Lost in Silence (The Lost Series Book 1)

by Douglas, Tracie

  Preacher’s words tickle my mind. She’ll be worth it. I push them aside, refusing to focus on them. Instead, I focus on her, watching her thoughts float across her face.

  Fuck me, she’s beautiful. The dark blue dress compliments her creamy white skin perfectly. It hangs along her body with ease, giving emphasis to the natural length of her limbs. The dress was fairly modest, except for the slightly see through material covering her shoulders. The way it bunched and gave was more than enough to tease me, leaving me aching and curious to reach out and run my finger along the line of her collar bone.

  She runs her fingers through her short hair and I catch the glimpse of red. My eyes focus on the small hand tucked into my own and smile, her nails are painted red. I can’t help as my heart rate picks up. Did she do that for me? My heart pounds harder, faster in my chest, as I drink in the sight of her.

  She reaches for her pad and pen, concentrating hard one the words she scribbles down.

  I do know the darkness but I also know the light. She pauses, chews on the end of her pen and finally continues. Your friend, he lived in the light and it was his dying wish was for you to find it again. His last words were made out of love, they weren’t wasted on you.

  She stops and studies me for a moment. I can see the hesitation in her eyes but I need her to finish. “Don’t stop,” the words are like a plea, coming from deep down inside me. I need the truth.

  Saying otherwise dishonors him.

  Damn, I shudder from the impact of her words. She's right but I still can’t help thinking his words should have been for his family and not for me.

  Who is she?

  “Who?”

  He said, ‘she’ll be worth it.’ Who is she?

  “I don’t know. The woman I’m supposed to be with,” the words surprise me, they were easy and they made sense. I sat quiet for a moment contemplating everything with this new perspective. Her brown eyes watch me warmly. Every word Preacher said, even what Kingston said, replays in my head. I can’t let her believe last night was her fault. It wasn’t. It was mine.

  “Last night was not about you Alice. It was about me,” she tilts her head, listening intently. “My meeting with King didn’t go as planned. He said some things to me and I overreacted. I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have”

  My heart skips a beat and I swallow hard. I'm worried my story is going to push her away. She deserves to know it but I don’t know if I'm ready to give her everything tonight.

  “People leave me Alice. People I love. I don’t know why,” I lace her fingers with my mine, gripping her hand tightly. “Maybe I can’t love them the right way. Maybe I’m not worthy of love. But they always leave.”

  She nods slowly and writes something down, That’s not true.

  “I was married once, did you know that?”

  She nods her head, squeezing my hand. Of course she knew, it's been mentioned enough times in front of her. I look down at our hands and take a deep breath. Using the strength from our connection, I find the ability to continue.

  “Her name was Crystal. All I wanted to do was take care of her but we were young and too inexperienced to understand what we were doing,” I pause. “I loved her but it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t give her the life she wanted, no matter how much I tried.”

  We sat for a few beats, the silence was nice. Her eyes watched me carefully, ready to rescue me at a moment’s notice. My heart clenches from the look on her face. I like knowing she want to rescue me. Thinking about Crystal and my past, makes my heart ache but with Alice here beside me, it didn’t ache nearly as much as it used to. I’ve realized over the years I was never really in love with Crys and I'm pretty sure she wasn’t in love with me either. We used each other to cope with the things in our lives we couldn’t control. After a while our coping mechanisms didn’t work and it ended dirty because of it.

  Since then, I didn’t bother getting serious with anyone. There wasn’t a point. I wasn't good enough for anyone anyways. Not with all the darkness inside. My love was a curse.

  I was too caught up in my thoughts to notice her writing. It wasn’t until she places the pad of paper down in front of me that I see it.

  You’re love is not a curse. Preacher didn’t die because you loved him. You don't really believe that Hudson, do you?

  My heart clenches with sadness.

  “Yes, I do."

  Is his passing the reason Bear is dark too?

  “Bear’s complicated,” I explain but it isn’t my place to discuss Bear’s issues. She nods and asks no more about him or Preacher.

  What happened to your ex-wife?

  “I don’t know.”

  Liar.

  She's right about my lie. I did know but only because I’m not a complete asshole. Most wouldn’t care where their ex’s landed and as much as I’d like to think I was one of them, it's just not who I am.

  “She’s in prison,” I breathe. “Enough about her though, would you like to stop for some dessert on the drive home?”

  She nods and tries to pull back her hand but I don’t let her. Instead, our eyes meet and warmth fills my heart, spreading through my body like wildfire. This night has been monumental for me. I’ve never allowed anyone in this deep and I knew doing so would change things between us. I couldn't ignore my feelings for her because this woman moved me in a way I never saw coming. I felt freer in a sense and more determined to help her find the same relief. I wanted to free her from the darkness holding onto her too.

  “Alice, I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere,” I run the pad of my thumb across her knuckles. “I want to help you, please, let me in.”

  Her face falls, her shoulders sag and I can see the tears gather in her eyes, glistening in her chocolate pools. I can see the struggle on her face, she wants to open up but she is afraid. I know it won’t be tonight so I stand, pulling her up with me and I wrap my arms her, breathing in her scent.

  She’ll be worth it….you’re in love with her.

  Fuck, if I can fight those two statements any more.

  She is worth it and I just might be in love with her.

  Chapter 16

  Alice

  Losing my voice was a pivotal moment during my captivity. It signified the instant Erik gained absolute control over me and while I fought it with every last breath, he was stronger. Silence has been my life for the last six years. I’ve learned to live in it, survive through it, even love it at times. I’ve grown accustomed to it and I know what to expect of it. Over the years I’ve learned a great deal about myself through it. Most cannot handle the truth they find in its presence.

  The silence I share with Hudson is unlike any silence I have ever experienced. It’s peaceful, comfortable and most of all needed. Not for me. For him.

  I know he is reflecting right now, everything he’s shared with me is running through his mind. I can see it flicker across his face. He wants to freak out, he wants to pull away from me but with everything out on the table, he’s lost his shield to do it. I know he steered away from the subject of his ex-wife, only telling me the things I need to know. If he never tells me about his marriage, I don’t think I’d mind.

  I can’t help seeing him in a different light. Knowing everything he’s been through and everything he’s overcome only makes me appreciate him more. I don’t pity him for any of it. I do feel for him. He’s experienced so much heart break in his life. It’s amazing he still finds the kindness in his heart to help someone like me.

  This night didn’t go the way I planned. I was supposed to pull away from him, give him the excuse he needed to turn me away. Instead, he stopped me and gave me what truth he could handle giving me. He broke down the boundaries I put up against him. All this night has done is made me fall harder for him.

  His words sat with me the whole drive home. I wanted to open up to him, share my story, my darkness, but I couldn’t. Something kept me from opening my mouth and saying the words.

  His phone pings quietly, bre
aking the silence in the cab but he ignores it. It pings again and again and again. He pulls it out of his pocket and glances down at the screen.

  “Shit,” the word bounces around the cab and fear strikes my heart. I touch his arm and he glances over at me. He punches a few buttons on his phone and holds it up to his ear. I can hear it ring. “Missy’s place has been broken into.”

  *****

  Hudson

  I couldn’t think about anything except getting to Missy’s place as I accelerated around the corner, three blocks away. Someone had broken into her house tonight and according to my brief talk with King, she walked in on the intruder. She was alright but anything could’ve happened.

  Alice sat quietly beside me, holding my hand during the short drive. Every once in a while she looked over at me and gave my hand a squeeze, letting me know she was there. I could see the fear swimming behind her beautiful brown eyes. She was worried for me, for Missy and most of all she’s anxious to find out if this break in is tied to Erik.

  We pull up to Missy’s and find the front of her house lit up with flashing blue and red. There is a fire truck blocking all passersby’s and an ambulance parked in front of it. The doors to the ambulance are open and a small group of people stands nearby. I can see Missy inside the vehicle, a blanket tucked around her, an oxygen mask on.

  I slam my truck into park and jump out, barreling towards my sister. I barely hear the passenger door close and the clack of Alice’s shoes as she struggles to keep up with me. An officer attempts to step in front of me blocking my path but I swerve around him. He balks and sputters but before forming any kind of words. Kingston’s gruff voice stops him, “Paul, he’s her brother.”

  The officer nods, instantly backing off but I’m already to the ambulance and Missy’s within touching distance. She’s batting away one of the paramedics, trying to remove the oxygen mask. “Seriously, I’m fine. Can you please take this off?”

  “Sorry ma’am, protocol. Please just hang tight and we’ll be on our way shortly,” the paramedic who couldn’t be much older than twenty, fought to keep the mask in place. His face was flush with adrenaline. Must be a slow night, I think to myself with a smirk on my lips.

  “I know what your protocol is. I’m a nurse and I already told you I’m not going to the hospital,” her voice is stern, reminding me of the woman who raised me. The paramedic doesn’t bat a lash and continues his checklist, ignoring her. “I said I’m fine, so please step back before I—”

  “She said she’s fine,” I interject, the paramedic’s eyes meet mine and he pales. “Take your hands off of her.”

  He does without hesitation. There is fear in his eyes but he chances a look at my sister. He's torn between duty and his fear of what I might do if he doesn’t listen.

  “Hudson, stop scaring the poor boy,” Missy scowls at me. She reaches for the paramedic’s hand and pulls his attention back to her. “He’s my brother. Can you give us a moment please?”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital? There could be internal—”

  “I’m sure,” she replied, taking the oxygen mask off and handing it to him “It’s just a few bumps and bruises. I got knocked over, that’s all.”

  “Knocked over?” I ask and the sound of my voice echoes between the vehicles around us. “You were in the house?”

  “Of course I was, it’s one in the morning Hudson. I was in bed, asleep,” she shoots me a guarded look before her eyes dart next to me. “Alice, sweetheart, I’m sorry to ruin your evening.”

  Alice nods, and begins to scribble on her pad of paper. I forgot she was with me for a moment. She tears the page and passes it to Missy, her fingers start to dance instantly. I reach for her hand, grasping in it mine, trying to give her comfort.

  “I’m fine Alice,” Missy's voice is thick and her eyes are filled with adoration. My sister's too versed in what lying does to someone, so I know to trust her when she says she’s fine. “No, I didn’t see what the intruder looked like. It was dark.”

  I look over at Alice. Her brow furrows as she studies Missy. I squeeze her hand reassuringly and pull her in close to me. Her eyes meet mine, questioning me. I give her a small smile, lean down and press a kiss to her brow. She’s playing detective and I think it's cute. I swallow hard before looking away, realizing what I just did. My sister catches my attention with a warm smile and observant eyes. I shrug. I couldn’t help myself, honestly, the action felt natural like I had been doing it for years.

  “Is your sister giving you anymore details than what she provided the police with?” Kingston’s large frame sidles up beside Alice. His arms are crossed and his large frame is tense. He watches Missy like a hawk.

  “Just that she didn’t see the attacker,” I answer, watching the exchange between Missy and King. She looks away, studies her fingers for a moment before throwing them up. He looks like he wants to scoop her up and carry her off.

  “I already told you King, I was asleep. I heard a loud noise, thought it was Alice coming in. I went downstairs to investigate, barely made it into the living room before someone came barreling out of the kitchen, knocking me down in the process,” she crosses her arms, exasperated with him. “What else would you like to know?”

  “Why would Alice be coming in at one in the morning?” he turns to me, his dark eyes inquisitive. “Isn’t she staying with you?”

  “We had a misunderstanding,” I answer, shrugging it off. “Alice stayed with Missy last night.”

  ”Where were you tonight?”

  “Kingston,” Missy hisses, he turns his head, taking a step back. “Stop with the third degree. They didn’t attack me.”

  “I’m not saying they did,” he breathes, his hands on his hips. He looks down at his feet, scuffs his shoe against the concrete, before looking up at me. “Can we talk a moment in private?”

  I nod, squeezing Alice one more time before letting her go to follow Kingston. I already know what he’s going to ask. We get three cars lengths away from the girls before he turns to me and runs his hand down his whiskered face.

  “Could this be him?”

  “Could be,” I cross my arms, glancing back at Alice. She’s tucked in next to my sister. “It doesn’t make sense for him to break into Missy’s place. Alice is staying with me.”

  “She stayed here last night though,” he points out, his dark eyes on me. I hang my head, worried I’d put my sister in Erik’s path now. “Maybe he’s watching?”

  It was a fact I didn’t want to consider. It meant I let my guard down and failed Alice. I couldn’t let that happen. I promised to keep her safe and I needed to keep my word.

  “Is her bag still here?”

  “Should be,” I answer, my mind jumping to the same thought as Kingston’s. “I picked her up here tonight for our date.”

  “Date?” he lifts an eyebrow, curiosity now mixed with his concern.

  “It's nothing,” I brush him off and change the subject. “Is there anything missing from the house?”

  “No, but I want Alice to walk the room she stayed in, go through her bag, make sure everything is as she left it. If it was him, maybe he left her a calling sign or something. You okay with that?”

  I nod. He turns and heads back to the ambulance. I wait a moment trying to gather my thoughts. While this could be something completely unrelated to Alice, my gut screamed otherwise. No one knows where Erik disappeared to after Detective Edwards which mean he could be anywhere. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I dial Edwards’ number but it goes to voicemail. I close my phone without leaving a message, my gut still in knots.

  Kingston and Alice disappear into the house but return moments later. He carries Alice’s bag out of the house. His eyes meet mine and he shakes his head.

  Nothing is missing.

  Maybe it wasn’t Erik after all.

  Chapter 17

  Hudson

  The events of the last few days weighed heavily on me, last night the heaviest of them all.r />
  Driving away from my sister’s house was hard to do but I knew Kingston would keep her safe. He didn’t want her staying alone and insisted she stay with him while we beefed up her security system and fixed the damage the intruder caused. Missy didn’t like the plan, not in the least but Alice had somehow convinced her to go with it.

  I spent most of the day in my office ordering the gear for Missy’s place and trying to get in contact with Edwards. He still wasn't picking up his phone and it worried me. His precinct said he was on assignment but it wasn’t clear when he’d return. I didn't like it, especially with Erik running around, location unknown.

  I look over Erik’s file for the thousandth time, scouring it for some new detail I might have missed. Like all the times before, there was nothing. Sneak hadn’t found anything new on him either. I knew we were missing something but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

  A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts. I look up to see Alice standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame, notepad in hand. She offers me a warm smile.

  “Hey,” I breathe, giving her a smile back. She’s wearing a pair of black yoga pants and a light pink tank. Her short brown hair is wild and my hands itch to find themselves lost in it. “Is everything alright?”

  She steps into the room and shows me her notepad.

  I’ve been thinking about what happened last night.

  “Me too,” I admit. She turns the page. Her perception doesn’t surprise me. She’s been on the run too long not to figure things out for herself.

  Do you think it was Erik?

  “It’s crossed my mind but there’s no proof. You said everything was accounted for,” she nods and turns the page again. I smirk. How she knew what I would say before I said it was beyond me. Was I that transparent?

  What do you want him to leave a note? Hudson, I know how he works. This has Erik written all over it.

  “There’s no way he could’ve traced you here,” I stand and cross the room, pulling her into my arms. “I made sure of it.”