by J. P. Rice
Charon saw us coming and hopped into his boat. He took his oar and laid it across his shoulders. The ferryman twisted his back, left and right, stretching out his body in preparation for the trip back across the Styx.
Artoise said, “I can’t believe you got it. Way to go. Was it hard?”
I felt for the tooth again for some reassurance. “I went through some shit to get it. No more than normal though.”
“Speaking of shit. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you stink,” Artoise said, fanning his hand in front of his nose.
I imagined there was still some funk caught in the folds of my robes. “Yeah, well. It’s a small price to pay to get the curse on my children lifted.”
Artoise’s eyes widened but only opened about halfway. “You saw the sorcerer too. Wait, you better tell me all the details, so I can tell the Gods that I went in with you.”
“It’s a long story.”
“Wait, I have a better idea,” he said, sitting down in the boat. “Why don’t you go back to Clara Spiritus and say that I got trapped down here? Then I can return to earth and finally have some real fun. I’ll come back in a few weeks. I promise.”
That was a dangerous proposition to say the least. “So you just want to quit being my guardian angel?”
He looked out over the water and said, “Mike, no offense, but it’s a boring job and anyone can do it. I just sit around watching a screen of your life. It’s not you, it’s the job itself. It sucks.”
He was laying it on thick. I had to remain strong. “I can’t just let you free with your problems.”
“Maybe I can work my problems out if I can just get back to earth. The Gods keep us cooped up in stone rooms. I just want to smell the fresh air. Maybe pick a flower from the ground and rub it between my fingers. You owe me this,” he begged in a strange passive-aggressive way and getting angry at the end.
I immediately rebutted his statement, “First off, I don’t owe you anything.”
Artoise pleaded, “What about all the times I tried to help you out? You never really used it, but I was looking out for you.”
“Sorry to turn your own line around on you, but you would have done that for whomever you were watching. In addition to that, you are asking me to lie to the Gods. I shouldn’t have to tell you how that puts me in a terrible position.”
“Come on. Come on,” he begged, folding his hand in front of his chest. “I won’t get into any trouble. Look at how I was back at the bar. I’m a jolly drunk, not a destructive one.”
Artoise would have been kicked out of Clara Spiritus if he had caused any serious trouble that stemmed from drinking. I reluctantly said, “And you will return to Clara Spiritus in two weeks?”
He held his right hand up as if he was swearing an oath. “I promise, Mikey.”
“I still haven’t decided, but you need to stop calling me Mikey. It reminds me of my father. What if they give me a bad guardian angel and I get into trouble? Is this brief time on earth worth letting me die? I’m going to Sleepy Willow to rescue a prisoner of the king. I could really use my guardian angel.”
“I can’t even get into Sleepy Willow. So this would be perfect.”
I couldn’t believe I was even debating this. Although Artoise was a good man, he had a serious drinking problem. And I didn’t want to lie to the Gods. However, if Artoise got his two weeks on earth, it might help him become a better guardian angel. Because, if I could be honest for a brief moment, Artoise wasn’t very good at his job.
His alcoholism and proneness to passing out drunk had forced him to miss several dangerous moments when I needed help. I hated to even think about this, but I could get a better guardian angel out of the deal. Slowly, I was convincing myself this was a good idea.
The boat floated away from hell, bobbing up and down in the murky waters with intermittent flaming bodies swimming above the surface. I had Cerberus’s tooth in my robes, but I had angered Lucifer, Belphegor and possibly the Morrigan. Nothing ever seemed to come easy.
I decided to wait until we got back to the portals to tell Artoise that he could frolic on earth for a fortnight. The Frenchman hummed a song under his breath as Charon used the oar to push a fiery dead body out of our path.
We arrived at the other side and Charon pulled the boat up to the dock. He swung the oar over the docks and hooked it on the wooden plank. Charon pulled on the long wooden oar and the boat coasted flush against the dock.
Artoise got out first and I followed him onto the floating dock. I turned back to Charon. “Thank you for the passage, my good man. I hope your job gets better or that you one day can escape this world.” One never knew when an enemy could become an ally. Courtesy could go a long way in the business I was in.
In silence, Charon nodded and pulled his hood down, nearly covering his haunting eyes. The ferryman pushed the boat back into the water, turned it around and headed back to hell.
Chapter 11
“How did you lose Artoise?” screamed Mabon, his voice cracking. The immortal God who had adventured with the Knights of the Round Table still sounded like he was going through puberty.
I watched the flickering torches ensconced in the walls of the small room that had been chiseled out of the mountain. I’d returned to reclaim my body at Clara Spiritus, the home of the Celtic Gods. Mabon gave the pantheon some Welsh influence and the ageless wonder appeared younger than me.
I knew it was a bad idea to let Artoise loose in Pittsburgh. I held my hands out and shrugged my shoulders. “Like I said, we got separated during the fight with Cerberus and I couldn’t find him. Do you want me to go back and find him? I will.” I cocked my head to the side and widened my eyes in a ‘don’t tempt me to do it’ manner.
Mabon tugged at his shaggy blond hair and turned away from me. His voice bounced off the stone walls, “No. No. Perhaps I’m overreacting. He was shite at his job anyway. Always drunk and behind on his reports. Did you see the Morrigan down there?”
I glanced into the corner of the room at the scowl on the face of the Goddess of Death. She turned her lower body and shoved her ass out, my card still sticking out of the top of the pocket.
“Nope,” I answered, shaking my head. Her frown melted, and her lips curled upward forming a devious smirk. Apparently, I’d done good.
Lying to one God to keep the trust of another seemed a little like robbing Peter to pay Paul, but Mabon was already indebted to me for saving his life after he had been kidnapped by the Red Cavern of demons. And not to downplay his status in the pantheon, but he wasn’t the God of Death. After thinking a lot about my own mortality lately and seeing that poker game during that lovely trip to hell, I wanted the Morrigan on my side.
Dian Cecht said, “Enough of the small talk. Are you ready to rejoin your body?”
“I guess so.” I had almost forgotten about that part of the deal. Looking at my dead body trapped in that block of ice was surreal. My mind began to panic.
The God of Healing reached into his instrument case and extracted his scepter. He waved it around in front of me and my chest tightened. The same multi-colored dust that had been injected into my soul to give it substance, was now being pulled out.
A steady stream of the glittery rainbow-colored particles streamed out of my chest and went back into the magical scepter. The tightness around my heart continued as the substance dust poured out of me. A solid minute passed, and the pain finally relented.
Dian Cecht instructed, “Now you may rejoin your body. After that, we will thaw out the ice and you should come right back to life.”
Should. I couldn’t remember the exact success rate. It was high. But it wasn’t one hundred percent. Something could always go wrong.
My soul floated above the ground and moved forward toward my body. Sliding delicately through the block of ice, my soul reconnected with my body. I felt it lock in place, and then everything went black.
Time passed. I wasn’t sure exactly how much, but it had been a while since the darknes
s. Was I dead? I couldn’t feel anything, couldn’t see anything and I couldn’t tell if I was breathing.
Voices began to echo around my head. “He’s still not breathing. He still has no heart beat.”
“I hear you. Stop repeating it and relax.”
“Should we shock him?”
A frantic voice yelled, “Not yet. If he doesn’t respond in twenty seconds, we might need to resort to that.”
“We’re losing him. All vitals are crashing.”
“Should we shock him? Mr. Cecht, I need your blessing.”
“Shock him. Shock him. I can’t believe this is happening. We’re going to lose him.”
“Get out of the way.” I heard something crash to the ground and someone scream. “Three, two, one. Clear.”
I felt a jolt in my heart. Just a spark. Like a motorcycle engine that hadn’t been started in a while, my heart resisted. The rest of my body was still numb and I remained blind.
“Here we go. Three, two, one. Clear.”
Another strike of lightning crashed into my heart. My entire chest felt like it was on fire, as if a dragon had sneaked in there and spat fire in every direction. Burning. Burning. Becoming unbearable.
My eyes blinked open. Seven doctors were hovering over me.
Dian Cecht had sweat covering his forehead and running down his cheeks. He announced, “Yes. We saved him. I knew we could do it.”
Woozy, I got up off the slab of ice and stumbled. The Dagda stuck out his arm and grabbed my robes. His arm muscles flexed as he held me up for a few moments until I regained my balance.
Dian Cecht said, “You’ll be happy to know that everything went according to plan. No problems, whatsoever.”
“Good. Thank you,” I said, bowing to all the Gods. I didn’t know why. Perhaps I thought I was back in Japan. I didn’t remember anything after my soul had rejoined my body.
Cerridwen helped me get dressed in my own clothes, smiling shyly most of the time. I thought about the journey ahead. Although I wanted to go home and sleep in my own bed for two weeks straight, time was of the essence.
Alayna was alive, but considering she was in the grips of a murderous monarch, that could change in an instant. I planned to call Felix on my way home to get some of the food and water pills for Sleepy Willow. Then, I would spend one night at home with the family. Tomorrow, I would take Cerberus’s tooth back to Sleepy Willow to gain entry and save Alayna from impending doom. The plan was finally coming together.
Chapter 12
I walked back to my car with the phone pressed against my ear. In my other hand, I rubbed Cerberus’ tooth with my thumb.
“Hello?” a raspy voice answered and yawned.
“Jonathan?”
He cleared his throat and said, “Yes. Didn’t expect you to call. I thought you’d be in Sleepy Willow by now.”
I spoke in a panic, “I’m here at the valley where the portal is supposed to be and it’s not here.”
“Slow down. What do you mean it isn’t there?” he asked slowly with a bite of anger attached to his question.
“I mean there’s no fucking portal in this fucking valley,” I yelled. I didn’t intend to go all Dean Keaton from The Usual Suspects on him, but there was no fucking coke on this fucking ship.
“All right.” He paused for a few moments and spoke in a calm tone, “Let’s settle down for a moment. Are you sure it hasn’t been moved?”
“I just searched for over an hour for the fucking thing. How could it just disappear?” I asked frantically. I couldn’t settle down when the object I needed to save my mentor just up and walked away.
“I doubt it just disappeared. Someone could have taken it.”
“How? I thought they couldn’t be moved.”
Jonathan explained, “Someone well versed in magic could compact it and carry it away like it was a feather. It would take someone extremely powerful though. Are you sure you’re in the right place?”
“I followed those directions to a T. I’m in the right place and it isn’t here. You can come check it out for yourself if you want.”
“I trust you.” The vampire sighed. “Maybe I’ll send a few of my men out there to check it out. More eyes looking around can’t hurt. If it has been stolen, the list of suspects would be endless. A portal to get into Sleepy Willow has a nice value to it.”
I didn’t understand. “How could it have a value? Aren’t there other portals to Sleepy Willow out there?”
“There sure are. However, this old vampire doesn’t know of any of them. How about you?”
I thought about how Kobayashi had created a portal to escape from the police station. I’d also witnessed Blodeuwedd create a portal for the Deep Burrow. “I can ask around, but I’ve never heard of another one.”
He yawned again and said, “Right there is the value. People, for whatever strange reason, like to go to Sleepy Willow. The thief could be charging to transfer bodies to the otherworld. It also has a great value to vampires. I won’t go into details right now, but we need to figure this out. It could be halfway across the world by now.”
Fuck. I really didn’t have time to solve a mystery right now. Especially considering the list of suspects was endless. Where could I even start? “Send your men out here to look again. I’ll search the area for clues and then I’ll contact Blodeuwedd. I’ll get her to talk to all the birds to see if my avian connection knows anything about this. I don’t have my whistle to beckon her with me, so I have to drive home and get it.”
“Why don’t you give me a call after you talk to her and we can go from there,” Jonathan suggested.
“Sounds good. Hopefully, this won’t take too long to figure out.” As soon as the words escaped my mouth, I felt like I’d just jinxed us. Nothing ever went according to plan or was solved quickly.
I searched the valley between the two mountains again and came up dry. Finding used condoms, cigarette butts and shotgun shells didn’t count.
After an hour, I was completely frustrated, gave up searching and went to my car. I cruised home in record time. Burn and Dante were out, which was odd, so I ran up to my room. I kicked the door open and went immediately to my dresser.
As I opened the middle drawer, a ray of sunshine crept in my window and shone down on the golden whistle. I opened the window and stuck my head outside into the cool winter air. Placing the device to my lips, I took in a breath. I blew into the whistle and tried to get my bottom lip to vibrate to create a mellifluous tune.
Unfortunately, it came out like all my previous attempts. Shrill and unharmonious. Luckily, the sound didn’t matter because it had attracted Blodeuwedd before.
As I waited, I decided to call Felix and see if he wanted to come along for the trip to Sleepy Willow. I dialed his number and put the phone to my ear.
“Hello?”
“Hey buddy, how’s it going?”
“Fine. What’s going on?” he asked, disinterested.
Enough beating around the bush. “I found out Alayna was alive, so I need to make a trip to Sleepy Willow.”
“What’s that got to do with me?” he asked, even more disinterested.
What a prick. I told him, “Well, I remember that plan you had a few days ago and wondered if you wanted to join me.”
“Why would I want to go on a death wish again for nothing?” he asked, and then crunched into his fingernail, causing me to cringe. He really needed to kick that disgusting habit.
Apparently, saving Alayna meant nothing to him if it didn’t involve money. “For your favorite thing in the world. Cash money. In this case it will probably be gold though. Once we unseat the king, you can have at his stash if you’d like.”
“Hmmm. That’s interesting.” Suddenly, there was life in his voice. I could picture him standing up and nodding his head in deliberation. “When are you going?”
“That is a slight problem. Do you know anything about a stolen portal to Sleepy Willow?”
Felix said, “First I’m hearing
of it right now.”
“Well, I have to find the portal before we leave. I’m hoping it will only take a few days, but I can’t be sure.” One could never be sure in this game.
“I’m going to Seattle with Fukutama on Sunday. That’s six days from now. How long do you think the trip to Sleepy Willow will take?”
He knew how this shit went. Why would he even ask that? I said, “Less than last time. I have a plan to cut the travel time down once we are there. With that said, you of all people understand that it might take longer.”
“Here’s the deal. If you can find the portal within three days, I’ll roll with you. But we need to take that return potion again. If the mission takes too long, I might have to bust out. I can’t miss this trip to see my parents.”
It just so happened that I’d crafted a new batch of return potion that would send the person to my backyard. “I understand. I’m going to need some food and water pills like we talked about, so don’t forget that. And I’ll keep you posted on what’s going on.”
“All righty then. I’ll talk to you.”
“Later,” I said and hung up the phone.
Due to his time crunch, I didn’t anticipate Felix would be able to go with me. I didn’t want to go alone, but I also didn’t want to take a pregnant Burn. Jonathan wouldn’t go with me. What about Glenda? I didn’t need to call her right now, but she was a good option to have.
I heard beating wings and turned to my open window. An owl flew in through the opening and landed on my bedroom floor. Blodeuwedd said, “I like the new place. Much nicer, and it’s secluded. Much better than that old duplex.”
I still hadn’t gotten used to hearing the Goddess’s voice coming from the owl. “I agree. So I have something I need you to check out.”
“Ooohhhh. Sounds intriguing.”
“The portal for Sleepy Willow in the Appalachian valley is missing. Do you know the one I’m talking about?”
“Are you speaking of the one in Somerset County?” she asked as she waddled over to my bookshelf.