No Going Back

by Dani Matthews

  “We both know this will stay with you forever.”

  I can’t deny it. What happened has changed my view on random hookups. I’m not happy that it happened, but it did, and I think it’s the wakeup call that I’d needed to begin sorting out why I’m the way that I am.

  “Maybe,” I say in response to his comment. “One thing did come out of this mess, Colt.”

  He looks at me questioningly.

  “It’s made me see things differently. It’s kind of opened my eyes to the things that I’d been avoiding,” I say truthfully. “I can either let my mistake cast a shadow on certain areas of my life, or I can learn from it and turn it into a not-so-fun revelation. I’m moving forward, and I’m going to work on me. There are some things I need to sort out.”

  He remains silent.

  I can’t tell if I’ve gotten through to him or not. “Colt, if I ever get in over my head, you’ll be the first person I go to. But right now, I don’t need your intervention. As much as you want to protect me, you need to let me handle my own life.”

  Indecision wars across his face until he reluctantly nods to signal that he’ll back down.

  “Thank you.”

  He gives me a measured look. “If he won’t let you go, you come to me. Promise me, Quinn. If you can’t remove him from your life, I’ll do it for you.”

  “Colt…”

  His eyes warn me that I’m not walking out of here without him hearing what he wants. “Promise me.”

  “Okay,” I sigh and cave. “I promise.”

  He nods, not saying anything more, and I take that as my cue to leave. I’m relieved that the conversation had gone better than I’d expected, and I hurry upstairs before he can change his mind.

  In the hall, I nearly run into Harper. She’s still wearing the veterinary scrubs she’d begun her day in, which means she hadn’t been peed or shit on. I know she considers that a good day in her book.

  “There you are,” she says, revealing that she’d been looking for me. Her eyes shift to the basement doorway that I’d just scurried out from. “Come talk to me,” she says, grabbing my hand with her uninjured one, leading me to my room.

  Once we’re inside, I close the door for privacy. “I see Gabe’s been running his mouth,” I state dryly.

  Harper’s mouth falls open. “Gabe knows?”

  “He was home this morning.” I frown and look at her with puzzlement. “Who’ve you been talking to?”

  “Ash. She said you had a busted lip and were wearing one of my scarves. What in the world happened last night?” she asks with concern.

  I can feel a headache coming on. Deciding to keep the details minimal, I give her an extremely shortened version of what had gone down last night.

  Her expression clouds. “That’s awful. I can’t believe he would do that without your consent.”

  “I think he has a few screws loose,” I say in a dry tone.

  “I’d say. What did Colt have to say?”

  I grimace. “He was waiting for me as soon as I walked through the door.”

  Her eyes widen, and she gives me a sympathetic look. “Uh oh.”

  “That about sums it up.”

  “What did you tell him?”

  “It’s taken care of. I’m done with Slade.” Shit. I hadn’t meant to let his name slip.

  Harper’s green eyes sharpen.

  “That stays between you and me. I mean it, Harper,” I warn.

  “Okay,” she agrees. “What happens if Slade doesn’t want you out of his life?” she asks, her expression serious.

  “I doubt it’ll be an issue. It was just sex. We didn’t connect on any other level than physically.”

  “You said so yourself that he seems kind of unstable,” she reminds.

  “Honestly, there’s nothing there, Harper.”

  “What if he disagrees?”

  Good question. “That could be a problem,” I reluctantly admit.

  Her eyes search mine. “Are you sure you’re okay? What he did last night…” her voice trails off.

  “I’m fine,” I assure.

  She looks at me intently. “You’d tell me if you weren’t, wouldn’t you?”

  “You know I would.”

  She hesitates as if she’s doubting me.

  “I swear I learned my lesson. No more trusting anyone to do weird shit to me, and that includes tying me up.” My nose wrinkles. “It’s not really my thing anyway.”

  “Then why allow him to do it?” she asks with genuine bewilderment.

  I shrug. “The sex was good.”

  “You know, normal sex can be just as good,” she points out.

  “With the right partner, yes.”

  She shakes her head. “We need to find you Mr. Right.”

  “He doesn’t exist.”

  “Sure, he does. We just have to find him for you.”

  “Nah, I’m done with men for a while,” I say firmly.

  “I think that’s probably wise.”

  ***

  Today hasn’t been all that bad. The drama from my night with Slade has settled, and it feels like a regular day. Almost. Sebastian had to add his thoughts on the matter at breakfast, but other than that, no one had brought it up today.

  I sit down at the table in the breakroom and tug on another one of Harper’s scarves. I’m hoping in a few days I can switch over to just makeup and the bruises won’t be that noticeable.

  I’m reaching for my soda when my phone vibrates in the back pocket of my fashionably shredded jeans. I pull it out and look at the new text message. I go still when I see that it’s from Slade. My place tonight?

  Crap.

  I haven’t technically ended things with him. The last thing I want to do is think about Slade, so I put the phone away and reach for my bottle of soda, taking a sip. I’ve got all day to debate how to respond.

  Ash breezes into the breakroom with a takeout bag from a place down the street. She plops down in the opposite chair and begins pulling our lunch from the bag. “I’m starved,” she says as she slides me the meatball sub sandwich that I’d ordered.

  “Thanks. How much do I owe?”

  She waves a hand and begins unwrapping her own sandwich. “It’s on me.”

  We both dig into our lunch, and the room is quiet except for the faint music that can be heard from the sound system in the main salon.

  Ash wipes her mouth with a napkin and looks at me. “I saw Sebastian was waiting for you this morning.”

  “Everyone’s making such a big deal over what happened.”

  “We all care about you.”

  “I know. It’s just…a little embarrassing how it all went down,” I confess.

  She nods with agreement. “Yeah, I wouldn’t want the others knowing the details of my sex life.”

  “I’m typically blasé about that stuff, but it’s different when you’ve been taken advantage of and made to look like an idiot. I keep making the same stupid decisions,” I mutter.

  Ash reaches over and touches my hand. “Hey, you did absolutely nothing wrong. And you don’t look like an idiot.”

  I give her a look.

  “You don’t, Quinn. You’re no different than Beck and Rem. Even Colt. You’re single, and you enjoy it. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  We look up as Bianca enters the room and opens the refrigerator.

  Ash tactfully changes the topic. “Let’s do something tonight. Gabe works, so Harper will be free, too. We’ll go out and get your mind off that asshole,” she says in a low voice.

  I break into a smile. “I’d like that.”

  “Great! Text Harper, and we’ll go from there with what we decide to do.”

  ***

  We settle in at a small table near the windows that face the outside street. We’d decided on a pool hall, and Harper had jumped at the chance to join us. The hall is one I’ve been to before, and the food is excellent. We’d already placed our orders, and I know it’ll come out soon.

  Harpe
r looks at me. “Did Sebastian corner you this morning?”

  “Yep,” I say with a sigh.

  “I was just leaving when I heard him mention to Gabe that he wanted to see you before he left.” She smiles. “Half the time, I swear he’s oblivious to anything that doesn’t involve women or his job. It’s nice to know otherwise.”

  “Says you. You’re not the one that got lectured,” I muse.

  “Oh please. The lecture probably consisted of ‘Hey luv, heard what happened. You let that fucker touch you again, and I’ll break his fingers. You get me?’”

  Harper and I exchange a look and burst out laughing.

  Ash grins. “Well?”

  “That pretty much sums it up,” I agree.

  “He’s so predictable,” Ash says with a shake of her head.

  We all murmur in agreement.

  Pool balls crack loudly, and I glance towards the pool tables. Most of them are in use. The hall is busy tonight.

  I turn to Ash. “How are things going with the selling process?”

  “The lawyers are handling most of it. I can’t wait to have it all behind me,” she says wistfully.

  “I bet.”

  Ash is currently in the process of selling her shares of the family business to her father. The shares are worth millions, and it blows my mind every time I think about it. Ash, on the other hand, doesn’t seem fazed. All she cares about is her relationship with Channing. I think if the deal fell through and she ended up completely broke, she’d still be happy.

  Harper looks at Ash, her eyes somber. “Have you spoken with your father?”

  Ash shakes her head. “He hasn’t reached out to me, and I have no intention of contacting him. Our lawyers can sort it out.”

  Our food arrives, and after we thank the waitress, we begin to dig in.

  Harper uses one hand to hold her burger, and a pickle slides out and falls to her plate. She sighs and sets the burger down. “I will be so glad when my cast is removed.”

  “You have what, three weeks to go?” I ask. Her wrist and three of her fingers had been broken.

  “Something like that.”

  I dip a nacho in my chili as I listen to the overhead music.

  Harper reaches for her soda. “I have something to share with you both,” she announces.

  Ash had just popped a fry in her mouth, and she chews and then says, “We’re all ears.”

  I dip another nacho and wait to hear what Harper has to say.

  “Gabe and I are moving.”

  I blink and can’t hold back an automatic frown. “Already?” We’ve been living together since we’d graduated high school. I’d thought it’d be a while before she and Gabe decided to take the next step. Though I can’t really say that I hadn’t seen it coming. They’ve been practically inseparable since Harper came home from the hospital. I figure it’s only a matter of time before he pops the question.

  “Congratulations!” Ash is saying, pulling my thoughts back to the present.

  Harper smiles. “Thank you. I know it’s kind of fast, but we know this is it, and we’re ready for it.” She looks at me. “I hope you understand.”

  “Of course! You guys need the alone time without all of us constantly breathing down your necks. I’m really happy for you, Harper,” I say earnestly.

  “It’s not like you guys will never see us. I’m sure we’ll be at the house a lot.”

  “You’d better be,” I tease.

  “We will,” she promises.

  “Are you thinking of an apartment?” I ask curiously.

  She practically glows with excitement. “Gabe’s talking about buying a house.”

  “Get out. Really?” I ask.

  Harper nods. “He says he’d prefer we put our money into a mortgage than wasting it on rent. Plus, the house would be ours to do what we want with. He also knows I’d love to have a dog.”

  I slide my chair back and rise to my feet, moving towards her and leaning down to engulf her in an affectionate hug. My cheek presses against hers as I say, “I am so happy for you, Harper.”

  She squeezes my shoulder with her good hand. “We’re not taking a second for granted these days,” she says softly.

  I press a quick kiss to her cheek before moving back to my chair.

  Ash blinks a couple times, looking teary-eyed. “You guys are going to make me cry.”

  “No, no crying. This is a celebration!” I laugh. Honestly, I’m feeling a little teary myself. Harper almost died, and now she’s sitting here with a beaming smile on her face, and she has everything she could ever want. If anyone deserves happiness, it’s Harper.

  I am disappointed she’ll be moving, but I need to stop clinging to those that I trust and am most comfortable with. Sooner or later, Ash and Channing will move out, and when that happens, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if Colt finds a place of his own.

  That leaves one glaringly evident question. Where does that leave me?

  Five

  Quinn

  The next day, I’m climbing into my car after my shift at the salon when my phone chimes from within my purse. I’d just set it on the passenger seat, and I pick it up and dig out my cell phone.

  When I see who’d text messaged me, my heart sinks. I hadn’t replied to Slade’s message yesterday, and I’d been hoping that he’d take the hint. Looks like the hint had gone unnoticed, because he’d just sent, Why are you ignoring me?

  I stare at the text and bite my lip. I had hoped that I wouldn’t actually have to tell him that I’m no longer interested. His remorseless eyes flash in my mind, and I know I should be careful with how I respond. I have a feeling that Slade isn’t the kind of guy that handles rejection well. No one does, but Slade’s…different.

  After five minutes of typing and deleting, I eventually send, I think we’re both looking for two different things.

  His reply comes back within seconds. We’re not done yet.

  He can’t be serious. If I say we’re done, we’re done. We were never anything in the first place, I send back.

  Our game is just beginning, he replies.

  What the hell does he mean by that? Another text pops up on the screen, but this time it’s a photo. I tap on it to enlarge it. It’s a photo of Ash, Harper, and myself, entering the pool hall. Ash is opening the door, and my head is tilted as I laugh at whatever Harper had been saying at that moment.

  The phone in my hand vibrates with another text, and a chill runs down my spine as I close the photo and look at the new one he’d sent. This one had also been taken from outside the building, except the three of us are inside and sitting at the table.

  A third photo shows us leaving the pool hall, completely oblivious to the fact that we’re being watched. My phone is silent now, and I toss it to the passenger seat as if it’d burned me.

  Shit.

  He was following me last night?

  I’m uneasy, and I look around the employee parking lot. It’s half full, and everything looks normal. One of the other hairstylists exits the salon, and it snaps me out of my momentary ruminations. After shoving the key into the ignition, I pull out of the parking lot and begin heading home, my mind racing. Did he follow me on a whim and is just playing with me? What if he’s not playing? Just how bad could this get? If he’s actually stalking me, I can’t hide it.

  As I slow for a red light, I release a heartfelt curse and slam my palm against the steering wheel. I knew better, damn it. I’d known that sleeping with Slade could possibly backfire, but I’d never imagined that he might be disturbed.

  I brought him into my life.

  I did this.

  While I wait for the light to turn, I slowly exhale. First thing I need to do is figure out how serious he is. There’s an uncomplicated way to do that—I go out again and see how he responds. I’m certain Harper will come out with me since Gabe works again tonight. Maybe it’s time to tell her the truth. I trust her, and she’s always great with advice. Maybe she can help me figure out what to do ab
out Slade.

  The light has changed, and as I ease the car forward, a new thought occurs. What if Harper is hurt that I’ve kept my feelings for Colt to myself all this time? It wasn’t technically lying. I was just omitting the truth. Nah, Harper isn’t like that. She’ll be disappointed, but she won’t be mad.

  When I pull into the driveway a short time later, I’m relieved to see that Colt hasn’t made it home yet. Neither has anyone else. I go inside and head to my room to change. Soon, Ash arrives home, and shortly thereafter, Channing.

  I’m sitting at the patio table near the pool when Harper tracks me down a bit later. She plops down into the opposite chair. “Ash and Channing left,” she announces. “I’m bored. Have you eaten?”

  She’d just given me the perfect opening. “Not yet. Want to go out?”

  “Sure. Where to?”

  “Pizza?” I question.

  Harper sighs. “I need to stop eating out with you.”

  “A piece of pizza isn’t going to hurt your figure.” I’ve always been envious of Harper’s body. She looks like a classic pinup girl with those curvy hips and tiny waist.

  She gives me a look that says otherwise. “I’ve gained five pounds since Gabe and I began dating.”

  A grin tugs across my lips. “And he loves every inch of you.”

  “That’s beside the point.”

  “Fine. What’s your suggestion?” I ask, giving in.

  “Chinese?”

  My nose wrinkles. “Ew, no.”

  She shakes her head, brushing a strand of chestnut hair away from her eyes. “You need to broaden your horizons.”

  I give an unladylike snort. “With Chinese? No thanks.”

  “Sea food?” she challenges, her green eyes narrowing.

  “Gross.”

  “You’re hopeless,” she says with exasperation.

  “And proud of it,” I tease.

  “Fine. We’ll get pizza, but I’m only eating one slice,” she states firmly.

  “I’ll remind you of that when you’re reaching for a second slice,” I say with a laugh.

  She gives me another look and rises to her feet. “I need to shower after the day I’ve had.”