Hedgewitchin' in the Kitchen

by Sarina Dorie

  “That fairytale is true!” Josie said. “But this isn’t Fae food. You’d know if it was. It would make your mouth water and be like mana from the gods.” She wiped her fingers on a cloth napkin. “Most of the food here is harvested in the human world. What is grown here in the borderlands still has too much influence from the Morty world to be considered pure enough to be Fae.”

  “So, I should be careful with what I eat?”

  “You don’t have to worry at school or at restaurants in towns like Lachlan Falls. But you shouldn’t accept food from strangers—especially not from Fae. It’s like selling your soul to the devil.”

  “Right. I will not accept Turkish delight from beautiful women riding sleighs,” I said.

  Josie looked at me quizzically. I took it she had never read The Chronicles of Narnia.

  Earthquake Cake Brownies

  These are gluten-free and the almond flour makes them decadent, but a regular brownie recipe or even a box can be used if the batter itself is too much work. The original recipe called for the cream cheese filling to be placed on top of the batter, but after a kitchen mishap involving an incorrect layering, our family decided they like it made with the cream cheese batter poured directly on top of the coconut filling.

  These brownies are great even without the “earthquake cake” part. To make the recipe without the special batter, simply bake them in a smaller pan (8 x 8 inch is recommended) for 33-38 minutes instead of the suggested time. If one prefers to use a regular brownie batter that isn’t gluten-free, one can find that recipe under the Raspberry Cream Cheese Brownies and an alternative gluten-free batter in the Dirty Chai Brownies.

  Filling Ingredients

  1 ½ cup shredded sweetened coconut

  1 cup chopped pecans

  1 cup dark chocolate chips

  Directions

  1. Preheat the oven to 350° F (180 ° C). Use the center rack. Spray a 9×13 inch baking pan with non-stick spray.

  2. Sprinkle the coconut in an even layer in the pan followed by the pecans and chocolate chips.

  Topping Ingredients

  1 package or 8 oz softened cream cheese

  ½ cup (4 oz) butter

  1 cup powdered sugar (sometimes called confectioners’ sugar)

  1 tsp. pure vanilla extract or Kahlúa, Bailey’s Irish Cream, or other liquor

  Directions

  1. In a medium cauldron over medium heat, melt butter and cream cheese together. Whisk in the powdered sugar with a hand mixer until smooth. Add the vanilla last.

  2. Spread the cream cheese mixture evenly on top of the batter.

  Brownie Batter Ingredients

  (Yes, you can just use a box and follow the directions on the box. Or you can use all-natural, non-GMO, organic ingredients.)

  1 ¾ cup sugar

  5 Tbsp. butter or coconut oil, softened

  ½ tsp. salt

  1 Tbsp. vanilla extract (or Irish cream or another liquor)

  ¾ cup cocoa powder

  3 large eggs

  ¾ cup ground almonds or almond flour

  ½ tsp. baking soda

  Directions

  1. Melt the butter, salt, and sugar in a cauldron or in the microwave on low, stirring every thirty seconds for about four minutes. The mixture should be hot and glossy, but it will still be gritty.

  2. Set aside to cool for about twenty minutes.

  3. Add cocoa and vanilla. If cool enough not to cook the eggs, add them, and beat the mixture.

  4. In a separate bowl, mix ground almond flour and baking powder. Add the wet mixture to the dry mixture.

  5. Add brownie batter in spoonfuls to the pecan, coconut, and chocolate chip mixture. Spread batter around to cover bottom layer.

  6. Bake 35-45 minutes. Cool for twenty minutes before cutting.

  

  Kitchen Witching Tip

  The toothpick test won’t work for this because of the gooey chocolate and cream cheese. The cake is done when you can gently shake the pan and the center of the cake no longer jiggles. I like baking these for thirty-five minutes because they will be slightly gooey that way.

  

  Kitchen Witching Tip

  Let these brownies rest for twenty minutes after removing from the oven and cutting. Then cut and allow them to set. You can even refrigerate them to make them set faster before cutting again for cleaner edges.

  

  Kitchen Witching Tip

  Do you like cakier or fudgier brownies? Melting the butter will make it denser and fudgier. Adding more butter or oil will make it chewier and denser. Melting baking cocoa with butter instead of using cocoa powder can also make fudgy brownies.

  Excerpt from Witches Gone Wicked

  This looked bad.

  I’d stuck my neck out claiming I knew the break-in hadn’t been done by the student in question. Thatch hadn’t thought Imani had been the one to break into the principal’s office. He thought it was an adult. Me.

  The lockpick box was small. Now that I looked more closely, I could see it peeking out from under the colored pencils. Craptacular.

  “I didn’t break into Jeb’s office,” I said quickly.

  He leaned back in his chair, a satisfied smirk on his face. “You had the motivation. You wanted a taste of his forbidden knowledge.”

  “I wanted to know about my biological mother, yes. That didn’t mean I was going to break into the principal’s office.”

  “No, but you planned on breaking into my office? Into the library? Haven’t you ever heard curiosity killed the cat?”

  And the former art teachers.

  I stared at the meager contents of my box. It had been a pretty stupid idea.

  This was the kind of thing that could get a teacher fired from a school, especially a teacher whose mother had already established her criminal history and plenty of prejudice for her future generations.

  I had a bad feeling about what he was going to do to me now. “Are you going to chain me up in the dungeon?”

  “Only if you haven’t done your homework.”

  I stared at him uncomprehendingly. Was he saying what I thought he was? Hope blossomed inside me. “Are you going to teach me magic?”

  “That depends on you. I am willing to make a bargain with you.”

  I thought back to all his references to being like the devil. “I’m not going to agree to let you drain me.”

  “I didn’t think you would.” His lips curled upward in amusement. “If you would be so kind as to allow me to continue… . I will teach you magic if you promise to start behaving as a professional and cease your endless inquiries about my personal life.”

  He meant about him and my mother. Him and the missing books. All the secrets he’d been trying to keep from me. Did that mean I was close to discovering something? This was the ultimate temptation. What was more important, learning magic or learning if he had been my mother’s accomplice? Magic or figuring out if he had killed the other art teachers?

  “Well?” he asked.

  I wouldn’t survive teaching the school year without magic.

  “I want you to teach me,” I said.

  He waved his wand at the stack of books on his desk. One slid out of the middle of the pile and levitated in front of me. “Your first task is to read, Magical Etiquette for Dunces.” The way he looked me up and down told me who the dunce in the room was.

  The volume fell, and I had to dive out of the chair to catch it on top of the box I was already holding. The book was about as thick as an unabridged dictionary.

  “More reading?” I asked.

  He flicked his wand at the stack and another floated toward me and then another. “Next you shall read, Runes for Defensive Magic and then The History of Magic, volumes one, two and three.”

  I struggled to hold the heavy tomes. “What about practical magic? How will I actually learn to ward off the kids’ spells?” I didn�
��t want to get turned into a Jackson Pollock painting like the last teacher.

  “After you’ve completed your required reading, we shall discuss the practical application of wards and shield charms.”

  “This isn’t teaching me. You’re just handing me books again. I need to learn how to protect myself in case someone tries to hex me onto a ceiling again.”

  “Continue with your meditations and lucid-dreaming exercises. I will ensure your classroom is properly warded against hexes, curses and malicious charms.”

  “But—”

  He stood. “And I forbid you to allow Julian Thistledown to construct half-assed wards that will interfere with my superior magic.”

  I didn’t know how he knew. “If I want Julian’s wards—”

  “If I am to teach you, I expect you to follow my instructions.” A malicious smile curled his lips upward. “And if you want someone else to teach you, you may take your complaints to Jeb. That is, if Mrs. Keahi is willing to schedule an appointment for you.”

  If he thought assigning reading was teaching and keeping up his end of the bargain, then I would find my own covert way to inquire about him and his past to spite him. Like in old stories about making pacts with the devil, I would have to be sly and outwit him. I would be as shrewd as my biological mother.

  I shuffled the books around to hold them better and placed the box on top. Inches away from my nose, the aroma of chocolate became even stronger. One of the items caught my eye.

  “Why is there an empty Ziploc bag?” Almost empty. There were brown crumbs and flakes of coconut. I yanked it open. It smelled like pecans, coconut and chocolate. My mom’s earthquake brownies? Where were they?

  He coughed. “As I said before, I thought the box was intended for me. Your mother should have put her note at the top of the box instead of the bottom.”

  It was one thing to go through my box. Quite another to eat my brownies! That was unforgivable. Fuming, I left.

  As I stomped down the hall, it occurred to me, Thatch hadn’t actually been nasty with me. I’d gotten off easy. Maybe it had been my mom’s brownies. Her cooking was more mood-altering than Prozac and Khaba’s sweets combined. I should have taken advantage of that. I could have asked him questions and asked him for the colored pencils he hadn’t been willing to give me earlier in the year.

  When I got to my room, I realized there weren’t any actual tools in the lockpick kit. That meant Thatch had them. He could have used the kit to break into Jeb’s office. Was this why he hadn’t pressed the matter of me being the culprit? More than ever I wanted to know what he was keeping secret.

  Dirty Chai Brownies

  This recipe is in between a flourless cake and brownies with a boost of caffeine and spices. When using baking squares in a recipe, they melt more quickly if they are in smaller pieces. Take a hammer to the squares—and get out your aggressions—prior to starting.

  It is perfectly fine to add the spices, tea, and coffee to a different gluten-free but it will change the texture.

  Brownie Batter Ingredients

  • 1 cup almond milk or coconut milk

  • 4 chai tea bags

  • 4 Tbsp. coconut oil

  • 2/3 cup dark chocolate chips or 4 ounces of broken baking chocolate

  • ¼ cup maple syrup

  • ¼ cup unsweetened cocoa powder

  • 4 Tbsp. arrowroot powder

  • 2 eggs (room temperature)

  • ½ cup coconut palm sugar

  • 3 Tb fine instant coffee or instant espresso

  • 1 Tbsp. vanilla extract, Bailey’s Irish Cream, or Kahlúa

  • ¼ tsp. cinnamon

  • ¼ tsp. cloves

  • ½ tsp. sea salt

  Dark Chocolate Ganache

  • ¼ cup or 2 ounces coconut milk or coconut cream (liquid)

  • 1 square of baking chocolate (about an ounce)

  • ¼ tsp. cinnamon

  • 2 tsp. instant espresso

  Decorative Sugar

  • ¼ tsp. cinnamon

  • ¼ tsp. cloves

  • ¼ tsp. ginger

  • ¼ cup coconut palm sugar

  Directions

  1. Preheat oven to 350 ° F (180 ° C). Use parchment paper in an 8 x 8 inch square baking pan.

  2. In a cauldron, bring the almond milk to a boil. Turn off. Steep the chai tea bags in it for 30 minutes. Leave covered. Remove tea bags.

  3. On medium heat in the same pot, add coconut oil, baking chocolate, and maple syrup. Stir until butter, chocolate chips/baking chocolate and tea mixture are smooth and creamy. Set aside.

  4. In a separate bowl, sift dry ingredients together: arrowroot starch, cocoa powder, and cinnamon. Add salt and instant espresso. Mix together. Set aside.

  5. In a larger bowl, use an electric mixer to beat the eggs, sugar, and vanilla (or other flavorful liquid) for a few minutes. Add the chocolate sauce slowly and mix on low until creamy.

  6. Add the dry mix to the liquid ingredients. Mix on low until a thicker batter is formed.

  7. Pour into your 8 x 8 inch pan. Spread the batter out evenly with a spatula and bake for 22 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

  8. Set the brownies aside to cool for 10 minutes while preparing the ganache. This can be made on the stove top or microwave.

  9. Melt together the 2 ounces coconut milk, 2 teaspoons espresso, cinnamon spice and everything nice, and baking chocolate on medium heat in the saucepan, mixing while it melts. Alternately, you can microwave, stirring every 30 seconds until melted. Pour the ganache all over brownies once cool.

  10. Sprinkle with decorative sugar.

  11. Try to let it cool. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak, so that probably won’t happen. These brownies need to be refrigerated or frozen—if there is any left.

  

  Kitchen Witching Tip

  Cinnamon, cloves, and ginger are associated with fertility, wealth, warmth, and comfort. Separate or combined, they can be used together as an aphrodisiac, a protection spell, or ingredients in a spell or amulet to manifest wealth.

  Keeping a stick of cinnamon in a bag of tarot cards can help enhance divination—and make musty old cards spell nice. Pushing cloves into an orange keeps moths away. Just as practical, pushing cloves into a red candle that you burn will prevent people from spreading rumors.

  Wear whole cloves in a pouch to protect against magical attacks and lend strength to wards. Place a bundle or wreath of cinnamon sticks over a door to keep away those with bad intentions such as malicious Fae. Drink ginger infused brews to help awaken powers—or aid in digestion.

  

  Kitchen Omen

  Seeing bubbles in your morning coffee foretells money. Bubbles on the far side mean the money will come slowly, but when it is on the near side it means the money will arrive soon.

  If coffee grounds leave a residue in the bottom of the cup and it is shaped like a coffin, someone will soon die.

  Excerpt from Chapter Eighteen, A Handful of Hexes

  Mom didn’t mind allowing me to use her kitchen for the purposes of good—not evil. The dirty chai brownies I made were so delicious, the coffee and spicy tea an interesting combination. I would have sold my soul for something like this on an average day at Womby’s after eating our tasteless cafeteria food. I was certain I could even buy Vega’s friendship and loyalty with these.

  I suspected Thatch was going to like them too.

  Excerpt from Chapter Nineteen, A Handful of Hexes

  “I’m sorry,” I said, feeling especially low. “I didn’t mean to ruin your evening. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

  “No,” Thatch said.

  “Do you want a brownie?”

  “No. You can’t bribe me with food.”

  “Is there anything I can bribe you with? Blood? My firstborn child?”

  “Don’t joke abo
ut that. It isn’t funny.”

  I panted, the bag growing heavier with each step. It had to be the rain soaking into the fabric like a sponge and weighing it down. I hoped the plastic wrap and Ziploc bags would be enough to keep the food from getting soggy.

  “We’re on Womby’s property.” Thatch said. “You are safe from Fae, and you don’t need my escort any longer. Let’s hope you can find your way at night.”

  I certainly wouldn’t miss his friendly conversation. Maybe I would miss the light from his wand, but I could do that with my Elementia fire spell. Of course, it didn’t usually work.

  The worst part of walking back was going to be the bag. I really didn’t want to ditch it, but it was slowing me down. Every bone in my body felt like it was ready to break.

  The light of Thatch’s wand faded away. I suspected he was about to use his transportation spell if he hadn’t started it already. The shadows were too thick to tell.

  I spoke quickly, hoping he was still there. “Can I give you something before you go? Your present? And Vega’s present? I guess you can eat it all if you want. I just don’t want to leave it out here.”

  “What present?” Thatch asked. His wand brightened like a ninety-watt bulb.

  I wrestled with the zipper, not caring if I broke it at this point. “I brought you pie and brownies. There’s also some turkey in there. We made an ice pack so it would stay good all day.” That might have contributed to the weight. The zipper remained stubbornly stuck in place. I shoved the entire bag into his arms before he refused. “Some of it was supposed to be for me, but you can take it all. I just don’t want the rain to make it soggy and ruin it. I hope it didn’t get jostled around too much as I was dragging it.”

  He sighed in exasperation. “Why must you do this to me?”

  “Do what?”