by Lia Lee
I forced myself not to think about him. I needed a distraction.
“I’d like that,” I said. Lee was the perfect distraction.
I followed him back to the bar and perched on one of the stools. Lee poured me a beer and I took it, willing my hands not to shake. Why was I so nervous? I had to get over it.
The other bartender, Dustin, fussed about his tips a bit before he announced he was leaving. I would have stayed if this was how things were every night. But Dustin didn’t look like he fit in here the way Hannah and Lee did. When Dustin was gone and it was only me, Hannah and Lee left, Lee turned to me.
“Did you get a couple of good shots?” he asked.
I nodded. Hannah joined us and climbed onto the stool next to me.
“And?” she asked. I smiled and picked up the camera, flicking through photos and showing them to her and to Lee. I skipped a lot of the photos I had taken of Lee. Maybe I had taken too many of him. I hadn’t been able to help myself. He was perfect to photograph. He was perfect in a lot of ways, but that would be my little secret.
“Which ones do you like?” I asked, going through them again. Hannah picked out her favorite. I promised her I would submit them to the Board. The photos would appear on the website, showing the best side of The Pint.
“How did you get this job?” Hannah asked.
“As a photographer, or with the Tourism Board?” I asked.
“Tourism Board.”
I glanced at Lee who was as interested as Hannah was. I felt a little flustered when he looked at me that way. His dark eyes were intense and unfaltering.
“I try to take jobs all over so I can travel a bit while I’m still making a living. Being a freelancer and earning money this way has allowed me to see the world. Before, I worked for a company and even though the pay is stable, I didn’t experience as much as I do now.”
“That’s very brave,” Lee said. He leaned with his elbows on the bar and his muscles bulged. I swallowed and averted my eyes, pulling up my shoulders.
“We all need to find a space where we belong, right? I guess I’m still looking.”
Why had I said that? It was a little too close to home, too personal and something I hadn’t meant to say. But when I glanced up at Lee his eyes were smiling at me, and it made me feel disoriented. I tried to fight off a blush that came out of nowhere and only partially succeeded. Luckily, Hannah spoke to Lee and neither of them looked at me.
I sat with them while they talked and laughed about the customers they had served tonight. I sipped my beer. Funny, I usually didn’t like beer that much, but this was the best beer I’d ever tasted.
“I need to get going,” I said, when my glass had been empty for a while. Lee and Hannah both looked at me.
“You’re welcome to stay a while longer,” Hannah said.
I shook my head. “Thank you, but I have to get up early to start editing these.” I patted my camera. “Thank you for having me.”
“Of course,” Hanna said. “You’re welcome, anytime.”
I said my goodbye to Lee who smiled at me. It was a genuine smile, broad and dazzling. His teeth with whiter than white and it made me tingle. I offered him a small smile in return and left the bar while Hannah and Lee poured themselves another beer.
My motel wasn’t too far from The Pint and it was a beautiful night. I walked back to the motel as the night curled around me, the inky black sky littered with stars. I took in a deep breath and I could almost taste the night, laced with the smell of pine and fir.
Packwood was a beautiful place. Calm and peaceful, it was nestled in between the mountains, sheltered from the outside world so it felt like reality couldn’t catch up with me here. I could breathe out here and be myself.
How long had it been since I’d felt that way?
My mind wanted to jump to Jim, but I forced myself to think about Lee instead. He was the first man that jumped into my mind when I tried to avoid thinking about Jim, and I thought again about how he had been such a perfect distraction.
Lee seemed like the type that respected a woman. He was so confident in himself it wasn’t hard to see that he would allow others to be the same. Men like that were rare. Most men were always caught up in the competition, caught up in taking charge and trying to be the alpha.
But Lee wasn’t trying. He already was the alpha around here. I could see it in the way others treated him; Dustin obviously deferred to him, and even Hannah had a certain way of responding to him, even though she was the owner of the bar and he worked for her.
Since I had started doing photography, I’d learned a lot about people. It was like I saw them clearly when I saw them through a lens, and I’d really learned to read people. I only wish I’d had the same ability five years ago. I might have made different choices.
The motel wasn’t a five-star joint, but it was warm and cozy and all I needed. My room wasn’t very big, the wallpaper and curtains were all decorated with the same floral pattern, and the carpet was worn from the door to the bed to the bathroom. But I was safe and it was mine for as long as I stayed in Packwood.
I climbed into bed after getting ready and closed my eyes, but I couldn’t sleep. The energy at the pub and the beer in my system had me wired. I tried for an hour before I finally gave up. I pulled on jeans and a thick jacket against the night air and headed out for a walk.
The old ‘me’ would never have done it—I’d have been too scared. But this was the new me and I wasn’t going to look back. At the last minute, I grabbed my camera. I didn’t always find something I could capture, but never say never.
I walked in the direction of town. The Pint was quiet and dark, now with only one car left in the lot. I sat down on a bench and looked up at the stars. They were like diamonds, scattered across the heavens.
The door to the bar opened and I watched as Lee stepped out and locked up. He looked up at the stars the same way I had, and I even saw his shoulders rise and fall as he took a deep breath. I lifted my camera and clicked.
Chapter 3
Lee
A flash went off and I spun around. The photographer—Farrah—sat on a bench in the parking lot. She slowly lowered the camera and the look her face made it clear that she hadn’t meant for me to see the flash. I grinned and walked toward her. She looked like she wanted to bolt, but she forced herself to stay. The internal conflict was evident, and it intrigued me.
What was going on in her head while she forced herself to do something that didn’t come naturally?
I reached the bench and sat down next to her. She was beautiful in the moonlight, her eyes a deep blue and her dark hair a mass of black around her face. She looked shocked or nervous or something. Twice, she looked over her shoulder, like she was either waiting for a hero or looking for a way out.
“You didn’t have to sneak around in the dark to get my photo, you could have just asked,” I said with a grin to break the silence.
Farrah shook her head. “I wasn’t—I’m just here—it’s for the Tourism Board.”
She was adorable when she stuttered like that. The confidence I’d noticed earlier had disappeared, making me wonder if it had been an act, or a professional demeanor associated with her work.
“I was joking with you,” I said, and she visibly relaxed. What was her deal? She seemed uptight now, where she had been smooth and easy when she had been at the bar. Something about the way Farrah held herself in the darkness—now that we were alone—gave me the idea she wasn’t nearly as bold as she had appeared earlier. There was more to her than met the eye and I wanted to know what that was. Farrah was beautiful but she seemed shy. Her eyes were wide like that of a deer in the headlights, and she looked like a scared animal that would run away if I moved too fast.
It made me want to get her to open up to me. I didn’t know what it was about her that drew me, but I wanted to know more about her. I wanted to be the one to crack the code.
“What are you doing out here, all alone?” I asked.
“Thinking,” she said.
I looked around. The mountains were dark and rose toward the heavens like giant sentries.
“It’s pretty dark and lonely out here.”
She pulled up her shoulders. She wasn’t eager to talk, I realized.
“Tell me one thing about yourself,” I said. “One thing no one knows about you. A secret under the moonlight.”
I folded my arms across my chest. She wrapped her arms around herself as if she was cold, but actually, she was mirroring me. Always a good sign. She wasn’t closed off to me. Despite her shy, skittish nature she didn’t see me as a threat.
“I don’t even know you,” she said.
I nodded. “You’re right. That makes it so much easier to tell a secret, doesn’t it? If someone doesn’t know anything about you, they can’t judge you.”
She was thinking about it, I could tell. She was so damn beautiful I couldn’t help but stare. I didn’t know how it happened that I’d ended up alone on the bench in the dark with this goddess. But I was happy.
“I guess that’s true,” she said. She thought about it for a moment.
“I’m working on being bold.”
I frowned. “Bold?”
She nodded. “Yeah, you know. Being courageous, and doing things I wouldn’t normally have done.”
“Like giving up your job and traveling as a freelance photographer, instead,” I said.
“Right. Like that.”
“What else have you done that’s bold?” I asked. I could give her a couple of ideas right this moment that would fit the definition, but none of them were appropriate or very respectful. I couldn’t help it, though. Something about her drew me like I hadn’t been drawn before, and I really wanted to get to know her. I wanted to be close to her. The only thing I could think of that was closer than close was to bed her.
But like she said, she didn’t know me. And she wasn’t the type to do a one-night stand. She had class.
So a secret, a conversation, would be enough with this woman.
“What is the boldest thing you’ve done?” I asked her.
“I think it’s leaving the city behind. I used to be a city girl. Everything changed a while ago and, well, I moved to a small town and I’ve been traveling.”
“You gave up your whole life. That is pretty bold.”
She nodded and smiled, her eyes sliding away from me. I wanted her, badly. It wasn’t even about her body, hot as she was. It was about how she intrigued me. I wanted to peel away who she was layer by layer until I could find out who she was to her core. I wanted to do that physically, as well, stripping her down and tasting her skin.
I tried to force my mind away from the dirty stuff. They were only thoughts, but it wasn’t fair to perv over her when she was being so open with me. Open and sweet.
“Being bold isn’t about doing crazy things,” Farrah said. “It’s about doing what you didn’t think you ever could.”
I nodded. “Not everyone defines it that way. Sometimes courage is in the small things.”
“Courage,” she said, considering that. “Yeah, I guess it is.”
She looked up at me and her blue eyes tugged at me again. They were a deep blue in the darkness, drowning deep, and filled with a world of things that I didn’t know about.
“Tell me about yourself,” I said. My voice was low.
“What do you want to know?” she asked, her voice almost a whisper. We were so quiet, huddled together against the night, speaking softly as if the noise would shatter the carefully constructed bubble we were wrapped in.
I wanted to know what her world was made of. I wanted to know what scared her. I wanted to know who she was when no one was looking. But it wasn’t my place to know these things. I was a stranger. I didn’t deserve to know who Farrah was at her core. But the need to know was a surprise to me. I hadn’t felt this way about someone before. Sure, I’d had relationships. I had dated, fucked, been in love and suffered heartbreak. But I had never felt the need to know someone the way I suddenly needed to know Farrah.
What was it about this woman that had me so wrapped up in her already?
“Where are you headed off to, next?” I asked, keeping the conversation light when I really wanted to ask what her dreams were, what scared her, why she wasn’t with someone.
“I don’t know,” she said. “The upside about freelance work is that I get to travel. The downside is that my next step is always a question.” She shrugged slightly. “I’m trying to just go where my job takes me. I used to always have everything planned out.”
“What changed?”
She took a deep breath. “I did.”
I stayed silent, waiting for her to keep talking. And she did.
“I realized that I could plan my entire life and still not be able to control anything. So, I stopped planning.”
“And decided to be bold,” I said.
She nodded and looked down at her hands. She looked like something was bugging her. Her face was serious. This conversation had suddenly become heavy and I wasn’t sure why. I wanted to change that and keep it light.
“What about kissing a stranger under the moon?” I asked.
Farrah looked at me, surprised.
“I couldn’t do that. I—” She shook her head, stopping mid-sentence as if she caught herself. I watched her face as she battled with what I had asked her. I could see the struggle on her face, the war that raged inside her as she fought something I didn’t know. It was almost amusing to watch her. She was caught up in her own mind and I was a spectator.
She wasn’t going to let me kiss her, I thought. Whatever was going on in her mind had taken her away from me. We sat together but she was miles away.
Suddenly, as if she had yanked herself back and forced a decision, she leaned forward and kissed me.
It wasn’t a solid kiss. She had softly brushed her lips against mine. It had taken a lot for her to that, I knew. So I didn’t touch her at all. I didn’t pull her in for a deeper kiss or put my hands on her cheeks the way I wanted to. I let her keep control of the situation.
When she pulled away from me, the surprise on her face told me I was right to handle it the way I had. The shock on her face—the realization of what she had done—was adorable.
There was potential for an awkward silence but I wouldn’t let it go there. The moment was too perfect. I glanced at my wristwatch. It was very late. Or very early.
“I have to get going,” I said to her.
Farrah blushed and nodded. “Of course, I didn’t mean to keep you.”
“Oh, you didn’t,” I said with a grin. I had chosen to stay. “I had a great time with you. But I need to go if I’m going to catch a bit of sleep before daybreak.”
Farrah looked up at the night sky as if the stars could tell her the time.
“Thank you for sitting with me,” she said, as if I had done her a favor.
“Of course,” I said. I stood up and pushed my hands into my pockets. “You’ll get back to your motel okay?”
She nodded. She was calmer now after she had processed her bold move. “It’s not a long walk.”
I wasn’t worried for her safety, I knew where she had to be staying and she was right, it wasn’t far.
“Have a good night, Farrah,” I said. “Or morning, as the case may be.”
She smiled. “You too.”
“And if you feel like being bold again, look me up,” I said, and I winked at her. Surprise crossed her face again before she blushed. God, she was beautiful. I wanted to grab her and kiss her, and I wanted to do it properly. But I knew that would only scare her off. I had to let her come to me on her own terms. If I did anything, she was going to shut down on me and that was the last thing I wanted.
I wanted to get to know her and the only way to do that was to let her dictate the pace.
“Good night,” I said a final time and turned toward my truck. When I reached my door and opened it I looked back to the bench where we had
been sitting, but Farrah was gone.
She was like an apparition, I thought. Surreal. If she hadn’t kissed me, I would have thought maybe I was dreaming. But her lips had brushed against mine and I couldn’t dream up an electric reaction like that even if I wanted to.
Farrah was real and I wanted to see her again.
Chapter 4
Farrah
When I opened my eyes on Saturday morning, the sun streamed into the motel room through the thin, light curtains. I knew it was late before I rolled over and checked the time. It was ten in the morning, a lot later than I usually woke up. My early morning stroll had ended when I had come back to the hotel room just before sunrise.
I flashed on an image of Lee and I lifted my fingers to my lips. I couldn’t believe I had kissed him. I had kissed a stranger. What was I thinking? I hadn’t ever done something like that before. Yet, I had to admit I had liked it.
There was something about Lee that encouraged me to be bold and to do things I hadn’t done before. I didn’t know what it was but I felt like I could be myself around him. My true self. I didn’t even know who that was, but when I was around Lee, I felt like I wanted to find out.
Kissing him had been magical. It had been all butterflies and rainbows, sending tingles through my body and making my toes curl. That was the kind of feeling I had always dreamed of as a teenager, but I’d found out the hard way that sometimes reality didn’t include my dreams, and I had eventually given them up as fantasies. But this time, it had been real.
It made me think there had to be more. If this one thing was real, one kiss that felt like destiny, how much more was there?
I still couldn’t believe I had done it. Lee seemed as surprised as was, but it hadn’t been the same kind of surprise that I’d experienced. He looked merely caught off guard. I had been shocked. Completely stunned that for once I had managed to override the little voice in the back of my mind. A voice that was always screaming at me that something I was doing was wrong.