Pretend Daddy

by Lulu Pratt

  “Would you be willing to cook meals, grocery shop, that kind of thing?”

  “Not a problem. On weekends, I was able to be more full time with the children. So, I could make breakfast and dinner, and everything in between,” she smiled excitedly, leaning forward in her seat.

  “Well, what I’m going to need is a bit unorthodox. It’ll probably be more than you’ve ever had required of you, but I guarantee I will pay better than any other gig.” I leaned forward too, trying to read her big blue eyes, but Ashley had a good poker face. She listened intently, nodding, but I didn’t see a flash of greed or even excitement when I mentioned the compensation. Feeling that I could trust her, I put all my cards on the table.

  “I’m just returned from Iraq, trying to adjust to civilian life,” I searched her eyes for any type of judgment or understanding, but again, nothing. “I have Jasper full time, but my work schedule is very hectic. I’ll need you to help me at least fifty hours per week – days, evenings, some weekends. I don’t have time to do everything, and the things I do have time for I’m not sure how to do,” I admitted. This brought a small smile to her face.

  “So, you’d want me to help around the house,” she correctly guessed.

  “I’d be more than happy to give you any type of financial assistance you need to make it happen, but I don’t know where to begin. For instance, you can hire a maid to help you out around the house, and I’ll cover that in addition to your salary,” I explained, realizing how desperate I sounded.

  I couldn’t handle my life as it was. I knew I needed help, and I wanted Ashley to be the person to do it, if she could handle all I needed her to. She nodded slowly, glancing from left to right.

  “How many bedrooms do you have?”

  “Four.”

  “I can handle a four-bedroom house. But if I needed extra help, I’d let you know,” she said flatly.

  A tip I’d read on a parent forum online came to mind. “What kind of phone do you have?”

  “Umm, I’m not sure. It’s a Samsung,” she reached for her purse.

  “I’ll buy you the newest iPhone as a bonus. Whenever you’re with Jasper, I’d like you to share your location with me. Is that okay?”

  “Yeah, that sounds like a good safety measure,” she nodded.

  She seemed to be perfect for the job, and I wanted to finalize things before she got too scared by all the requirements I had. Reaching for the stack of paperwork, I found a blank piece and slid it across the table with a pen. “I’m not sure exactly what the going rate for nannies is. If I haven’t made myself clear, I’m completely new to this. How about you write down your regular hourly rate? Hopefully, it’s not too much for me.”

  Ashley watched me closely before accepting the paper after a brief hesitation. Just as she lifted the pen, I heard a noise. Turning to see Jasper rubbing his eyes and walking down the hall, I realized nap time was over.

  “Hey, buddy,” I said.

  “Did you just wake up?” Ashley asked, moving from her seat as she made her way to Jasper. She kneeled until they were eye level and then brushed his hair from his face. He nodded, still squinting.

  “Sometimes, when I first wake up, I need a few minutes to get myself together. Do you want to come and sit with me? I just met your dad and he told me all about you.” She brought a smile to his face with her melodic voice. I watched in awe at how gentle she was with him, taking Jasper into her arms as though she’d known him forever.

  Rather than returning to the loveseat, Ashley sat on the floor, placing Jasper in her lap. A few toys sat in front of the fireplace, and she slowly introduced each one until he excitedly reached for a fire truck. It was his favorite toy at the moment, and his energy instantly picked up as she asked him to tell her about it.

  For the first time, I noticed the piece of paper folded on the coffee table. Nervously, I opened the paper, hoping her rate wasn’t astronomical. It was clear she was great with children, and I knew better applicants demanded higher rates, another tip I’d learned from the forum.

  Calculating the amount of hours I’d need her to work, I decided on a counteroffer to her hourly rate as I knelt beside her, handing the paper back to her.

  “Is it too much for you?” she asked, the uneasy smile spreading.

  “No. I was thinking we double it. And anything over forty hours will be double that. Sound good?”

  “Are you serious?”

  Finally, a reaction I could read. She was much more relaxed with Jasper in her arms. “I’m positive. Looks like Jasper wants you to take the job. Can you start tomorrow, Ashley?”

  “Tomorrow? Don’t you want to follow up with my references? I’ve never been arrested or anything, but I know you need to do your due diligence.” I couldn’t believe how sweet this girl was. There was no way the interview could have gone any better.

  “I’ll follow up, but I need you to start as soon as possible. Is tomorrow too soon?”

  “No, I can come tomorrow,” she smiled.

  “Too-marrow,” Jasper looked from me to Ashley. Our eyes locked for a second before the three of us laughed together. I felt a lot lighter knowing I had finally found the help I needed, certain this would be best for Jasper and for me.

  Chapter 5

  ASHLEY

  “GET OVER yourself,” I grumbled to my reflection.

  I’d never sat at my vanity to makeover my face before class, or made half the fuss over what to wear. But here I was, up before the sun to look my best on my first day of work. Refusing to even question if it had anything to do with my new boss and the way his quizzical eyes made my insides melt, I insisted it was all about making a first impression.

  After adding a little bronzer, eyeliner and mascara, I fluffed my blonde curls, ready to take on the day. It was the first time I would be caring for a child as young as Jasper full-time. As I’d mentioned in the interview, I’d looked after younger children before, but not for such extended periods. Toddlers had needs older children didn’t require, like constant supervision and attention. They were needy, and I didn’t want to disappoint him or his father.

  As I settled into the driver’s seat of my Honda Accord, the folded piece of paper on the passenger seat caught my attention. Backing out of the parking lot, I replayed my conversation with Jake. When he asked my normal hourly rate, I took a page out of Catharine’s book of advice and increased my normal rate by two dollars. She’d taught me it was the subtle way to negotiate in job interviews.

  My stomach had churned with anxiety, hoping I hadn’t ruined everything by requesting too much money, but then Jake offered to double it. I’d gone home to do the calculations, and if I saved aggressively and cut back on a few things, I could get into school this time next year without a problem.

  Turning down Jake’s street was like entering a fairy tale. Unlike my neighborhood, which had seen better days, his street was lined with huge houses, each accompanied by a perfectly manicured lawn. The grass was literally greener on this side of town, thanks to private lawn care services I was sure every resident employed.

  In my entire lifetime in Raleigh, I had never known anyone to have a maid. And yet, Jake offered to hire one to help me, although cleaning the house was my duty and he paid me more than enough to complete it. He lived in a different world than me, one without cares and worries, something I couldn’t fathom.

  After pulling into the driveway, I grabbed the bag I’d packed to help me get through my first day. Before I could make it to the front door, Jake was rushing out to greet me.

  “Thanks for coming so early. I have to get to work, as there’s been an emergency. I left some money on the counter and a new iPhone. You’ll have to set it up yourself. Jasper hasn’t woken up yet,” he glanced at his watch. “He should be sleeping another half hour or so. If you have any questions, just text me. My contact information is in the phone.”

  We barely made eye contact and he was on his way to the truck parked beside my Honda in the driveway. I stood in shoc
k for a moment as he pulled away so fast his tires screeched. What type of father just leaves a stranger with their two-year-old son with such little care? And where did he have to be that was so important he didn’t even kiss his son goodbye?

  These were the questions swirling around my mind when I walked into the house. Just like the others in his neighborhood, Jake’s house was massive. Though sparsely decorated, you could see the potential for it to be a wonderful family home.

  Only an hour and a half from Fort Bragg, one of the largest Army bases in the country, Raleigh was home to plenty of veterans. I’d learned in college how well they were paid. Many children of military personnel, or Army brats, as I called them, attended William Peace University with me. I envied their carefree nature, never worrying about how their tuition would be paid.

  But Jake had mentioned that he was a veteran, so I wondered what he had done to afford such a lifestyle as I quietly made my way to the kitchen. Perhaps his job today with its emergency was also part of the reason he could afford such a nice home. The kitchen was a dream place to cook – two ovens, a five-burner gas stove, a huge island covered in marble stone.

  Making my way around the cabinets, I opened one after another to learn they were all empty of food. Thankfully I found a banana in a bowl and a few packets of instant oatmeal at the back of the last one I looked in, so breakfast was covered for today. Even the refrigerator was empty, besides the boxes from takeout, coffee creamer and a few bottles of condiments.

  There was a sheet of paper on the kitchen island, with a rectangular white box beside it and a blue envelope set on top of the box. On the sheet was a loose schedule for Jasper – his wake up and bedtime, in addition to a list of his favorite foods and games to play. Thankfully, there was also a note that he was not allergic to any foods. The letter, signed by Jake, instructed me to use the stipend for groceries and anything else I thought I might need. Looking around the bare kitchen, I started jotting down items to buy.

  Inside the envelope was five crisp one hundred dollar bills. And the box beneath contained my new iPhone, as promised. I’d never had the latest phone before, so I was a bit excited to set it up. Just as I finished the long list of directions, inserting my SIM card and sharing my location with Jake, I heard a faint cry from the back of the house.

  Quickly, I made my way to Jasper, who was still rolling on his bed, fighting his sleep. His small body appeared tangled in the sheets as he whined until I began rubbing his back. Almost instantly, he calmed, returning to sleep.

  I crept out of the room, careful not to disturb him before dialing Jake’s cell. It was clear I would need to go out for groceries, but I didn’t have a car seat.

  “This is Jake,” he answered my call on the first ring.

  “Hi! It’s Ashley,” I could hear the nerves in my voice.

  “What’s up? Is everything okay with Jasper?” he asked before a loud noise in the background drew away his attention. “We need more bodies at the exit. Tell Rick to head up there and I’ll meet him as soon as I handle this crowd.”

  “Umm, I need a car seat,” I continued, unsure if he was even paying attention.

  “Right,” he said, though I wasn’t sure if he was speaking to me or the other person whose voice was clear through the receiver. “There’s a car seat in the garage. I meant to mention that in the note. The door beside the kitchen pantry leads to the garage. You can handle it from there.”

  “Okay, thanks. I’ve just got–” I started to tell him about Jasper sleeping for a bit longer when the call ended abruptly.

  Staring at the phone in disbelief, I again wondered what could be so urgent in his life that he prioritized it over his own son? His good looks were far from enough to slow the disdain that was building in my chest.

  Jake had already made it clear yesterday at the interview that he would be home late after leaving early. It was only my first day on the job and already I felt he wanted more of a foster mother than a nanny. He didn’t seem to care or have much of a relationship with the sweet boy.

  My feelings were a bit conflicted when I opened the door leading to the garage. Stacked as high as the ceiling was one box after another, all for Jasper. There were remote control cars, boxes of Lego sets, a train set and the car seat I needed.

  Slowly, I took a quick inventory of the many unused toys he’d stored in the garage to collect dust. Obviously, he was fine with spending money on his son, but that seemed to be where he drew the line. His time was off limits, and from what I’d seen, so was his affection.

  Chapter 6

  JAKE

  IT STILL FELT strange wearing a shirt and tie to work. After years in camo, my new uniform felt too formal for a security gig. When a veteran pal referred me to the private security firm, he said it would be easy money. They valued ex-military for our training, quick thinking and unique skill set. However, the most trouble I’d dealt with this week was a group of drunken college kids fighting at a concert. He was right – it was easy money, but there was no shortage of events, which meant I was constantly working.

  As always, I was extra careful leaving my room, closing the door as gently as possible. Like me, Jasper hated being woken up abruptly, so I tried to avoid it at all costs. The house felt different as I passed the living room. Although she had only just started, Ashley had set up the train set I’d purchased a few weeks back, placing it in the sunroom I had yet to find a use for.

  Stepping into the space, I noticed a miniature table and chair set was placed in the far corner. Toy Army figures stood on the table, while puzzle pieces were all over the floor. She had made a playroom, something I hadn’t considered, but now I could see how necessary it was. Jasper had a place to play now, and I felt good about that. I’d only bought the house to make him feel like he had a home. I’d planned to rent out a one-bedroom apartment at one point, but knew that wouldn’t be suitable for a toddler. He needed space to run and play, and Ashley had given him that.

  Even the kitchen was more inviting. Ashley had added small touches, like a tea kettle and a silver canister with kitchen utensils. After returning home so late last night, I’d gone straight to my bedroom after saying goodnight to her, grateful she’d already put Jasper down for bed. Now, as I made my regular cup of coffee, I finally saw all the improvements she’d made.

  The sugar I had left in the bag it came in was now in a fancy glass jar. And when I opened the refrigerator for my coffee creamer, I was blown away. Every shelf was filled, a sight I’d never seen in a place of my own. Tupperware was stacked, one with a tag that read, “Jake – lunch” in cursive handwriting.

  I felt a strange fluttering in my stomach as I took out the rectangular container. Not since childhood had anyone packed a lunch specifically for me. The hefty slice of lasagna looked so delicious, I wanted to heat it up for breakfast. Ashley had outdone herself, and I felt even better about my decision to hire her when the doorbell rang.

  Glancing at my watch, I kicked myself for not opening the inner door so that she could feel welcome to walk in. The last thing I wanted was for her to wake Jasper and have to deal with one of his fits. I made a mental note to remind her about just coming inside and using the keys I gave her instead of ringing the doorbell as I made my way to the front of the house.

  Passing the foyer mirror, I quickly double checked my hair, and smirked at what I knew was excitement brewing in my chest. I didn’t like how eager I was to see Ashley. From the moment we met, I liked her, but I tried to convince myself I liked her for Jasper. This connection was about him, and I refused to mess that up.

  She was the perfect person for the job, and as much as I wanted to end up with someone who was good for Jasper, I didn’t want to force something because of him. Of course I wanted to find a mother figure for him, because Anna-Louise wasn’t it by any measure. But if I tried to be with a woman because of how she cared for him, it would fizzle out. It had to be love. A deep connection that included my son, not one where he was the glue that held us toget
her. I’d promised myself I would not introduce Jasper to many women, so casual dating wasn’t an option.

  As I reached for the door handle, I chuckled to myself at how carried away I’d gotten with thoughts of Ashley. One day in and I was already contemplating if she would be a good pick as my wife. My mom always said I was a romantic at heart.

  My smile turned sour as soon as I saw the face looking back at me. Much worse than the last time I’d seen her, Anna-Louise looked tired and malnourished. Her eyes were sunken in, puffy as though she’d been crying. The low-cut top showed every bone in her shoulders, like she hadn’t eaten in weeks and her hair was unbrushed.

  “What are you doing here?” was all I could manage at the sight of her.

  “I need answers, Jake!” She was already yelling, so I rushed her inside, hoping my neighbors hadn’t heard her outburst.

  “Jasper is sleeping. Please be quiet,” I urged, looking over my shoulder for any sign of him.

  “What’s going on with us?” she squealed, moving close to me.

  “I told you I would keep Jasper until you got yourself together. Then we can discuss a schedule for visitation. How have you been doing?” I asked, despite seeing the answer written all over her face. She looked awful, and from the way she looked down to her dirty shoes, pushing her hair behind her ear, I felt she knew how bad she looked.

  “It’s hard being alone. I need him,” she whined, stepping closer. “And you. We can be a family,” she whispered, searching my eyes for a connection that wasn’t there.

  “I’ve always been honest with you. I love Jasper, and I will always look after you. I promised your brother, and I don’t break promises. But there’s nothing between us. We have to co-parent as best we can, but that’s the full extent of this.” I looked directly into her eyes as I spoke.