Bands of Gold

by Angela Benson

  “I know you’ll like her,” Betty was saying. Betty was Ellis’s wife and she was talking about Angela, one of her sorority sisters.

  “What makes you think an Omega man would be interested in an AKA woman?” he teased. “Omega men want Delta women.”

  “Please! Delta women are out. Ellis and I are the perfect example of what a good match you’d make with Angela. Are you free tomorrow night? We can have a few people over. A smaller group in a more intimate setting.”

  “Tomorrow’s great. I appreciate your hospitality.”

  “Hey, it’s my pleasure. Besides, I want to make sure that you meet Angela before one of these other women introduces you to one of their single girlfriends. AKA women watch out for each other.” She laughed and was starting to say more when someone called her name. “Ellis will call you with directions. See you tomorrow. Again, welcome to Atlanta.”

  Jackson watched Betty as she rushed away. Ellis has done well for himself, he thought.

  Jackson enjoyed the picnic. He ended up with three dinner invitations, not counting tomorrow with Ellis and Betty, and at least fifteen offers “to get together soon”. With a little effort, he’d keep so busy that he wouldn’t have time to think about Christina.

  ***

  “I want to keep in touch with you, Christina,” Reggie said over breakfast at the Malaga the next morning. “Maybe come to Atlanta. I’ve been through the airport a few times, but never a real visit.”

  “I’d like that, Reggie. You’d love the city, and I’d enjoy being your guide.”

  He reached his hand across the table and rested it atop hers. “Seeing the city wouldn’t be my reason for coming. I’d be coming to see you.”

  Christina liked his directness. The feel of his hand against hers wasn’t so bad, either. “I know, and it pleases me.”

  He removed his hand and continued eating. “Now that that’s settled, what do you want to do for the rest of the morning?”

  ***

  After Christina checked out of her hotel and packed her car, she and Reggie drove down Spring Hill Avenue to the University of South Alabama, where they strolled the campus.

  “It’s about time I get on the road for home,” she said sometime later.

  “I’ve been dreading those words, but I know you have to go. Let’s head back for the cars.”

  As they made their way to the cars, Christina thought about the kisses they’d shared last night and felt her cheeks burn at the memory.

  Today’s kiss was more intense than last night’s, holding a promise of future kisses and caresses. She liked the feel and the smell of him. And she liked his taste. Too soon she was in her car and Reggie was waving after her. His “I’ll call you” seemed much more than a polite gesture.

  ***

  Christina stopped to gas up a few miles outside Montgomery. While at the station, she called to see if her mother was home.

  “I got back early,” her mother said. “Why don’t you stop over on your way back? You can drive to Atlanta Monday morning.”

  “Sounds like a good idea, Mom. I’ll do that. Look for me in about an hour.”

  Exactly sixty-six minutes later Christina pulled into the driveway of her mother’s house. She hadn’t grown up in this house, so she’d never thought of the place as home. It was simply her mother’s house, but she felt safe and comfortable here. The absence of the Ford Bronco in the driveway told Christina that her mother was out. She shook her head as she thought of her mother in the Bronco. Louise had bought a small Chevy truck when she’d first opened the nursery. Last year she’d gotten rid of her truck and gotten the Bronco. She’d said a lot about needing the Bronco for deliveries, but Christina could tell by the way Louise drove and the way she cared for the car that it was her toy. It was unlike her mother to splurge on herself, and Christina was glad that she had.

  Christina got out of her car and walked to the back of the house. She reached under the azalea pot on the back porch for the key. It was there. Small towns, she thought, as she opened the back door.

  As soon as she walked into the kitchen, she heard Louise pull up out front. She went to open the door for her mother, and saw her taking packages from the back seat of the Bronco. My mom is a beautiful woman, she thought. She could easily pass for forty.

  For as long as Christina could remember, people had asked if she and Louise were sisters. It had bothered her during her teen years, especially since she had been taller than her mom even then, but as she’d grown older and more confident, it hadn’t mattered as much. She’d never thought of Louise as anything but mom. As she looked at her today, she was reminded that Louise was so much more than just her mother. She was an attractive and desirable woman. There had been a couple of men in Louise’s life over the years. Christina wondered why there had never been anyone special.

  Her mother was also a successful businesswoman. She had worked as a nurse for almost thirty years before taking early retirement two years ago to open the nursery. That risk had proved profitable. The nursery had been operating in the black for the last year. Business was so good that she now had three full-time workers and was thinking about expanding. Yes, Louise was much more than just her mother.

  Coming out of her reverie, Christina called from the doorway, “Need any help?”

  Louise looked up. “Hello, sweetheart. I thought I’d get back before you got here. I went to the post office and stopped off to get us a bite to eat. I hope you’re hungry.”

  “I’m always hungry for the Colonel, Mom. You know that.” Christina took the barrel of Kentucky Fried Chicken. “Let me help you. You take the mail and I’ll take the food.”

  “How was your drive?” Louise asked, as they walked back into the house.

  “Uneventful about sums it up.”

  “I don’t like the idea of your traveling up and down the road by yourself. It’s too dangerous.”

  “Mom . . .”

  Louise held up her hand. “I know what you’re going to say. You’re a grown woman. You can take care of yourself.”

  “That’s right. I am a grown woman and I can take care of myself. Besides, I’m careful. I don’t take risks. I always make sure I have a tank of gas. I keep my car serviced and I have the single woman’s substitute for a husband, Triple-A.”

  “Yes, but do you have to do so much traveling alone? Why don’t you go with friends? That would be safer.”

  Christina placed the bucket of chicken on the table. “I know that, but I can’t always wait until someone else is free. I don’t want to wait. It makes me feel that I can’t live my life. Do you understand what I mean?”

  Louise looked at Christina. “Sometimes I forget how independent you are.”

  Christina smiled. “I’m like my mother.”

  Louise gave a small laugh. “Sometimes I forget that, too. So, how was Mobile?”

  “I’m going to tell you about Mobile and the latest happenings in Atlanta, but first let’s eat and talk about Memphis.”

  Louise took potato salad from the refrigerator and plates from the cabinet. She talked about the conference while they ate. She planned to take a Thanksgiving cruise with some people she had met at the conference.

  “How can you plan a cruise with people you’ve known less than two days? Mom, you’re the one who needs to be careful.”

  “It’s safe enough. The Nursery Owners of Greater New Orleans are planning the trip. They plan something every year.”

  Christina retreated. “That’s more like it.”

  “I met a couple there that had recently opened their second nursery,” Christina said. “It made me rethink my position. Maybe I should expand now rather than wait. What do you think?”

  “You want to expand. I know you can make a go of a second shop. Give your attorney a call next week and see what he says.”

  “I was thinking of doing exactly that. It’d be fun to have another shop. A lot of work, but a lot of fun.”

&
nbsp; Christina envied her mom’s sense of purpose, her excitement with her work and her life. “I hope I find as much fulfillment in my life as you’ve found in yours. How do you do it, Mom? Tell your daughter your secret.”

  “There’s no secret, sweetheart. Life is what you make it. Aren’t you fulfilled?”

  Christina sighed. “I thought I was. As long as I was planning for what I wanted, I felt that I was on track. I knew what I wanted and I was going after it. I felt good, but now that I have what I planned for, I feel there ought to be more. I feel like I’ve won a prize that I worked hard for only to question whether it was really worth it.”

  “Are we talking about something more than work, darling?” Louise asked gently.

  Christina got up from the table and rinsed off her plate. When she was done, she leaned back against the sink. “God, Mom, sometimes I feel that work is all I have. It used to be enough, but it’s not anymore.”

  “What’s happened to change everything?”

  Christina thought about Liza’s upcoming wedding. “The work hasn’t changed, so I must have changed. I don’t know, Mom. I only know that I’m very discontented right now.”

  “You do know, Christina,” her mother said.

  Christina heard the challenge in her mother’s voice. She moved away from the sink and crossed her arms. “What’s that supposed to mean, Mother?”

  “Don’t ‘Mother’ me. You know why you’re discontented. You just won’t voice it.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Louise shrugged. “If you say so. How about some dessert? I have chocolate cake in the fridge.”

  Christina wouldn’t let it go. “I don’t want cake, Mother. I want to know what you’re talking about.”

  “All right, Christina, if you won’t say it, I will. You’re lonely, sweetheart. Now don’t get insulted. It’s not like I’ve said you have bad breath. A lot of people are lonely. It’s a curable malady.”

  Christina uncrossed her arms and dropped them to her sides. She knew her mother was right. “I’m not lonely, Mother. I’m alone, but I’m not lonely. There’s a difference.”

  “I know, Christina. You’ve been alone a long time, but now you’re lonely. To be alone is to be happy to be by yourself; being lonely is being unhappy to be by yourself.”

  Christina didn’t speak immediately. Finally, she asked, “Has it been that obvious, Mom?”

  Five

  “It’s obvious to me because I’m your mother and I know when something isn’t right with you.”

  Christina returned to her seat at the table. “How long have you known that something was wrong?”

  “I’ve seen it coming for a while, Christina. It had to happen. “You had to realize that the job wasn’t enough.” Louise took her daughter’s hand. “Sweetheart, you need to build a life for yourself apart from that job. You need to make friends.”

  Christina jerked her hand away and stood up. “You mean male friends, Mother?”

  “You said it, I didn’t.”

  “For your information, Mother—” she practically sneered the word “mother” “—I met someone, a male, this weekend.”

  “I hope he was a nice man, dear, but that’s not really the issue, is it? We’re talking about you and how you feel about your life.”

  Christina looked at her mother and her heart filled with all the love she had always felt. Leave it to Mom to stick to the subject. Christina had learned early how to avoid painful discussions. Her mother caught on and stopped it at home. In the outside world, Christina could control her interactions with people, but at home, Louise always made her face her fears. It was a pain in the butt sometimes, but Christina loved her mother for it because she knew that she did it out of love.

  Christina gave in. “You win, Mom. You always do.” She ran both hands through her hair and threw her head back. “God, where do I start?”

  Christina started with her response to the news of Liza’s wedding and ended with a description of her weekend with Reggie.

  “I’m glad that you’re opening your eyes to your surroundings and finding people that interest you, but I think you could have been a bit more cautious. What do you really know about this man?”

  “Not again. I was careful, Mom. I’ve never been much of a risk taker, but I have to learn to follow my instincts more.” She pulled out a chair and sat directly in front of her mother. Taking her mom’s hand in hers, she said, “I’m going to need your support.”

  Louise squeezed her daughter’s hand. “You know I’m here for you. What do you want me to do?”

  “That’s just it. I don’t know.” Christina stood up again. “I’m having so many new emotions. I feel like a teenager who needs guidance in dating. I’m a thirty year-old professionally competent woman who handles multimillion-dollar projects, but I can’t seem to get a handle on this man-woman thing.”

  “It’s only natural, Christina. You learn how to deal with men by dealing with men. You’ve never really dated, so you don’t have much experience.”

  Christina thought about that awhile. How she wished her father were here. “It feels strange to want a husband and a family. A part of me feels I should be content with what I have, but another part of me would seriously consider chucking it all to be a housewife and mother. I feel like a heretic and a traitor for thinking that way.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with your feelings,” Louise said. “Women have choices. You can choose to have a career, or you can choose to have a family, or you can choose to have both. The only responsibility you have is to yourself. You’ve got to decide what you want and go after it. You can’t let other people’s expectations dictate your life.”

  “I know you’re right, but these thoughts make me feel like a weakling. It’s disgusting.”

  “Growing pains are natural. Don’t think for a minute that needing people makes you weak. Your strength is shown in your doing what makes you happy.”

  Christina sat down again. “How did you do it, Mom? You’re happy and fulfilled, but you don’t have a man. You never really did in all the time that I was growing up.”

  Louise looked away from her daughter. “There’s not a special man in my life and there hasn’t been for a long time.” She turned back to face Christina. “I had you, Christina, and you made the difference. You filled spaces, provided love, and provided a way for me to show my love. Though there was no special man, there was an outlet for my love and that outlet was you.”

  Christina knew a daughter’s love and a lover’s love were two totally different experiences. “Was it enough?”

  “I made it enough. As you got older, I developed other interests. Now that you’re gone, I have the nursery.”

  “You love the nursery, Mom, but the nursery can’t love back.”

  Louise nodded. “I know. I’ve been doing some thinking of my own lately. I wonder if I didn’t do us both a disservice by not having an intimate relationship when you were growing up. At the time it seemed the right decision, but as I look at you and me now, I wonder if it was.”

  Christina paused before she spoke. “Do you ever think about him?”

  “Who?”

  “You know who, Mother. My father. Do you ever think about him?”

  Louise was silent for a minute. “At times. It still hurts. All this time and it still hurts. I loved him and I still miss him.” Louise took a napkin from the table and wiped away the tears that had quickened in her eyes.

  “I don’t want to make you sad, but I need to talk about him. Is that okay?”

  Louise nodded.

  Christina got up again and walked around the room. She became anxious when she thought about her father. “I’ve been thinking about him lately. Tell me again how you met and what happened.”

  Louise paused for a moment before speaking. “I met him the summer after my freshman year at Alabama A&M. I was working as a nurse’s aide at the hospital in Bottoms.
I went to a voter registration rally with one of my girlfriends. Thomas Evans was the speaker. His electrifying speech inspired me to become a volunteer voter registrar. I met your father at the orientation for registrars. I remember my girlfriend nudging me when she first saw him looking at me. He was gorgeous. A tall, bulky man. So handsome. All the women thought him attractive and smart. I had no interest in him because I thought he was conceited. My lack of interest attracted him to me, I think. He asked me out for over a month before I agreed to go out with him.”

  Christina had heard the story many times before, but it warmed her heart to hear it again. If only she had known her father.

  “I fell in love with him the night of our first date,” her mother continued, as if lost in her memories. “He was so much more than what I thought. He had character, substance. I remember the fervor and strength of his thoughts, his plans. I knew that night that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. It was love at first sight, but not the kind of sight that had to do with your eyes. I saw inside to the man that he really was, and I loved that man. I’ve never felt that way again.”

  “When did you know he felt the same way about you?”

  Louise gave a teary smile. “He told me that first night. When we said goodnight, he told me that he loved me and that he wanted to marry me. I couldn’t say anything, but I knew he meant it. Does this make sense to you, Christina?”

  “It makes a lot of sense. Go on.”

  “After that first night, we were practically inseparable. Your grandparents thought he was going to move in. They fell in love with him as fast as I did.”

  “How did you make it after he died?”

  “It almost killed me. He never knew about my pregnancy. It was such a fluke. At a time when young men were dying in riots, Christian died of pneumonia. He had come to visit during Thanksgiving vacation. We made love the first time during that visit. He wanted to wait, but I didn’t.” Louise paused. “I got my way and I got you.”