by J. P. Rice
A man could live purely without sin for forty straight years. But if one random day he murdered someone, he would be forever branded as a murderer.
Good acts didn’t erase bad acts. My homicide was going to trail me like an unwelcome shadow for the rest of my days. The only question was how many more days did I have left?
An engine that sounded like a tank filled my ears and signaled that Felix was here. His vintage purple hearse had a custom Chevy 350 Vortec engine that could be heard from blocks away. He pulled up in front of my house and revved the motor a few times. It growled like a wild animal.
I jumped in the passenger seat and was happy to find that he had the air conditioning cranked up. He was wearing a full-length protection suit with an attached hood, similar to mine. My black suit had been covered in rune symbols and blessed by the Celtic Gods. My suit had been damaged during the last few brawls, but it kept me safe from many things. Except for the heat.
I broke the tense silence. “What’s going on?”
“Ready for some action is all.” He pulled his vape pen out of the center console.
My feet bounced up and down in anticipation of some action. I reached in my pocket and pulled out the scrap of paper with the address on it. “Me too. If we can just rescue Cyclone Woman, we don’t have to worry about the Seven Sorcerers anymore.”
“Are you sure this is the right address?” Felix asked and hit his vape pen. He exhaled and it smelled minty this time.
I blew some of the smoke away from my face. “I got it from one of the Gods. There’s no way Blodeuwedd would be setting me up.” Right?
He nodded as he pulled a shady U-turn. The length of the vehicle caused it to jump up onto the curb. We narrowly missed a parked car as we jerked back onto the street.
Felix took a deep breath and said, “I wouldn’t think that the Goddess would set you up either. My concern would be whether she had been handed some faulty information. You said she controls all the winged creatures around Pittsburgh. Why are they all loyal to her?”
That was a damn good question. “Huh. I never really thought about that. I’d expect that Blodeuwedd had checked it out for herself before passing it along. No. We can’t have any doubts. I’m positive the address is correct.”
Felix steered with one hand and used the other one to tap the mouthpiece of his vape pen on his lower lip. “You don’t sound too sure of that.”
I didn’t want any bad juju going into a fight. “I am positive. Just drive. Don’t overthink.”
“Would you rather I underthink?” He laughed, and it broke the tension.
I was nervously excited about busting down the door of some legendary sorcerers. Action was my specialty. The energy equated to the feeling you had before a big sporting event. Butterflies. Cement mixer stomach. Hands sweating. The calm before the storm.
You never knew if you were going to come out on top when fighting the best of the best. One slip here or one wrong move there and death would soon follow. It was an unforgiving game of life or death. Not for everybody.
I also had the implant to worry about. It could go off at any time and turn me into a monster. In this scenario, maybe it would be beneficial. We neared the neighborhood and Felix hit his vape pen again. He exhaled another huge hit, filling the car with minty smoke.
My finger fumbled around the cloud covered power window button. I fanned away the smoke, zeroed in on the button and lowered the glass a crack. The fog inside the car raced toward the opening filtering out into the Pittsburgh sky.
We pulled onto the street and parked about five houses away from our true destination. I swallowed the lump in my throat and shook out the nerves. Game time. We got out and tried not to stand out.
I looked closely at the scrap of paper. 334 Forester Drive. Holding it closer to my face to be certain, I confirmed it was 334.
I took a few nonchalant glances and the house was quite unassuming. Ranch style brick house at the base and vertical panes of blue siding covered the upper half to the roof. Plain white front door. Well-kept lawn and nice landscaping with fresh mulch around the newly planted shrubbery.
Nothing jumped out at me. No cars in the driveway but that didn’t mean there couldn’t be a supernatural party inside. I drew on my magic as I stared at the garage door and wondered if there were any vehicles inside. It didn’t matter anymore. We were going in no matter what. It would be nice to know what we were walking in on, though.
Felix cracked his neck and stretched out his arms. As he rolled his shoulders, he asked, “What’s the plan?”
We had driven up here mostly in silence, but I was a fly by the seat of my pants kind of guy. “I was thinking we bust in, kill all the sorcerers and free Cyclone Woman.” I shrugged my shoulders.
“Any specifics?” he asked.
I thought for a few moments. “Don’t die. You should try not to do that.”
Staring at the house, he shook his head. “Psshh. So we’re winging it again. Great.”
“It’s never failed us before, kid,” I busted out my Bogart accent for added effect but Felix didn’t get it. We walked toward the house in our skintight body suits. Our only real excuse was that we were practicing yoga at somebody’s house.
Just like a football game, you never knew what your opponent would throw at you in a magic brawl. Offense. Defense. Were they going to run the ball? Pass it? Trick play? It made matters even worse that I wasn’t familiar with any of the sorcerers’ talents or weaknesses. Preparation was important for magic battles too.
That was why I shied away from interviews and didn’t talk to the press about my moves. I left that for Felix. Although I wanted to be known as a legendary wizard eventually, I didn’t like all the attention and questions. If your enemy is familiar with your strengths, he or she can easily turn them into weaknesses.
I pulled the hood over my head and we infiltrated the front yard. The front windows were covered with curtains, so we rushed up the stone walkway toward the porch. I could feel my heartbeat in my ears as we jumped up the three stairs, landed on the front porch and stood right outside the front door.
With a shaky hand, I opened the glass screen door without making a peep. Using my shoulder, I held open the screen door and twisted the knob with my other hand. Locked. No deadbolt. “Hold the screen door for a second.”
Felix grabbed the screen door. I altered the dimension of my vision to check for defense wards and was surprised to find that there weren’t any. Seemed sloppy or intentionally sloppy, indicating a set up.
Thinking quickly, I manipulated the elements in the air to create a gelatinous pocket to push inside the lock. The squishy solid was just firm enough to sink into the opening, but also strong enough to push the levers. At least, I hoped so as I bit my bottom lip and turned the opaque object. Click. Nodding to Felix, I pushed on the front door.
We stormed in ready for the brawl of the century. Magic flowing, I spun around searching for the enemy. The foyer and front room were empty. Not just of people, there was no furniture in the room. Just a hardwood floor and dark gray walls.
I held my hand up for Felix to remain still and he obeyed. Using my index finger, I pointed to my ear. A few moments of silence passed, then Felix shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. I whispered, “I don’t hear anything either.”
We tiptoed down a hallway with closed doors on either side. Russian roulette, huh? I put the metaphorical bullet in the chamber, spun the cylinder and locked it into place. Felix put his hand on the first door knob, and squeezed the trigger.
He pushed the door open and poked his head in. His head popped back out and he said, “Empty.”
I took three steps up the hallway to the next door on the left side. My turn to pull the trigger. I turned the golden knob and simultaneously pushed against the door. Leaning in, I only saw a messy bed with the sheets and blanket on the floor. I exhaled and my chest buzzed from the anticipation.
I was ready to scream out loud to get this brawl underway. T
his was killing my nerves. One last door at the end of the hall. I stopped for a second and noticed the hallway transitioned into a living room with a fireplace. Huh. I didn’t remember seeing a chimney. Maybe it was a fake one for ambience.
I took the lead for the next trigger pull. Positioning myself near the door knob, I prepared to make it a one step process. My shoulder leaned against the door and I was ready. I twisted the knob, shoved my body forward and my head and torso popped into the room.
There she was. Cyclone Woman. At least, I assumed it was her.
She was gagged and tied up in the corner of the room. The immortal spirit in human form had dirty black hair braided in pigtails, but they were moving around, almost dancing rhythmically.
The tiny woman wore a tan leather dress that was ornamented with an abstract floral design, a hemp necklace and a silver choker above it. Her dark brown eyes appeared to be screaming in desperation for her mouth to say something. However, with the gag in place, her thick, deep burgundy lips only trembled as she probably wondered who the hell we were.
Felix announced, “They even have a complex ward around the gag. We don’t have time to untie her now. I’ll scoop her up.”
True to his word, the mage’s shoes slid across the hardwood floor, came to a squeaky stop, and he hooked his arms under Cyclone Woman. He picked her up as if she was as light as a feather. I held the door open as Felix twisted his body sideways to make sure Cyclone Woman got safely through the frame.
He walked in front of me at a smart pace and showed no signs of slowing down. Felix and Cyclone Woman got to the end of the hallway as the front door opened. Before I could even snap my fingers, four people stood in the foyer to the house.
Chapter 15
If only we had started with the door at the end of the hallway first. Too late to think about that now. Felix moved behind me and set down Cyclone Woman. I ran into the open room in the front of the house to draw in the sorcerers and keep them away from Cyclone Woman.
A woman with the face of a fox entered the open room first. Tamamo no Mae wore a green kimono with black dragons on it. Her furry fox breasts were spilling out of the top of the robe. She had a normal fox head with black human hair that had been wrapped around her head to hide her ears. Her hands were hidden inside the sleeves of her kimono.
Then came Kobayashi. He threw his top hat aside and stared at me crazily with all three of his eyes. I averted my gaze back to his wife. Tamamo no Mae dove at me, tucked her body and did a mid-air front somersault. Landing on her front shoulders, she rolled over and sprang to her feet.
Her furry toes pivoted, turning her back on me. One of her tails lashed out and swatted me across the mouth. The contact hit my bottom lip and as it pressed against my tooth, it drew some blood. I spat the thick red wad against the drab gray wall. She unleashed another attack and I ducked.
One of her nine tails swung out at me, grazing my hair as I was on the way down. I bounced back up like a springboard, kicked forward and planted the bottom of my shoe in the small of her back. The small woman flew forward and rammed into Kobayashi.
The two tumbled to the ground and I prepared for the real brawl. I formed two fireballs in the palms of my hands and held them out for my enemies to see. Felix released a warrior scream from the hallway and I hoped he was all right. I kind of had my hands full too.
Kobayashi’s eyes grew wider. All three of them. Disturbingly wide. He said, “You’ve killed your best friend recently. And one in the past. Make that three best friends.”
“You son of a bitch.” I heaved a fireball at his face from close range. There was no way he could avoid the baseball-sized orb of fire as it blazed toward him.
The crazy mofo opened his mouth as wide as an open bear trap. The fireball the size of a baseball flew right into his mouth. The son of a bitch inhaled or ate the concentrated flames. He stared at me with a sick smile spread across his face and breathed fire like a dragon.
Using a bowling motion, I threw the other fire ball at his knees. As the flames closed in on him, Tamamo no Mae turned to the side and leaned down. Her tails started moving in a chopping motion, erect and constantly swinging. The fireball crashed into her wild tail movement. The nine tails acted to chop up the ball of flames into tiny, innocuous particles floating in the air, until it fully dissipated.
Another battle scream from Felix gave me the confidence that we were leaving here with Cyclone Woman. These jagoffs weren’t as powerful as the legend would have it.
That thought was the exact moment when the implant kicked in. A tight feeling pulsed in my calf. My arms and legs were no longer mine. They belonged to somebody else. I stood completely still and wondered what Montidore had planned this time.
Kobayashi took two steps forward and backhanded me. My head whipped to the side and I tasted some more salty blood. The motion moved my head toward the door opening in the room.
Felix popped in and his wide eyes landed on Tamamo no Mae. He yelled, “Ooohhh, foxy lady. I’m coming to get you next.”
If I were in my right mind, I would probably be rolling on the floor laughing. Instead, my feet were cemented to the floor and I was at the mercy of several black magic sorcerers and a devil. Felix disappeared. Still unable to move my neck, my wandering eye shifted back on my enemies.
Felix’s voice sounded from the hallway, “I killed one of them, but I don’t know how much longer I can do this. My tank’s running low and they got Cyclone Woman back into that room.”
I couldn’t say a word. I wanted to. I wanted to scream to Felix to get the fuck out of here because I would be useless from here on out. I was more like an albatross right now.
If a monster like me died so a good white hat like Felix would survive, it would be worth it. Unfortunately, I had absolutely no control over that matter now.
Tamamo no Mae spun around and her tails came at me like a whirling dervish, slapping the shit out of me as they rang off the side of my head. She loved that fucking thing. I just stood there and absorbed every single smack. Every last eye watering, brain jarring, tooth loosening, hard as a cast iron frying pan whack.
As soon as she finished the furious assault that left me discombobulated, Kobayashi crouched down and sprang forward with his hands in front of him. The bottoms of his palms drove into my sternum and launched me backward. My shoulders crashed into something that gave way and the sound of shattering glass rang in my ears.
I flew backward through the large glass window and landed in the fine mulch that smelled like steamy shit. As I tried to get up from the moist manure covered lightly with mulch, the earth started to rumble and quake.
The tremors only lasted for a few seconds, which could only mean one thing.
Artoise. My guardian angel had arrived on the scene. This was the first time he could really help me. Artoise had the ability to stop time for one minute and only I could move during his visits. Everyone else remained completely still. I stood up and, holy shit, I was in control of myself again. Hot damn.
The holographic vision of Artoise appeared in the front lawn. Artoise Saint Delacroix was a tall, thin, olive-skinned Parisian with a bald head. He was wearing his normal attire, sandals and a burgundy robe.
He staggered toward me. “Mike, you need to get the fuck out of here.” His breath reeked like the inside of a Gin bottle.
As I picked some broken glass from my suit, I explained, “I can’t. Felix is still inside.”
“Right. Smart thinking. You need to steal his keys because he drove,” he slurred his words. “Hurry up.”
Apparently, he’d never heard the phrase ‘no man left behind.’ Well, it meant something to me. “What? No. I’m not stealing his car and leaving him here. That’s cowardly. He wouldn’t do that to me.”
“You sure about that?” he asked, leaning his glistening forehead forward.
Come to think of it, he had wanted payment for most of our exploits. No. Not right now. “Yes. I’m sure. I’m going back in. Later.”
“Just thought I would help you for fox sake.” Artoise laughed. “Get it, because you were just slapped around by those fox tails.”
And now my drunken guardian angel had transitioned into a comedian. I needed to talk to the Celtic Gods about trading Artoise in for someone else. “Yeah, no, I got it. You’d probably like Felix. He’s got jokes too. You guys would get along. See ya.”
Artoise waved in silence and I jumped back into the action.
I climbed through the broken window to get back inside. Landing on the hardwood, I continued to the hallway. Holy shit. Felix was telling the truth. One of the sorcerers sprawled out on the ground appeared dead. His blackened flesh started smoking and I realized we were back in real time.
I yelled to Felix, “We gotta get out of here. We can’t win right now.” I wasn’t sure if the implant would take control again so leaving was the best option right now.
“Fuck. Yeah. Lead the way,” he yelled, out of breath.
I noticed the happy couple had moved to the foyer to block our exit through the front door. Felix fired a frozen orb at Yabe or Sakai (I wasn’t sure who was who) to distract him. I grabbed my friend’s shirt and dragged him into the abandoned room. I asked, “Can we get to Cyclone Woman and get her out of here?”
“No way. We would die trying,” he confirmed what I’d thought. Escape was our only option.
As I pushed him toward the broken window, I pointed and said, “Go through here. I’ll follow you.”
The shorter Felix hooked his leg outside and straddled the pane before swinging his other leg through the opening. I followed him out and ducked a flaming lightning bolt. I put my hand on the grass for support and pushed myself back up. We dashed for his car. Peeking over my shoulder, it didn’t look like the sorcerers had come outside but I only caught a cursory glance.
We made it to the car and Felix fumbled in his pocket for the keys. It was hard to pry items out of the pockets on these suits, but we were like sitting ducks right now. He looked up with concern dashing in his eyes. “Bro, the keys are inside the house.”