Fifth Essence: A Reverse Harem Tale (Lovin' the Coven Book 5)

by Jacquelyn Faye

  Yours, too.

  I feel alive.

  "Can I get youuu…oh my. Let me know if you need anything else!" Chelsea practically squeaked, put a stack of napkins on the table, and left us to our meal. Dar chuckled softly.

  We ate in silence, giving each other meat filled smiles as we polished off our meal, not even pausing to drink. Dar finished first and dropped his gnawed bone on the now empty plate. But I wasn't far behind. There was a particularly tasty piece of grizzle I'd been trying to pry loose. It had been totally worth it.

  As I was setting the bone down, my world came to a screeching halt. Jimmy walked in through the front door and a smile was creeping up on my face…until a blonde woman walked in behind him, standing a little closer than she should have been as they talked to the hostess.

  Chapter 10

  "What is wrong?" Dar immediately sensed my distress.

  Jimmy.

  What is wrong with James? Dar was facing me and couldn't see toward the door.

  Nothing. Yet.

  I watched as the hostess seated them in a booth and ducked when Jimmy looked around. I wasn't sure if he had seen my car in the parking lot, or if he was just checking out the restaurant for anybody he knew. He probably didn't want it getting back to me that he was having lunch with a hot blonde.

  Oh, Jimmy. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. You chose the wrong restaurant today, my friend.

  "Can I get you guys anything else?"

  I'd been so focused on boring a hole through Jimmy's skull with my dagger-vision, I hadn't heard Chelsea sneak up on us. "Just the check, please," I said without taking my eyes off the scene unfolding across the restaurant.

  "Everything okay?"

  I finally tore my eyes from my Jimmy and nodded politely at Chelsea. "Yeah."

  "Okay. I'll be right back with your check and T-shirts." She smiled and grabbed our empty plates, heading back toward the kitchen.

  Dar turned around and looked over the back of the booth. "Is Jimmy with that woman? Is that why you are staring?"

  "Yeah," I whispered, unnecessarily. They were far enough away I could have banged Dar on the table, and they wouldn't have heard. If Jimmy laid so much as a finger on the woman, the theory might actually get tested.

  "Do you wish to leave?"

  "Wild horse demons with barbed chains couldn't drag me away."

  "Why does it always have to be about demons?"

  "Sorry."

  "Do not be. I find it funny."

  "You're distracting me."

  "Would you like for me to spice up their lunch date?"

  "It's a date?"

  "Is it not?"

  "I don't know. I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt, but the angry monster inside me wants to bite him in places he wouldn't want to be bitten."

  "This is James you are talking about. He might like it."

  "True. What do you mean by spice?"

  "I could turn into a hell hound and render the flesh from her bones as James watched in horror."

  "Too spicy. Got anything medium or mild?"

  "I could do the same thing, but instead of mutilating her, I could do it to his vehicle…"

  "We'll call that Plan B. If it turns out he is on a date with that…woman, you are cleared for launch."

  "Roger."

  "I should ask my mother if she knows any good impotence spells. Or, I could spell her skirt to smell like carp. I got Josie with that one in high school."

  "Carp?"

  "It's a fish."

  "You did this as an attractant?"

  "Deterrent. You see… Wait. Never mind. Fish smell gross."

  "Ah."

  "Maybe I'll just turn them both inside out."

  "Would that not be a little permanent?"

  "So would cheating on me."

  "Do you not have four lovers?"

  "Shut up with your logic. Jealousy is lawless. He touched her hand!" I nearly shot out of the booth, but Dar quickly stopped me with a hand on my arm.

  "Do not do anything rash. It might have been a simple gesture."

  "Gonna gesture my foot up his ass if he does it again."

  "Again. This is James. He might enjoy–"

  "Shush. I'm concentrating. That would distract me."

  "My apologies."

  "What can I do? Hmmm."

  Jimmy threw his head back and laughed heartily. He was having way too much fun. The blond gave him a goofy smile, whispered something across the table, and my boyfriend nodded at her. His voice, much deeper and stronger than hers, carried across the restaurant and bored into my skull. "I missed you, too. And I love you, too. Sorry it took so long."

  My heart stopped. Icy veins of anger, betrayal, and hatred gripped my heart and tightened relentlessly. My vision went from red to black.

  Chelsea stopped at our table again and dropped off the check and our T-shirts. "I'll be right back to pick that up. Just need to go take their order real quick." She motioned toward my boyfriend and his lunch date.

  A flash of inspiration struck. A flash of wicked, delightfully evil, inspiration.

  "Chelsea, do me a favor?"

  "Sure. What do you need?"

  "Do you have a pen?"

  She reached into her pocket and pulled one out, holding it out proudly in front of her. I took it from her and stared at it, focusing my intent. An intent to release a spell when it was dropped. A spell that wouldn't harm my soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend, but would get my point across while hopelessly ruining his lunch tryst.

  "Pléisiúr," I whispered to the harmless ball point pen and let all my rage and intent settle upon its innocuous white plastic before handing it back to Chelsea. It wouldn't go off in her hand, my intent had been clear. "The gentleman whose order you are about to take. You will remember him from last week. That's my boyfriend. Would you do me a favor and just accidentally drop this pen in his lap?"

  "Did you just spell it?"

  "Yes."

  "You're a witch?"

  "Yes."

  "Cool. It won't hurt him or make a mess of the restaurant? The boss would kill me."

  "Nope. The mess will be localized to the inside of his pants."

  "Oh, my. He's not going to shit himself, is he?"

  "No! Damn. I wish I had thought of that first. No. Just drop it and watch the fireworks."

  "Fireworks?"

  "You'll see. And there's a hundred buck tip in it for you for doing it."

  "You should have said that first. I wouldn't have asked any questions." She chuckled evilly and headed their way.

  "Should I turn around and watch the show?"

  "You'll be able to hear it. Act natural."

  "I shall do my best."

  Chelsea introduced herself to Jimmy and the skank. She waited until they placed their drink order and then let the pen roll over the back of her hand…

  An evil grin crept up my face in sync with the tumbling pen. It struck the table and bounced, and my grin was replaced with shock, but it must have landed in his lap. I couldn't see most of him, just the back of his head until it tilted back, and a groan escaped his lips as he looked up at the antlered chandelier suspended above.

  He started convulsing as my magic concentrated on firing every nerve ending in his lap, sending electrical signals to the pleasure centers of his brain. "Fuuuuucck," he called out, and every other customer in the restaurant turned and stared in his direction. Even Dar stood and turned, kneeling with one leg on the bench beneath him.

  "Uh, Dot…"

  "Huh. Musta poured too much juice into my spell."

  "Don't cast angry?"

  "Something like that."

  We watched with growing concern as Jimmy continued shaking and shouting obscenities for over a minute. Even Chealsea began to back away as Jimmy's lunch date got up and stared at him in absolute horror…and disgust?

  "Why does she look grossed out?"

  "I have no idea," Dar answered. "Usually humans look upon sexual pleasure with interest. She does not look li
ke she will be ordering food."

  "That would suck if they were related or something…"

  Dar's head turned and he cocked an eyebrow.

  "Oh, shit. Maybe I should have found out who she was first. But I lost it when he said that he loved her, too."

  "You mean like how sometimes family members express themselves to one another?"

  "Fuck. Fuckity fuck, fuck fuck."

  "You might wish to check upon your lover."

  "No. No way! Let's get out of here." I frantically started waving at Chelsea. She noticed the movement out of the corner of her eye and practically ran over to our table.

  "Is he going to be okay?"

  "Once the magic runs its course. Here. Pay our bill so we can get out of here!"

  "Right away."

  She ran to the bar, the closest credit card machine and started frantically punching buttons just as Jimmy fell over sideways. His legs were sticking out of the booth into the aisle, still shaking. I knew he was still alive because he was cursing and clawing at the top of the booth.

  Hurry, I mouthed at Chelsea. She pointed at the machine and shrugged.

  "He is going to end your existence. If he ever stops orgasming."

  "Give her a hundred-dollar tip. You sign my name. I'll be out in the car," I said and started sneaking toward the door.

  "Dorotheaaaaaaaa…" Jimmy turned my name into a curse. He knew who was responsible without seeing me. I should have used a different spell.

  I ignored his plea and kept heading for the door, my head tilted low. I glanced over to make sure I hadn't been seen and my eyes locked with a very angry blonde woman.

  "Red hair?" She looked down at Jimmy.

  "Yessssss!"

  She curled her finger at me and pointed at the floor in front of her.

  Busted, Dar's voice rang in my head.

  Shut up.

  I trudged over to the angry blonde and the convulsing boyfriend. Slipping into the empty booth next to theirs, I kneeled on the seat and looked over the edge. "Oh. Hey, Jimmy."

  "Why?"

  "Um. Not really sure. Seemed like a good idea at the time? You okay?"

  His convulsions slowed to quivers and he stared up at me, a tad bit angry. "What. What were you…thinking," he said with one last spasm. The front of his jeans was completely soaked. The scent of semen and steak filled the air. Not the most appetizing of combinations. He started to sit up and I reached down to offer him my hand, but he looked at it suspiciously.

  "April fools?"

  "It's December."

  "Smile, you're on candid camera?"

  "Show went off the air decades ago."

  "It made a brief reappearance in the Nineties."

  The blonde coughed, still standing away from the table.

  "Dot, this is my cousin, Sherry. She's my lawyer."

  "Cousin."

  "Yes."

  "Oops."

  "Dorothea Blackwell, sit down."

  "Uh… I got Dar with me, and you're not really supposed to have dogs in restaurants…"

  "The bill is paid, Master. Here is your T-shirt." Dar walked up to us, quite human. Elvish. Whatever, he only had two legs.

  "Thanks, traitor."

  Jimmy looked apologetically at his cousin. The lawyer. Not his girlfriend. "Sherry, how about we skip lunch today?"

  "That sounds like a good idea. I'll start with the Fire District depositions after the weekend. Call me if you need anything. Oh, and Jimmy, no woman should ever have to watch her cousin make that face. See you, sweetie."

  "Thanks, Sherry."

  "Dorothea? Pleasure meeting you," she said and walked around me, avoiding looking at me, as well as touching me. I didn't blame her. I suddenly didn't want to touch myself either. I closed my eyes and groaned internally like a wounded caribou.

  "Since my cousin graciously drove me here, would you mind taking me home? I need a shower. And a cigarette."

  "She forgot she drove you here, didn't she?"

  "Probably not. She's human. Witch stuff freaks her out," he said and got out of the booth.

  "I'm really sorry."

  He just nodded.

  "What do you need a lawyer for?"

  "I was let go from the fire department. Permanently."

  "Oh." I didn't know what else to say. Instead, I let it go. He would talk when he was ready.

  He didn't speak to me the entire ride to his house. Dar just sat in the back seat, smirking at me in the rearview mirror relentlessly. When I pulled into the driveway, I put it in park and waited for him to get out. He sighed heavily.

  "Thanks for the ride."

  "Jimmy…"

  "Yes, Dot?"

  "I'm really sorry."

  "Me, too."

  He got out of the car and shut the door. It was official. He was pissed. Angrier than I had ever seen him. Jimmy didn't get angry, he got horny. I guess he got it all out of his system in the restaurant.

  I was starting to fear an end to our relationship when he stopped halfway to his door and turned around. I rolled down the window. "I'm not mad," he called out. "Just hurt. You should know me way better than that, and it kills me that you didn't." He turned around and finished walking to his front door.

  And I watched him go.

  He had his hand on the handle, key inserted when I grabbed the door handle. For the life of me, I couldn't open my door. My heart wouldn't let me. I'd screwed up so bad, and I knew it. It seemed to be my modus operandi lately. If I got out of the car, I would end up just begging for forgiveness and it wouldn't mean shit. I needed to make it up to him.

  "You're really going to let him go?"

  "Yeah. I was a complete twat waffle. I'll let him cool down before I beg him not to dump my stupid ass."

  "That might not be a bad idea. He didn't look like he was in a forgiving mood."

  "I don't think he was lying. He isn't mad. He's hurt."

  "Next time, get the whole story before you blow somebody's crotch up."

  "You getting in the front?"

  "No. It is not that far."

  "Hey, Dar?" I put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway with a wistful sigh.

  "Yes?"

  "Thank you for forgiving me."

  "Hard not to. You are a victim of your own stupidity. The quicker the others realize that, the happier they shall be."

  "Gee, thanks."

  "You are welcome."

  We were pulling into the driveway when I finally asked Dar what had been bothering me the entire ride home. "He will forgive me though, won't he?"

  "He loves you. You need to trust him, and the rest of them, more."

  "I know. Tell the little green bitch inside me that."

  "I'm telling you. You need to be in control of all of you at all times. Just like the hunger. When she surfaces, take control. Do not use her as an excuse."

  "But she's so… Gah. You're right."

  "Of course."

  Chapter 11

  I was using my need to recruit an army to get the hell out of my house and to quit obsessing over the look of utter hurt Jimmy had on his face. A trip to Faerie seemed like a damn good plan. Unfortunately, I had no idea where my house was in relation to Faerie, but I didn't care. I'd waited long enough, and I needed to save Jaeren. My grandmother had been brilliant with her strategy of asking Glabrielle for help.

  Reaching out with one hand, I slid my finger through the air, ripping a hole through the space-time continuum, or at least the veil separating the human realm from Underhill. Purple liquid-mist rushed to fill the void, effectively obscuring my vision.

  "You ready?" I looked over my shoulder at Dar and Yuki.

  "Do you promise not to die or get hurt?" Yuki pulled her jacket closed and zipped it up.

  "I don't promise, but I promise to try to not to."

  "Good enough."

  Dar just nodded in his canine form. He was hesitant to travel back in the elven form he had stolen from one of the guards he'd eaten. I didn't blame him.
With our luck, he'd run into the guys twin brother or something and wreck our treaty.

  "Let's go," I said and led the way through.

  Apparently, my house was in the middle of absolutely fucking nothing in Faerie. Spinning around and looking for recognizable landmarks wasn't helping, either.

  What are you doing?

  "Trying to figure out which way to go. I'm completely lost."

  I noticed you got lost in Walmart, too. The castle is that way. Dar looked to his right and gave a little doggy snort of laughter.

  "Yeah, well. You can probably smell it or something like that. I'd know which direction to go if I had a super sense of smell."

  Trust me. It is not always a blessing. Especially in Walmart.

  "Ew. Yeah."

  "He's right. It's gross," Yuki added.

  "We should have brought Shea," I said wistfully, dreading the walk. "Or my car." I felt bad, I'd been in such a rush to get Jimmy out of my head, I hadn't even considered bringing Shea. It was probably for the best. He was half dark elven and even Glabrielle might not take too kindly to his presence. I didn't want him getting hurt. Ever.

  "It's like a half a mile to the pub, which is the clearing. The castle itself is only about another half a mile from there. Don't forget we took the long way the last time."

  "Yeah, yeah. I remember, Miss Goatpuncher."

  "I hope he's okay. I felt really bad."

  "Mean old vampire."

  Someone is coming.

  Dar was focused on the edge of the woods straight ahead. Looking up, I had absolutely no chance of seeing anything that far away. "What is it?"

  If I knew, I would have said what was coming.

  "Do you hear it or smell it?"

  Hear. Wind is behind us. Probably what alerted them to our presence. Your perfume is…

  "What, Dar? My perfume is what?"

  "Strong," Yuki said with a chuckle. Dar just nodded.

  "I hate you people."

  "No, you don't. You wuv us. Especially Blue Boy."

  "Blue Boy?"

  "Seriously? You want me to explain? Dar. He's blue and a boy."

  "That's the best you could come up with? Blue Boy?"

  "Not all of us are as witty and charming as you, Boss."

  "Damn right."

  Elves. Should we hide?

  "Probably a little late now. Maybe they know a shortcut to the castle."