Dirty Desires

by Michelle Love

  Now I understood completely. My hand flew to my cover my mouth, empathizing with the pain and confusion he must’ve felt. “Oh, God.”

  He got up and came to sit next to me. His hand on my shoulder sent chills through me. “Nina, I got mad at you because being with you made me forget everything else. It was wrong of me to act that way toward you, and it was wrong of me to put that blame on you. You see, I used to dream about her. Now I only dream about you.”

  My heart leapt with the news. But it also ached because I knew he wasn’t wholly pleased by it—I knew the dreams were part of his grief and remembrance for his fiancée. “Ashton, I’m sorry you’re hurt by that.”

  His eyes crept up to meet mine, and I saw so much more in them than I had before. “I’m sure you are. I’m getting help now. I’m seeing a therapist. I’m not ready for romance, but I really need my friend back. Do you think you can be my friend again, Nina?”

  I was about to cry. The tears were welling up in my eyes. All I could do was reach out and hug him. “I can be your friend, Ashton. I can always be that for you.”

  We hugged for a minute, holding each other tight. The attraction was still there, but I wanted him to feel my concern for him more than I wanted him to feel my hunger.

  “Thank you, Nina. I really am sorry for how I treated you this last week.” He pulled back and took my chin in his hand. “I was just afraid, is all.”

  “Afraid of me taking Natalia’s place.” I nodded. “I want you to know that I’ll never be the kind of person who’d want to replace her like that. I’m not jealous of her. And I never will be.” I hoped that what I was saying would always be true. I never wanted to make him feel bad about having love for another woman. Not when she wasn’t around anymore to even be worried about.

  The most important thing was that we had our friendship back.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Ashton

  No longer dreading Monday after having spoken to Nina, I was in a pretty great mood when I walked into the station that morning. I felt renewed. Not one hundred percent over my grief and guilt, but ready to start working through it.

  I had an apology ready for Artimus, so I went right up to his office. When the elevator doors opened, Brady and Veronica stood perfectly still, looking at me.

  Hesitantly, Brady offered, “Good morning?” in question form.

  After Friday’s tirade, I understood his cautious demeanor. “It is a good morning, Brady. How’s it going this morning for you guys?”

  Veronica nodded. “Fine. Are you here to see someone, Ashton?”

  “I am. Has Artimus made it in yet?” I made my way toward his door, sure he was already in. He always showed up early.

  “He is,” Brady told me. “Julia is in there with him.”

  “Good.” I knocked on the door, ready to make amends with my friend.

  “Come in,” came Julia’s voice as the door opened.

  Artimus got up out of his seat to come to me. “I hope you’re not mad.”

  Shaking my head as I went to shake his hand, I said, “Anything but that.” We shook hands then I went in for a little side hug. “Thank you, Artimus. It takes a great friend to do what you did. Dr. Patel is the best. I’ve talked to her extensively every day since Friday. I know things are going to get better, with her help.”

  Julia grabbed me up as I stepped away from Artimus. “That’s so great to hear, Ashton!” She hugged me tightly, swaying back and forth with me. “I’m so happy for you.”

  “I’m pretty damn happy for myself too.” When she let me go, I saw Artimus waving at me to go sit down in front of his desk, so I went over and took a seat as he sat behind it. “Just so you guys know, I went to see Nina and apologized to her too. We’re not dating, but we are friends again.”

  “Good.” Julia walked toward the door that connected their offices. “I’ve got to get to work. You guys talk. See you later, Ashton. We’ll have to do lunch together today.”

  “Sure thing, Julia.” I waved at her then looked at Artimus. “With Dr. Patel’s help, I’ve made a big discovery about why I’ve held on the way I have.”

  “And that is?” he asked.

  “Natalia’s things were taken from our home way too soon after her passing. Her family thought it would help me.” I sighed as I thought about what good people they all were. “They didn’t mean any harm in doing it, but it interrupted my grieving process. This weekend I made a call to her father and asked about some of those things. He told me that most of her stuff had been given to people in need. And that made me happy. Natalia would’ve wanted her things to go to good use, not sit around like museum pieces.”

  I had earned a smile from Artimus. “Good. I’m really glad to hear that you’re happy with how that went. I suppose them removing all of her things from your place really set you back. I mean, one day she’s there with you, the next she’s gone. And not long after that, all evidence of her ever being there was gone too. I can see how that would shake a person up.”

  Shoving my hand through my hair, I tried to do what Dr. Patel had asked me to work on. Live in that moment. Let myself feel that pain. And share it with those I care about and who care about me. “I had pushed the memories of that time into the far recesses of my mind. Next to actually losing her, losing her things in our home was the second most traumatic thing I went through. And the weird thing is that I never told a single soul how bad that hurt, to look around and see nothing of hers in our home anymore. Even the shampoo and conditioner she used was gone.”

  Artimus looked stricken as he looked down. “I can’t imagine, Ashton. That had to have been devastating to you. I don’t know if I could’ve taken that.”

  “You could’ve. I mean, it doesn’t kill you.” I shook my head. “But it feels like it might.”

  With a nod, he said, “I’m sure it did feel like that. And how are you handling that now?”

  I had to smile. “Better. Nina and I talked until one o’clock this morning. I shared a lot with her about Natalia. It made me feel a hell of a lot better. Nina is a very special person.”

  “She is.” He laughed. “Most women wouldn’t have hung on for so long. You know that, right?”

  “I do.” I had more I wanted to talk to him about, but wasn’t sure how. Then I took the good doctor’s advice and just opened my mouth and said what was on my mind. “I’m still afraid, Artimus. I’m still afraid that letting myself fall for Nina will push Natalia out of my mind.”

  “I don’t think she’ll allow that to happen, Ashton.” He shook his head. “Nina isn’t the type of person who tries to take over things. I believe she has, and always has had, your best interests at heart.”

  “You’re probably right.” I got up; it was time to get to work. “Well, I’ve got to get busy this morning. I am sorry for my little meltdown last week.”

  “Nothing to worry about. We all have our meltdowns now and then, Ashton. And if that’s what it took for you to finally accept help, then I’m glad.” He got up and walked with me to the door, clapping me on the back as we went. “You have a good day. I’ll see you at lunch.”

  I left there feeling a lot better about things. And a hell of a lot better about my ability to let my friends in on what was bothering me. I had kept it all to myself for way too long. It felt good to confide in my friend for once.

  When I went down to the set where the morning news was about to get underway, I found Nina finishing up the cue cards on the long table she always kept them on.

  One of the cameramen stopped me before I could get to her. “Hey, Ashton. Man, glad you came down this morning. I need you to take a look at this camera. It seems to be malfunctioning a little.”

  I took a look and fixed the problem, then found it was time to get the show started. Taking my usual chair at the back of the studio, I counted down the time for the show to start.

  Nina bent over the table to stay out of the camera’s view. I had to admire her round bottom, which was covered in a creamy fab
ric that clung to it just right.

  As everyone got going, I zoned out, seeing Nina bent over just as she was, only in my office, bent over my desk. She looked over her shoulder at me as she hitched the beige skirt up and bit her lower lip.

  I moved in behind her, cupping her bare ass cheeks in both hands as I took a long sniff along her neck. The scent of honeysuckle filled my nostrils as I ran my lips along the side of her neck. Her ass blossomed with goosebumps as I rubbed it.

  “Commercial, Ashton,” my assistant whispered in my ear.

  Shit!

  I gave the sign to cut to the commercial and everyone loosened up for the two-minute break. Nina stood up and turned to look at me. She gave me a little wave, and I waved back.

  As soon as the news program was over, I went to Nina. “Come to my office when you can, okay?”

  With a nod, she picked up her cards and took them with her. “I’ll be there in about fifteen minutes. I’ve just got to shred these first and get them into the recycle bin.”

  I had brought a gift for her. The night before, I’d given her roses and candy. But I wanted to give her the present I’d bought for her before I lost my mind that Sunday.

  When she came into my office, I was surprised to see that she had a gift-wrapped box in her hands. Pointing at it, I asked, “For me?”

  She nodded as she placed it on my desk. I opened the drawer where I’d put the gift for her. It was in a little pink bag, and I put it on the desk in front of her.

  She smiled. “Seems like great minds do think alike.”

  I took my present and she took hers then we both opened them. “Oh, wow!” She’d given me the same kind of pan that we’d found at Artimus and Julia’s home to make bacon in.

  “I saw that and thought of you.” She winked at me. “Maybe you can make me some bacon sometime.”

  Jerking my head toward the bag she had her hand in, I said, “Maybe I will. Come on, pull that out of there. I’m dying to see what you think of it.”

  When she pulled out the expensive wrap she’d eyed at the market in the Hamptons, a smile took over her whole face. “You didn’t!”

  “I did.” I took it out of her hands, then wrapped it around her neck, tying it in front. “Look, it even matches this outfit.”

  Her lips touched my cheek, sending a charge of energy from my cheek all the way down to my cock, which thumped in response. “I love it. Thank you.”

  I kissed her cheek, straining my cock even more. “Thank you too.”

  Her hand went to rest on my chest as we stood close together. Her eyes moved up to mine as she bit her lower lip. It was the same look she’d given me in my little daydream earlier.

  My eyes cut away from hers to look at my desk. It wasn’t at all the way I’d seen it in my fantasy. It was cluttered with papers and all kinds of other things. Sweeping it all away would’ve had a dramatic effect, but a messy one.

  And I didn’t want to ravage Nina in my office anyway. She deserved better than that.

  Taking her by the wrists, I looked at her, then sighed. I wasn’t going to bring her into my cluttered world at the moment. I had a lot more work to do on myself before I did that. “We’re all going to eat lunch together today. You should come too.”

  She licked her lips. “Okay. I will.”

  My body was on fire, and I knew she was the only thing in the world that could put it out. But I couldn’t do that to her. Not until I had myself straightened out completely. I’d already put her through enough. “I would love a cup of that coffee of yours, if you make any today.”

  “I will, and I’ll bring you a cup.” Her breasts rose and fell as she took a deep breath. “I want you to know that above all else, I am your friend, Ashton. Last night, when you were so open with me, it made me feel so much closer to you than I’ve ever felt. Thank you for letting me in. It’s an honor and a privilege to me.”

  Her dark blonde hair had fallen into her face a bit, and I brushed it back. “I want to thank you for being there for me. The honor is all mine to have you as a friend, Nina Kramer.”

  I meant every word I said to her. And a kiss at that moment would’ve felt perfectly right.

  But I rarely did what was right.

  Stepping back, I walked away from her to get behind my desk. “See you later, then.”

  A brief look of confusion filled her face, then she nodded. “Yes, I’ll come back later with the coffee.”

  Watching her sweet ass sway back and forth as she left my office, I looked down at my erect cock. “What? She deserves me at my best. You’ll just have to wait.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Nina

  The week went by and everything was going great. Better than great. But that Friday, things were about to get even better.

  Ashton came to my office and walked right in. “Hey, you.”

  I looked up from my computer. “Hi there.”

  It was nearly noon, and I figured he was there to walk with me to the studio to do the afternoon newscast. So, I got up to leave with him.

  But his hands on my shoulders stopped me. “Where do you think you’re going, Nina?”

  “Um, to the studio. Isn’t that what you’re here for?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “No. You’re off for the weekend, starting right now.”

  “And why is that?” I asked, as a thrill ran through me.

  He looked over his shoulder then kicked the door closed. His eyes ran over me before settling back on my own. “I want to ask you something. And please be honest.”

  “Of course.”

  “I’m not one hundred percent over things. But Dr. Patel tells me that waiting to be perfect is a mistake. So I’m not going to wait anymore.” His eyes closed, and my heart raced. When he opened them, he asked, “Can we start dating?”

  “Yes!” flew out of my mouth without me even thinking about it for a second. And I was ready for the kiss I had been waiting for too.

  “Good.” He did kiss me, but only on the cheek. “I’ve set up a pretty great date for us tonight. But your part of it will start now. I’ve booked you a spa day. Artimus has been gracious enough to let us use his driver and town car. They’ll take you to the spa, where you’ll get the full treatment. There are a couple of packages in the trunk of that car for you too. Those are my gifts to you, and I would like for you to wear them to dinner.”

  “You’re treating me like a princess, Ashton.” I was in awe. But I didn’t want him to think I was that kind of girl who had to be spoiled and pampered. “You don’t have to do all this.”

  “I know I don’t have to.” He kissed my other cheek. “I want to. Let me do this.”

  Who was I to argue?

  “Okay. So, what time should I be ready for dinner?” I asked, as my mind raced ahead of me.

  “Eight. We have an eight-thirty reservation at The River Café in Brooklyn.” His smile was huge, knowing that he had really pulled out all the stops.

  “Wow. A spa day and a meal at a prestigious restaurant?” I was on cloud nine as he walked me to the waiting car outside the station.

  A quick kiss to my forehead and I was on my way to one remarkable day.

  After being soaked and scrubbed in various things and massaged into a blissful state, I came home and put on the little black dress he’d bought for me. Matching pumps came with it. And a smaller box held a set of diamond earrings and a necklace.

  Standing in front of my full-length mirror, I barely recognized myself. And when I went out into the living room to wait for Ashton, I found Sandy, Sloan, and Ty having themselves a few beers before heading out for their night of fun.

  Ty looked me up and down as he whistled. “Do you clean up nice or what, Nina?”

  Sandy’s mouth was hanging open. “Where did you get all that, Nina? And are those real diamonds?”

  “They are,” I said with a nod. “Ashton gave them to me. We’re going on our first date—finally. He’s taking me out to The River Café in Brooklyn for dinner tonight
. And he sent me to the spa today too.”

  Ty sounded a little grumpy as he said, “So, this guy’s got a shit-ton of money, then. I never stood a chance in hell.”

  Shaking my head, I corrected him, “No, you didn’t stand a chance. But not because Ashton is rich. I mean, he’s doing well for himself, but that’s not why you never stood a chance against him. I’ve got it bad for him. I told you that. And now, he’s finally showing me how bad he’s got it for me too.”

  Ty smiled then and came to kiss my cheek. “He’s one lucky SOB.”

  “Thanks, Ty.” A knock at the door had me turning around. “I bet that’s him.”

  Peeking out the peephole, I saw Ashton wearing a black suit and tie and looking like a million dollars. I opened the door, and he reached out to take my hand. “You look amazing, Nina. I knew you would.” He fingered the necklace that he’d given me. “It all looks perfect on you, just the way I imagined it.”

  Sandy cleared her throat. “Hi there.”

  I turned to introduce Ashton to everyone. “This is my roommate, Sandy. And that’s Sloan standing next to her. And this is Ty.” Ty had come up to stand behind me.

  He reached out to shake Ashton’s hand. “Hi.”

  Ashton looked a little confused as he said, “Hi. Nice to meet you guys.”

  “So, you’re taking her out to a fancy dinner, huh?” Ty asked.

  Ashton nodded. “I am.”

  “What time are you going to have her back home?” Ty asked.

  I laughed and pulled on Ashton’s hand. “Come on, Ashton. He’s just kidding around with you. Night, guys. Be careful out there.” I closed the door behind us.

  As we went to the elevator, Ashton looked at me with a puzzled expression. “And who is he to you, Nina?”

  “I think he has the hots for me. But he’s a nice guy. No one to worry about,” I let him know.