by Cassie Mae
I start to shake my head, but he holds me steady. I refuse to let this conversation go south again. He needs to know how I feel, even if it comes out shaky and breathy and totally desperate.
“But I want you.” I gulp so my cheeks don’t balloon. “Let me have a moment to take care of you.”
I can see he knows what I mean by the way his eyebrows rise and his mouth parts slightly. I could go for the kiss right now, but I want him to say it’s okay. I want him to let it mean something.
His hand falls from my neck, but he doesn’t stop touching me. His fingers trail up my thigh, brushing over the hem of my shorts and making goosebumps pop all over my skin.
“I think you’re really beautiful, too.”
Um…“Too?”
He nods, dropping his gaze for only the second or third time during our conversation.
“When you were on the Ambien, you told me you thought I was beautiful.”
“I did?” Holy embarrassing.
“Please tell me you meant it. Because I can’t stop thinking about it.”
How could I ever not mean that? But I’m not sure if I can say it out loud now that I’m totally awake. My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth when I gulp. He is beautiful. Beyond beautiful. I just wish he could read minds so I don’t have to say it.
His gaze goes back to mine and that’s what unglues my tongue.
“Of course I meant it.”
He sort of smiles and kisses my forehead. When he pulls back, he says, “Damn it, I wish… I just want so bad to… if my life was different right now, or maybe, shit… I don’t know.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.”
His eyes look sad again. And I want to reach into them, deep down into his soul and take away all of that pain. All his worries, all his stress. He’s been carrying so much weight, taking everything on himself and not giving anyone else any to hold.
I run a hand through his hair. It’s soft and smells like his cologne. The blond strands slide through my fingers, then fall flat against his head again. I stroke his scalp, pet him as his eyes fall closed and his head rests on my chest. He softly moans into me, creating vibrations up my neck and down to my stomach. My arms wrap around his head, holding him to me, and I kiss his hair before playing with it again.
His head dips, and I pull back thinking he wants out of my embrace, but he grasps my elbow, and his lips drag across the skin on my arm. My breathing goes ragged, making his head go up and down against my chest with every intake of breath. His nose grazes the crook of my elbow, and he turns so it trails up my arm. He lightly kisses my shoulder before lifting his face to be level with my own. I feel like I’m panting at him, but I don’t care. All I see are his blue eyes, searching mine and asking so many questions I’m not sure how to answer.
He reaches up, making me drop one of my arms to his thigh. He slides a finger across the side of my glasses, a light smile on his face. There are no words as he follows the frames to my ear, then his hand wraps around the back of my head.
It’s all so slow, his movement toward my lips. Slow enough for me to ask if it will mean something. But I don’t.
His lashes look like they sweep the top of his cheeks as his gaze drops to my mouth. Without even meaning to, I let my tongue slip out and moisten my lips.
I should ask him if this is something now. It feels like it is, but he still hasn’t said it. And my voice won’t work. His forehead hits my forehead, his nose pushes past my nose and touches my cheekbone, then there’s two, three, four… I don’t know, the longest seconds in the world. And then his lips press with mine, shooting me with every single thing he’s feeling.
As slow as he took it coming in, the kiss is completely opposite. There’s nothing slow about it. He’s rough, pulling my hair and sucking my lips, alternating between the top and bottom ones, as if he’s never experienced kissing before, and he wants to make the most of every movement, every touch, every taste. It takes me a minute to match his intensity, because honestly, he shocked the hell out of me by being so aggressive.
My fingers dig into his thigh as I respond to the breath he breathes into me, the strokes of his tongue, the pulls he gives my bottom lip. He growls into my mouth when I toss my glasses off so I can get closer. His hand grips my hair while the other pulls me onto his lap.
I forget for a second he may be using me, and we won’t last after this kiss. I forget it because I don’t care. I want him to use me. To help him through his problems, or maybe lift them from him even if it’s only for a little bit.
His hand dips into my back pocket, and he grips my butt so hard it earns a gasp from me, and I thrust my hips into his. He never seemed like the kind of guy who’d be rough. He’s always so gentle in every touch he’s given me up until this point. Maybe now that our inhibitions have fallen away, he’s giving into all those urges I didn’t think he felt. But by the way we’re moving against each other, and the way his mouth locks on mine, and his hand massages my ass, I know for sure he’s feeling the same things I am.
I gasp again when his fingers move out of my pocket and up the back of my shirt. They leave sizzling trails up my spine, and he digs into my skin, scratching slightly as he pulls me closer, closer, closer. I feel myself sinking into him. He groans into my mouth as I breathe in his face, loving where his hand is on my back. His teeth grab my bottom lip and pull, and a euphoric drug shoots in my brain, making me go limp in his strong arms, giving him permission to do whatever he wants to do to me.
With the small movement of me completely melting into him, his fingers lose their tight hold. He breathes fast into my mouth, trying desperately to catch his breath. He drags his hand down my back, giving me chills as he takes it from my shirt. I open my eyes to the blurry world, the only thing in focus is his up close face which is beaded with a little sweat. He gulps and tucks loose strands of hair behind my ear. He gives me a tiny smile, stroking my forehead with one finger, then going down my cheek and my chin. I lean forward, and he delivers a gentle kiss on my tingling lips. It’s just enough for me to melt into him again.
We pull away, and he reaches behind me to my glasses. The world comes back into focus when he slides them on.
I wait for the cues from him on where I should move, what I should do now. My fingers haven’t left his hair, and after several seconds of silence, I start stroking his head again.
His arms wrap around my waist, pulling me in for a hug as he tucks his face into my shoulder. I kiss the side of his head.
“Thank you,” he muffles into my skin, giving me a squeeze.
A smile spreads on my swollen lips, and I kiss his head again.
“You’re welcome.”
Chapter 22
Punishment for not being enthusiastic? I steal your phone.
Levi kisses me again on the floor of the projection room. He kisses me in the elevator after we hear the projectionist wake up from his nap and stumble near our dark corner. He kisses me when he helps me on the back of his moped. He kisses me at a red light that turns green, and we sit through it kissing until it flicks red… then green again. And boy does he kiss me on the porch when he drops me off at my house.
“Damn it,” he says, pulling from my very attended to lips. “Zoe said you were grounded from your phone.”
I nod against his forehead, then tug the sides of his shirt so he stops talking and we keep kissing before I wake up and realize I’ve spent a whole night in another kiss-filled dream with Levi.
He laughs and gives me a small peck to humor me. “Do you think you can find a way to still talk to me after I leave?”
Omigosh, I will pull him into my room right now and talk till we die if he wants me to. Instead of spewing that embarrassment out, I say, “Hell yes!” and we both laugh.
He kisses me again, and I wonder if this will be how it is now. Kissing all. The. Freaking. Time. Because I repeat, hell yes!
Except, he still hasn’t said anything about what it means, but I will not
let that ruin what he’s doing to my mouth.
“Thank you,” he says between kisses. “For listening. You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to just let it out without someone trying to solve it.”
“You’re welcome.” I love that he doesn’t want a million words of advice. That he just wants an ear. And heck, I’ve got two.
“I have another game tomorrow night. You want to come?”
I think about spending another hour under the bleachers, and my throat closes up. School’s been ten times harder since the party, especially now that Sydney and I don’t talk anymore. She’s there for some of the crap I get, but she doesn’t join them. Doesn’t back me up either though.
Levi’s smiling, and his hair is mussed from my fingers being in it all night. He looks so darn adorable, I can’t say no, even if I have to spend the whole time hiding out.
“Yeah, I’ll be there.”
The kiss I get after that makes the whole thing worth it.
***
“Zoe!” I whisper-yell through her door. “Please tell me you’re alone because I need to talk to you like, right now.”
She whips her door open, hair up in a towel and Mario pjs stuck to her like she didn’t dry off all the way. She pulls me in and shuts the door.
“I know Mom said you were grounded from your phone, but staying out till eleven probably isn’t the smartest thing. You’re lucky Mom and Dad aren’t home yet. They would’ve glued you to the corner in your room.”
I grab onto her arms and hold tight, widening my eyes to tell her I don’t want her to be protective big sis. I want her to be excited big sis.
“Levi totally kissed me.”
Okay, when someone tells you they’ve been kissed by some sort of sexy band geek god, you react by squealing and jumping up and down. Not by cocking your head to the side and blowing up your cheeks.
“He did?”
“Yes.” I let go of her arms to cross mine. “A lot.” She really needs to not give me that look she’s giving me. Bah.
Her head tilts to the other side as she pulls the towel from her hair and sits on the bed. She waves me over, but I consider leaving. I’ll talk to my stuffed hippo because he’d be more excited for me.
“Come on, Sierra.” She waves again and tosses her towel to the corner of the room. “Tell me about it. I want details.”
“You sure? Because you don’t look like you care.”
Her eyes roll to the ceiling, and she shakes out her long wet hair. “I’m just surprised.” There’s the smile I wanted. “Details. Now.”
If I wasn’t still reeling from Levi kisses, I’d probably snub her and really talk to my hippo. But her smile makes mine pop back, and I bounce on the bed next to her.
“He’s got the best lips in the whole world!”
She laughs, flicking water at me from her wet hand. I smack her arm and start bouncing again.
“Have you ever felt like you’re exploding from the inside out? Like fizzy bottles, confetti bombs, pop rocks, and bottle rockets all going off at once, and it’s lifting you off your feet, and you’re somewhere in the sky, but you know you’re not because his hands are still around you, and he’s warm and grounded. Ah, I can’t describe it well enough. It’s all those words that fall short, you know? Like amazing, heck yeah! But it was a word above amazing. Above fantastic. Above awesome. Above freaking un-be-lievable! And then it didn’t stop there. I was like, oh, yay! I finally got a kiss from Levi! But then there were more, and more, and then some more. It was like he didn’t want to stop, and I thought, holy cow, this is happening, and then rockets would shoot off again in my chest and zip up to my brain making me not think at all. But I didn’t care because his lips were all sorts of awesome, and my heavens, his hands. They were rough, they were gentle, they were holding me, and I just never wanted them to be away from me ever again. Gah… it was never like this with other guys. Never ever ever ever. Levi is… he’s… oh gosh, he’s just so…”
I blow out a breath and flop back on the bed, exhausted and blissed out and unable to form any more words to describe the amazingness of the night. Of Levi. Of that kiss, and the million after.
“Wow.” Zoe slams next to me, her wet hair smacking me in the face. “Sounds like some kiss.”
Ugh! “This is the part when you squeal or you say you’re happy for me, or ‘I told you waiting was good for you,’ or something. Why are you being a dud?”
“I’m still processing. I’m sorry.”
Huh, maybe it’s weird for her. She didn’t seem like it before. I mean, she knew I liked him, and she told me to wait for him. Maybe she didn’t think it’d really happen.
“Is it okay? I mean, you’re okay with your friend and your sister—”
“Oh Sierra, I’m totally cool with that. I’m sorry, I guess I’m tired or something.” She shakes her head and plasters on a totally fake smile. “This is seriously awesome. And yes, I did tell you waiting would be worth it.” She winks, and I know I’m not an expert on winking, but I do know it’s forced.
A loud thump jolts us both upright, and Zak pops through the window. He pulls out a graphing calculator from his back pocket of his security uniform.
“Zo, check this out.” He types a few buttons on the calculator then gives it to my sister. She laughs and gives a genuine enthusiastic reaction to the “Harry Potter Rocks” design that goes on the graph.
“That. Is. Frakking. Amazing.” She gets up and kisses him, and I clear my throat before things get heavier, and they forget I’m in here.
“Oh, sorry.” Zak’s ears flame, and he pushes my sister two inches away from him. “Did I interrupt something?”
I shake my head and crawl off the bed. “No. We were done.”
While Zoe’s attention goes back to her boyfriend… ugh, I mean fiancé… I slide her phone off her dresser and sneak it out with me.
Levi was her last call, and I secretly fist pump the air because I don’t want evidence or anything. I hit call the second I’m under my comforter and pillows to muffle the conversation.
“Hey,” and he shoots off before I can answer back, “I know what you’re going to say, Zoe, but I’m not messing with her. I told her everything, okay. I know I have big responsibilities, and I’m taking care of them, I promise. I just couldn’t stop anymore. Sierra is amazing. No, she’s better than amazing, and I’m not pushing her away, okay? I promise I’m going to cling on to her and treat her as best I can even with all the other stuff going on. So, please, before you yell at me and tell me I was being stupid, it wasn’t a meaningless kiss, all right? It meant everything.”
Oh. My. Gosh. Am I breathing? I’m definitely smiling. And what the heck do I say to that adorable spewage?
“Zoe?”
I clear my throat and let out a breath. “Um, try again.”
Silence. For at least ten seconds.
“Holy shit.”
I laugh into my sheets, a goofed out grin making my cheeks sore. “You told me to find a way to talk to you.”
“I should’ve known you’d find a way fast.” He pauses, and I just know he’s scratching his nose like he does when he’s fumbling all over himself. “Can you just delete that opener from your head?”
“I don’t want to. You answered my question.”
“Oh?”
“Yup.”
“Which was…?”
“If it meant anything.”
He laughs, surprising me with that gorgeous chuckle of his. “How can you think it didn’t? That was… damn.”
How is my heart not pumping me off the bed and through the roof? “I guess I just wanted to make sure.”
“Well, like I told”—he coughs—“Zoe. It meant everything. So, Sierra, when we’re at school tomorrow, I’m going to hold your hand and kiss you goodbye and hello, and I’m going to walk you to class, and all that other stuff that comes with being your boyfriend. Sound good?”
It sounds perfect. Or it would if I wasn’t who I am, and I didn’t go t
o my high school.
“Um, I’m not sure about the PDA thing. But if you feel like driving me home or something, that’d be cool.”
“Hmm… I’ll have to convince you on kissing in public. Because I won’t be able to see you and those lips without wanting to kiss them. Just a warning.”
I love this playful side of Levi. It’s like I really did help take away all that stress just by being me. That’s powerful, but also really humbling all at once.
“Then you should be warned. We kiss in front of anyone at school, and we’re going to get crap for it.”
“Screw them.” He laughs, but I don’t. He’s never dealt with the stuff I do, even with his band geek status. “And besides, I don’t think I’d care about anyone if I’m lip-locked with you.”
Now I laugh. Or snort, because I’m so very hot like that. “You’re adorable,” I quote him, hoping I just caused his neck and ears to get all red.
We talk for two hours about nothing, about everything, and seriously, my lips will be glued in the smile position. I hope Levi is okay kissing me like that.
Zoe’s battery dinging is what finally cuts our conversation off. He tells me he’ll see me at four when he drives by, and I tell him he better get to bed because it’s almost one. And that he better be kidding. If I hear him at four, I’ll beat him upside the head with those bagels. The boy needs sleep.
When Levi’s voice cuts off, I sigh and put Zoe’s phone in my charger. I fluff my pillow, tired but not tired. Tomorrow makes me scared and happy because I want to show Levi off, but I can’t add to the stress of his life. I’m determined to be his stress reliever. Like those squeezy balls. And I’m sure dating the cock-tease publically wouldn’t relieve any stress.
Well, secret or public, it doesn’t matter. Because Levi Mason is my boyfriend!
My butt does its own jig before I roll over and fall asleep.
Chapter 23
Marching Band uniforms are the sexiest ones out there.