Shades of Hate (Jacky Leon Book 5)

by K. N. Banet

  “Do you ever go home and sleep?” He made it clear through the long, slow look he gave me, I didn’t look good. Then his eyes moved over my desk, seeing the takeout boxes. I hadn’t cleaned up the office yet. Since I had no meetings or calls in nearly a week, I had no outsiders to show I was doing okay.

  “I’m fine sleeping right there,” I answered, pointing to my chair. “Until this is done.”

  He didn’t look amused.

  “Is there something—”

  Dirk ran into the back of Landon as he tried to stop. I felt something bubble up, and the laugh that erupted from me was loud and obnoxious as Dirk and Landon tried to shove each other away and find their own place to stand.

  “Tell him I don’t need some fucking weird training exercise in the woods,” Dirk said, turning his heated stare on me.

  “He does. He needs to learn proper self-defense techniques, how to use a gun properly. He needs wilderness survival training. I’ve been thinking about this for days. As my father’s second, protection of the pack was one of my highest priorities.” Landon closed the door and locked it. “While you refuse to see my father as your Alpha…it’s time for everyone to settle in with the fact you’re his mate. I won’t see your vulnerability become a vulnerability for my father. Which means your safety is important to me.”

  I sat down slowly and gestured for them to take seats. Dirk glared at Landon, Landon glared at me. I wasn’t sure why I was getting glared at. I hadn’t said anything yet.

  “I’m not your father’s mate because a mate is someone you’ve permanently bonded with, like a marriage in our kind,” I said softly, leaning in. “Which is not what Heath and I have. The idea he and I could even be on that path can never leave this room. As for the rest…I can physically protect myself. You know that.”

  “I’m older than you, so I know what’s at stake,” Landon snapped. “I’m more than a hundred years older, in fact. If you don’t want Dirk to be a good head of security for you, then think about the fact that Carey comes over here. Think about how you and my father keep making enemies, and she’s going to be the one caught in the middle. Why not have Dirk trained to at least take care of her safety if it ever comes to it?”

  I opened and closed my mouth, having to kick myself for treating Landon like I did Dirk for a moment.

  “You’re right,” I conceded. “So, what do you want Dirk to do?”

  “I’m going to take him with me for a few days while things continue to be worked on here. It will be basic lessons and to set him up with the equipment he actually needs. I was thinking about a trip to the Market, and I’m going to contact my supplier of silver bullets. He needs a sidearm, at least.”

  “Jacky, this is crazy. I know how to shoot a gun. I mean, come on. I lived with Niko most of my life. Do you really think he didn’t teach me all of this?”

  I took a long, slow inhale, ignoring Dirk as his rant about Landon continued. For two and a half years, Landon never worried about his sister’s safety with me and never worried about my safety at all. Even after the coup in Dallas, the events in Washington, the werecats that abducted me, or even Russia…none of it ever made him question the safety of my territory for his sister.

  The long, slow inhale told me a story Landon probably didn’t want Dirk to know. He wasn’t scared for Carey. He knew I would die for her. He knew his father would die for her. He would die for her. He wasn’t scared for me or Heath. He had seen both of us handle problems effectively.

  He was scared for Dirk.

  I thought about a wolf playing fetch under a full moon.

  “Do whatever you want with him,” I declared, shrugging. When Dirk sputtered, I gave him a side-eyed look. “Even if Niko taught you all of that growing up, when was the last time you employed it? Go freshen up your lessons and get a new perspective on how to do those things. I’ve been spending the last several months sharpening my knowledge of the supernatural world because I had forgotten a lot Hasan taught me, and I was woefully ignorant of other parts. You can do this.”

  “So, you know what I meant by the Market?” Landon asked.

  “The fae black market, or the Market, is a pocket dimension where supernaturals from around the world can gather to barter. It’s okay for anyone to go except the fae, who are banned by their own rulers,” I answered. “Never been but sounds kind of neat…and crowded.” That made me wrinkle my nose. “Yeah, Heath explained it to me. I know a lot more now. I just don’t need to interact with it all.”

  “I don’t need this,” Dirk said again, shaking his head.

  I smiled a little as Landon stood.

  “Come on, we have a trip to plan. Your boss said so.”

  As Dirk stood, I paid more attention to my nose. Dirk, always trying to rebel even a little, glared at me, then at Landon, then stormed out of the room. I took a slow, deep inhale and caught the anger in Dirk’s scent…and the lust in Landon’s. He liked Dirk being cranky and angry.

  When I looked up, Landon was looking down at me.

  “He doesn’t need to know,” Landon said softly.

  “Okay. I wasn’t going to say anything.”

  He seemed satisfied and walked out after Dirk.

  I slowly lifted a hand and put it over my mouth, leaning back in my chair to consider what to make of that. Landon had unceremoniously told me he was gay last summer. On most days, it never crossed my mind.

  I don’t know how Dirk feels about it. Does Dirk know? Is this my business to worry about? Am I worrying for nothing? Dirk’s not bad. Neither is Landon. They’ll figure it out. They’re both grown-ass men. Landon said it himself. He’s over a hundred years older than me and has all that experience to back it up.

  It will be fine.

  Right?

  Frowning, I stood and went to my window, seeing Heath talking to Landon while pointing at Dirk. Once Landon and Dirk left, using Dirk’s truck, my werewolf looked up at my window before getting back to work. The contractors needed him constantly to push through these security renovations. Once they gave him a chance to slip away, he did. I listened to him walk up the stairs and down the hall. He came into the office, then I heard the soft click of the door locking.

  When I turned toward him, he captured my mouth with a groan. The kiss was deep and passionate, even a little needy. If neediness could be attractive, Heath had mastered it. He knew just how to apply the right type of emotional pressure to be sweet but not creepy or controlling. He pulled away at just the right moment and wrapped an arm around my waist.

  “Thank God for your dark windows,” he murmured. “Landon said you approved his little idea. He told me about it last night and had thought Dirk would be interested. When Dirk shut him down, I couldn’t back him up because Dirk isn’t one of my werewolves. Why did you say okay?”

  “Because Landon isn’t doing it for me, as your lover, or for his sister, who he knows will be kept safe. He’s doing it for Dirk…and I appreciate that,” I answered, sitting on the edge of my desk. “Did you know…Landon is attracted to Dirk?”

  “I had my suspicions,” Heath confirmed. “For a few months now, maybe since Landon met him. Landon can’t do what I can, but he finds his own ways to keep his secrets, and I’ve never pried into his romantic life. Or Richard’s, for that matter. Landon’s a grown man. Richard was the same.” He stepped close again and put his hands on either side of me on the desk. “And I don’t gossip about them, either.”

  “I wasn’t trying to gossip! I’m wo…” I thought better of what I was going to say. “It’s not my business.”

  “No, it’s not,” he agreed, leaning in to put his forehead on mine. “But if you were about to admit you were worried about how this might play out, don’t think you’re alone. Landon has never been in a steady relationship…ever, Jacky. In the hundred and fifty years as an adult, he’s never had…a boyfriend.”

  “I can imagine why,” I countered.

  “The only reason I found out my son was gay was he couldn’t hide it when h
e was young,” Heath explained softly. “Not because I caught him with someone, either. I could smell it when he lost his train of thought and stared at someone he liked. The reason he was so attached to Richard was Richard spent the better part of four decades keeping Landon alive. Richard supported his little brother without question. Werewolves wanted to kill my son for accidentally offending them because he found them attractive. I…I wasn’t the best father back then. I supported him, but I…” He looked guilty, lowering his head. The first soft hint of shame filled the air.

  “It’s a long, complicated story, Jacky, and I’m not the man I was a hundred or a hundred and fifty years ago. I woke up and changed my way of thinking. I’m worried because this is the first time in probably twenty years Landon has shown an interest in someone, and he’s never been in a world that might actually accept him for who he is. I’m glad we’re moving in that direction, but werewolves…werewolves aren’t humans. Landon might finally find acceptance for his sexuality in the modern world, but he might never find it among his own species. Add in a vulnerable human boyfriend, lover, or a husband is now an option…I’m worried, too. But I’m going to let him work through it and just watch his back.”

  “Were you a victim of your time?” I asked in a small voice, reaching up to touch the five-o’clock shadow he was sporting. Landon was still with his father, which told me they worked it out, but it was important to my relationship with Heath to know just how bad he might have been over a hundred years ago. I didn’t want to wake up one day and realize I liked a man who was still holding onto any cultural rules I wanted no part of.

  “I wasn’t so bad as to be a danger to my own son. I never hit him or berated him. I loved him too much for that,” Heath answered. “I just thought ‘I can fix this.’ I thought I was a good father, looking out for him. I also kept him from being hurt, like Richard, but I was more withdrawn, looking for a solution rather than just letting him be who he is.”

  “Oh.” That was a revelation. It wasn’t the best, but it could have been worse. I still wanted more of an explanation.

  “For those first few decades, I introduced him to women.” Heath was still looking down in shame, the scent of it thick in the air. “I tried to get him to at least try to pass as straight, but every time I saw it go wrong…I knew I hurt him by trying, and I didn’t know how to fix it. I always thought ‘maybe the next one will accept him,’ and he just tolerated it without question. He could have left, but he never did. One day, I was talking to a young werewolf woman and asked about introducing her to Landon, as I had tried before. She was my last attempt. I had known she was a forward thinker, but I figured that would just help her accept my son as her husband, and there would be nothing wrong with it. She said something interesting.”

  “What was that?”

  “My son wasn’t wrong. The world was.” He smiled as he looked back up. “And the world changes all the time. Since that conversation, knowing she was right, I have backed my son in every case. I didn’t just protect him and refuse to speak about the manner. I started to put energy into it. Any pack I’ve ever been the Alpha for since has respected him, or wolves have been asked to leave. I banished people who tried to hurt him. He and I have never really had a conversation about it, but when he became my second in command, which was about…seventy-five years ago, he said he didn’t know a better Alpha to serve. I’ll never forget that moment.” He sighed heavily, betraying his age and life experience. At that moment, he was definitely a man who had lived well over two hundred years. “You probably think I’m a terrible man now. I know the modern times would look at how I treated Landon and hate me—”

  I put a hand over his mouth.

  “I think you did what was best for the time, and when you learned there was something even better to do, you did it instead,” I said softly. “I can’t judge the life experience of two men a hundred years before I knew them, and you obviously don’t act that way today. Landon is still by your side, and Carey has a wonderful father. I’m sorry I brought this up. This was a heavier conversation than I think both of us wanted to have today.”

  “You’re the first person I’ve ever had outside the family who I could be truly honest with. You know, raising Landon, watching him become the man he is…it’s one of the reasons I make sure I evolve with the times. I don’t think getting stuck in the past, set in my ways, would have kept my son with me.”

  “I…I only brought it up to keep my mind off…” I waved my hand around, frustrated with my own situation, but dropped it after a second. “I am so…honored to be the person you tell these things to. We’ll both watch out for them. Okay?”

  “With you helping me, how could anything go wrong?” He finally laughed, brightening in front of my eyes.

  “Very funny,” I said, pushing him away slowly. He tried to stay where he was but failed, laughing harder. When he sobered, he was still smiling.

  “Look, if you want to gossip about them to get your mind off things, that’s fine. Let’s just keep it to a minimum, though.”

  “Okay.” I remembered I had never asked him about something from the last meeting. “Do you know a Special Agent Collins?”

  “He’s a Special Agent now, huh?” Heath groaned. “Yeah, I know him. He’s one of the two that have been coming by?”

  “Yeah, him and Special Agent Miller,” I confirmed. “I heard them talk about you for a minute outside before the last meeting. I’ve been so wrapped up, I keep forgetting to mention it. Was he one of the agents you threatened when they were spying on you and Carey?”

  “Yeah, he was one of them,” Heath said, stepping back. He put his hands in his pockets and looked toward my window, with a faraway expression. “Agent Collins was a rookie when I first met him before Carey was born. He respected me the entire time I worked near him and was often one of the first BSA agents to arrive on the scene when there was a mix up between any humans and my pack. He was never out to get me in trouble, but he wanted to do his job to the fullest, which made us butt heads. He was the one who didn’t think it was a big deal to keep surveillance on me. He has a lot of integrity, so he didn’t consider how videos of my daughter could be used against me. I made him learn. It was the last time I spoke to him. They took him off the Dallas pack for his safety, not because his superiors think he did anything wrong. No.” Heath shook his head slowly. “They didn’t want me to kill him because he did it so well.”

  “Should I be worried?”

  “Unless he’s drastically changed, he’s by the book and respectful. He’s stubborn, though—”

  My speakers started to ring, and I turned quickly to see a call coming through on my monitor. Heath took it as his cue to leave without goodbye, which wasn’t unusual. That was just how we handled this situation.

  I picked up and saw my sister.

  “Zuri!”

  16

  Chapter Sixteen

  I had never been more relieved to see her face, but it was off. She looked tired, in a modest home, a little too close to the camera. All of it was wrong. She wasn’t dressed in expensive clothes, just a simple, somewhat plain dress from what I could see, and her hair wasn’t immaculate.

  I always thought if I went on a vacation, I would want a week in Zuri’s life—treated like a queen, people fanning me, and handling everything, so I never had to get up and clean. It seemed her vacations were the exact opposite.

  “Hello, little sister,” Zuri greeted, giving me a kind smile. “I’m sorry it took so long for me to find out what was happening and reach out. I’ve read everything and caught up on the situation. Before we get into any of that, please tell me…are you okay?” The concern touched me, and I swallowed back emotion.

  “I’m…I’m going to be fine,” I said, giving her a half-truth.

  “Don’t try to play that game with me,” she warned. “I’ve heard about all of it, from the family’s initial reaction, to Davor’s…abhorrent behavior. I know all of you can handle this situation without me, bu
t I’m…Jacky, who has been taking care of you?”

  Heath.

  I couldn’t tell her that. Her concern for me—immediate, not an afterthought—touched me. I refused to stress her out on her vacation, though.

  “This is just a stressful—”

  “Do not try to justify the way this makes you feel by saying it’s stressful,” she growled. “And don’t you dare play nice for Davor’s sake. He’s not playing nice for yours. Don’t you worry about that, though. I’m going to make sure he’s taken care of. Father obviously doesn’t have him well enough in control.”

  “I wasn’t going to try to justify what Davor did,” I fired back. “He’s a mean asshole. He’s been mean to Niko. He’s been mean to me. I don’t know why everyone puts up with him. I’m just not…my feelings don’t matter in this. We have a problem to fix, and it’s my fault…again. I’m an adult who can admit I made decisions that led to this, and now I have to focus on finding a solution.”

  “Jacky…” Zuri shook her head. “My lovely sister with a big heart…I saw the video.”

  That cracked through my defense. “I’m fine,” I whispered—I was until that moment.

  “You look exhausted, and your office looks like you’ve been living in it. I see the pile of dirty laundry and the takeout containers. I’m not a fool. You’ve been sleeping in your office. A werecat staying away from the center of her territory is a werecat who is not doing fine. That is more important to me than anything you have or haven’t done. We can talk business after I make sure you are okay.”

  Shit, I didn’t have the chance to clean up.

  “I berated my idiot twin in an email when I saw Niko’s email about Davor. Jabari was only trying to do what I do…he just has no finesse. If he could do it well, he would have known Davor’s little idea was terrible and that you aren’t okay at all.” Zuri’s jaw was tight. “If he was good at it, he would have known Davor’s intention to make sure you were ‘up to the task’ would be more detrimental than helpful.”