As Good as New

by Jennifer Dawson

  Gracie fluffed her curls. “Ready?”

  Penelope had been surprised when a couple of days after dinner, Gracie called and asked her to lunch. Although Penelope had always liked the other woman, they’d never spent much one-on-one time together.

  “Yep, where do you want to go?” Penelope asked. The bakery was in the River North area of Chicago, and there were plenty of choices.

  “There’s that new place on Wells we can try.” Gracie grabbed her jacket. “I’ve heard they have a pretzel burger that will give you orgasms.”

  Penelope laughed. “In that case, let’s walk.”

  “Good idea.” Gracie winked, grinning. “Although I’d appreciate if you didn’t mention to James that I voluntarily exercised.”

  After an overweight childhood, James Donovan had blossomed into a swan—and exercise fanatic, something Gracie seemed to endlessly tease him about. Penelope smiled. “Your secrets are safe with me.”

  Gracie paused and gave her a sly look. “Right back at ya.”

  Penelope experienced a momentary sense of irrational alarm, but the sensation faded when Gracie brought up the upcoming benefit, and they were off, talking about plans, baked goods, and Penelope let the mild breeze and bright sun warm her face as they leisurely made their way through the Chicago streets.

  * * *

  Evan didn’t have to look at the menu. Shane was a creature of habit and whenever they met their middle brother for lunch in Hyde Park, they always went to the same dive diner. Shane had ideas about old-school Chicago restaurants and did his best to support the small businesses whenever he could.

  While they waited for James, Shane eyed Evan. “You’re looking a lot better.”

  “I feel better.” With nothing propelling him forward, it was still an effort to get out of bed some days, but he was doing it. He’d started working out again and that helped, although he’d stayed away from his former club. He didn’t want to see any of his football friends. Instead he ran down the lakefront and started going to an old-school gym. If anyone recognized him, they didn’t mention it, and Evan could spend an hour punching bags until he was exhausted, sweating, and unable to think about football, his failed career, Penelope, or his blank future.

  “Have you called our mother?” Shane asked, before taking a sip of iced tea.

  “Yes, dad,” Evan said, experiencing the first stirring of irritation. He loved his brother, but out of all his siblings, his relationship with Shane was the most strained. Even as kids they’d always butted heads, with James the peacemaker between them. Time and their father dying had only made it worse, because Shane couldn’t turn off his savior complex and tended to treat Evan like an overgrown child.

  Not much different than Penelope, which was further salt in the wound.

  Penelope and Shane were tight. Yes, there’d never been anything between them, but that didn’t stop the jealousy.

  Shane got to be with her, every single day.

  His brother held up his hands, pulling Evan from his thoughts. “Hey, I was just asking. It’s not like I’m not justified, after all. You’ve been in a drunken stupor for months.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” Evan picked up the menu and pretended to study it, but anger and frustration made him add, “Just call me the family fuck-up.”

  “I didn’t say that,” Shane said.

  “You didn’t have to.” Evan gritted his teeth, then forced his jaw to relax. It didn’t matter that he’d made millions as a pro football player; he’d always be the black sheep of the family. The wild one. The one who brought Playboy bunnies to family parties, and took too many stupid risks.

  A role that hadn’t bothered him when football took up all his time and energy, but now felt like an albatross around his neck, made worse by the knowledge that he had only himself to blame.

  “Don’t twist my words. It’s a simple question, and she’s been worried sick about you,” Shane said, his voice growing frustrated.

  Evan looked toward the door, and then the clock over the fountain area. Where the hell was James? Without their middle brother as a buffer, this is what always happened with Shane.

  “I called her, okay?” Evan said, flipping the page of his menu with more force than necessary. “Several times, in fact. If you’d talked to her, you’d know that.”

  “All right, relax.” Shane studied his own menu and there was an awkward silence between them. Finally, his oldest brother cleared his throat. “The summer house in Revival is almost done, and I was thinking about having everyone go up there for a long weekend. Between all the houses, there’s plenty of space.”

  Evan experienced a stab of loss and had to keep himself from wincing. Before, he would have had to check his schedule, but now time stretched out before him like a big question mark.

  Would he ever feel that alive again? That focused and intense?

  An image of Penelope flashed before him. She made him feel alive.

  She also hated him. Would always hate him, despite her body’s reaction.

  And wasn’t that just one of life’s little ironies? That night in the car, he could have taken her. He could have had his fill. Fucked her until they were both mindless and satiated, and he hadn’t done it. Couldn’t do it. Because no matter how she responded, he couldn’t forget she hated him. After all this time he still remembered the look on her face the morning after his dad died and he’d left her, and he could never be responsible for that look again.

  So he’d sent her inside, and she’d left, but not before he’d witnessed the flash of anger and resentment. He knew her well enough to know she’d taken it as a rejection, as some sort of proof that he could resist her.

  She was wrong.

  He had too many regrets in his life. Too many bright promises unfulfilled. He didn’t know what was going on between them, but he couldn’t afford any more mistakes with her. He at least wanted a chance to make some sort of amends.

  “Evan?” Shane’s voice was a sharp snap of a whip, and Evan blinked, to find both his brothers staring at him with concern. When had James walked up?

  Evan rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “Sorry, what did you say?”

  “Is everything all right?” Shane asked, his gaze narrowed in suspicion.

  “Yeah, I just got distracted.” Relieved James was finally here to act as a buffer, Evan smiled. “What happened, did you get caught up by some coed?”

  “Yes, as a matter of fact, one of my students needed some clarification after today’s lecture,” James said, sounding every bit the professor he was.

  Evan raised a brow. “Was she female?”

  “I don’t see how that matters.” James slid into the booth next to Shane and picked up his menu.

  Evan and Shane looked at each other and shook their heads. At least, in this, they had solidarity.

  James was clueless.

  * * *

  Orders placed, Penelope folded her hands and smiled at Gracie. “Thanks for inviting me to lunch, it was a pleasant surprise. It’s been crazy and I could use the break.”

  Gracie took a piece of crusty bread from the basket and slathered it with butter. “Since I’ll be spending so much time here as the bakery gets up and running, I thought it would be a good idea to get to know each other better.”

  “I couldn’t agree more,” Penelope said.

  Gracie took a bite of the bread and moaned in pleasure, her eyes practically rolling into the back of her head.

  Penelope usually passed on bread, especially during lunch, but decided if it was that good she’d have to break her normal rules. She snagged a piece, stared at the butter for a second, then threw caution to the wind.

  It was a gorgeous day, the late spring days turning warm, and she’d run along the lake to make up for the indulgence.

  Sometimes it was okay to be reckless.

  Gracie swallowed another bite and put the bread on her plate. “I’ve decided it’s time to become friends. Maddie and Cecilia adore you, and I’ve always liked
you even though you’re such a good girl.”

  Penelope laughed. “Guilty as charged. I just can’t help myself.”

  “Why do I not quite believe that?” Gracie propped her elbows on the table, her expression a touch too innocent.

  The fine hairs on Penelope’s neck rose. Did she . . . no . . . that was impossible. She was simply being paranoid. She shrugged one shoulder. “Wishful thinking?”

  Gracie grinned.

  That sensation of being on high alert didn’t abate. “Ask anyone, I’m officially the most boring woman on the planet.”

  “Sorry, I don’t believe it. Everyone knows you librarian types have the dirtiest secrets.”

  Penelope’s heart gave a little lurch. The bread she’d been chewing turned to sawdust and she was barely able to swallow it down. No. There was no way. They’d avoided all unnecessary contact at dinner. Nobody had ever guessed. The idea alone was preposterous.

  Gracie’s attention darted around the restaurant, then she leaned in. “As I’m sure you’ve heard, minding my own business isn’t really my strong suit.”

  The two women looked at each other, and in that moment Penelope knew Gracie had somehow figured out something was going on between Evan and her. How, Penelope had no idea, but she was sure of it. In rapid replay the night they’d had dinner at James and Gracie’s played through her head, but she couldn’t think of what would have given them away.

  They’d acted the way they always had.

  Penelope’s only recourse was to lie. Wishing she still had a menu to look at, she picked at her bread. “Sorry, I don’t have any secrets, let alone dirty ones. I’m just your average, everyday workaholic. I mean, I always intended to put some skeletons in the closet.” She tittered and it sounded a touch too high. She smoothed out her tone. “But really, who has the time?”

  Gracie flashed her most dazzling smile, holding up her hands as though in surrender. “Look, I get it, really I do. And you don’t have to tell me anything, but before you continue to lie through your teeth, thinking I’m a nosy gossip, hear me out.”

  “Of course,” Penelope said, her voice taking on the tone she used during contract negotiations when she was no longer willing to compromise and was appeasing the opposing party. “I can’t wait to hear what I’ve got to confess. I’m one of those women who sadly never get gossiped about. So this should be fun.”

  “Yeah, yeah, because you’re soooo boring. I get it.”

  “Exactly!” Penelope hoped she didn’t sound defensive.

  A blonde curl flopped into Gracie’s eye and she tucked it behind her ear. “I’ve been thinking about this since that night we had dinner.”

  Penelope clenched her hands in her lap. Okay, this was no big deal. Gracie didn’t have one stitch of proof. And who would even believe her? If she had to line up all the women in Evan’s life and rate them, she’d probably be last on the list of potential bed partners.

  Unaware of the chaos she was causing, Gracie continued. “I debated letting it go, and minding my own business for once, but then I started mulling it over. I’ve heard a lot of Donovan family gossip in the time I’ve known Maddie. People like to tell me their secrets because I’m so good at keeping them.” She smiled again. “Since Maddie and Cecilia have this weird situation where they’re married to each other’s brothers, I’m the lucky recipient of all sorts of interesting tidbits of information. And let me tell you, I’ve heard all sorts of crazy things about those Donovan boys.”

  All her years in business told her to keep the protests to herself. She’d let Gracie have her say and casually dismiss the idea, the subject would change and the matter would drop.

  Expression turning serious, Gracie tilted her head to the side. “You’re both so good at hiding it, at first I thought it was my imagination. There are always so many people around, until that night I never noticed how it is between you. After you left, I thought about it, and it occurred to me it’s because I’ve never seen you interact one-on-one. In fact, I’ve never seen you interact at all.”

  All she needed to do was not react. She could do that without a problem. She had years of practice. She’d just closed a multimillion-dollar deal by not reacting. This was a piece of cake. She folded her hands neatly in her lap so she wouldn’t fidget. “I have no idea what you’re referring to.”

  “I’m referring to whatever is between you and Evan.”

  Penelope’s throat dried up. And there it was, out there in the open. She kept her voice cool. “That’s crazy. Can you even imagine?”

  Gracie offered a soft, understanding type of smile. “I think I only recognized it because I used to do the same thing with James. In that way I understand Evan. Like me, Evan’s a natural flirt. It’s kind of our default setting when dealing with the opposite sex. Since I met him, I’ve seen him flirt good-naturedly with every woman he comes in contact with, from Sophie to the waitress at the restaurant. He used to flirt relentlessly with me until James put the kibosh on that. That night at dinner it occurred to me, there are only two women I’ve never seen him flirt with—Maddie, which makes perfect sense—and you.”

  Penelope swallowed hard and tried to keep her expression as impassive as possible. “Evan’s never been my biggest fan. Besides, I’m not really the kind of woman men flirt with.”

  Gracie shook her head. “That sounds good, but that’s not it. It never even crossed my mind until dinner, but once I put it all together it was plain as day.”

  Penelope tried to play it breezy and forced a laugh that sounded as strained as she felt. “The only reason Evan even knows I’m alive is because I’ve been best friends with Maddie since we were six.”

  Gracie shrugged one shoulder. “Do you realize you guys avoid looking at each other? Avoid speaking directly to each other? When we were clearing the table, he stepped too close to you and you held your breath. Then he started away and moved around you like you were surrounded by an invisible force field. That’s when I really started paying attention. I mean, when is the great Evan Donovan skittish around a woman? It happened all night, it’s like you are afraid to get too close to each other.”

  That’s because she was afraid. Every time they got too close another brick in the wall between them got chipped away.

  She tried one more time to dissuade Gracie. “There’s nothing between Evan and me.”

  Technically, that was the truth.

  “When you think nobody is watching, you look at him the way I used to look at James.”

  “I . . .” Penelope trailed off.

  “And then there’s the way he looks at you.”

  Unable to help herself, Penelope leaned in.

  Gracie ran a finger down the edge of her water glass. “Like he’s starving. And I don’t even mean sex. I mean, he looks at you like you’re everything.”

  She couldn’t speak, and didn’t have to, because Gracie continued on.

  “I won’t force you. I know you’re private and reserved, and I would have ignored it, but I’m ninety-nine percent positive you’ve never told a soul, and I thought maybe you needed someone to talk to.”

  “Why?” She gestured helplessly, unsure what she was even asking.

  Gracie shrugged. “Call it instinct, but it became crystal clear to me there’s something painful between you.”

  No, no, no. How had this happened? She’d gone so many years without anyone being the wiser, and now Gracie had figured it out. Panic beat a wild thump in her chest.

  Gracie lived with James. Had she told him?

  Penelope had to find out and spoke without thinking. “Did you say anything? To James?”

  Gracie’s expression softened and she shook her head. “I was going to ask him, but then I figured out nobody knew. That I would have heard about it somewhere if they did.” She reached across the table and touched Penelope’s ice-cold fingers. “If you need a confidante, I’m a good listener. And I just have a feeling you need someone to talk to.”

  To Penelope’s horror, her eyes
welled with tears. She furiously brushed them away.

  Gracie clucked her tongue. “Awww. . . you poor thing.”

  As hard as she tried, she couldn’t choke the emotions back down, not when they’d been riding her for so long. “Please, please don’t say anything to James. To Maddie. Or anyone. God, I’d die.”

  “I won’t. You have my word.”

  “Nobody can ever find out. I’m supposed to be the lone female immune to him.”

  “You’ve never told anyone, have you?”

  Penelope shook her head as tears ran down her cheeks. “I’m sorry. It’s nothing. And there’s nothing between us.” She pressed her lips together. “We do, um, have a bit of a past.”

  Gracie picked up a cloth napkin and held it out to Penelope. “Honey, I have a bit of a past with some guys, and I can promise you whatever is going on with Evan, that’s not it. Do you want to tell me about it?”

  “No!” Penelope’s voice was shrill.

  “All right,” Gracie said softly, and smiled. “But if you need to talk, I’m here for you.”

  She choked on her tears, straining to get them under control and the words just tumbled out. “He was the first boy I ever kissed. The first boy that ever touched me.”

  Gracie nodded, a consoling curve to her lips. “He was the first boy you ever loved.”

  “Yes,” Penelope said, looking out the window. The shock and panic at being discovered mixed with relief at finally confessing the truth. At saying the words she’d never spoken aloud. “He broke my heart.”

  “Oh, honey,” Gracie said, her eyes creasing with concern.

  Penelope sniffed, feeling suddenly ridiculous for crying about something so long in the past. She picked up her napkin and dabbed it under her lashes. “What happened between us was a long time ago. It’s long over.” That he’d touched her was of little consequence. “I shouldn’t be telling you this. I don’t want anyone to know.”

  “I won’t tell anyone, I promise,” Gracie said. “But mark my words, it’s not over.”

  And that was what Penelope was afraid of. They’d stirred the pot, and now they couldn’t seem to turn off the stove. It was only a matter of time before they bubbled over.