Cary

by Jessica Gadziala

  “Well, experts we might not be. But even I can see that a couch and a bed might be in order,” Vi said, shrugging. “We can start there.”

  “Right, right. Fucking surfaces would be good. I mean, the kitchen counter would work in a pinch.” At the shared looks of amusement on her cousins, Layna let out an airy chuckle and threw out a hand. “What can I say? I need to get laid. It’s all I can think about. Hand me that damn catalog. I’ll try to keep my head out of the gutter.”

  I don’t know if she genuinely tried or not, but she was wholly unsuccessful either way. But as the hours dragged on, all three women started to get almost a little giddy, egging one another on, then breaking off in fits of laughter as they each shared stories.

  I couldn’t help but get swept up in their little world right alongside them.

  Suddenly it didn’t matter that they’d literally known each other since they were babies, and that I was a complete outsider to their world. I felt like I belonged, that they wanted me there, that they were happy to bring me into their fold.

  I’d been pretty sure when I’d told Cary that I wanted to stay in Navesink Bank after everything calmed down. After meeting the girls, though, I was even more certain that this was going to be my place, that these were going to be my people.

  Maybe it was presumptuous of me to think that, but they made me feel like I was one of them. And while we looked through magazines and on Layna’s phone at Pinterest, they kept talking about their future events, and inviting me along.

  The girls, apparently, went to karaoke most weeks.

  They went out to eat together, to the bars, or hung out at one another’s houses.

  And, apparently, Vi had extended herself an invitation to crash on my couch whenever she was in town and in need.

  What’s more… I was excited at the prospect.

  It also helped me pick the right couch. Before that comment, it wouldn’t have occurred to me that I needed space for guests.

  By the time we heard Cary’s bike making its way toward the building, the four of us managed to get a general idea of how I wanted to decorate the place in a way that could make it feel bright and spacious without resorting to all white or beige color schemes.

  “Are you guys going back to the hotel tonight then?” Hope asked when Cary made his way up with a couple of bags in his hands.

  I glanced around at the space that was empty save for our pizza boxes, soda bottles, and a couple design magazines.

  I really didn’t want to go back to the hotel.

  But, clearly, there was no way we could stay at the apartment. We didn’t even have an air mattress or even sleeping bags. And, quite frankly, after sleeping on buses and benches for the trip from Mexico to Navesink Bank, I really didn’t want to have to sleep on anything other than a mattress again if it could be helped.

  “Just one more night,” Cary assured me, reading my face. “We could get a mattress here tomorrow. And a frame. You can worry about the headboard and shit later.”

  “Okay,” I agreed, looking at his hands, seeing the bag for an electronics store there as well as, for reasons that I couldn’t fathom, a pet store. “You better not have bought me anything else,” I warned him, trying to use a serious voice even if a part of me was thrilled at the idea of getting more surprises.

  “Girl, you just take the shit the handsome men give you,” Layna said, clicking her tongue at me.

  “Like you took that Russian mafia dude’s diamond-encrusted ring at your last poker game?” Vi asked.

  “What? Like it’s my fault the man didn’t bring enough cash to the table? That ring is going to fund my next trip out to California. First-class, all the way,” she added, smiling, clearly proud of her score.

  “They’re essentials,” Cary insisted, putting down the bags, then pulling out a small rectangular box. “A cell phone,” he told me. “We need to be able to get in contact with each other. And the girls or Dezi if you want too,” he added, handing me the box, then going back into the bag. “And a laptop. Because you just need one. Especially if you want to buy any shit for the apartment online. The rest is just accessories for both. No big deal.”

  It was a big deal, though. To me. A phone seemed so silly in the grand scheme of things, but a phone meant freedom to someone who hadn’t had her own one in years.

  “Thank you,” I said, pressing the phone box to my chest.

  “You’ll give her all our numbers, yeah?” Vi asked, slipping her jacket back on.

  “Of course.”

  “We have plans for her when she’s allowed out of hiding,” Layna added.

  “I’m happy to hear it,” Cary said, nodding.

  “If you need us so you can do some shit with the club,” Hope started, “you know you can call us.”

  “I appreciate it,” Cary said, giving her a nod.

  Within minutes, all the goodbyes were said, and we were alone again.

  “That was fun,” I admitted. “I really like them.”

  “They’re hard not to like,” he agreed. “And that’s only three of them. Wait until they drag you out with all the rest.”

  “It sounds overwhelming. In the best way. How did everything go with church?” I asked, tripping over the word that had always had a very different meaning to me.

  “Good. I lucked out. Brooks didn’t put me on the schedule much, so I have time to help with painting and furniture putting-together-ing. And to start moving forward on a possible plan to handle the situation.”

  “You have a plan?” I asked, stomach immediately tensing.

  It got easier as the days went on to sort of almost forget about that part. I mean, not entirely. Of course it was always there in my mind. But I could focus past it enough that it felt almost “far away” instead of a very real part of my present reality.

  “A possible one,” Cary said. “One of my brothers suggested I get in contact with a guy named Andres. He’s somewhat new to the area, but has been friendly in the past. He’s in a cartel. Niro thought I might be able to, if nothing else, get some information out of him.”

  “That wouldn’t be, you know, more dangerous?” I asked. “To give a cartel member information?”

  “I would never put you in danger, love. I wasn’t even going to mention the details of why I need to take out Raúl, just that it needs done.”

  “Oh, okay,” I said, still not convinced.

  “That’s the reason for this,” Cary said, grabbing the bag from the pet store. “A has a shitton of dogs that he loves like his children. Figure a little bribe never hurt in a situation like this. Hey,” he said, reading the tension in my face.

  Dropping the bag, he reached out to frame one side of my face. “I promise you that I am going to do everything I can to make sure there is no way A is going to connect you to this. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  I don’t know if it was the apartment, the girls encouraging me to “get it,” the night before of unmet need, our long, intense history, or a combination of all of that.

  But whatever it was had me reaching out toward him, grabbing the wrist of his arm hanging at his side, and pulling him closer.

  My gaze slid to his, watching as confusion turned into understanding when his chest met my own.

  “Abs, that’s not… I’m not doing any of this because I expect anything,” he said, shaking his head.

  It was clearly just him giving me an out if I thought I had to “pay him back” for his kindness. But to me, who’d never had a lot of experience with men, and who had certainly never started to initiate something with one before, it felt a whole lot like rejection.

  “It’s fine,” I said, wrenching away, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks and a strange, swirling discomfort spread across my stomach.

  “Hey, Abs,” he tried again, his hand started to brush my shoulder, but I shrugged it away, circling back away from him.

  “Let’s get back to the hotel,” I said, voice tight.

  I didn’t give him a cha
nce to respond. Because I charged right down that staircase and onto the street, leaving him to follow behind.

  I took the laptop and treat bags from him, looping them around my arm, then waiting for him to climb on before I did as well. But this time, I didn’t wrap my arms around him. I didn’t rest my head on his back. I barely even touched him, holding my body as far back as possible, using my thighs to hold me in place, then just grabbing a couple handfuls of his leather cut for extra stability.

  I could have sworn he let out a deep sigh before turning the bike over, but pretty soon the grumbling of the machine drowned anything out.

  And we were off.

  I was getting used to the bike. Was it my favorite thing ever? No. It was better when I got to hold onto Cary. But those days were behind us. I had to put some space between us. I was getting things mixed up in my head. Clearly, confusing his kindness for interest.

  I mean, yes, we’d kissed.

  But sometimes things like that just… happened. Right?

  God, I was so freaking naive.

  The sooner I got to be an actual free woman, the better. Because I clearly still had so much to learn not only about the world as a whole and myself as a person, but about relations between normal men and women.

  My heart was firmly lodged up in my throat as we made our way across the lobby, knowing we were about to be trapped alone together for hours on end with this uncomfortable silence between us.

  We climbed into the elevator and I pressed the button for our floor before moving to the corner away from him, keeping my gaze lowered because the mirrored wall in front of me would only show me the face of the man who hadn’t wanted to kiss me again, and my own reddened cheeks and embarrassed eyes.

  “Fuck it,” Cary hissed under his breath.

  My head snapped up in time to see him stab a finger into the stop button before he was suddenly turning and charging at me.

  One hand went behind my head to soften the impact as he slammed me back into the wall.

  His lips were on mine before I could even wrap my head around what was happening.

  The other hand moved, grabbing the bags out of my hand, and dropping them down on the floor before that hand went down, grabbing my leg behind the knee, and hauling it up, wrapping it around his hip as he ground his pelvis into me, making me all-too-aware of his hardness pressing against the juncture of my thighs.

  There was no reasoning with my body at that moment.

  My arms lifted, wrapping around the back of his neck, crushing our bodies together even as my hips started to do these small, rolling motions against his hardness. The sensation had need coursing through my body, that same throbbing pressure in my lower stomach, the tightness in my chest, the almost uncomfortable awareness of the emptiness between my thighs.

  I’d felt hints of this before. In the early days of a budding relationship.

  But nothing quite as intense as what I was feeling with Cary.

  It was like my mind had become mush and my body was controlling everything.

  My fingertips dug into the skin at the back of Cary’s neck as his fingers slipped into my hair at the nape of my neck, curling, then twisting just to the point of the pain, making my head turn to ease the sting.

  His lips slid from mine, going down my cheek, my jaw, then my neck. The softness of his lips and the scratchiness of his beard created this foreign, intense sensation that sent a shiver through my body.

  But this time, instead of making him turn away from me, Cary let out a low, growling sound that made my sex clench hard.

  His hands started to roam then, sliding up my sides, over my ribs, then closing around the swells of my breasts, making me immediately regret the thick material of my sweater I’d put on.

  His lips sealed over mine again, though, as his hands slipped back down, creeping up under the hem of my shirt, then gently snaking upward. His fingertips teased over the skin of my belly before his palms closed over my breasts again, this time without the barrier.

  My nipples hardened against his palms as his tongue toyed with mine, as his hips pressed against me again.

  My body felt completely overwhelmed, unable to process all the sensations at once, bouncing instead between each pleasure point at a breakneck pace.

  Cary’s thumbs and forefingers found my nipples, rolling them between, each time gaining in pressure until my back was arching, pressing my breasts against his touch as a low moan escaped me, the sound muffled by his lips.

  He pulled back at it, though, looking down at me with heavy-lidded eyes, then doing another roll with a bit more pressure, watching me as my lips fell open and my breath caught.

  I was too wrapped up in sensations for things like uncertainty, like insecurity, to set in.

  All I knew was the desire pinging off of every nerve ending. And the fact that I needed more.

  “More,” I whispered, arching deeper into his touch.

  At that, Cary’s eyes shut for one long second, almost like he was looking for strength.

  Then, suddenly, his hands left me to hold my shirt up as he bent down, sucking one of my nipples into his warm mouth, making a whimper escape me as my hand grabbed the back of his head, holding him against me as his tongue started to work circles around the hardened bud.

  Warmth washed over my system as I let my head fall back against the wall, my eyes slitting shut so I could fully focus on the sensations as his tongue circled, his lips sucked, his teeth nipped. Over and over until my skin felt too sensitive for more, then knowing to move across my chest to continue the torment with my other breast.

  It wasn’t until I felt his lips shift between my breasts and start moving downward that my eyes flew open, watching as his hands left my shirt and drifted down to the front of my pants, working my button and zipper free.

  I don’t think I was even fully putting the pieces together as I watched Cary go down on his knees in front of me as his hands started to draw my pants and panties downward. I was just lost in the moment, completely at his mercy.

  But then I was stepping out of my pants, and Cary was grabbing my leg and draping it over his shoulder.

  Just a second before I felt his mouth between my thighs.

  The shock of the sensation had my entire body jolting hard, a movement that had Cary’s eyes opening as he looked up at me, maybe trying to gauge my reaction even as his tongue found my clit and started to circle it.

  I’d been touched, sure, but this, well, this was something entirely new for me. Because this was pure selflessness, and I’d never known that in a supposed “partner” before.

  There was a moment of uncertainty, of stunned disbelief. But it wasn’t long before the sensations took over, flooding me with this sense of urgency, this need that had to be fulfilled or I was sure I was going to burst.

  My hips rocked against him, seeking more of the sensation, trying to get closer to that edge I felt like I was teetering on.

  Cary’s hand slid between us, two of his fingers tapping at the entrance of my body for a long moment before slowly sliding inside, and thrusting lazily as his mouth continued to work my clit.

  Inside me, his fingers turned, then started to stroke against my top wall, creating a new sensation, something just as needy, just as overwhelming.

  “Cary…” I whimpered as my hands grabbed at him, dug in, feeling like I was being swept away, and not entirely sure that felt safe.

  But then his lips sucked hard and his fingers stroked, and the pleasure slammed through my system, stealing my voice, leaving me gasping for breath as the waves kept crashing and crashing, making me feel completely out of control of my body as my thighs shook, as I half-folded forward over him.

  His tongue and fingers kept working me through the orgasm, dragging it out until my body was spent.

  Only then did Cary move to stand, pressing me back against the wall again, his lips sealing over mine as his fingers started to thrust inside me once more.

  It seemed impossible but the desire
started to spark again, making my thighs clench, and my walls tighten around him.

  “We can stop,” he murmured against my lips, even as his hardness told me just how difficult it was for him to say that.

  “No,” I murmured back, feeling brave as my hands slipped down his chest, feeling the defined muscles twitch under my touch as I sought the front of his jeans, pressing my hand against the head of his cock through the thick material.

  A low, groaning sound muffled against my lips as I touched him.

  Gaining confidence, my hand moved inward, working his button and zipper free, then slipping inside, finding the long, warm, hardness of him and closing my hand around him. His body stiffened as his breath caught as my fingers shifted upward, as my thumb moved over the head of his cock.

  My sex clenched hard around his fingers as I imagined him slipping inside of me, stretching me, making me his.

  “Fuck,” Cary hissed, his forehead pressing to mine as he started to thrust harder and faster inside me.

  My hand found the same rhythm on his cock, both of us driving each other up.

  “Cary, please,” I whimpered, desperate to feel him inside of me. “Please,” I tried again as he pulled back to look down on me, like he needed more confirmation than my desperate pleas.

  On a growl, his fingers left me as he reached behind him, finding his wallet and pulling out a condom.

  He gently pushed my hand away from him so he could protect us before he grabbed my leg again, dragging it up around his hip.

  His cock slid against my cleft, thick and hard, just sliding up and down against me, driving me up again.

  “Cary,” I cried, my hands sinking into his upper arms.

  His hips shifted and his head pressed against me for one long second before he surged inside me, filling me completely.

  A surprised moan escaped me as I adjusted to him.

  “Fuck,” Cary hissed, sucking in a deep, steadying breath, trying to hold himself together.

  But I didn’t want him to hold it together. I wanted for both of us to fall apart.