happened tonight? It slapped her right in the face.”
“I wanna slap her in the face.” I cried and laughed at the same time.
“Look, that’s your moms, no matter what. She’s doing her best. Just talk to her. But don’t run away, it’ll only make things worse.”
“I just feel like I need to leave and go somewhere far away.”
“Listen, we could always run, but I promise you your life is going to still be the same. Just chill, baby. For real, I promise you it’ll get better.”
I looked into Malachi’s eyes and for some reason, at that moment, if at no other moment, I believed him. I did. We started to kiss and this time, with so much pain and hurt that had filled my chest, I didn’t want the way he was making me feel to end. “Let’s stop here.”
“But I want to,” I said, kissing him again.
“No, you want a distraction. Getting back to your family and working things out with them is more important than this. No matter how bad we really want to, we can’t. Not now.”
I hated that he was right, but I had to accept it. “Thank you,” I said to him.
“Why are you thanking me?”
“For loving me, flaws and all.”
“You know you my dude.” He playfully gave me a pound and before long we were laughing, dreaming, and talking the night away. By the time I got back home the moon had completed its dance, the rain had stopped, and the sun had come out to play in the sky.
10
Hopped up out the bed, turn my swag on…
—SOULJAH BOY, “TURN MY SWAG ON”
A week had passed since our family blowup and the house had been quiet ever since. Well, not exactly quiet, more like a loud silence where we could each hear one another’s thoughts of why our lives had to be like this, were they ever going to change, and when would somebody—anybody—whomever was really in charge bring this to an end?