Hearts of Fire

by L.H. Cosway

  I had enough cash to spare, so I took a taxi into the city, getting out when I arrived at the restaurant. Running my hand through my hair and hitching my bag up on my shoulder, I stepped inside and was immediately hit with the sound of male laughter. I was drawn to that sound, and as my eyes scanned the space for Matilda, I found her, but she wasn’t alone. She sat at a booth-style table beside Jay, and Jack sat on the other side, wearing a long-sleeved black T-shirt and with his hair down. My stomach tightened when I saw him, and I got the distinct sense that this was an ambush. I stood there, taking in the scene, as Jay made some kind of joke, smiling widely across the table at his brother, and Jack smirked at whatever he said.

  “I swear to God,” Jay exclaimed, gesturing animatedly with his hands. “I’m standing in front of this chick, asking her to pick a number between one and twenty, and she starts telling me about her yeast infection. I’m like, and I need to know this why? Selecting random people on the street can be fucking weird sometimes.”

  Jack laughed low and deep, and when he glanced at his brother with genuine affection in his eyes, my heart did a little somersault. I couldn’t believe the turnaround since the other night. The atmosphere between them had completely transformed. I didn’t move until Matilda’s eyes landed on me and she gave me a warm, welcoming smile. Stepping forward, I reached the table and just about managed to find my voice.

  “Uh, hi.”

  Jack’s back was turned to me, but I saw him tense the second he heard my voice. Yeah, he definitely didn’t know I was coming. I wasn’t sure whether I should be thanking Matilda or chewing her out for tricking me. Jay saw me and smiled, then gave me a little wink.

  “Hey, darlin.”

  “Lille,” said Matilda, “I’m so glad you could make it. You look gorgeous. Love your dress. Come, sit down.”

  Anxiously, I slid into the booth next to Jack, but he didn’t acknowledge me. Making sure to keep several inches of distance between us, I frowned and stared at the menu that lay on the table, trying to decide whether or not I should stay. He clearly didn’t want me here.

  “Jack,” I said quietly as I took in his handsome profile. Upon hearing his name, he turned to me, and when he met my eyes, it nearly took my breath away. They held such stark emotion that I was sure was mirrored in my own. “H-how are you?” I asked, trying for casual and failing. His gaze travelled from my face to my shoulders, and then down. I felt hot and itchy under his stare, and I could have killed to know what he was thinking.

  “I’m good, all things considered,” he answered finally, and I couldn’t read him at all.

  Jay leaned down and whispered something in Matilda’s ear. She narrowed her gaze and elbowed him in the side. “No way, Jay. I already told you no, so quit pestering me.”

  I tried to focus on them, but I was still hyper aware of every little move Jack made, every breath he took.

  “Oh, come on, Watson. You need to live a little.”

  “What’s this?” I asked, not really caring what they were talking about. I just needed to distract myself from the tension that was radiating off Jack.

  Matilda leaned in, sighed, and rested her elbows on the table. “My husband, the horndog, has been trying to convince me to join the mile-high club. I swear to God, every time we take a flight, he’s at it. Like a dog with a bone.”

  Jay barked playfully and leaned in to nip her earlobe with his teeth. Seeing them both so much in love made my current heartsickness feel that much worse. Jack was right beside me, but it felt like there was an ocean between us. I turned to look at him again and saw his lips twitch slightly at his brother’s antics. I could see in his eyes the love that was there; it even seemed like he looked up to Jay. Hardly two days had gone by, and already the dynamic they’d had as kids was returning. I imagined they must have done some serious amount of talking.

  The waiter appeared at our table then. He was a handsome Italian guy with dark eyes and dark hair, and he spoke very good English. I wasn’t even hungry and the menu was practically gibberish to me, but I forced myself to pick something. When it was my turn to order, I glanced up at the waiter for help. “Um, what is the Milanese di pollo?”

  “It’s a breaded chicken breast with salad,” he answered, giving me a warm, interested smile. Something about the way he looked at me told me he liked what he saw, and I grew uncomfortable, mainly because Jack was right beside me.

  “Oh, right, okay, that sounds good,” I said. “I’ll take that.”

  The waiter must have sensed I was ordering it for convenience, and he was right, because I wasn’t a big fan of breaded chicken. He leaned down and took the menu in his hands, holding it in front of me. “You tell me what you like and I’ll choose, yes? What is your favourite: steak, seafood, pasta?”

  “I like seafood,” I offered.

  “Ah, so how about the zuppa di pesce? It is a fish stew.”

  “That sounds good, thank you,” I replied, smiling gratefully.

  “It is my pleasure, bella ragazza,” he said, and placed his hand on my shoulder for a second. All of a sudden I felt heat at my neck, and I realised that Jack had leaned in and was resting his arm along the back of the booth. I glanced at him to see he was staring daggers at the waiter, and my pulse hammered. Whoa, he looked angry. The waiter left quickly after taking in Jack’s expression, and a quiet fell over the table.

  Matilda gave me a playful grin. “Do you know what he just called you?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know much Italian.”

  “He called you a beautiful girl. Methinks the waiter likes you, Lille.”

  I grew both tense and elated that Jack was pissed at the waiter flirting with me.

  “I was chatting with a woman in the hotel spa the other day. She’s from London, and she said she loves coming here because she gets so much attention from the men. They love the pale skin,” Matilda went on, and I had a feeling she knew exactly what she was up to. She was trying to make Jack jealous, and it seemed to be working. I stole a peek at him again, my cheeks flushing, and I found he was staring at me intensely.

  “So, tell me,” said Jay, breaking my attention away from Jack. “How did you two kids meet?”

  Jack gave him an annoyed look and remained silent, so I chose to answer, clearing my throat. “The circus was doing some shows in my hometown. I was working at my summer job in the local restaurant, and Jack used to come in a lot with Marina. She’s the ringmaster.” I could feel Jack watching me as I continued the story shyly. “I was always looking at him. I thought he was gorgeous. I dunno, I suppose you could say I had a bit of a crush.”

  Jack made a grunting sound that I wasn’t quite sure how to interpret. Jay had been grinning at me while I spoke, but now his attention went to his brother. “Oh, yeah, and what did you think of lovely Lille when you first saw her, Jack?”

  Jack didn’t answer right away, but when he did, I felt myself grow weak at his low, fervent response. “I thought she was exquisite. And not for the likes of me.”

  Jay frowned, and I was blushing even harder now. God, I loved this man so much.

  “Well, I don’t think Lille agrees with that assessment, do you, darlin?” Jay asked, focusing back on me. I shook my head and felt my body lean slightly closer to Jack’s. His fingertips brushed the back of my neck, and I sucked in a breath at the contact. The moment was broken when the waiter arrived back with our food. He didn’t flirt with me this time, not after having Jack almost glower him to death before, and left as soon as he’d distributed the plates.

  I lifted my spoon and began to eat. The stew was delicious, hot and salty. I had one hand resting on the edge of the booth and noticed that Jack’s hand rested just a few inches away. Feeling bold, I moved my hand so it rested against his. I felt the heat of his skin all the way down to my toes. A few moments passed, but he didn’t break the contact. Perhaps he craved it just as much as I did.

  Throughout the meal, I stole glances at him. I knew Jay and Matilda could see, but I tri
ed to ignore their indulgent smiles. At one point when I tried to look at Jack, I found he was already staring at me, his eyes trained on my mouth. I’d just eaten a spoonful of stew, and a little of the liquid had dribbled down my chin. Almost as though it was second nature, Jack lifted his thumb and wiped it away. I watched as he then brought his thumb to his mouth to suck it clean, and as soon as I saw him do it, I was wet and aching for him.

  “Jack,” I whispered, and moved my leg so our thighs touched.

  “What is it, flower?” he asked, just as quietly.

  “I’m sorry.”

  His lips turned down sadly. “I know you are. I know.”

  An agonising moment of quiet passed before Matilda spoke. “You know what I want to do tonight? I want to go dancing. We should all go to a club or something.”

  Jay chuckled. “Okay, Watson. Your wish is my command. Admit it, you just want to see me bust some sexy moves on the dance floor.”

  “Well, what’s the point in having a husband who can dance if I’m not going to take advantage of it every now and again?”

  Jay stared fondly down at his wife before looking to Jack. “What about you, bro? You like to bust a move, too?”

  Jack looked uncomfortable for a second, so I answered for him. “Um, have you seen him on stage? Of course he likes to dance, but it’s more like a tribal sort of thing.” I slid my pinky around Jack’s beneath the table, and he let me.

  “It’s actually called Poi dancing,” Jack explained gruffly. “It’s Maori, from New Zealand.”

  I rubbed my pinky along his, and a moment later he gripped my hand tight, giving it a squeeze. The emotions I was feeling in that moment were almost too much to bear.

  “Oh, yeah, and where did you learn how to do that?” Jay probed.

  Jack seemed embarrassed now. “I took classes.”

  Matilda leaned forward with interest. “In Dublin? Really? I didn’t know you could learn that kind of thing back home.”

  Jack’s brow crinkled slightly as he stuck his fork into his linguine. “It was combined with a belly dancing class.” He paused, frowning, but then his lips twitched. “Don’t laugh.”

  Despite Jack’s instruction, Jay let out a big chuckle, and Matilda giggled. “That’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I bet the ladies in the class were drooling all over themselves to have you there.”

  “Hey!” Jay protested, scowling impishly at his wife.

  “What?” Matilda exclaimed. “Jack grew up well. Just like you did. Never let it be said that the McCabe/Fields brothers don’t bulk up once they hit puberty.”

  “I can’t believe you’re the same girl I knew as a kid,” said Jack with a smile. “I remember you used to give me chocolate chip cookies all the time. In my head, I called you Cookie Girl.”

  “In my head, I call her something else,” Jay put in flirtatiously, and Matilda whacked him on the shoulder.

  “You always have to lower the tone,” she complained, but she was still grinning.

  Jay flashed his teeth at her as he smiled. “You love it.”

  For a second I forgot the tension between Jack and me, and soaked in the fun-loving atmosphere that simply radiated off this couple. They were so enjoyable to be around, and I was sure it was their warmth that was lessening Jack’s distance from me. I’d eaten way too much bread and olive oil, mostly out of nerves, so when it was time for dessert, I didn’t have much room left. I turned to Jack, and he must have sensed my attention because his eyes came to mine.

  “Do you want to share something? I don’t have enough room left for a full dessert,” I said, rubbing my hand over my tummy. Jack’s gaze heated up and wandered to my stomach before rising to my chest. The dress I wore was a little bit low-cut and showed what I thought was a classy amount of cleavage.

  “What do you want, flower?” he murmured quietly.

  My attention flickered to the menu. “Um, the tiramisu looks good.”

  “Then order it, and we’ll share.”

  I noticed Matilda giving me an encouraging smile, and I grew self-conscious. Still, I craved Jack’s touch like a drug, and while the brothers chatted and we waited for dessert to arrive, I tentatively leaned my head on his shoulder. After an emotional two days I was tired, and I really just wished we could go somewhere and be alone. Talk things out. I heard him let out a long sigh, and before I knew it, his big arm came down around my shoulders and pulled me in tight.

  “Awww!” said Matilda in delight the moment she saw. “You two make such a beautiful couple.”

  Jack gave his usual uncomfortable grunt, and I glanced away shyly.

  “No, seriously,” she went on. “You both look so striking together. Your colouring’s so light, and Jack’s is so dark.”

  I savoured the heat of Jack’s body and hastened a glance at him from beneath my lashes. I wasn’t expecting it when he leaned in, brought his mouth to my ear, and whispered, “She should see us when we fuck.”

  My eyes went wide, and I swear every hair on my body was standing on end. Jay was watching us with amusement, and Matilda looked like she was dying to know what Jack had said. I for one was glad that she hadn’t. It would have been mortifying. I was grateful for the distraction when the dessert arrived. Jack handed me a spoon, our fingers grazing when I took it. He watched as I dug in. I could only manage three or four mouthfuls before my stomach started to complain, so I let him finish the rest.

  After dinner Matilda used her phone to search for the nearest dance club. Apparently, when Jack told Marina about reuniting with his long-lost brother, she’d insisted he take some time off to be with him, so we didn’t need to hurry back for the show. Since Turin had been such a successful stop for the circus, I’d made enough money painting faces to justify taking another night off, too. Besides, there was absolutely nothing right then that would make me leave Jack’s side. He might have warmed up to me over dinner, but I still wanted to apologise properly. Explain that I never had any ill intentions by sending Jay his letter.

  The club we ended up in was loud and crowded. A couple of men gave me interested looks, but they quickly aimed that interest elsewhere when they saw Jack standing behind me. I hated to admit it, but I loved that he was being all possessive. It meant he still cared.

  After we all shared a drink at the bar, Jay led Matilda to the dance floor, leaving Jack and me alone for the first time that night. We stood side by side, watching the gyrating bodies, and I didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like he’d be able to hear me anyway, since the music was loud enough to wake the dead.

  I felt his hot, humid breath on my neck when he leaned down and shouted over the music, “I’m going outside for a smoke.”

  “I’ll come with you,” I shouted back, and followed him out the side of the club and into an alleyway. A couple of people hung about, smoking and chatting in Italian. I stood close to the wall and watched as Jack pulled a pack of smokes from his pocket, then used a match to light one up. He took a drag, still holding the match in his hand as the smoke rose off it slowly and drifted into the air. His eyes came to me, and they held unmistakable heat. I knew we were both remembering the same thing, our first night together, making love out in the open. He’d used a hot match against my nipples, awakening a hunger inside me I didn’t even know was there.

  He seemed taken off guard when I closed the distance between us to stand before him. Our eyes met, and there was a question in his when I took the match from him and brought it to my chest. Dragging it over the rise of my breasts, I gasped when its heat scorched my skin and heard Jack emit a strangled groan.

  “What are you doing, Lille?”

  “I miss you.”

  He dragged his hand through his hair. “I miss you, too.”

  “I’m so sorry for betraying your trust, Jack. You’re the most important person in my life, and I’ll do anything to win your forgiveness.” I continued running the match over my skin, and my nipples were rock hard beneath my bra.

  His voice was strained.
“Will you…could you stop doing that? It’s fucking distracting.”

  “I like distracting you,” I murmured.

  “You don’t have to try to distract me, Lille. It already comes natural,” he answered, his voice thick with warning. I dropped the match and let out a breath.

  “You seem happy with Jay,” I ventured.

  Jack tilted his head, staring up at the sky as he spoke. “I am happy. I’m still trying to get my head around it all. It’s kind of surreal. It’s like there’s this whole back story to our family that I never even knew about.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, Matilda and I talked last night. She told me all about it.” I paused, trying to figure out what to say next. “I shouldn’t have gone behind your back,” I told him sadly. “I should have figured out a better way.”

  “You did what you thought was right. I’m not gonna lie, Lille. I’m still fucking angry that you stole the letter. You can’t just go around meddling in people’s lives like that, but I’ll admit in this case, the end result was a good one. It wrecks me to know you took such a huge risk for me, and at the same time it makes me want to strangle someone, because shit, my words were private, and you read them.”

  I didn’t disagree with a single thing he’d said. “I’m too curious. I really didn’t read it with any kind of ulterior motives. I just wanted to know you so badly. I had such strong feelings for you even then, and I had a moment of weakness. But Jack, the pain in what you wrote wasn’t something I could ignore. I cared about you too much to just let you go on suffering, so I put myself on the line. I thought that if I could reunite you with your family, then it would be worth it, even it meant you’d hate me after. Now I understand that the way I thought was silly, because I can’t handle losing you. You’re in my skin now, Jack. You’re the love of my life, and I need you so much I can’t breathe with it.”

  A solitary tear streamed down my face, and I cursed myself for crying. I was being an emotional fool, making a show of myself in a dirty alley outside a nightclub. But then Jack was in front of me, his hard body pressing into mine, caging me in warmth as he brought his hand to my cheek and wiped away the tear.