Dirty Desires
Page 19
Panting as if we’d just run a marathon—which it felt like—we stayed perfectly still as our bodies took what they needed from the other.
When no more pulses were felt, Ashton moved off me slowly. “There you go, baby. Let’s hope that’s going to do the trick.”
I closed my eyes and laid there. All the while chanting inside my head, ‘Please, let this make a baby. Please, let this make a baby.’ It was what I always did as I waited the thirty minutes.
It hadn’t worked before; I don’t know what made me think it ever would. But I kept on doing it, just the same.
Ashton kissed my shoulder softly while caressing the other with his strong hand. “Remember, Nina. The doc said not to put pressure on yourself at this time. Just lay back and relax. No pressure, baby.”
That was easy for him to say. His part in this wasn’t the problem. It was me who was the problem.
The day that piece of shit hit me with that damn armored truck had done a number on me. Now, I suffered from PTSD and had a hell of a time walking down the same sidewalks I’d strolled down for years. Adding to that drama was the fact that he’d messed up my insides, and now my ovaries had scars that made it hard for them to work correctly.
If that jackass hadn’t offed himself, I would’ve gladly done it for him.
Ashton
Nina and I had gotten married while she was still in the hospital. Three years have passed since that day. Our third anniversary fell on the same day the fertility doctor told us it would be prime time to try to make that baby we’d wanted so badly.
If I could give her that baby for our third wedding anniversary, then I would make her the happiest girl in the world. And I would be the happiest man in the world, too.
But things don’t always go the way we hope they will.
I lay on my side, looking down at her. Her face was red and sweaty after our eight-hour baby-making session. Her chest rose and fell slowly as she tried to relax the way I’d told her to.
Resting my palm on her abdomen, I closed my eyes and said a little prayer, the way I’d been doing since we started this endeavor. It had been a solid year since we’d started visiting the specialist for help conceiving.
He told us that the next logical step would be to use powerful fertility drugs whose names I couldn’t even pronounce. That wasn’t a thing either of us wanted to do. He also gave us the option of in vitro fertilization. That was another thing we didn’t really care for.
Having the sex to make the baby was a huge part of the process—in my opinion, at least. I didn’t want to miss out on that important step in parenthood.
Checking the time, I found the thirty-minute timeframe had expired. Kissing her soft lips, I whispered, “Time’s up. You can get up now. If you want to.”
Her golden-brown eyes opened, and I saw anger behind them. “I can’t stop thinking about him, Ashton. I can’t stop being mad at him for what he did to me. And to all the others he hurt and killed.”
I often wondered if her anger might be getting in the way of our getting pregnant. She had a terrible fury burning inside of her. The man who’d committed the terrorist act had killed himself at the scene. That had Nina and some of the other victims angry that he didn’t have to face the consequences of his hurtful and deadly actions.
She and I now shared having a past trauma that had shaped our minds—and not in a good way. “Hush now.” I kissed her lips again. “As your therapist has told you time and time again, being angry is natural, but it doesn’t solve a thing.”
“You think I don’t know that?” She sat up and got out of bed, huffing mad as she went to the bathroom.
Lying there, I had no idea what to say to her. No matter what I said, she would take it the wrong way. Sometimes I thought that trying to have a baby only made things worse for her.
Maybe, if this time didn’t work, I would see if we could take the baby thing off the table for a while. We could always try again at a later time.
We could just stop trying so hard. She wouldn’t need to take birth control, and we could just go about our lives normally and see what happened then. The stress of trying so hard was making her nuts.
After a few minutes, I headed into the bathroom, finding her crying as she sat on the toilet.
“Nina?” I went to my knees in front of her, taking her hands away from her face. “You don’t need to cry. Things will be okay. You’ll see.”
Shaking her head, her dark blonde hair flew around her face. “No, they won’t ever be okay again.” She pulled her hands away from me to run them over the scar on her stomach. “He took away so much, and he never has to pay for what he’s done! It’s not fair!”
And here we go again with that damn word. Fair. “Not many things in life are fair, baby.”
Breaking into a new round of sobs, she whimpered, “I know that. It makes living so damn hard.”
That was the first time she’d said that. I had a feeling she thought it at times, but she’d never said it out loud. And that scared me.
One of the male victims of that attack had taken his own life only a few months before. He lost a leg in the incident and couldn’t seem to accept the fact that he’d never have that appendage back. He’d been in therapy, too, so that had me worried.
I prayed that Nina wouldn’t get so down that she’d start to hate living. “How about we take this coming weekend to really celebrate our third anniversary?” I ran my hand through her damp tresses. “We could go to the coast or the mountains? Anything you want to do, we can do it.”
Still, her head shook. “I don’t want to do anything.”
Getting up, I left her to cry while I ran her a hot bubble bath. The smooth lavender scent of the bubbles would help soothe her. If I could get her to stop crying, the battle would be nearly won.
Going back to her, I asked, “You all done on the toilet, sweetie?”
Nina nodded as she sniffled. Then I picked her up and took her to the bath. Placing her into the deep tub, I turned on the jets to speed up the relaxation.
I sat on the edge and ran my hand through her hair as I whistled a soothing little melody. I had to admit, this wasn’t what I thought our future would be like. But it was ours, and I would be the man she needed me to be.
Nina
Taking a deep breath of the cold mountain air, I looked at the scene that lay below us. Riding the ski lift to the top of the slope, Ashton and I held hands and kicked our legs. “Colorado is just gorgeous. I can’t believe you made all these arrangements by yourself, Ashton. This is a great surprise.”
He only nodded as he looked at our surroundings. “Thanks.”
Of course, he’d had to make all the arrangements himself. I’d been adamant that I didn’t want to do anything all week long. But thankfully he’d went ahead and made plans anyway.
Ashton was my rock. It was hard for me to believe that he had been able to overcome what had held him back for so long so that he could see to me. But he’d stood up and taken charge right from the start.
I lived one day at a time after the attack. And Ashton was there every one of those days, helping me to ‘keep on keeping on,’ as he would put it.
I ran my leather-gloved thumb over the top of his hand. “Hey, thanks for being there for me, babe. I know I don’t say it enough, but I want you to know that I’m extremely thankful for you.”
He turned to look at me. “I know you are. And I’m thankful for you, too, Nina Lange.” He moved his hand to wrap his arm around me. “What do you think about putting all this baby-making stuff on the back burner?”
I had to admit, I was pretty shocked that he’d said that. “Huh?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “We could stop seeing the specialist. Stop doing the diet thing and the week of no-sex thing and just be normal. I think it would do us both a lot of good.”
The pressure was getting to me. He was right about me needing a break. “I suppose we can do that. If you’re really, really sure you want to do that.”
Not a drop had passed my lips in that whole year. Once we started seeing the fertility specialist, alcohol had been removed from my diet completely, along with fried foods and dairy.
“Some cheesy chili fries sound pretty delicious right now. And maybe an ice-cold beer. ...aaand a greasy cheeseburger would hit the spot!” I laughed. “I’m going to get fat, aren’t I?”
Shaking his head, he held me close. “No, you won’t. You’ll just get to be you again, that’s all.”
The way he looked at me told me he missed the girl I used to be. “I’ll try to get back to who I was before all this happened. I will try as hard as I can. You’re a terrific inspiration, too, you know. You’ve come so far. I sometimes forget that you used to suffer much the same way I do now.”
“Time and the help of a couple of great women helped me do that. And I think time and the help of a couple of great men can do the same for you. Doc Marlow is a great man, and he can help you if you let him.” He moved his arm, so we could jump off the ski lift and begin our tour back down the mountain. “Here we go.”
I followed behind him, letting him lead the way. And as we sped down those frosty slopes, I realized that I needed to follow that very same philosophy in my real life. Follow my husband because he knew the way back to sanity. He’d also gotten lost on the path back from tragedy, yet he’d managed to find his way back. There could be no better person to follow.
So, I did just that. He thought we should put the baby-making on the back burner, so there it would go. Whatever he thought would help me, I would do it.
I’d been wallowing in self-pity for three years now. It was time to get up, and Ashton Lange was the man who could help me.
When we skidded to a stop, throwing a curtain of snow across the open field as we did, we were both laughing. My heart filled with love for him. Not that I had intentionally put it from my heart, but it hadn’t been first and foremost very much.
I supposed it had been filled with anger, my love for my husband getting crowded out of it.
Chasing the anger out of it permanently became my mission. After we got to the lodge, we sat down to take off the skis before heading inside. “I’m thinking a hot chocolate sounds good. What about you, Nina?”
“It sounds like Heaven in a mug.” I’d had to cut out my coffee, too. Lila and Julia would be glad that was coming back. “And when this weekend is over, I’ll get back to my coffee-making, too.”
“The girls will love that.” His arm went around my shoulders as he headed inside to the warmth of the huge fire that filled the main part of the lodge.
Just thinking about my friends and how they were moving on to another round of baby-making had me feeling a little blue. But when Ashton put a warm cup of cocoa in my hand, it quickly distracted my attention from those sad thoughts.
Inhaling the fragrant steam that wafted up, I decided to thoroughly enjoy myself for the weekend and to try to maintain that attitude for a long time. My husband had dealt with a mental case for far too long.
The time to pull up my big girl panties and move on had come.
Ashton
Her skin felt like satin beneath my hands. A fire crackled in the fireplace in our room at the lodge. The snow outside glowed with the light of the full moon. An owl hooted as it flew past the window.
“Colorado was an excellent idea, Ashton. It’s so different from New York.”
“It sure is.” I leaned over to kiss her, and she melted into me. It had been a long time since I’d felt her do that.
Something was changing inside of her; I could feel it happening. Nina was letting the anger go and letting me back in.
One button at a time had her shirt off, and then I slid my hands over her shoulders to push it aside. The strap of her pink bra followed and then the other before I unhooked it in the back and got rid of it entirely.
Pushing her back on the bed, my cock went hard as a rock and Nina moaned at the sight. I ran my hand along her inner thigh, over her jeans, reaching to take them off, too.
She stretched her long legs sensuously right before I jerked her panties off with one swift tug.
“Oh, baby, would you look at that scenery? It’s beautiful.” I moved down, placing my lips on her mound.
She arched up with a gasp, “Yes!” Her hand moved through my hair. “Oh, Ashton, yes.” She began to purr as I licked her sweet pearl.
It had been such a long time since I’d felt her mouth on me, and I was done waiting. I stopped what I was doing to get up and swiftly undress. “How about a little sixty-nine action? I don’t have to store up all my semen now.”
She smiled sexily as she wiggled her finger at me. “Sounds yummy to me.”
My heart pounded as I went back to where I was, only this time I moved my cock over to her face, and she ran her hands up and down my length. “Oh, baby, yes!”
Without waiting any longer, I went back to work on her sweet cunt, running my tongue through her warm folds and basking in her essence. Her scent made me hungry for her, and I ate her with slow licks, nibbles, and sucks.
I had given her plenty of oral sex in the last year, but I hadn’t had the pleasure of receiving any from her. It made the experience all that more enjoyable.
Things had been so structured. It was nice to just do whatever we wanted without thinking about it. Taking her ass cheeks in my hands, I pulled her up, so I could get deeper into her succulent pussy. Her firm flesh in the palms of my hands felt good.
I could make her my everything. I wouldn’t need anyone else to make my life any better than it already was. If a child wasn’t in the cards for us, then so be it.
The wanting something we couldn’t have was over for me. I had Nina, and that’s all I really needed.
Her fingers grazed my balls, making them swell. Then her tongue ran over them, making my entire body quiver with lust and desire. She sucked them, pulling the flesh into her mouth, making me crazy for her.
Sticking my tongue into her wet pussy, I pushed it in and out, fucking her with it as she sucked me off. My desire was growing, and my hunger to taste her sweet cum was off the charts. I went crazy on her until I felt her cunt clenching down on my tongue.
As I drank her in, I found my own release, and she drank me in, too.
Not even once did I think about that semen being wasted. All I did was enjoy what we were doing.
Once I’d had my fill of her sweet nectar, I moved around to look at her. “On your knees.”
That sexy smile returned. “Be sure to give my ass some good smacks. It’s aching to feel them.” She winked at me. “And my asshole is aching, too, if you know what I’m saying.”
Oh, boy do I!
Of course, there had been no anal interaction either as no semen was ever to be wasted. My cock pulsed back to a full erection as it knew it was about to go into an even tighter place.
I ran my hands over her round ass, smacking it and watching the waves of impact ripple over her backside. My cock was coming back to life fast, my balls filled once again, and I was eager to feel her once more in that tight little hole.
With one hard push, I went inside of her, making her groan, “God, yes!” She pushed her ass back toward me. “Hard, Ashton. Please take me hard. It’s been so long since you’ve given me a hard, nasty fucking, babe. Please.”
She wants it hard; she’ll get it hard.
Rocking on my heels, I pushed my cock into her as deep as it would go as she made the best sounds I’d ever heard. The sound of my hand smacking her ass echoed in the large room.
Over and over I slammed into her until my dick erupted. Thick creamy strands of baby-juice ran down between her legs, down my cock, and then down my inner thighs.
Barely able to breat
he, I watched it as it slid all the way down to my knees. I’d been so careful to use it solely with the intention of making a baby.
The wasted sperm became something I focused on. Until she purred, “Do you think you could use your belt to bind my hands and hook them over the closet door and fuck me until I’m begging you to stop?”
My attention had been captured, “I bet I can!”
Nina
“Push!” I coached Lila because Duke hadn’t made it to the hospital yet. He was on a hunting trip with Artimus, and the baby had come two weeks early.
“I told him it was a bad idea,” Lila said through clenched teeth as her face turned redder. “He’s going to miss the birth—I just know he is.”
She was beside herself about her husband not being there to welcome their second son. I patted her hand to soothe her. “He’ll make it. Ashton is waiting at the airport to hurry him along. Don’t you worry. We take our roles as aunt and uncle very seriously.”
“I know you do.” She smiled at me as the pain ebbed. “You two are a Godsend to us all. I want you to know that, Nina. I don’t know what we would do without you both.”
We did help them out a lot, I had to admit that. “We love spending time with those little ones.”
Julia came waddling in, her hand on her back. “How’s she coming along, Nina?”
Lila snapped, “I’m right here. You can ask me, you know!”
Julia smiled. “I know. But ever since you got pregnant, you’ve been a real bitch, sweetie. I can’t wait for your hormones to return to normal so that you can be Lila again.”
“Carrying this ten-pounder is a bitch, not me, Julia Wolfe,” Lila said with seething anger.
Julia laughed as she took a seat. “I do know a thing or two about carrying around a lot of baby weight. If you will recall, the twins were eleven pounds of combined weight. And I didn’t let it get to me. It’s not the weight; it’s the hormones, trust me.”
“You think you know everything,” Lila hissed, then quickly began to moan as another contraction began revving up. “Shit!”