Follies and Nonsense

by Martin Hunnicutt

  “Lady Lucas, may I introduce our cousin, Mr. William Collins. He is staying at the inn in Meryton until Saturday while visiting with our family for the first time,” Mary said.

  Turning to their visitor she said, “Mr. Collins, may I introduce Lady Lucas, wife our local magistrate, Sir William Lucas, and their eldest daughter, Miss Charlotte Lucas.”

  Bowing politely, Mr. Collins accepted the introduction to the wife of a leading member of the local gentry. “How do you do Lady Lucas, Miss Lucas?”

  “Good morning, Mr. Collins,” the matron replied. “And you are visiting just until Saturday?”

  “Yes madam,” he replied. “I have to return to Kent on Saturday to fill my pulpit on Sunday. But I have found Hertfordshire most pleasant and I hope to return for a second visit soon.”

  “Oh, are you a member of the clergy?” asked Charlotte. “Where is your parish?”

  Elizabeth and Jane exchanged glances as Mr. Collins began to repeat the wondrous story of his elevation to the parsonage at Hunsford and the beneficent wonder of Lady Catherine de Bourgh. His conversation wandered through the details of his house and garden at Hunsford, the size of Rosings Park and the recent planting of an extensive formal garden on one side of the manor house.

  Five minutes into the monologue, Lady Lucas interrupted Mr. Collins, “I beg your indulgence Mr. Collins but we are expected at home and we must make our way as quickly as possible.”

  Surprised that anyone would not care to hear of the number of windows in the impressive edifice that was Rosings, Collins merely bowed again and turned his attention to his cousins once again. He found the two youngest daughters were at the window of the nearby shop discussing bonnets but the other three waited upon his person.

  “I wonder there are not more carriages in Meryton,” he said. “Is the town not prosperous?”

  “The weather is holding Mr. Collins so I imagine most of the horses are being useful with hauling wood and coal for winter heat. Once the rains begin, the snow will not be long in coming and it will be many months before we have fine weather again,” Mary answered as she and Jane escorted Mr. Collins along the street. Elizabeth kept her eye on Kitty and Lydia who continually searched for the red coat of an officer, a smart bonnet, or a new length of muslin in a shop window.

  Kitty and Lydia soon saw Denny, the officer they met at Lucas Lodge previously walking on the opposite side of the street with a second young man, whom they had not previously met. Denny bowed and the stranger tipped his hat as they passed. The two youngest sisters, determined to obtain an introduction, led the way across the street, under pretence of wanting something in an opposite shop, and fortunately had just gained the pavement when the two gentlemen reached the same spot.

  “Good afternoon, Miss Kitty, Miss Lydia,” Denny greeted the two youngest sisters. When Mary, Jane, Elizabeth and Mr. Collins joined them in front of the other store, introductions were in order.

  “Ladies, may I introduce Mr. George Wickham?” Denny asked with a wave to his friend who bowed elegantly. “Mr. Wickham returned with me from town just yesterday and he has accepted a commission in our corps.”

  “Oh Mr. Wickham, you will look splendid in regimentals,” Lydia assured him.

  “Wickham, allow me to introduce the Bennet family of Longbourn,” Denny said before he gave precedence to Kitty and Lydia, pleasing both sisters enormously without irritating their elders. “This is Miss Catherine and Miss Lydia.”

  “It is very good to meet the young ladies,” Wickham replied.

  “And these are their sisters, Miss Mary and Miss Jane Bennet, and Mrs. Hamilton.”

  Stepping closer, Wickham greeted the three sisters as pleasantly as the younger two and appeared to be completely charming, with a good figure, and very pleasing address.

  Jane made the introduction of Mr. Collins to the two officers and the party remained standing and talking together very agreeably, when the sound of horses drew their notice. Elizabeth and Jane smiled to see Darcy and Bingley riding down the street in their direction.

  On distinguishing the ladies, the two gentlemen came directly towards them, and began the usual civilities. Bingley was the principal spokesman, and Miss Bennet the principal object. He reported that he was on his way to Longbourn with an invitation to tea from Mrs. Hurst. Mr. Darcy attempted not to stare at Elizabeth so looked over the others and once he noticed the stranger in the midst of the Bennet sisters, his face grew stony. Elizabeth happened to observe the countenance of both gentlemen as they recognized each other; they both changed colour; Wickham red and Darcy white. After a few moments, Mr. Wickham touched his hat in salutation and Mr. Darcy dipped his head in the smallest of recognition before turning his horse up the street.

  “What could be the meaning of this?” Elizabeth wondered though in another minute, Mr. Bingley took leave and rode on with his friend.

  Mr. Denny and Mr. Wickham walked with the young ladies to the door of Mrs. Phillip's house, and then made their bows, in spite of Miss Lydia's pressing entreaties that they should come in.

  “Lydia, allow Mr. Denny and Mr. Wickham to complete their duties,” Jane said. “There will be later visits with them.”

  Lydia pouted as Denny and Wickham departed down the street once again, this time heading for their camp. Mrs. Phillips was always glad to see her nieces; and the second eldest, with her three-year absence, was particularly welcome. Their aunt went on in great detail of events in the village during Elizabeth’s long absence until she turned her excessive civility upon Mr. Collins after Jane's introduction of their cousin. She received him with her very best politeness, which he returned with more, apologizing for his intrusion, without any previous acquaintance with her.

  “Mrs. Phillips, I cannot but flatter myself that by my relationship to the young ladies who introduced me to your notice that we will avoid all appearances of impropriety.”

  Complimented and susceptible to praise of any kind, Mrs. Phillips was pleased with the apparent good breeding of Mr. Collins. However, her contemplation of Mr. Collins was as soon put to an end by inquiries about Mr. Wickham by Kitty and Lydia.

  “I can only tell you what you already know, my dears. Mr. Denny brought him from London, and he is to have a lieutenant's commission in the _____shire. I have watched him the last hour as he walked up and down the street,” she replied.

  ++**++

  Bingley noticed that his friend was quieter than usual on the ride back to Netherfield and he tried to draw him into conversation.

  “Mr. Black didn’t have any suitable workhorses,” Bingley said. “His horses have stamina to run all day with the express riders but they would not last if they had to pull a wagon of hay or cart of stone.”

  They were passing Longbourn’s gates at that moment and the manor house appeared quiet in the afternoon; Bingley thought of Miss Bennet – Jane – as he thought of her now, and he saw Darcy take a hard look at the house as well.

  “I say Darcy, where is your head my friend?”

  Darcy looked over at Bingley, “I am sorry Bingley; my mind was elsewhere.”

  “And where is that?” Bingley asked. “You have been distracted lately. Are there business matters that I keep you from here in Hertfordshire?”

  “No,” Darcy replied. “The estates are secure and the barns are full this fall. My business concerns are well – and that lies in part from your guidance in trade.”

  “You do not cringe from the taint of ‘trade’ like so many others,” Bingley observed. “I think you sought me out at university because of my ties to trade.”

  “You were a puppy among a pack of mastiffs,” Darcy joked. “Your rescue was a good deed to pay for past sins.”

  “Are you confessing your sins this afternoon?”

  Darcy shook his head. “Once I knew you, I was pleasantly surprised to discover your knowledge of business. Your skills combined with my connections have stood both of us well.”

  “My sisters believe they know the extent of my
wealth,” Bingley said. “It suits me to let the world believe me to be absent-minded outside of the club and bank.”

  Nodding in agreement, Darcy added, “The whisper of ‘ten thousand pounds’ follows me through every ball room in London. If they knew the income from trade and business that I enjoy, more lords would clamour to be your friend.”

  “Then, what distracts you this day?”

  “My problem with Georgiana this past summer,” Darcy said. “The scoundrel – Wickham – he was the man with the tall hat back in town.”

  Bingley pulled his horse to a stop. “We left Miss Bennet and her sisters with that man! We must return!”

  “Not yet, Bingley!” Darcy insisted. “He will just run again. I must discover his purpose on being in Hertfordshire before dealing with him. If he is still in Meryton tomorrow, we shall take steps to deal with the scoundrel.”

  “How did he end up here?”

  After starting their horses forward once more, the two men road in silence again for a mile before Darcy spoke, “It must be simple happenstance that Wickham arrived in Hertfordshire. No one but Georgiana and my stewards know my whereabouts.”

  “He was in company with a lieutenant from the militia,” Bingley replied. “He may have purchased a commission.”

  “The militia? I can’t imagine a poorer officer than George Wickham.”

  Once the two men reached Netherfield, they continued around the manor to the stables. A stable boy ran out to take Mr. Bingley’s horse and then a second boy came out to take Mr. Darcy’s horse.

  “He’s pulling at the bit today,” Darcy told the boy. “Watch for his teeth.”

  “Yes sir,” the boy responded.

  They walked back to the house, entering through the servant’s entrance and taking the back stairs up to their rooms. Just before they reached the top of the stairs, Bingley asked, “Could Colonel Fitzwilliam be of assistance?”

  At the top of the stairs, the two gentlemen found that Caroline waited for them.

  “Why are you using the back stairs again? Are you avoiding me? Why are you speaking of Mr. Darcy’s cousin? Why would you invite Colonel Fitzwilliam to visit, Charles?” she demanded. “You both ride out after leaving the dining room this morning and remain out all day! What is a lady to do if all the company is gone?”

  “Caroline, Netherfield is an estate with many tenants – there are four and twenty farms attached to the manor and there are matters that must be dealt with every day,” Charles replied.

  “Why do you not have the steward take care of these matters?” she asked. “You pay the man good coin but he spends the entire day writing business letters and then talking to you in the library with Mr. Darcy all evening.”

  Charles turned toward his sister. “You remember how our father worked long days. There’s nothing different with owning an estate.”

  “I want to return to London,” Caroline replied. “Hertfordshire has not provided any distractions.”

  “Where will you stay in town?” asked Charles.

  Caroline looked strangely at her brother. “At the house on Grosvenor Street…”

  “The house is closed and most of the servants released,” Charles replied. “In any case, I will not renew the lease for the new year.”

  “Not renew the lease?” she exclaimed. “Where are we to live in London for the new season?”

  “We will not go to London for the season next year.”

  Caroline sat in a nearby chair, staring at her brother as though he were a candidate for commitment to Bedlam Hospital.

  ++**++

  The sisters were to return to Meryton the next day and call upon Mrs. Phillips again for cards and refreshments with Denny and other officers in attendance; their aunt decided to send the man in Mr. Phillip’s office to call on Mr. Wickham and give him an invitation also.

  As they walked home, Elizabeth related to Jane what she had seen pass between the two gentlemen and Jane could not explain such behaviour either.

  Upon his entrance to Longbourn, Mr. Collins complimented Mrs. Bennet on the manners and politeness of her sister.

  “Except Lady Catherine and her daughter, I have never seen a more elegant woman,” he praised. “She not only received me with the utmost civility, but even pointedly included me in her invitation for the next evening. I must admit that I have never met with so much attention in the whole course of my life.”

  Listening to Mr. Collins elevate her Aunt Phillips, a woman of mean education and no social graces, to similar status as Lady Catherine, Elizabeth realized that their cousin’s education and experiences included few meaningful conversations with educated or thoughtful individuals.

  After a long supper with Mr. Collins repeating the opinions of Lady Catherine concerning the proper behaviour of young ladies, Elizabeth ordered the carriage be brought around, and Mrs. Bennet sent the clergyman for Meryton before very late. After an exciting day with two long walks, Lydia was exhausted and tumbled up the stairs to bed without argument.

  Thus ended the day with the introduction to Mr. Wickham.

  ++**++

  Chapter 22.

  In Which Mr. Wickham Tells His Story

  Again the next day, Mr. Collins joined his five cousins at the home of Mrs. Phillips in Meryton. When they arrived at the Phillips home, the sisters learned that Mr. Wickham was expected shortly with the other officers. When they had taken their seats, Mr. Collins looked around him and again admired the modest home.

  “I must admit, Mrs. Phillips, this is a pleasing room. It is as comfortable as the summer parlour at Rosings!”

  At first, this comparison that did not convey much gratification; but when Mrs. Phillips understood from Collins what Rosings was, and who was its proprietor, she appreciated the compliment, and held no resentment to the comparison with the room in Kent.

  “Indeed, the chimney-piece in the front parlour alone cost eight hundred pounds,” Collins told his hostess. The man continued to describe the grandeur of Lady Catherine’s mansion, with occasional comments regarding the parsonage where he resided without end as Mrs. Phillips was very attentive to his every word; she would share all this information with her neighbours as soon as she could.

  ++**++

  When the officers arrived and Mr. Wickham walked into the room, Elizabeth felt that her impression yesterday of his appearance was not an unreasonable admiration. The officers of the _____shire were in general a very creditable, gentlemanlike set; but Mr. Wickham appeared far beyond them all in person, countenance, air, and walk.

  Mr. Wickham caught every female eye, but Elizabeth was the woman by whom he seated himself; and though he only spoke of the weather for the next fifteen minutes, she found he made the topic interesting. The handsome man continued to speak and Elizabeth found his words pleasant and his smile infectious; suddenly, in her mind she heard her father-in-law’s voice saying, “…any level-headed man can succumb to a pretty face, and the most-sensible woman in the land can be swept away by her heart’s desire. No one is immune to matters of the heart.”

  With clear eyes, Elizabeth watched Wickham’s manner closely, his eyes darted about the room and caught the eye of each lady. His smiles followed his eyes though his words attempted to retain Elizabeth’s attention. He leaned closer but suddenly Elizabeth rose from the chair, made her excuses and removed to her aunt’s bedroom.

  Closing the door, she sat before the mirror to gather her wits.

  “Elizabeth Bennet Hamilton!” she admonished herself. “Are you a silly girl without sense? He is just a handsome face! Remember Lord Rutherford’s admonitions about the pretty face and a fluttering heart.”

  Behind her, the door opened and Aunt Phillips entered, “Are you well my dear? I saw you leave the young man’s side and not return. Indeed, Lydia attached herself to Wickham’s side and will not be separated. I fear your suitor is lost for the afternoon.”

  “Wickham is not my suitor! I am well, Aunt but I thank you for asking,” Elizabeth replied.
“Has Mr. Collins remained ‘sewn’ to Jane’s side?”

  Nodding her head, Mrs. Phillip’s replied, “Perhaps it was prudent to remove yourself from the room and give your sisters the advantage. You have already married and are well settled by the looks of your carriage and pocketbook. Mr. Wickham was very sorry to hear that you are widowed and alone. I am certain...”

  “Aunt, I most particularly asked you not to tell strangers of my situation!” Elizabeth admonished Mrs. Phillips.

  “My dear, do not concern yourself! Mr. Wickham is quite taken with Lydia and will have no further use for your company.”

  Elizabeth glanced back at the mirror and recognized the look in her eyes – today she would study the characters of others without judging them quickly. “Let us return to the parlour, Aunt Phillips. I am quite refreshed.”

  “And I told the maid to bring in the card tables,” Mrs. Phillips replied. “I remember how well you play whist.”

  With the officers as rivals for the notice of the ladies, Mr. Collins sank into insignificance; but his hostess remained attentive and a kind listener, and Mrs. Phillips made certain he was supplied with coffee and biscuits. When the card-tables were in place, his hostess bade him sit at the table and join the game with Jane.

  “I know little of cards,” he admitted. “Miss Bennet, perhaps you might instruct me.”

  ++**++

  Mr. Wickham played at whist and he sat at the table between Elizabeth and Lydia. At first it seemed that Lydia's smiles would captivate him entirely; but being extremely fond of whist, Lydia grew too interested in the game to pay attention to Wickham. Allowing for the common demands of the game, Mr. Wickham talked to Elizabeth, and she was willing to hear him. However, she dared not question any connection with Mr. Darcy for concern of arousing the attention of her sisters or the other guests. Her curiosity was unexpectedly relieved when Mr. Wickham mentioned the subject himself.

  “Mrs. Hamilton, Miss Catherine mentioned earlier that your sisters had tea with Darcy at a nearby estate. Can you tell me how far this estate – Netherfield Park – is from Meryton?”