by Cassie Mae
Sydney grabs my wrist so fast I have to reach for Adam before he gets left behind. We make a train up the stairs and finally are greeted by more than just one person. This is a party, right?
“Hey, hey, hey! The virgins have arrived!”
Adam tugs on my arm to go back the way we came, and I’m all for it, but Sydney leaps into the crowd. My feet follow her instead to save her from any anxious penises.
I’m shuffled through the hallway, desperately searching for Adam’s green pants, but I lost him. Hands push my back, and I’m catapulted into a big bedroom where I see nothing but girls. They’re all sitting on the floor in a circle, excitedly chatting and whispering to each other. Some wave and smile at me which has never happened before with this group of people. All the furniture has been pressed up against the wall so there’s just a big open space for us to sit. Everyone has a blue SOLO cup in front of them.
Is this some kind of all-girl spin-the-bottle? Sydney, what the hell is this?
I try to ask her with my eyes, but she’s already slamming her tooshy on the floor between Marisa Walker and Tessa… I forget her last name.
“All right, I think all the girls are here.”
My stomach has permanently become a twisted piece of taffy. Kevin’s hands land on my shoulders, trying to direct me to the circle, but I shove him off and do it myself, squeezing between Sydney and Tessa.
If I can’t stick to Adam anymore, since he’s obviously not allowed in this room because of his gender, I’ll stick to Sydney. That’s one promise I made to Levi I’m not going to break.
Connor moves his way past all the guys in the hall, past Kevin, and puts mine and Sydney’s drinks in front of us on the floor. I lift it and take a whiff, and even though all I smell is Pepsi, my stomach is still going nuts and won’t let me get any relief.
Sydney leans over. “Relax. We’re just going to play a game. It’s a boys versus girls thing.”
My shoulders droop, but it’s just for her benefit. I’m not relaxed whatsoever.
“Everyone have their drink?” Chelsea Hayes says to all the girls in the group. Everyone raises their cups and squeals. Except me, who can barely register what is happening.
Chelsea turns and winks at Kevin and Connor, who move out of the room with a “Let’s get this party started!” then shut the door behind them.
I’m not comfy. Seriously not comfy at all. I thought it was the douchey guys causing most of the turmoil in my mid-region, but it must be everything. I look at Sydney, who has a big smile on her face, taking a sip of her drink between whispers with Marisa. Why can’t I relax, damn it?
I take a deep breath and then gulp down some soda. All the other girls are drinking and chatting, and Tessa leans over and peers in my cup.
“Coke girl?”
“Pepsi,” I squeak.
She smiles and even though she’s being nice to me, I still haven’t unwound. “I like Cherry Pepsi, but not the regular stuff.”
“Cherry Pepsi’s better,” I agree, and take another sip to cover the awkwardness. I swear we sit here for forever and a day just drinking and talking. Is this what the cool people do? Maybe I judge too quickly.
Someone knocks on the door, then shouts, “Number 12!”
All the girls bring their cups up so they can see the bottom. I do the same and find a big “28” scribbled in black Sharpie. Is that why we all have drinks? Part of the game? Or just something to write the number on?
“That’s me!” pipes Alex Kimbers from two girls down on my left. “Take a guess!”
The room buzzes with jitters, and people are shushing each other so we can hear the anonymous guy through the door.
“Shit, it’s not fair ‘cause it probably hasn’t even kicked in.” There’s a pause, and the girls all snicker while my brain tries to process what was just said, but it’s not making any sense. But my tummy has started to untwist, so maybe my body is saying it’s about time I have some fun.
“Uh…Xanax?”
Alex tips her cup to her lips before she answers. “You only wish, buddy!”
“Dammit!”
There’s a shuffle outside the door, and I turn to Sydney who has drained her entire cup. I look down at my own, which is about a third full and wonder how the hell she drank so fast. And I really hope no one shouts my number until I find out what is going on.
It’s quiet and everyone who has any drink left is drinking, so I tilt my cup up and do the same.
Another voice comes through the door. “Number 3.”
It’s Kevin. I can tell even through the wall. Jules Peterson grins and says, “Present!” She giggles a little bit, but her voice isn’t very loud. Which is unusual for her.
“Now, that’s the Xanax,” Kevin says.
“Ding, ding,” Jules says without much enthusiasm. Kevin opens the door, and she raises her hand in the air. He scoops her up, and they’re gone.
I put a hand over my eyes and rub them. My head’s getting a little fuzzy. Why can I not comprehend what’s happening here? Sydney starts belting out a chorus of Black Eyed Peas and laughing in my face. I want to laugh with her because she looks so ridiculous, but I can’t force my body to do anything I want. Except drink. That’s the only thing it seems it knows how to do.
But I don’t want to drink. There’s something wrong with me. With this. But I can’t figure it out.
Another knock on the door, and someone shouts the number 27. My stomach does a little lurch with the “twenty” but settles down to its regular knot when I register that’s not me.
Sydney stands up, knocking over her empty cup and shouts, “Oh, me! Me! Me!” She leans down, and her big green eyes lock with mine. “That’s my number, Sierra! Check me out! I’m in the ‘in’ crowd!”
Everyone’s laughing, even me, when she gets up and wiggles around the room. The guy on the other side of the door says, “Has she ever taken anything before? She sounds nuts!”
Sydney flops on her back in the middle of the circle. “Just guess speed! Then whisk me away!”
The door opens, and my vision is too blurry to make out a face. All I see are hands, and they’re coming toward my friend.
“No,” I mumble and try to force my body to move. I push off my legs and fall on top of Sydney, covering her and ignoring all the laughter buzzing in my head.
“Looks like I get two, guys!”
More laughter, and I can’t move anymore. I know I’m telling my arms to grip Sydney and I’m telling my mouth to shout at whoever is trying to grab me, but I’m not sure if any of those things are happening.
I squint, trying to get a hold on my surroundings, and forcing myself to stay planted on top of Sydney, who’s not making things any easier by wiggling under me.
“Get the hell out of my way!” someone shouts, and I’m thinking he’s talking to me, but I can’t move. Even if I could, I wouldn’t.
The laughter stops, and I wonder if I’ve lost my hearing. Hands grip my waist, and I can’t do anything but let them. Hot breath washes over my suddenly sweaty body. My eyes won’t even open anymore. I have no idea who’s got me, or what they intend to do with me. All I know is I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to move, but the need to sleep overpowers all those wants, and I’m dragged from the room, thinking maybe sleeping during this will be the best way out.
Chapter 16
I wish sleep would act like a life eraser.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to do. The guy threatened me, and I didn’t want to get Sydney in trouble with the cops.”
“You called them, though, right?”
“Yeah, yeah, but we gotta get them out of here. I don’t want them to get caught. Shit, I didn’t know what to think. What do we do? I can’t take Sydney home, her mom’s gonna flip. But Sierra looks awful, and I’m not sure if I should take her to a hospital, but I can’t have Sydney on me while I’m there with her, but they should both be watched over, you know?”
“Adam, calm down. Breathe, man.”
“I can’t calm down! Do you know what they were gonna do to them?”
“Yeah, but they didn’t, ‘cause you were there.”
“But those other girls…”
“The cops are coming. And like you said, we gotta get them out of here.”
“Yeah, yeah, right. I could take ‘em both to Sierra’s place, but I know she’s gonna kill Sydney when she gets out of this. Maybe it’s better we keep them apart?”
“Listen, you take Sydney. You know her better, and she’d probably freak if she woke up from this at my place.”
“She’ll freak at my place too.”
“I’ll stay with Sierra. Watch her for a bit. If she needs a hospital, I got it.”
“You’ll keep your hands off her?”
“I can’t believe you’d even think that.”
“I’m scared shitless to leave her with anyone right now.”
“I know, but we’re wasting time fighting about it. I promise I won’t touch her except to put her in bed. Alone.”
“Fine. But keep your phone on. Update me.”
“I will.”
“And thanks, Levi. Those guys don’t listen to me, and there were a lot of them.”
“Yeah. Let’s get these girls in your car. I’ll meet you at Sierra’s.”
***
I smell apples. And popcorn. I don’t think I ever really fell asleep, but it feels like I’m waking up. I blink a few times, then pull my hand over my eyes. It takes every amount of strength I have to tap my fingers against my temple to make sure I have the use of my limbs.
“How you feeling?”
As slow as a turtle, my hand slides off my face, and I meet blue eyes and blond floppy hair. My eyelids droop even though I’d love for them to stay open.
“Sleepy,” I mumble.
“You can sleep,” Levi says, and fingers tangle in my hair as he moves it from my face.
I try to shake my head. “No. I can’t do that.”
His eyebrows scrunch together as I look at him through my almost closed eyes. “Why not?”
“Because, I’m scared.”
He leans back, and I notice he’s kneeling beside my bed.
Bed…my bed. My room. Levi’s in my room. I don’t even remember getting here. I remember falling on Sydney. I remember arms holding me. I remember Levi and Adam talking… but I don’t remember my room.
“I won’t hurt you. You don’t have to be scared of me.”
It takes me forever to rewind and press play back into our conversation.
“I’m not scared of you.”
“Then why are you afraid to fall asleep?”
I gulp, and refuse to let my eyes shut all the way. I turn to the ceiling and try to make pictures out of the paint spatter.
“I’m afraid… I’m afraid I won’t wake up.”
Levi’s hand wraps around mine. His fingers are freezing.
“You’ll be okay. Don’t worry about that.”
“I don’t know what they gave me. I don’t know what’s happening.” Something wet runs down the side of my face, and Levi’s cold fingers leave my hand for a moment to wipe it away.
“I’ll stay up and watch you. Make sure you’re still breathing, okay? But you should sleep it off. It’ll make you feel better.”
I turn toward him. Even blurry, he’s beautiful. I want to throw myself into his arms, or pull him on the bed, but my muscles are still soft and dysfunctional. He tries to smile at me, but I can tell, even sleep-hazed, he has to work really hard at smiling.
“Levi?”
“Yeah?”
My voice shuts off, but my eyes stay open to take in his features again. He’s got a worry line just over the bridge of his nose. His eyebrows are pulled down, and his lips are slightly parted as if he’s having trouble breathing. And those blue eyes look at me like they don’t want to be looking anywhere else.
“What is it, Sierra? Do you need me to get you anything?”
I shake my head, as much as I can, and let my eyes fall closed.
“It’s nothing. I just…” I yawn, and my mind starts drifting away. “I just think you’re really beautiful.”
A light chuckle comes from the side of the bed, then warm lips press into my forehead. “Sleep. I’ll stand guard.”
I think I manage a twitch of a smile, but I’m out before I can think about it too hard.
***
It’s weird. Something horrible happens, and when you come out of that first sleep afterward, part of your brain thinks it didn’t. Maybe it’s the optimistic chum up there floating around, whispering in your ear, going, “Hey, we were just messing with you in your sleep. It’s all good.”
I smile and stretch for about five seconds, then I feel the tight, binding fabric of my jeans and a chain pulling at the pocket. My head does a one-eighty, flipping to the reality chum who remind me that yeah, that drug in your drink really did happen.
I’m still tired. My body feels like I ran five thousand miles in mud. One quick glance at the clock that says 4:37 tells me I could easily roll over and fall back asleep, but my throat’s dry, and I have to pee.
When I sit up, Levi adjusts himself on the floor, sticking his phone in his pocket and rubbing his eyes.
“You stayed,” I say, but it comes out breathy and scratchy. I need water.
He nods, bringing a knee up to rest his elbow on. There are dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. His hair sticks up in the back, like he leaned against my wall all night.
“Do you need anything?” he asks, moving his other knee up.
“Um…I was going to get some water.”
“I’ll get it.” He slowly gets to his feet, shaking his head and stretching his eyelids open to perfect circles, like he’s trying really hard not to fall asleep standing.
“I can do it,” I mumble, but he’s already halfway to my door. He puts his finger out in a half-assed threatening way, and I relax my butt back into my mattress. “Okay, there are water bottles in the fridge. But be super quiet. My parents…”
“Got it.”
I wait till I hear his feet on the stairs before I tiptoe to the bathroom. I definitely don’t need his help with this.
When I walk back in, Levi’s looking at his phone again, standing by my nightstand where he’s set down my water. He’s wearing his Cineplex 17 uniform and smells a little bit like popcorn. I take a step toward him, and he smashes his phone in his pocket and holds my arms as I slide back in bed. It’s like he thinks I’ll break or something.
“I’m okay,” I assure him, keeping my eyes on his bloodshot ones. “I’m just tired.”
“Sorry.” He lets go of my arms, and I wonder what the hell I was thinking not playing up the damsel in distress. But he looks worried, and I have to let him know I’m mostly coherent in the brain region. He kneels next to the bed and slams his now interlocked fingers down on the comforter as I take long gulps of my water. “I’m just… hell, it was scary, Sierra. I’m just hoping you’re really awake this time.”
“Have there been false alarms?”
He nods, but his eyes never leave mine. I never noticed how intensely he stares. Or maybe it’s because he’s scared.
“I’m trying to figure out what was in your drink, but Adam’s having a hard time getting it out of Sydney.”
At her name, instant floods rise behind my eyes, and I drop our staring contest. It’s bad enough I was drugged at a party. But it was my friend who brought it—who had to have known what was going to happen. She let them put it in my drink. She let me drink it. She sat there and let everything happen like it was no big deal. I can’t even feel anger. I’m past that. I feel so violated.
I gulp and shake my head, trying with all my tear-stopping power not to cry. But to hell with it. It hurts to hold back.
Levi tiptoes his fingers across the mattress. “Do you mind if I hug you?” he asks, stretching his legs up so he’s closer to my eye level.
I shake my head, a few tears splashing off
my face and onto his arm. He stands, then slides onto the sheets toward me. He’s taking it slow, probably because he doesn’t want to scare me or anything, but he’s going too slow. I pull his arm as hard as I can and slam my face into his chest. He lets me curl into him, rubbing my back and rocking me slightly. I wonder if he even knows how much he’s doing. My mind isn’t anywhere near what I would feel like under normal circumstances. Like how we snuggled on the couch, or when he held my hand. Those were probably the best feelings I’ve ever felt. This—even though I’m crying my eyes out, I’m terrified over what might’ve happened, or what did happen before Levi and Adam got there—this is the best feeling I’ve ever had. Knowing he’s more than a pretty face. More than a fun person. He’s someone who cares.
“Sierra?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you…can you… remember anything?”
I go to lean back, but he holds me closer.
“I know it’s probably not the right time to talk about it, but I won’t be able to leave you until I know everything.” He rocks me again. “Please?”
I suck in a deep breath then let the air seep out onto his chest. Closing my eyes, I spill everything I remember. The payment, the drinks, my confusion. Hands, voices, laughter. It’s fuzzy and blurry, but I remember it. I remember Adam and Levi talking too, and I tell him that.
“That’s it, I think,” I say, surprising myself that I made it through without any more tears. “If I knew what was happening, I never would have…”
Levi sighs, adjusting his body under me so I’m more in his lap. “Do you know what an Ambien party is?”
I shake my head, letting my gaze flick up to the bottom of his chin.
“I’m pretty sure you just experienced a version of it. Basically pills are your way in, and they play a game with them. Sometimes it’s fish in a bowl and take whatever you pick, then people have to guess what you’re on by the way you’re behaving. Then whoever guesses right gets to… well, do whatever they want with you.”
“So…those girls. Everyone… they all knew what was happening?”
Levi shrugs. “If they brought the pill, and knew if the guys were answering right or wrong, then, yeah. I’m assuming they did.”