What kills me about this situation is I believe he means every word of his elaborate promises… at the time he makes them. The other problem lies solely with me. I want to take him at face value, believe exactly what he says, and simply enjoy the rest of my life by his side. I’ve daydreamed about the two of us in a home, complete with a white picket fence and several kids surrounding us. I’ve pictured our lives together, easy and simple, despite the vast wealth he’s accumulated. While I can see our life together all so clearly for a moment, the scene evaporates before my eyes when reality slaps me in the face and reminds me of our jaded past encounters.
If I allow myself to bask in the warmth of his words, I’ll never leave his arms.
Only the love of my life stops me from giving in. While Rod’s words are enticing and inviting, nothing he said included Landen in his grand scheme for our life together. He made no mention of how my son fits into his plans, or about having more children together to complete our family.
“Hey, Landen. Come sit with your mom and me for a little while.”
When Rod motions for him to join us, Landen’s eyes light up and the biggest smile I’ve ever seen covers his face. He darts toward us, skidding to a stop beside our lounge chair while trying to decide where he’ll fit.
“You want me to sit with you?” Landen doesn’t even look at me. His attention is solely on Rod, waiting on bated breath for his answer.
I must be blind because this is the first time I’ve seen how badly Landen wants a father-figure in his life. Though I try to push the emotions threatening to overtake me back down my throat, I’m struggling with this sudden revelation. Now I know exactly how Rod felt when he realized how different his family could’ve been all these years they’ve been on their own.
“Of course we want you to sit with us.” Rod slides us over to one side and pulls Landen to sit beside him.
Tracy catches my attention when her hand flies up to cover her mouth and her eyes pop out of her head. But when she visibly fights against the unshed tears in her eyes, I lose my breath. The temptation to look at what’s happening behind me is too much to resist.
Stupidly, I turn in Rod’s arms to catch a quick glimpse of my son.
Rod has an arm wrapped protectively around my little man.
Landen is snuggled next to Rod, with his head lying against the side of Rod’s chest. Pure delight radiates from his face. He’s relaxed and carefree, sheltered and protected, as a child should be.
Guilt begins to build in my chest until I’m sure the weight of it will crush me. I’ve deprived my son of the male bonding he’s needed because I couldn’t overcome my past. When I swore off men more than seven years ago, I thought I was protecting him. Maybe I was only protecting myself and using him as an excuse.
I turn back around, squeeze my eyes shut, and try to rein in my emotions by controlling my breathing. My heart pounds against the inside of my chest and my hands shake.
“Landen, we need to talk, man to man.”
“Okay.”
“What do you think about your mom being my girlfriend? Is that okay with you?” Rod sounds as though he truly cares about Landen’s opinion.
“I guess so. What about me?” His voice sounds so small and unsure all of a sudden.
“We’d never leave you out, little buddy. Your mom and I may go on dates alone sometimes, but you can stay with Louise and Isa until we get home. Other times, all of us will spend time together. Does that work?”
“That. Sounds. Awesome. Have you already asked her to be your girlfriend? My friend, Alec, asked this girl in our class to be his girlfriend. He passed a note across the room to her and everything. But she checked the ‘no’ box.”
“I was actually just asking her before you came over here, but I thought I’d better get your approval first. As long as I have your okay, I’ll ask her now.”
“Ask her.” Landen may think he’s whispering, but he’s not. At all. “She could say no, though. But don’t feel bad. It happens to a lot of guys.”
“Daisy, Landen, and I have been talking. We’ve come up with the best idea anyone has ever had in the history of brilliant thoughts. Will you join our super exclusive club of awesomeness… as my girlfriend?”
Landen chuckles behind me, wiggling in his seat from his excitement. “We have our own club. You should join us, Mom.”
“Check yes or no, Daisy.” Rod playfully taunts, earning more snickering from Landen.
How can I resist such an alluring offer?
“Yes, I’ll join your super exclusive club of awesomeness.”
“As my girlfriend?” Rod prods.
“As your girlfriend.” I nod and squeeze my eyes shut.
This hole under my feet is just getting deeper and deeper, and I’m the one holding the shovel.
When I open my eyes, I’m mortified to find my entire family is watching us intently, with their mouths hung open and their eyes wide. Mom wipes tears from her eyes as Dad wraps his arm around her with a huge grin on his face. Tracy’s eyebrows draw downward, her fingers cover her lips, and her eyes wordlessly ask if I’m sure about this. Kevin slowly nods in approval and has a satisfied smirk on his face.
They’re all happy for me in their own way, for their own reasons.
But none of them know my full story.
Not even one.
CHAPTER SIX
Daisy
“You haven’t told him yet, have you?” Tracy ambushes me in the kitchen as I’m getting more ice for our outdoor gathering.
“No, of course not. I’ve got whiplash from his mood swings and how quickly he changes his mind about us. I haven’t told him anything yet because I’m trying to get a read on how he’ll react. But he surprised me with the whole popping-the-girlfriend-question plot twist. He even used my son as ammunition against me. He only did that so I couldn’t say no.” I empty the ice bin into the large bowl and set the automatic ice maker to make more.
“I have to give him points for that move. Rod included Landen because he accepts your son as part of the package. You wouldn’t want him any other way.”
“Tell me what to do, Tracy, because I really don’t know what my next step should be. Between Rod, Juliana, Landen, and now this baby, I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
“Selfishly, I want you to have it. You know I love spoiling Landen, especially on his birthday and Christmas. But I’m not the one who has to deal with everything else that comes along with having that little bundle of joy.”
“I know you love showering him with gifts. You spoil him more than I do. Landen reminds me to give you his wish list frequently. You’re a wonderful aunt, Tracy. Even if you do wreak havoc on my life sometimes.”
“And you, my friend, always put everyone else first, sacrificing your needs because you think you’re being selfish if you have wishes for yourself. Forget about everyone else—Rod, Juliana, me. There’s only one question you have to answer. What does Daisy really want?”
I abruptly stop and raise my eyes to meet Tracy’s.
What do I want?
Her eyes drop to my belly and a smile crosses her face before meeting my gaze again. “Looks like you have your answer.” She nods her head downward and I follow her line of sight.
My hand is splayed across my stomach, protectively shielding the baby inside without realizing I’m doing it.
“I’m scared, Tracy. Rod and I barely know each other. Women have pursued him because of his money. Will he think I’m one of them, like I did this on purpose? The time we’ve spent together hasn’t been exactly normal. Between leaving paradise and coming here for the holidays, we’ve barely spoken. Yet he claims he wants us to build a life together.”
“You don’t believe him? He’s thirty-five. It’s not as though he hasn’t been around the block a couple hundred times and doesn’t know what attracts him. He’s liked you from the moment you met. Besides, Kevin and I knew you two would be perfect for each other. That’s why we arranged the meeting for you two
in the first place.
“Trust me in this, Daisy. I know you’re head over heels for him, the same as he is for you. The problem is, you’re both too scared to let go of your tight grip on the reins and simply allow this to happen. For once in your life, do what scares the hell out of you.”
She’s right, of course. She has wanted to say those words to me for years now, but she chose to support my decision to hide my heart from the world instead. At that time of my life, surviving took all the strength I could muster. She understood and supported me through every step of my horrendous ordeal. Though I’m stronger, wiser, and haven’t repeated the same stupid mistakes, I’ve made all new stupid mistakes I can’t escape from now.
“All right. So, let’s say I give this relationship with Rod a real chance. Fine. What if he tucks his tail and runs when I tell him I’m pregnant, Tracy? What should I do then?” My anxiety is at an all-time high and I can’t take a timeout to do any self-calming exercises.
“Don’t assume he’ll run. He raised his sister. He helped her raise his niece when she came along. He signed the papers accepting power of attorney over Isa, and soon he’ll sign the custody papers, essentially making him a single father. The pregnancy news will be quite a shock to his system, no doubt. Just give him a chance to process everything. You’re not handling the news all that well yourself.”
“You’re right, I’m not taking any of this very well. I’m all over the place, changing my mind about being with Rod and keeping the baby every other breath.” I drop my head in my hand and take a deep breath. “I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
“That’s amoré.” She sings her retort to me, as if that’ll help.
Okay, so it does. Her unexpected and out of place serenade makes me laugh and gets me out of my own head.
“Daisy, you’re still reeling from the news yourself. You don’t have to decide if you’ll keep it or not right this minute. Wait a couple of weeks, see how things are going and how you feel. You need to put some distance between you and the test result to have any real perspective on the situation. Until then, relax, have fun with Rod, and enjoy your new relationship status.” Tracy pulls me into her arms and gives me the long, friendly hug I need to help pull myself back together.
“Okay, I’m calm now. Come to think of it, I don’t even know how far along I am yet. Blood tests can detect it a lot earlier than a store bought one, so I could be just two or three weeks pregnant instead of two or three months.”
She grips my shoulders and pushes me backward.
“Wait … you have no idea? Not even a guess?”
“No, I don’t have a regular period with my birth control, only a little breakthrough bleeding now and then. I can’t remember when that last happened, though. So I can’t even make an educated guess about how far along I am.”
“Well, that makes this so much more fun.” Her smirk makes me laugh. No matter what, I know she always has my back.
We take the ice and side dishes out to the pool area and rejoin the rest of the group. The moment I step through the door, I feel the weight of Rod’s eyes on me. It could be my guilty conscience playing tricks on me, but I’d swear he knows I’m hiding something. As I’m arranging the food on the table, he sneaks up behind me and wraps his arms around me.
It’s amazing how a simple touch can do so much.
Being in his arms makes me feel safe and protected. His strength seeps into me, stealing my fears and boosting my self-confidence. For those brief stolen moments, I believe I can conquer the world.
“Are you avoiding me?” His voice is low and intimate, but I hear a hint of uncertainty.
“No, not at all. Why would you think that?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you disappeared with Tracy for so long. My arms were getting cold and lonely without you.”
“We were just having a girl chat while replenishing the cooler. Seeing me in your arms was a bit of a shock to her, so of course she had questions. But I wasn’t trying to get away from you. You should know by now I wouldn’t give us another try if I didn’t want to. This closeness feels too good for you to stop now, so I’m afraid you’re stuck with me for a while.”
“I think you have that backward. You’re stuck with me. You may have agreed to a trial relationship only, but the joke’s on you. I’m never letting you go again.”
“You know, I’ve really missed your half creepy, half romantic promises. Your good twin and bad twin personalities really keep me on my toes, trying to figure out who’s coming out to play.” I glance over my shoulder at him, wearing a playful smile.
“I’ll gladly show you who’s ready to come out and play.” He presses his lips to mine just as my cheeks heat, removing any chance I had of playing nonchalant.
I love his bedroom talk. Maybe not within earshot of my parents though. That’s a bit awkward. Lucky for me, his kiss is a highly effective amnesiac.
“Daisy, your dad moved your clothes into Rod’s room since Marlee will be here later this evening. It doesn’t appear either of you will mind the close quarters.” Mom grins, then cuts her eyes to Tracy. When I follow her gaze, I instantly recognize Tracy’s smile. They’ve been conspiring behind my back. The two of them were in cahoots planning this move.
What all has Tracy shared with her?
My extended family isn’t fazed at all. There are a few smiles and heads nodding in agreement, but her announcement shocks no one. Except me, since no one asked me if I’m comfortable with their decision. Or if I’m ready to share this part of my new relationship with Rod in front of my son.
“Hey, your entire body went rigid at once. If you don’t want to sleep in my room with me, I’ll find a local hotel. You know I’d never pressure you like that.”
“It’s not you, Rod, so don’t take my reaction personally. You’re not staying in a hotel. You’re staying right here. I just don’t appreciate others making decisions for me, even my mom. My main concern is Landen and how this will affect him.”
Speaking of my little man, he and Isa come running up to join us. The smell of cooked food is too good to resist. “Mom, I’m starving. We’ve been working so hard on putting our tent up in the playroom. Can Isa and I sleep in there tonight? We promise to be good.”
Juliana walks up and wraps her arm around my shoulder. “For what it’s worth, I think it’ll be good for them to camp together. I’ll sleep on the sofa bed in there in case they wake up scared in the middle of the night. What do you say, Momma?”
“Yeah, what do you say, Momma?” Landen echoes her. With those big eyes and bright smile beaming at me, how can I say no?
“Okay, as long as you promise to behave and mind Juliana.”
“I promise, I promise!” He jumps up and down, excitement taking over his normally calm demeanor.
After everyone piles their plates full of food, they’re all busy stuffing their face when I sit beside my mom.
“Don’t you think you should’ve talked to me about playing musical rooms before announcing I’ll be sleeping with Rod to the entire family?”
“Maybe, but since everyone here knows you two are crazy about each other, it’s not as if you’re hiding anything. What good has staying apart done you? Seems to me you’d want to spend more time with him.” She quirks one eyebrow upward, not bothering to conceal her knowing smirk.
“What about Landen? You know I’ve never had a man around him, not like that. I’m not ready to answer his questions.”
“Daisy, you can’t hide from the past for the rest of your life. Keeping him from seeing a happy, healthy relationship doesn’t protect him. He needs a consistent father figure in his life. All kids do. That doesn’t necessarily have to be a boyfriend or a husband, but he needs a positive male influence as much as he needs you. You’re trying to protect yourself by hiding how you truly feel about Rod. That won’t work, sweetheart. You’ll be miserable in the long run, and I want more than that for you. You deserve more than that.”
“I hate when yo
u’re right.” I sulk, picking at the pulled barbeque chicken on my plate.
“Have you told Rod yet?”
My head jerks up involuntarily at her question. My heart races and I feel as if I’ll hyperventilate. “Told him what?”
She narrows her eyes and furrows her brow. “About Landen’s father.”
“Oh. No, I haven’t told him, and he hasn’t asked. I suppose I should share that little tidbit of information before too much longer.”
“That’s probably a good idea. Maybe you should also share the other secret you’re keeping from him. He’s bound to find out sooner or later. I’m sure he’d appreciate hearing it from you instead of someone else.”
There’s no use in denying it or playing dumb. Momma knows.
I move back to my shared seat with Rod, where he, Juliana, Tracy, and Kevin are talking and laughing together. He’s already finished eating, so he pulls me into his lap without missing a beat in the conversation. Once I relax, I realize I’m starving and scarf down every last morsel on my plate.
“You must be feeling okay since you have a healthy appetite this evening. Did you skip a meal or two today or something? How about some dessert now?”
Simple question. So many meanings.
“If you’re going that way, I wouldn’t turn down some hot peach cobbler with vanilla ice cream.”
He kisses my cheek and moves me to sit on the chair beside him. “Now you’re making me hungry. Two plates of dessert coming up.”
Tracy’s gaze is burning a hole through me, but I can’t bring myself to look at her. I know exactly what she’s thinking because I’m thinking it too.
No way would a recent conception affect my appetite so soon. That can only mean one thing.
I’ve been pregnant since our trip to Punta Cana.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Rod
“Feel like taking a walk around the subdivision with me?” I extend my arm to Daisy and she wraps her hand around the crook of my elbow. “The neighbors must be competing to see who can come closest to the brightness of the sun. It’s lit up like a football field out there with all Yuletide lights.”
All I Need: Rod & Daisy (All Of Me Duet Book 2) Page 5