by Mandy Baxter
When he was close enough to reach out and touch, Carter stopped. The space between them sizzled with electricity and Tess forced her eyes back to his face. “Did you?” she asked again.
“I suck at apologies.” The warmth in his deep voice cascaded over her in a pleasant rush. “And flowers seemed too cliché.”
“Carter.”
“Tess.” His gaze devoured her. “I’m so sorry.”
Thirteen
For over a week, Tess had been feet from him and yet, it had felt like miles. After Carter’s conversation with Travis yesterday, he’d come to a decision. It was time to live his life. Steph had wanted him to live. For him, for her, and their girls. The guilt he felt wasn’t fair to any of them. He’d loved Steph more than he thought he could ever love another woman. Loving Tess wasn’t a betrayal of that love, it was a testament to what they’d had that he could open himself up to love for a second time.
Carter’s own stubbornness had almost caused him to miss out on a chance at happiness. He wasn’t going to let it pass him by again. He reached out and smoothed an errant strand of hair away from Tess’s face. Her gaze softened, but the deep blue of her eyes still reflected the hurt he’d caused. He’d do whatever it took to make it up to her.
She didn’t respond to his lame attempt at an apology. Carter took a deep breath and held it for a moment. “I was scared Tess. Scared of what I felt and rather than admit that to you, admit that I was worried about how a new relationship might affect the girls, I pushed you away. I said a lot of things I didn’t mean and if I could, I’d take it all back. I’m sorry, Tess. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you forgive me. I…” He let out a gust of breath. “I’m in love with you.”
Tess’s soft mouth parted and it was all Carter could do not to lean down and kiss her.
“You’re in love with me.”
Carter’s heart leapt up into his throat at her monotone response. “I knew the second you stepped up to my back door to give me a piece of your mind that I’d fall in love with you, Tess. You’re so strong, so sure, so goddamned beautiful that I can’t breathe when I look at you. You’re so caring and soft. So passionate. The past week and a half without you almost ruined me. Jenny and Jane love you. They miss you.” He reached out and traced his fingertips over the silly penguin necklace draped around her neck. “I know you miss them too. Forgive me for being an asshole who hurt you. Forgive me for being too damned stubborn and scared and guilty to acknowledge what my own heart wanted. Let me make it up to you. Let me love you, Tess.”
Tears glistened in her brilliant eyes, and Carter’s chest clenched.
“Flowers would have been okay, you know,” she said through her tears. “And a hell of a lot cheaper than a contractor.”
Relief swamped him and Carter let out a slow, shaky breath. “Flowers wither. A sturdy barn lasts forever.”
She smiled. God he’d missed that smile. He took Tess in his arms and pulled her close, wrapping her tight in his embrace. Carter didn’t know how many minutes passed while they stood there, her body tucked against his, warm and soft. It felt so right to hold her. He never wanted to let her go.
“I never wanted to take anyone’s place or insert myself in your family, Carter.” Her voice muffled against his T-shirt as he wrapped her tighter in his arms. “I thought I could keep emotions out of it. That I could let that day between us be what it was and nothing more. But you made me feel something. Something real and intense. Something that I didn’t think I could afford to lose. You hurt me. I know you were trying to protect Jenny and Jane as much as yourself, but it still hurt.”
Carter felt her slipping away. Her body pulled away from his and his arms stiffened as though he could keep her right where she was. His heart thundered in his chest, adrenaline dumped into his bloodstream, and his gut bottomed out. He couldn’t bear to lose her.
Tess looked up into his eyes and a soft smile curved her mouth. “I’m a firm believer in second chances, Carter. I think we both deserve one, don’t you?”
“I’m still scared,” he said. It wouldn’t do either of them any good if he wasn’t honest with her. “I still have doubts. I don’t want the girls to be hurt if this doesn’t work out between us. I don’t know what’s appropriate. Hell, how do single parents date? I have no idea. They have to be my first priority, Tess. Always. You don’t have kids and—”
“Carter.” Tess stepped away from him. Her brow knitted and her lips gathered into a petulant pucker. “You have to stop trying to micromanage your future. I’m afraid of all of those things too. I don’t want to move in or move to Dallas or anything else. I don’t even want to spend the night. Not until you’re ready. Until I’m ready. And until Jenny and Jane are ready. And yeah, it might not work out. But we won’t know if we don’t at least give it a try.”
“I have no idea what I’m doing,” Carter said. “I don’t know how to date.”
“Trust me,” Tess said. “No one does. You just roll with the punches and see what happens.”
Carter reached out and took her hand in his. “I meant what I said, though. Tess, I love you. You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know.”
“Daaaaaad!” A scream that could have shattered glass interrupted them and Carter turned toward the house. “Jane hit me!”
“Are you sure you want to be a part of this craziness?” he asked Tess.
She gave him a soft smile. “I’m sure.”
“I need to go diffuse this situation before blood’s drawn.”
“You do that and I’ll go talk to your contractor,” Tess said.
“I really want to pay for this remodel, Tess,” Carter locked his gaze with hers. If it hadn’t been for that barn, he might never have met her. He wanted it to stand for a good long time. “Okay?”
“I’ll talk to Steve and see what we can do,” she said. “But next time Carter, just buy me a milkshake or something.”
“Got it. Come over when he’s done?”
Her answering smile caused his heart to stutter in his chest. “I’ll be back soon.”
* * *
Tess waved as Steve pulled out of her driveway. She was still a little numb, dazed by Carter’s offer to remodel the barn and Steve’s assertion that cost wasn’t an option. Anything that Tess wanted, she’d get. Period.
Extreme home makeover aside, it wasn’t the craziest thing Carter had done today. She’d told him she’d head back to his place but instead, she flopped down on her couch and stared at the wall. Over a week apart and not a word, and then he’d blindsided her with a contractor, an apology, and an admission of love. One more surprise today and she’d have a freaking heart attack.
True, she’d been quick to forgive him. Maybe too quick. Tess wasn’t looking for a rollercoaster relationship. She wanted the total package: stability, dependability, honesty, and love. She couldn’t give her heart to Carter, knowing that his guilt and worry might get the better of him again. She couldn’t allow herself to love him if he might push her away again for whatever reason. He’d said he loved her, but what would happen when he thought of Steph and lost himself to his grief. Would he take those words back in order to guard his heart? Send her away again, only to apologize by sending a contractor over to remodel her house next time? Tess was through playing games. She wanted something real.
There were also the girls to consider. Tess wasn’t going to deny that Jenny and Jane had won her over. They were adorable, feisty, tough as nails, and at the same time, sweet. Was she ready for the responsibility of what it meant to be in their lives? Was she ready to contemplate the possibility of being a stepmom? True, she was jumping the gun on that one, but it was something she needed to consider if she was going to be with Carter. She wouldn’t only be dating him, she’d be dating them. If it didn’t work out and she broke his heart, she’d break theirs too. Could she shoulder that possibility?
The prospect of loving and caring for someone else’s children didn’t scare or faz
e Tess. She didn’t have to give birth to Jenny and Jane to love them. But she’d always thought she’d have kids of her own. Would Carter want that? Maybe he was happy with his family the way it was. Tess wanted it all, and she wanted to know what it was like to carry her own baby, to give birth, all of it. It seemed silly to worry about it so soon—it’s not like Carter had asked her marry him—but she didn’t want to get a year into their relationship and realize that perhaps she’d made a mistake.
Now who’s making excuses to guard her heart? She and Carter were quite a pair. A couple of brokenhearted saps who wanted love and at the same time couldn’t bring themselves to open up to it. Carter had said he loved her and told her she didn’t have to say it back. Tess didn’t know if she was ready for love, but she was ready for something with him. The only way she’d know if their relationship would last was to go all in. And it was about time Tess went after what she wanted.
She left the house and crossed the space between their lawns. Butterflies swirled in her stomach and her heart fluttered in her chest. Nervous energy pooled in her limbs and her brain buzzed with too many thoughts for her to narrow them down to a single one. Love was scary. Terrifying, actually. A wild ride that left you feeling exhilarated and sick at the same time. Tess took a deep breath and brought her fist up to knock on the patio window. Carter appeared from somewhere in the house and slid the glass door open.
“Hi.”
Tess wanted a partnership. A family. Love and tenderness. Heat and passion. And the more she thought of those things, the more she realized that the only person she wanted it with was Carter. “Hi.”
For a long moment they stood rooted to their respective spots, their gazes locked. Carter opened his mouth to speak but before he could get the words out, Jenny and Jane raced through the kitchen, laughing and squealing as they inserted themselves between him and Tess.
“Dad! We found a frog in the front yard! He’s huge! Come see!”
“Can we keep him, daddy? He won’t give us warts. Only toads do that. We’ll feed him bugs and give him water and grass to sleep on. Puhleaze! We’ll take really good care of him!”
Carter reached out his hand, his gaze still locked with Tess’s. “Want to see a frog?”
She smiled as she placed her hand in his. The warmth of his palm soothed her and Tess marveled at how quickly Carter Christensen had managed to win her over. He was one of the good ones and she’d be an idiot to ever let him go. “Who doesn’t enjoy a good frog sighting?” she asked. His answering smile was like the sun, so brilliant that she had to look away. Tess turned her attention to Jenny and Jane instead and the joy on their tiny faces. “How about we go see him, but leave him outside where he’ll be happier? I’ll show you how to draw frogs on the computer later tonight if you want. We’ll print out the pictures and hang them on your walls.”
They regarded her with doubtful expressions but their smiles remained intact. “Maybe,” Jane said slowly. “But let’s go look at him before he hops away!”
The girls led the way through the house to the front yard as Tess and Carter followed, their fingers entwined. “They really like you, you know.”
Tess looked over to see a wide smile spread across Carter’s lips. Yeah, she’d be a fool to not at least try to make things work with him. Good men were few and far between it seemed. And somehow, Tess had managed to move next door to one of the best around. “I really like them, too,” she replied. “Their dad is okay, too. A little on the cranky side, but I think I can turn him around.”
Carter pulled Tess to a stop. His expression became serious, his heated gaze delved into hers and she shivered. “You already have,” he murmured. “I love you, Tess.”
She swallowed down the lump that rose to her throat. Carter might have been able to lay himself bare but Tess wasn’t quite to that point yet. He’d have to be patient with her. With them. “Come on,” she said as she urged him to keep walking. “Let’s go look at a frog.”
“You’re going to love me too, Tess,” he remarked as they headed out to the front yard. “I’m going to make sure of it.”
Of that, she had no doubt.
Fourteen
The whoosh of sharpened blades as they rushed over the ice filled Tess’s ears moments before the two hulking bodies crashed into the Plexiglas barrier that separated their seats from the rink. Jenny and Jane fed off the energy, the roar of the crowd, the excitement, and leaned forward to bang on the glass with the other hockey fans.
“Oh no you don’t.” Carter reached out and plucked the backs of the girls’ T-shirts, hauling them back to their seats as though they weighed nothing at all. They were a little put out that they couldn’t be as rowdy as the rest of the Stars fans, but as a consolation, Carter let them stand on their chairs. Placated, but far from calm, they continued to jump up and down on the seats as they cheered the team on to victory.
To think, at one time Tess had thought that they’d want to play with Barbie dolls.
Game seven of the playoffs had turned out to be a nail-biter. Whoever won the game was headed to the Stanley Cup finals. They’d been to all of the playoff games. Nate had made Christensen Petroleum’s jet available to fly the entire family to every single away game so they could support Travis. Nate, Chloe, and Noah had opted for the privacy of a skybox, but Carter and the girls had preferred to be in the thick of the action. Tess had to admit, she preferred the action and vendors’ food to the swanky, catered box.
“Having fun?”
She leaned forward and peered at Carter. The girls were sandwiched between them and he wore a wide smile that made her heart beat a wild rhythm in her chest. “Of course,” she called over the din of the crowd. They’d been seeing each other for three weeks now and Carter still felt as though he needed to make sure that Tess was comfortable, having fun, happy.… His concern for her was endearing but she knew that his real worry was that she’d yet to speak the words that he’d so easily offered to her the day he’d made his grand apology. I love you.
One of the Penguin’s forwards took a shot on goal and the puck whizzed through the air. Travis reached out with his glove and made the save. The crowd went wild around them. Jane’s enthusiastic jumping got out of control and she toppled forward. Tess caught her before she spilled end over top and settled her back on the seat.
“That was a close one!” Jane flashed a bright smile that rivaled her dad’s in its charm.
Tess had never dated anyone with kids before and there were definitely things she’d had to get used to. It was rarely just her and Carter. There were the rare occasions when the girls spent the night with Nate and Chloe, but otherwise, they were a foursome. All activities were family appropriate. Movie nights were usually G- or PG-rated and likewise, Tess had had to learn to curb her swearing, a feat that cost her a dollar for the mason jar in Carter’s kitchen every time she slipped.
Then there was the long-distance aspect of their relationship. Nacogdoches wasn’t far from Dallas—a couple of hours—but it made seeing Carter every day impossible. She spent weekends with him here or he came out to the lake. On a couple of occasions when Tess had clients to meet in the city, she got an extra day or two with him, but the preseason would start soon and she’d lose even more time with him when he went back to playing football full time. There were speed bumps in their relationship, ones that had taken Tess time to adjust to despite the fact she’d been so confident early on that she could handle Carter’s busy life.
He never missed an opportunity to tell her that he loved her. That he missed her. And he’d never once asked her to reciprocate. Carter was a man of infinite patience and love. He gave selflessly every single day of himself, his emotions, his time, even his money. And he didn’t do it for recognition or to get something in return. He was the most amazing man she’d ever met and Tess loved him more than she had words to describe it. It shouldn’t have been so hard to say the words to him, not when she felt them in every single fiber of her being.
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��d admitted to her that he was scared of what a new relationship might mean. How it would affect him and the girls. How it would hurt them if this didn’t work out. Tess was scared too. Of giving her heart completely not only to Carter, but to Jenny and Jane too. She loved them all so much that she thought her chest would explode from the excess of emotion. As he’d taken the leap with her and of the two of them, Carter had the most reason to guard his heart. It was time for Tess to go all in as well.
The sound of a loud buzzer preceded the roar of the crowd as the Stars scored. Jenny and Jane went wild, their little arms pumping above their heads as they screamed and cheered. Music blared from the loudspeaker and the girls hopped down from their seats to dance. Tess looked to her right to find Carter watching her. The wild celebration around them melted away until there was only the two of them. He leaned over the two seats that separated them and braced a hand on the armrest of Tess’s seat.
Their mouths met. A slow, sweet kiss with parted mouths and heated breaths. Public displays—especially when the girls were around—were usually G-rated, but Tess gave this one a PG-13. She reached up and cupped his cheek, her nails scraping over Carter’s stubble. The girls screamed and laughed before turning to shake them both by the shoulders.
“You’re on TV!”
“You’re kissing on TV!”
Carter pulled away with a wicked grin and Tess glanced up at the multiple giant screens that replayed their kiss for the entire rink. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and laughter bubbled in her chest.
“We’re caught.”
The crowd cheered loudly and Carter chuckled. “I think they want a repeat performance.”
Tess grabbed him by the collar as the crowd cheered them on. “In that case, we’d better not disappoint them.”
She pulled him in for a kiss that pushed the boundaries of their previous PG-13 rating. When they finally parted, Tess was dizzy and breathless, and so damned in love that she couldn’t see straight. She needed to tell him. He deserved to hear the words.