by Mandy Baxter
“You’re going to make him even crankier if he goes to check on you guys and finds out you’re gone,” Tess chided. She wasn’t even their parent, yet she felt like grounding them both. Her house might have been next door, but little not-quite-six-year-olds had no business wandering around late at night. “Come on, let’s get you two back in bed.”
“Wait!” Jane held out her little fist. A silver chain with a tiny penguin pendant dangled from her grasp. “Uncle Nate let us get this for you.”
Jenny added, “The penguins were our favorite part.”
“You two are the sweetest,” Tess crooned. She took the necklace from Jane and secured it around her own neck. “I love it.”
They beamed and their sweet expressions nearly did Tess in.
“Okay, back home with you two.” Their wide smiles transformed into pouty frowns. Tess took one of their hands in each of hers and escorted them across the lawn. She lifted them over the fence and then continued through Carter’s lawn and onto the patio. Before she even had a chance to knock, he noticed them through the window. His scowl caused Jenny and Jane to squeeze Tess’s hands tighter. She gave them each a reassuring squeeze in return. “He’s not mad,” she said, “just worried. You can’t sneak out of bed and leave the house. Especially this late at night. Got it?”
“Okay.” Their synchronized response coaxed a smile to Tess’s lips, but she tucked it away.
She brought her gaze up to the window and as Carter approached, her pulse kicked into high gear. He slid open the door and looked down at his daughters. He definitely had the intimidating dad routine down and it reminded her of their first meeting. “Both of you, upstairs and get in bed. I’ll be up in a second to talk to you.”
They took off like a shot through the kitchen. Moments later the muted thud of their tiny footsteps on the stairs could be heard and then the slam of a bedroom door. Carter kept his gaze locked on Tess, the expression so heated and intense it made her break out into a sweat.
“Sorry about that.” Apparently, they were back to being nothing more than neighbors. It might have been easy for Carter to pretend that the past twenty-four hours hadn’t happened, but that wasn’t so easy for her.
“You know I don’t mind. I talked to them about sneaking out of the house, though. They shouldn’t be running around at night.”
“I can handle them,” Carter said.
The curtness of his words stung. “I know you can,” Tess said. “I was just trying to help.”
Carter’s expression softened. “Thanks. I need to go talk to them before they try to throw a sheet out the window and escape again. Good night, Tess.”
Once again, her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach like a stone. “Good night, Carter.”
She turned to leave. A strong hand gripped her upper arm and spun her around. Before Tess could right her careening world, Carter put his mouth to hers. The kiss was desperate, frenzied, so full of unspoken emotion that it nearly shattered her. When he pulled away, she was breathless and shaken, her body humming with awareness of this amazing man who affected her with only a look.
“You said you could love me.” Tess didn’t care if she sounded desperate. She didn’t want to give up on the prospect of a relationship with Carter before it even got a chance to get off the ground. “Would it really be so bad to see what might happen if we gave it a chance?”
“I shouldn’t have misled you, Tess.” His words gutted her. “I—spoke in the heat of the moment. I lied.”
“No. You were being honest last night, you’re not now. Can you really just let this go, Carter? Can you stand there and say that you don’t feel a single thing for me?”
“I don’t love you. What happened was just sex. An itch that we both needed to scratch. We agreed that emotions wouldn’t get in the way, and I can’t help it if yours did. We had a great time and that’s all there is to it. It’s over. I have to let it go, Tess.” His voice broke with the words. “I can’t give you what you want.”
“What about what you want, Carter?”
He reached out and traced the line of her jaw with the pad of his thumb. “There can’t ever be anything between us. What happened yesterday won’t ever happen again. Good night, Tess,” he said again before turning and going back into his house.
Tess swallowed down the sob that threatened to break loose from her throat. That kiss, those words, were good-bye.
Twelve
Almost a week and a half had passed since Carter kissed Tess good-bye on his patio. His mood had spiraled into a cranky, antisocial state that caused the girls to seek refuge in their bedroom rather than spend time with him.
He sat on the patio, hoping to get a glimpse of Tess. Which was stupid because he was acting as though she was the one who’d cut off contact with him when it had been the other way around. His torture was self-inflicted, so if he was pissed, he had no one to blame but himself.
He hadn’t stopped thinking about her, hadn’t stopped replaying the memories of their time together in his mind. Those almost obsessive thoughts took up space in his brain that had been solely occupied by Steph up until now and it scared the shit out of him.
“Daaaaaad!” Jane called from inside the house. “Uncle Travis is on the phooooone!”
Carter cast one last hopeful glance toward Tess’s house before going inside. Jane handed him the phone and then headed back into the living room where she and Jenny were watching Frozen. He swore if he had to listen to Let it Go, one more time, he was going to snap the DVD in two.
“Hello?”
“Someone’s a cranky fucker,” Travis said.
Carter considered hanging up but he didn’t feel like getting an in-person visit from his wild and charismatic twin. He could only imagine the way Travis would come on to Tess if he happened to see her. And at the end of the day, he loved his brother. He’d hate to have to kill him.
“I’m not cranky.” Those words had become a pretty standard response for him lately. “What’s up?”
“Nate said you had him watch the girls last week so you could put the moves on the sexy new neighbor. I take it she turned you down? Either that or your own ridiculous conscience got in the way.” He let out a sad sigh. “You’ve got to hit the release valve, brother. Otherwise you’re going to blow and it ain’t gonna be pretty.”
“So honoring Steph’s memory is ridiculous?” His temper flared, but Carter knew it wasn’t anger with Travis. It was his own guilt that made him feel like punching something. “Besides, I don’t have the luxury of being without responsibilities or caring about my reputation.” Travis snorted at the subtle jab but he didn’t say anything.
“Steph died.” Travis’s words cut Carter to his marrow. “It fucking sucked. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever been through since mom died, and I wasn’t even married to her. I loved her too you know. But damn it, martyring yourself isn’t going to bring her back. And she’d never want you and the girls to be unhappy. You’re fucking miserable, Carter. You have been for two years. When are you going to stop torturing yourself and move on with your life?”
Travis was wild, unruly, and generally disrespectful. But he was also the most loyal, the most forthright, and the most caring brother a guy could have. He might have acted like a fool in his personal life, but when it came to family, Travis was as solid and dependable as they came. And he never pulled punches with Carter. Ever. He told it like it was.
“I don’t know if I can.” Carter let out all of the pain he felt in his words. “I don’t want the girls to fall in love with someone and then lose her.”
“Are you worried about the girls?” Travis asked. “Or yourself?”
Carter choked on the word. “Both.”
“You’ll never be happy if you don’t start taking some chances, man.”
“I’m not a chance taker. You know that.” It was part of what made him a good QB. He never let the ball leave his hand unless he was positive of where it would go and that the throw would have t
he outcome he’d planned for. Sure, passes were intercepted, sometimes the receiver was blocked. Sometimes Carter made mistakes. But he never took chances.
“Do you like her?”
He more than liked her. He hadn’t felt this way about a woman since— “I like her,” Carter said.
“More than a one-night stand?”
The thought of leaving Nacogdoches next week killed him. Dallas was only two hours away, and it’s not like he’d spoken a word to Tess in the past week, but at least she was close. At least if he wanted to, Carter could have walked across the yard and knocked at the patio door. If he was brave enough, he could apologize for hurting her and maybe she’d forgive him. Carter didn’t want Tess for one night. He wanted her for all the rest of his nights.
I think … I think I could love you.
“I love her, Travis.” He’d known right away with Steph. He’d known after less than a week that he’d marry her someday. He knew it with Tess, too.
“Do the girls?”
He didn’t know if they loved Tess, but they definitely liked her. “Yeah.”
“Then why the fuck do you sound like such a broody son of a bitch?”
Carter scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Because I think I might’ve screwed it up with her.” Think? He absolutely screwed it up.
“You’re not the sort of guy who doesn’t go for what he wants. If you want her, do something about it.”
“Yeah.” Did he have it in him to move on with his life?
“Steph wanted you to be happy,” Travis said. “And she’d kick your ass if she could see the sorry state you’ve let yourself get to.” Travis was definitely right about that. “You still coming to the playoff game on Saturday?”
The Stars had made it to the semifinals thanks to a shutout that Travis took a lot of the credit for. “Yeah. We’ll be there.”
“I’ll get you four tickets instead of three,” he remarked. “In case you want to bring hot neighbor along.”
He doubted Tess would give him the time of day at this point, let alone go to a hockey game. “I won’t ask if there’s even a chance you’ll call her that to her face.”
“You’re no fun,” Travis said.
Carter glanced toward the living room where the girls watched their movie. “I’ve heard that a lot lately.”
“So snap the fuck out of it and get your shit together,” Travis said. “I’ll see you Friday and you’d better bring a friend.”
Without another word, Travis ended the call.
Since they’d met, Carter had been so goddamned scared of feeling anything for anyone that he’d allowed his guilt to put distance between him and Tess. And when he’d finally given in to his own desires, their time together had been so amazing that it had shaken him. Again, that guilt ate at him until he thought he had no choice to but to turn his back on her and hurt her in order to put her at arms’ length. But was it his guilt over betraying Steph’s memory that had stood in his way or his own goddamned fear of being hurt again? Travis thought it was time for him to take some chances. Maybe for once, he needed to listen to his brother and throw caution to the wind.
* * *
Tess stared at the logo design project she’d been trying to work on for the past week. Her creativity was in the crapper and she couldn’t focus to save her life. She hadn’t so much as ventured outside her back door since the day Carter kissed her before telling her he’d lied to her and that there could never be anything between them. There was something seriously wrong with feeling like she had to sneak out undetected for groceries so she wouldn’t have a run-in with the man who had won and broken her heart all in the same twenty-four-hour period. At least the awkwardness wouldn’t last forever. In about a week, he’d be packing up and heading back to Dallas. And Tess would go back to her life before he’d shown up: quiet and lonely.
Yay.
She closed her laptop and stared out the kitchen window toward the lake. The late afternoon sun glinted like gold on the ripples stirred by a gentle and unseasonably warm spring breeze. Yet, a chill danced over Tess’s skin as she remembered running with abandon into the water with Carter. The shock of cold as it hit her skin and the soothing heat of his mouth as he latched his lips over her stiff and aching nipple.
“Oookay.” Tess abruptly scooted her chair out from the table and let out a gust of breath. “Snap out of it, Tess.”
She couldn’t allow her thoughts to take her back to that night ever again. The resulting hurt that stabbed at her chest when she reminded herself of the things he’d said to her, nearly laid her low. Tess refused to ever again endure the crippling depression and self-doubt she’d felt after she and Jared had broken up. Carter Christensen didn’t own her heart or her emotions. He didn’t have the right to make her yearn for something that would never be.
She reached up and caressed the novelty penguin necklace the girls had bought for her during their trip to the zoo. Carter hadn’t been the only one who’d managed to worm into her heart. Jenny and Jane had a little piece of her too.
“I need a drink.”
It was a sign of how long she’d been isolated that Tess was talking to herself. How could she have ever thought that she’d make it out here by herself? Maybe she should sell the place and move back to New York. She was down a boyfriend and a best friend, but she’d had other friends in the city. A hell of a lot more than she had here.
Tess had never considered herself a quitter. She was strong, independent. Self-sufficient. She made decent money and was good at her job. Dallas was proving to be a promising market for her business as she’d managed to line up a few new clients. When she’d left New York, she’d convinced herself that she was taking on a new challenge, not running away from her problems. If she left Nacogdoches now, wouldn’t she be proving to herself that she wasn’t strong at all? Wouldn’t it prove that she’d been running all along?
A knock at her front door drew Tess’s attention. She was surprised to see the contractor Carter had hired to assess the barn standing on her front porch, clipboard in hand. “Hi, um…” What in the hell was his name? “Steve!” He gave her a funny look at her ah-ha! moment. “Do I owe you for the barn assessment?” She’d thought Carter had paid for it but maybe he’d changed his mind. God, she hoped not. She was doing all right financially but she wasn’t a bank.
“No.” Steve looked as confused as she sounded. “I’m here to get started on the remodel.”
Remodel? What the ever loving…? “I think there might be a miscommunication somewhere. I just wanted to make sure the structure was sound. I’m far from being able to do a remodel on it.”
Steve’s glance slid to the side, in the direction of Carter’s house. “I’m confused. Carter called yesterday and asked if I had time to work the barn into my schedule. I was hoping we could do the walkthrough today to see what you were thinking for the space. Carter suggested an office in the loft and maybe turning the ground level into a studio or second living space, but he said the final say was yours. Did something change between yesterday and today?”
Tess had absolutely no idea what was going on. “You talked to Carter yesterday?”
“Yeah. Yesterday afternoon. I’ve got a crew scheduled to start work next week.”
“Can you give me a few minutes? I need to straighten a few things out.” A few things? A whole hell of a lot of things.
“Sure. I need to make a couple of phone calls to my sub-contractors anyway. We’ll need to do some minor foundation work before we do any actual building and I need to get some prices from my concrete guy. I’ll be in my truck when you’re ready.”
“Thanks.”
Tess left the front door wide open and trekked back through the house. She slipped through the back patio door and jogged across their two lawns until she stood on Carter’s patio. Fist poised and ready to knock on the glass, Tess paused. She could tell Steve to leave. She didn’t have to talk to Carter at all. She could go back to her house, sit her ass down, and get bac
k to work. She could try to forget the time she’d spent with Carter, the things he’d said to her, the way his touch set her on fire. She could forget that he’d broken her heart with cold and hurtful words and get to back to her life. She could let him go back to Dallas and he’d be nothing but the neighbor she saw once or twice a year when he needed a break from the fast pace of his life.
Tess could do all of those things. She simply didn’t know if she wanted to.
“You look like a woman on the verge of a serious decision.”
Tess whipped around to find Carter walking toward the patio from the lake. Behind him, the girls shuffled along, their leggings pulled up to their knees and their shoes clutched in their little hands. They looked up at their dad’s words and bright smiles lit their faces as they exchanged a knowing glance. Their soft giggles made Tess’s stomach draw into a tight knot.
“Hi Tess!”
“Hi Tess!”
They ran past her and into the house, their wide, secretive grins causing her suspicions to grow. The girls obviously knew something she didn’t, and Tess didn’t like not being in on the secret.
Tess opened her mouth to speak. Closed it. Started again and failed. Words refused to form on her lips as she took in the sight of Carter strolling with casual grace toward her. The memory of what it had felt like to have her naked skin against his, to feel the power of that magnificent body thrust over hers was still too fresh in her mind. Her breath stalled in her chest and a ball of emotion gathered in her throat. How could she ever think it would be so easy to banish Carter from her heart and mind?
“Did you hire your contractor to come out and do a remodel on my barn?” Instead of focus on her heartache, she let her anger take over. It was the only way to force any words past her lips.
Carter continued to stroll toward her in that calm, calculated way that made him look like a predator on the prowl. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and averted her gaze from him. It was like staring at the sun; his very presence blinded her.