by Janice Lynn
“How did you fall?” Dirk asked the patient, pulling Abby back to the present. She bit the inside of her lip. She had to stay focused just a little while longer. Her shift was almost at an end. She could do this. Would do this. Then she’d talk to the nurse supervisor about having her schedule changed, changed to dates when she wouldn’t have to work with Dirk.
“My wife was complaining about the angle of the star on top of the Christmas tree. I climbed a stepladder, and it tipped.”
Dirk’s lips compressed into a tight line. Clearly, he blamed Christmas for the man’s tragedy. Was it easier for him to blame the holidays than to accept that accidents happened? He’d sure been quick enough to point out that accidents occurred when it had been her village pieces involved.
Village pieces that she’d painstakingly spent the day trying to glue back together.
“Do you recall how you landed? What you hit? How your weight was distributed?”
“It happened kind of fast, Doc.” The man scratched his head with the hand Abby didn’t have stabilized. “I know I hit my head.” The pump knot on his forehead attested to that. “And my right ribs are sore.”
“This happened about eight last night?”
The man nodded.
“What made you decide to come to the hospital this morning?”
“I woke up and couldn’t breathe. I think that’s what woke me.”
“Are you still short of breath?”
The man nodded. “Not as badly as at the house. My wife says I had a panic attack.”
“Your oxygen saturation is ninety-two percent. That’s not too bad,” Dirk explained. “But it’s not as high as it should be in an otherwise healthy person either. I’m going to order a few tests just to check you out and make sure you haven’t fractured any ribs or worse.”
“Worse?”
“Fall injuries can result in serious damage to a person’s body.”
The man nodded. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
As always, Dirk responded to his patient, making Abby wonder how he could smile so sincerely at a virtual stranger and not his own kin. “Maybe you should stay off ladders for a while, too. Ask someone to help you with anything that requires climbing.”
“Tell that to my wife. She has no patience and had to have that star straightened before the kids and grandkids show up in the morning for Christmas celebrations.”
Finishing what she was doing, Abby excused herself and disappeared out of the bay.
The moment she finished giving report, she rushed away, determined to somehow find joy in the most magical day of the year.
Her favorite day of the year.
His least favorite day of the year.
A day she’d spend alone yet again.
Christmas Eve shouldn’t be a busy night in the emergency room, but this one was. Midnight had come and gone, so technically Christmas morning had arrived.
The only thing Dirk liked about Christmas was it meant the end was near. The end of the season, the decorations, the smells, the aggravation and harassment from family.
Yes, the signal that the end of the season was near was the best part of Christmas Day.
Or it had been.
Now he wasn’t so sure. Somehow he’d tangled thoughts of Abby up with Christmas and the thought of the end put his insides in a viselike grip.
The end of Christmas. The end of his relationship with Abby. No, he wouldn’t accept that. Not under the circumstances.
God, his family would be ecstatic when they found out she was pregnant. How many times had they attempted to set him up with someone when he’d lived in Oak Park? How many times had they told him to find someone new and start over? How many times had they called to say how much they’d liked Abby, what a great cook she was, what a warm house she’d had, what a generous person she’d seemed? And he’d let them, because Abby’s accusations had kept playing over and over in his head.
None of his family had understood that he hadn’t wanted a new start, that he’d wanted his old life, a life that had been snatched away.
A life that had ended on the day his wife and daughter had died. Dirk had buried himself right along with them.
He hadn’t been happy in years. Hadn’t even really wanted to be. He’d preferred to wallow in his grief.
Until Abby.
In moving away, he had started over.
Quite frankly, that had scared the hell out of him. Had put him on the defensive. Had caused mixed emotions to surge. Emotions that made him want to cling to Abby and the hope she gave him. Emotions that made him want to pack up his bags and get out of Dodge. Emotions that had made him hold her at arm’s length, just as she’d nailed him for doing to his family.
But he and Abby had a baby on the way.
A baby.
A precious new life that he and Abby had made.
When she’d fallen into her Christmas village table, he’d only been able to think of her safety, their baby’s safety. Maybe he could have righted the table had he gone for it instead, but all he’d been concerned about had been keeping Abby from falling to the floor.
Because he wanted to keep her safe. Wanted to keep their baby safe.
He’d left when she’d asked him to, seeing she had been too upset to have the talk they needed to have, sensing that the emotions of both of them had been running too high. He’d been fine on his drive home. Fine when he’d walked through the front door. But when he’d crawled into his bed, alone, he’d done what he hadn’t done in years. Not since right after Sandra and Shelby’s accident. He’d been fairly positive there were no tears left inside him. The night the woman and her daughter died in the E.R. had been his first clue he might be wrong. He’d felt a crack in the protective wall that guarded his heart. Making love with Abby had sent a whole lot of bricks tumbling to the ground. Bricks he’d needed to keep himself safe.
But with Abby, she came first. Her and their baby. In that, she’d bulldozed right through the barriers around his heart, leaving him vulnerable.
Leaving him exposed to her warmth. Exposed to needing her. He’d been fighting to keep from making love to her every second they were together but as much as he’d enjoyed the passion they’d shared, he hadn’t enjoyed how much he’d needed her, how connected he’d felt to her, how much he’d hurt if something happened to Abby.
She’d been right about him. He had kept his family at a distance. Had kept them at arm’s length. How could he not? He’d always been the strong one in the family, but after Sandra and Shelby’s deaths, he hadn’t been strong.
He’d hated them seeing him that way.
Hated anyone seeing him that way.
So he’d shut them out.
No wonder they’d held an intervention.
He’d needed one. And more.
He’d needed Abby, so much so that he’d tried to hold her at arm’s length, too, for fear of loving again, of possibly losing that love again.
Need had won out. Need and so much more.
He loved Abby. And wanted to risk holding her and the baby they’d made close to his heart.
But judging by the way she hadn’t returned his calls, had all but ignored him since her arrival at shift change, he might have realized too late.
God, he couldn’t lose Abby. In her, he’d found his salvation. Had found himself again.
If he’d lost her, he had no one to blame except himself. But he refused to accept that she wouldn’t forgive his ignorance.
It was Christmas. A day of miracles. A day meant to be with the ones you loved. Somehow, he’d show Abby he could be the man she and their child needed.
A man who could be whole and start living again.
A man he desperately wanted to be. Abby’s man.
If he had to go to drastic measures to make that happen, then so be it.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
IF EVER Abby would forgive him, this had to be the way. Hell, he hoped he wasn’t wrong. Otherwise he was going to look like the bigge
st idiot who’d ever walked the face of the earth.
Which didn’t bother him near as much as the thought of not winning Abby’s forgiveness, of winning her love and trust.
It had taken him several hours to make arrangements for what he wanted to do.
But, finally, here he stood. Most likely she’d already gone to bed, would sleep for several hours.
Maybe it was wrong of him, but Dirk helped himself to the hide-a-key she’d told him where to find on the day he’d knocked and knocked without her answering.
Her house was quiet. Just as he’d expected it to be.
Not even Mistletoe was anywhere to be seen.
Quietly, closing the front door behind him, Dirk set into play what he hoped would show Abby everything in his heart.
“Meow.”
Abby groaned, rubbed her face at where a paw swatted at her. “Go back to sleep, Mistletoe. Didn’t you get the memo? I’m going to sleep through Christmas this year.”
“Meow.” Another swat at her face.
Abby rolled onto her side, pulled her pillow over her head, hoping to gain a few more minutes of sleep before having to get up and face the reality of another Christmas spent alone.
That’s when she heard another noise.
What was that? Music? Singing?
She stretched, pushing the pillow away from her head and straining to hear.
Definitely Christmas music.
Coming from somewhere in her house.
She had not left music on.
She knew she hadn’t.
Someone was in her house.
Panic squeezed at her throat. Then, climbing out of her bed, she laughed at herself. What? A burglar had broken in and put on Christmas music? Right.
She must still be asleep, be dreaming.
Either that or Dirk had used the hide-a-key and if that was the case, she knew she was dreaming.
Dirk wouldn’t be playing Christmas music.
But apparently someone would. Maybe Danielle had taken pity on her and come over to surprise her.
Tiptoeing down the hallway, Abby rubbed her eyes, certain she wasn’t seeing clearly. Mixed emotions hit her at the sight of the man arranging Christmas packages under her tree.
The man she’d told to get out and not to come back.
How dared he come into her house and, well, whatever it was he was doing?
“I should have you arrested for breaking and entering.”
At the sound of Abby’s voice, Dirk turned from where he worked. Hell, he hadn’t finished with what he’d wanted to do.
Still, he’d made great headway.
“Ho. Ho. Ho.” Yes, he sounded stupid even to himself, but he had a lot riding on this. He’d seen the look in Abby’s eyes, had seen that she’d given up on him. It was going to take a desperate act to win her back. This stunt was about as desperate as desperate got. He wished he’d been able to finish. “You’re not supposed to be out of bed yet.”
Her glare didn’t let up. “You need to leave.”
He’d meant to change into her father’s Santa suit, had meant to give her the kind of Christmas Day she longed for, one like her parents had shared. “I will, but let me finish what I came to do first.”
She crossed her arms over her flannel-pajama-covered chest. She glanced around the room, took in the presents he’d arranged, the Santa suit he had draped across the back of the sofa.
“What are you doing?”
“Delivering presents.” Lots and lots of presents. Packages of various shapes and sizes were brightly wrapped and overflowing beneath the tree. It had cost him a small fortune to hire the personal shoppers to find stores open on Christmas morning, but if you were willing to spend enough, a person could do most anything. Even do major Christmas shopping on the great day itself.
“Why would you do that? You don’t even like Christmas.” She stood in the doorway, staring at him as if she really had caught Dr. Seuss’s Grinch stealing her Christmas rather than him in jeans and a T-shirt and a bundle of good intentions.
Obviously, he’d become overzealous when he’d turned on the Christmas tunes, thinking she was tired enough that the low music wouldn’t disturb her and she’d sleep a few more hours. He’d just have to go forward as things were and pray for the best, pray for Abby to love him.
“Women aren’t the only ones allowed to change their minds. Apparently I just needed to be reminded of the real meaning of the holiday.”
“Oh, you needed that all right,” she scoffed, eyeing him suspiciously. “So you’ve supposedly changed your mind about Christmas? Why?”
“You.”
“Me?” This time she laughed with a great deal of irony. “I changed your mind about Christmas?”
“You changed my mind about everything, Abby. About life. My life. And the life I want with you.”
This had to work. If Christmas magic didn’t open Abby’s eyes to the man he wanted to be for her, nothing would.
Abby crossed the room, stood next to him, but didn’t sit, just stared at him with her forehead creased. “What about Sandra? Shelby? You still love them.”
“You’d have me not love them?”
“No,” she began hesitantly.
“I realize that part of my life is in the past, Abby. I’ve accepted that. I’m ready to move on to the future. With you.”
She glanced away, closed her eyes. “That’s too bad, Dirk, because I don’t trust you with my future.”
He winced, but wasn’t ready to admit defeat. Not when he was battling for the most important part of his life.
“Someone once told me that Christmas Day was the most magical day of the year. A day when miracles can happen.” He prayed some of that Christmas magic would shine on him, would help Abby to see how much he loved her. “Trust me, Abby. I won’t let you down. Never again.”
She didn’t say anything for a few moments then met his gaze warily. “How can I believe you? How can I know this isn’t some ploy out of a sense of responsibility because I’m pregnant?”
Dirk’s ribs squeezed his lungs. He’d hoped she’d say that she did trust him with her heart. That she wanted him and wanted to be a family with him and their baby.
Instead she looked at him with distrust shining in her hazel eyes. God, he’d been such a fool. How many times had Abby opened up her heart to him and he’d pushed her away out of fear? Fear of feeling again. Fear of loving and losing that love. Fear of feeling because with feeling came the risk of pain.
But there came a point when a man had to overcome his fears, had to risk that pain, had to risk rejection, because the alternative wasn’t acceptable. Regardless of the risk of pain, not telling Abby the truth wasn’t acceptable.
He took her hand in his. “You’ve had me from the moment we met, Abby. I tried fighting it, but I think I fell for you in the E.R. that first night. I know I wanted you in that instance. And every instance since.”
Her gaze lowered to their interlocked hands, then lifted back to his. “Why are you saying these things? Why now?”
“Because I can’t bear the thought that I might have lost you. Tell me you’ll give me a chance to prove to you that I can be the man of your dreams.”
A tear trickling down her cheek, she closed her eyes. “I didn’t really wake up, did I? I’m still asleep and am dreaming.”
Dirk lifted her hand to his lips, pressed a kiss to her fingertips. “Then don’t wake up quite yet, because this dream is far from over. You have a lot of presents to open.”
As if hearing Dirk say he wanted to be the man of her dreams wasn’t enough to convince Abby that she was dreaming, the number of packages under her tree clinched the deal.
Never in her life had she had so many presents.
But why was he doing this?
Sitting on the floor, she picked up a box, shook it prior to carefully unwrapping it to reveal a beautiful aqua-colored baby blanket.
He’d bought a gift for their baby. For her. God, could he be serious abou
t wanting to share a future?
Running her fingers over the soft, fuzzy material, she lifted her gaze to his. “This is beautiful.”
He reached for the next present and handed it to her. They repeated the process until she was surrounded with baby items. Some pink. Some blue. Some a mixture of pastels.
“You’ve been busy,” she mused, biting into her lower lip, trying to decipher the meaning behind his gifts.
“I had help, but don’t hold that against me.” He gave a crooked grin. “Even Santa utilizes elves.”
“Ah,” she said, not quite believing he’d gone to so much trouble to bring her Christmas alive, to give her a magical day despite the fact they’d argued the last time they’d really talked, that she’d told him to leave. “Thank you, Dirk. I love everything.”
She did. Not only because these were the first baby items for their child but because they’d come from Dirk. But what did all this mean? Why was he here? Giving her presents?
“Do you, Abby?”
She lifted her gaze to his in question.
“Love everything, that is?”
Abby’s breath caught at the intensity in his blue eyes. At the vulnerability she saw shining there.
No protective walls. No barriers. No hanging on to the past. Just a man asking if she loved him.
A man who she loved with all her heart, but…
Glancing away when she didn’t immediately answer, Dirk scratched his chin. “Um…” His voice broke slightly. “Better let me check my bag. Seems like there might be another present for you.”
Abby wanted to stop him, to explain her pause, to ease what had put that break in his voice, but the moment had passed and she wondered if some of those fallen walls had been re-erected.
“You shouldn’t have.”
“Might not want to shake this one,” he warned, causing Abby’s curiosity to grow as she took the package.
She unwrapped the present, lifted her gaze to his, and caught her breath at what she saw reflected in his eyes.
He hadn’t re-erected any walls, had left his heart bare for her to see, for her to take if she wanted.