Pretend Daddy

by Lulu Pratt

  “Do you like red?” he asked, holding a bottle at his side.

  “Red is fine,” I shrugged.

  The truth was, the only wine I’d ever drunk was from a box at a friend’s apartment on campus. I didn’t have friends with homes, let alone homes with wine racks installed in cabinets. Everything about Jake was a fantasy – one I would not get to live soon, but it would create the vivid daydreams that kept me hoping for more.

  As we made our way to the living room, Jake led the way, carrying the bottle of wine in one hand and two long-stem wine glasses in the other. I settled on his comfortable sofa, draping the woven throw over my lap as I watched him fill two glasses to the halfway point after opening the bottle like a professional.

  Everything about him was so refined. Jake was a real adult, someone with life goals and responsibilities I couldn’t even imagine. As he turned to me with a glass in hand, I adjusted my legs beneath me. After settling into a comfortable position, I accepted the glass, quickly clinking with his own in celebration.

  The wine was bitter against my tongue, an accelerant of emotional fireworks. An electric current began coursing through my veins whenever Jake was near, and now that we were within inches, I felt myself preparing for an overload.

  “So, you used to sing in your performances?” he asked.

  “H-Huh?” I stuttered, as I always seemed to be around him.

  “You were singing to Jasper,” he explained before taking a sip of his wine. I followed suit, desperately needing the courage. “I figured that’s part of your training.”

  “Oh, yeah.” I smiled, recalling all the classes I’d taken to learn how to carry a note. “When I first started, I was terrible.” I giggled at the memory.

  “From what I heard, that’s difficult to believe.” Jake glanced at me. There was a hunger in his eyes that forced me to look away. Around him, I felt like prey. Whether he knew it or not, I wanted him to devour me, have me whole.

  I’d never met a man as commanding as him. There was nothing he did to garner my attention or submission, but just his being near was enough to bring me to my knees. Whatever he wanted, he could have, but he paraded around as though he had no idea. He was immune to my flirtation and constant signals, and it only turned me on further.

  “What about you?” I mustered the courage to change the topic. The last thing I needed was more compliments from him. “When did you get into security?”

  “I’m not really into it,” he shrugged before taking a sip of his wine. “A vet buddy of mine told me about the gig and I signed up. I’ve been doing it since I came back, but it’s not what I want to do forever.”

  I nodded, listening closely. “Then what would you want to do?”

  “Really?” he asked, his eyebrows raising as though no one had ever asked what he wanted.

  “Yes, really,” I urged, feeling the smile tug at my lips as I sipped the wine to hide my blushing.

  “I want to own my own business,” Jake said. His voice softening with the admission. I felt like it was a rare occurrence for him to reveal such a dream and I instantly took pride in his decision to share with me.

  “That’s awesome. What would you do?”

  “I’m not sure yet. I guess that’s the reason I haven’t made a move. I don’t know what I want to focus on. But I know I need to have more time with Jasper. This is okay now, when I’m missing things he won’t remember, but I don’t want to miss any more firsts.” He glanced down as he spoke the last sentence.

  I swallowed deeply, imagining the war he must be in, deciding how to give his son this life he had dreamed of without missing out on all the priceless moments it cost him. Nodding slowly, I sipped my wine, understanding him more than ever.

  Before, I’d looked at him as an entitled man who was more interested in making money than caring for his son. Now, I realized he was just a man trying to give his son all he could.

  “Jasper knows you love him,” I heard myself say. I just wanted him to know that I felt his love. And there was no doubt in my mind that his son too felt the effort and dedication he had put forth to provide such an exceptional life.

  “God, I hope so,” Jake sighed, looking up to the ceiling.

  It was all I could do to stop myself from leaping across the sofa to take him in my arms and let him know how special he was. Jake was the strongest man I knew, dedicated to something bigger than himself. His love and ambition made me weak, but I knew it was inappropriate, so I let it go.

  “It’s about time I get home,” I said as I began to uncurl my legs.

  “Really?” He glanced up, first at me and then my glass. “You can’t stay after drinking so much so quickly. You can just stay in the guest room if you’d like.”

  “No, I don’t think that’s necessary,” I argued, straightening my posture to demonstrate control.

  “It’s not, but I do feel responsible for getting you home safely. So, you can stay here for work tomorrow, or I’ll call a car for you.” He again took the lead.

  “In the guest room?” I asked, hoping not to offend him.

  “Yeah, it’s not bad. My mom decked it out with a double bed and a little lounge chair.” He pointed at the end of the hall.

  Of course I’d seen his spare bedroom, I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t referring to us spending the night together.

  “Okay, I’ll crash in the guest bedroom,” I finally agreed, watching the relief wash over him.

  Jake was a nurturer. He liked to take care of those he considered family. I felt special that he included me in that close-knit group. It was clear he did not harbor that type of affection for everyone, and being a part of the small group brought me an immense level of pride.

  “Perfect. I don’t need to be worrying about you all night.” The relief in his voice left my pelvis tingling. Just imagining him thinking of me all night was too much to bear.

  “Let me go wash these,” I reached for the wine glasses and made my way to the kitchen before he could object. The tension was too thick between us, and I needed the separation. I’d just finished rinsing the second glass when I turned to get the plate from the counter, and Jake was there.

  All six foot two inches of him stood towering over me as our bodies collided. He didn’t hesitate before he leaned in and kissed me, and I rose to the tips of my toes without thinking. It felt natural to press my lips against his, moaning against his mouth as he deepened the kiss. Our bodies melded together instantly as his hand fell to the small of my back, pressing me closer. It was more than I’d anticipated, feeling his hard body flush against my needy skin.

  Suddenly, he pulled away, a look in his eyes saying he needed to stop. But from the way he pulled at me, silently begging for more, I knew he wasn’t ready for it to end.

  “I need to get to bed,” I rushed the words.

  This couldn’t go further. It was a fantasy, but real life had to continue. I rushed to the spare bedroom on shaky feet, trying to make sense of what happened. Falling on the bed, I was light as a feather, walking on a cloud of sensation.

  With a deep breath, I forced myself to stay in bed, although every part of me wanted to charge into the master bedroom and claim what was mine. The look of hunger in Jake’s eyes was burned into my memory, haunting me with a delicious craving I was dying to fulfill.

  Chapter 16

  JAKE

  MUSIC BLARING through the speakers around me did nothing to drown out the thoughts in my mind. I’d barely slept after what happened between me and Ashley. There was something building between us, something I didn’t want to halt, yet when I made a move, I wasn’t sure she felt it too.

  The tension was undeniable, and I’d never been one to misread people. But still, she was apprehensive and it left me uneasy. The last thing I wanted was to cross a boundary between us. She was too important to lose. Ever since Ashley had come into my life, it began to make sense for the first time in a while.

  Jasper needed her. I could tell from the way he looked at her,
she was the maternal connection he so desperately needed. Things with his mother had continuously gone downhill since I’d returned from Iraq. Stability was still new to him, and I refused to get in the way of it.

  No matter how many times I replayed the fateful decision to kiss her, it was impossible to regret my actions. The taste of her sweet lips pressed against mine was more than enough to ease my guilt. I might have ended our embrace, but that was only after she intensified it, leaning into me. When I closed my eyes, I could still feel her plump breasts pressed against my chest.

  I’d used the memory to relieve myself before sneaking out of my own house before sunrise. Ashley and Jasper were still asleep when I crept down the hallway, hoping not to wake her. I wasn’t ready for the inevitable conversation and necessary apology on my part. With things so fresh, I felt it best to give Ashley some time before confronting her with the reality of our behavior.

  “There you are,” Rick called through the loud crowd surrounding us. This time it was a costume convention, with rowdy fans screaming at the top of their lungs. “What’d you have to tell me?”

  When I’d first got to the venue, Rick noticed something bothering me, as he always did. Stalling for time, I told him I’d tell him later, and it seemed he hadn’t forgotten.

  Glancing at my watch, I noticed it was time for a short break. “Come on, let’s step outside.”

  Rick followed behind as I made my way to a small storage room we’d turned into the security office. Thankfully, no one else was there, granting the privacy I would need.

  “You’re scaring me, youngin’,” Rick grunted as he sat in one of the black collapsible chairs. Besides the folding table, the chairs were the only other furniture in the room. Every word seemed to echo against the hollow walls.

  “It’s not bad news, just embarrassing,” I said, letting out a humorless laugh. It was more of a necessary deep breath, my nerves getting the best of me. Rick had never been one to judge me, but I’d also never told him anything so scandalous. It wasn’t like me to lose control or make impulsive decisions.

  “Well, let it out,” he scowled.

  Pulling out one of the chairs, I sat down slowly. “I kissed Ashley last night.”

  Rick glared at me for a long pause before standing. “Are you kidding? I thought something serious had happened!”

  “What do you mean? That is serious! She’s my kid’s nanny, for Christ’s sake,” I explained the obvious.

  “Yeah, and you two were flirting like lovebirds at the company picnic. I figured if you hadn’t already, you’d be doing more than kissing after that.”

  “Rick!” I frowned, though a wave of laughter tickled my throat. He was so old school, we hardly ever discussed sex. To hear him mention it was a bit amusing.

  “Don’t ‘Rick!’ me. You know you like her,” he huffed, crossing his arms.

  “I can’t like her, though. She works for me.”

  “Oh, please. She likes you too. Don’t make this out to be a morality issue. You’re both young and attracted to each other, Jake. It’s not a big deal.”

  “Of course it is. She pulled away and scrambled to the guest room. I don’t want to be the boss who pushes her into something she doesn’t want to do.”

  “You’re not some old, stuffy, overweight boss. You’re young and handsome. You’ve got a great job, plus your savings. You live in what many people would consider a mansion. I could see from the way she looked at you, there’s something between you two. Don’t go beating yourself up over something that was bound to happen. Two young people spending too much time together is a recipe for just what you got,” he smirked, letting his hands fall to his side.

  “It’s more than that,” I glanced up at him. “This isn’t some crush between kids. She’s the best thing that’s happened to my life since Jasper. He loves her, and I can tell she loves him too. Things are working. I just don’t want to mess it up, ya know?”

  “Why are you so sure you’d mess it up?” he asked.

  I wasn’t sure how to answer him, so I stared in silence, glancing down at my shoes.

  Fighting was all I’d ever been good at. War was my comfort zone. Everything about calm and normal civilian life never seemed to fit me right. I didn’t realize how much family life suited me until Ashley had given me a glimpse into a life I never thought would be mine.

  “You’re a good guy, Jake. You’ve fought for your country, stood tall when many men chose to hide like cowards. You came back and stayed true to your promise. Do you know how many young boys like you make promises in the field and never think of them again? But not you. You’ve taken in a boy you didn’t know was yours, loved him from the day you laid eyes on him. I know after years over in the sand, it feels like you can’t love again, but you can.”

  Rick paused for a second to draw his breath.

  “Just talk to her. Maybe she feels the same way. Like you said before, she’s what you’ve been looking for. Ain’t no reason to act like you have done something wrong. If Ashley doesn’t feel the same way, you just take a step back. No harm, no foul.”

  Rick’s speech hit me like a ton of bricks. There was an understanding between veterans, something civilians could never fully comprehend. For years, there was nothing relatable about my life. It had changed me in ways I couldn’t explain, forcing me to question if I could ever be the Jake my family and friends knew.

  My friend’s words were the boost of confidence I needed to remember who I was, and that what I’d done in the field did not define me. Ashley was special to me, and it was important that I let her know. I was grateful for the sound advice as my phone rang, displaying an unknown number.

  “This is Jake,” I answered.

  “Hello, this is Dr. Leonard over at the Sunny Retreat. I got your application to enroll a…” the female voice paused before continuing. “Anna-Louise Reynolds into our drug and alcohol rehabilitation program. Well, we’ve just got a spot opened up for the end of the month. We’d be happy to help her forge a path to sobriety.”

  “Oh yes,” I stood quickly, raising a finger to let Rick know I’d be back soon.

  I’d been waiting to hear back from the facility for Anna-Louise. It was clear she needed more help than I could give her. The pieces seemed to be aligning in my life. I just hoped I didn’t mess them up.

  Chapter 17

  ASHLEY

  “WHY DID WE have to come here, Ashley? I can barely hear myself think over these kids screaming.” Catharine rolled her eyes glancing over her shoulder at the play area a few feet behind our table.

  North Carolina Farmers Market Restaurant was the only place I could think of to meet Catharine. She was adamant about having lunch together, but my schedule was too busy to get away from work entirely. Jake had left for work early, leaving me to process our awkward interaction last night on my own.

  The softness of his lips was the last thing I thought about before falling asleep, and the feeling of his hand pressed into the small of my back was my first thought this morning. I didn’t want to talk about it yet, because I knew he would feel guilty and I was equally at fault.

  The fact that it happened was less shocking than how badly I wanted it to happen again. My mind was a wreck trying to make sense of it all and understand how to fix it.

  “Ashley? Are you listening?” Catharine shook my arm.

  “Yes, yes. Sorry, what’d you say?” I blinked slowly, hoping to leave the naughty thoughts behind.

  “Why did you pick this place?”

  “I told you, I needed a place where Jasper could play,” I pointed to the small playground behind her. I’d chose the table because it allowed me to keep an eye on him. I’d ordered us deli sandwiches, and he was spending his time running back and forth from me to the park.

  “Right. It’s like you have a kid now,” She rolled her eyes, glancing over her shoulder again.

  “It’s kind of like I do,” I said under my breath.

  I’d given it a lot of thought since Jak
e told me about Jasper’s mother. It seemed he was trying to raise the young boy on his own, and I could tell he was struggling. He needed me as much as I needed him. Quickly, my job had become less about the paycheck and more about making sure Jasper was adjusting well to all the changes in his life.

  “Okay, so can we finally get down to the reason I needed to see you.” Catharine returned her attention to the table, her eyes glowing with excitement.

  “It’s about time you cut out the dramatics,” I teased while lifting my turkey sandwich for another bite.

  “These type of things need context. It wouldn’t work if I just sent you a text,” she argued, pulling her phone from her purse.

  Although I was facing Catharine, my focus was on Jasper. Just a few feet away, he climbed the small jungle gym before sliding down the red plastic slide. He was alone, but it didn’t seem to bother him. My heart hurt thinking of why he was used to entertaining himself.

  “Nathan is completely falling into my trap.” Catharine snapped me out of my wandering thoughts again.

  “Is that right?” I couldn’t stifle the laugh brewing in my belly. Catharine took everything about this Nathan revenge plot so seriously.

  Wrinkles appeared in her forehead as she scrolled through their text conversation, explaining to me her plan. Not only had Nathan responded to her, but she had gotten him to send along selfies, one where he was even bare chested.

  She showed me the phone proudly, but all I could think about was how unattractive he was. Until the tail end of our relationship, I had always thought he was the hottest thing walking. Now, I couldn’t deny how he could never compare to a man like Jake. Nathan look immature and desperate, where Jake had the confidence that gleamed in his eyes. Nathan still had his hair dyed blonde, with a thick mustache I’d never liked. Jake’s smile was so sexy, and the way he moved his body just commanded your attention.