She sighs but I can see she’s not convinced. No matter how much time passes, I know he’ll always be there in the back of her mind. As long as he breathed, she’ll always be on the lookout and ready to run.
“Precious, how would he know where you are? We drove straight through. I used a different alias at every stop, changing our story so if he did weasel information out of someone, he wouldn’t learn anything to lead him here,” I stroke her back and press a kiss to her hair.
Her shoulders sag and she scribbles on her pad. Finally, something she didn’t expect me to say.
Are you sure?
“You’re safe,” I caress her cheek, cupping it in my large hand. She closes her eyes and leans into my touch. There wasn’t anything in this world I wouldn’t do to keep my promise to her. Even if it meant killing him myself.
She opens her eyes and looks past me to the computer screen, her eyes grow wide. She bats me away and moves towards it. I forgot to close the file on Erik when she knocked. I look past her and see what section I had stopped over. It was the information we had about her.
“It’s not what you think,” I stutter and she turns to face me. Her eyes are hard, anger radiates off her in waves. She points to the screen and then slaps herself in my chest. “It’s a report on Erik, well, everything we were able to dig up on him. Some of the information we have is about you. I’m going over all of it again to figure out what we’re missing.”
She stares at me, making me feel as if I have done something to betray her but I haven’t. I shrug and reach past her, closing out the files I shut down the computer. I turn to leave the room but she pushes her pad of paper at me.
I told you not to dig. I told you it was dangerous. You didn’t listen. Why?
I brush past her, unsure of what to say but I know I don’t want to say it to a notepad. Exiting the room I head towards the front of the house, ignoring her as she stomps her feet behind me. I sit down in my chair and reach for my book but she slaps it out of my hand, shoving her notepad in my face.
Don’t you dare ignore me Hudson Rivers! Why didn’t you listen when I told you not to dig?
“You didn’t tell me not to dig actually. You just shook your head a lot, waved your arms around but you didn’t say a single word. Kind of like what you’re doing now,” I reach around her and pick my book up off the floor, placing it back on the table. “It’s done Alice, no point in fighting over it now.”
She slaps the table beside her, trying to get my attention but I refuse to give it. I place my head in my hands and take a deep breath. At a loss for words, I don’t understand her and I don’t know what to say. This entire situation was bullshit. The ending of it all seemed further with each passing day, with each word she refused to speak out loud.
She walks out of the room into the kitchen. I can hear her banging open drawers, searching for something. I’m almost afraid of what it might be she’s looking for but she comes back in the room, stopping just short of me. I stare down at her bare feet, watching her stomp them again for my attention. I don’t look up and I’m immediately drenched in ice cold water. The action got my attention but I do nothing, refusing to acknowledge her tantrum.
I stand up from my seat and step past her, walking to the bathroom. She squeezes herself in between me and the door, pushing at me in the chest with her fists. I let her but my annoyance quickly grows. She grunts and reaches for my face. I dodge her hands, grabbing her wrists only to keep her from gouging my eyes out. I finally acknowledge her.
“You want to talk Alice,” my voice is cold, emotionless. I already know what I’m going to do and any worry or concerns I might have had about doing it is gone. I can’t take any more of her silence. “Use your fucking voice. Open your pretty little mouth and use it.”
I look down at her, our eyes connect instantly. I see fire burning deep inside them, her fuel is the anger, the fear, the doubt and the shame she has battled on and off the last few months.
Good, she’s going to need it.
“I’m not going to talk to a notepad. I’m not going to play charades with you anymore,” I step in closer, bringing her nose to nose with me. “You have something to say? Say it.”
She pushes at me and lifts her notepad to my face. I rip it from her hands and toss it down the hallway. She gasps in shock but I’m not giving in. No, I’m going to push her even harder.
“What’s stopping you?” Her eyes grow wider still. She knows what I’m about now. I’m not fucking around anymore. “Tell me, why can’t you talk? What did he do to you?”
She doesn’t respond because she’s frozen. I can see the thoughts crossing her face, the fire raging in her eyes. She’s turned it inward now, battling whatever demon controls her. She wants her voice back and I can see the fight for it burning bright within her. Her hand reaches up and slams into my chest as she tries pushing me out of her way but I don’t budge. No, she doesn’t get to say enough this time. I was going to make her use her voice one way or another.
“Use it,” I bring her wrists down to her sides, holding them in place. “You want me to move? You want me to let you go? Use your voice to tell me.”
She grunts and bucks, trying to find a way out of my hold. There isn’t one. I can see the tears well up in her eyes when she looks up at me but I ignore them. I continue to restrain her but I push even further, pinning her body to the door with my own. It’s a threatening move but I have to find a way to break his hold over her.
“I’m not going to let you go until you use it Alice,” she relaxes against me. I think she might be giving in finally, so I give her what she wants and loosen my hold on her. She takes advantage of the moment and twists her body just right, freeing herself of my grasp. She bounds down the hallway, slamming the bedroom door behind her.
Hell no!
I follow hot on her heels. Throwing open the door, I cross the room in three strides but the room is empty. I hold my breath, straining my ears for any sound. I hear it, her breath, coming from the closet. I throw open the door to find her sitting with her knees tucked into her chin.
Bullshit!
I lean down and scoop her into my arms and carry her into the living room. I refuse to let her victimize herself right now, hiding away in a closet. No more. She puts up a fight in my arms but I’m stronger and she knows it, which is why she goes slack, morphing into dead weight.
Nice try.
“You’re not going to hide from this anymore,” I set her down on the couch and she tries to stand immediately. I push her back down realizing this isn’t going to work and I need a new plan. She needs to push through the darkness to find her voice again and I need to find a way to make her do it. I realize as she flinches from my touch, I was going about this the wrong way.
Fuck it!
I let go of her instantly, sitting back on my heels. My head spins with my new plan. I don’t want to see her like this. I don’t want to watch her give in to the darkness again. I refuse to bear witness to this madness anymore.
“You want to run and hide? Fine, go. I’m not going to hang around anymore, watching him control you. I’m done,” I turn and walk towards the door, my hand is on the knob when I hear it.
I freeze, waiting for it, unsure of it.
She says it again.
“Don’t go.”
Chapter 18
Alice
“Don’t go,” the words bubble in my chest and out of my mouth. My voice is meek, barely audible but I know he heard me since he’s stopped moving and stands in front of the door, frozen.
“Hudson,” his name falls from my lips. I want to wrap my arms around him, to beg him to stay. But I don’t. I can’t. “Please, don’t go.”
My pleas are joined with fresh tears and my body begins to tremble. I reach for the arm of the couch beside me, needing the extra support to remain upright. My other hand wipes at the wetness on my cheeks and I peek up at him from under my lashes. He’s still frozen in the doorway, his back to me.
; After a lifetime, he turns finally and my heart skips a beat. His eyes glisten with unshed tears and for a moment I stand dazed by the sight of him. His anger is gone, fully dissipated. Replacing it is a longing, an unspoken hope.
“Tell me it wasn’t my imagination,” his is voice thick with emotion, his eyes search my own.
“Hudson,” I repeat, feeling a surge of courage. I take a step towards him. He closes his eyes, his breath catches in his chest. Seeing him this way, so affected by the sound of my voice, I’m not sure what to do. I want to make this right, to show him I’m not the lost little girl he thinks I am.
“Say it again,” his voice still thick, his hands flex, sporadically, in and out making a fist. If I didn’t know how any better, I would have thought he felt the same nervous energy I felt. Maybe this wasn’t real. Maybe it was a dream and we’d wake up at any moment. He opens his eyes focusing onto my face, carefully taking measure of my reaction. My nerves turn into steel.
“Don’t go,” I wish I could say more but my mind and my mouth fail me, trapping me in a loop like a broken record.
“My name, precious. Say my name,” he breathes in deeply and steps toward me. I’m stunned by his smoldering eyes. He sets fire to my skin with his stare.
“Hudson,” I whisper softly. His body shivers as his name slips past my lips.
“Louder,” he commands, taking another step forward, stalking me like a predator after its prey. Each slow step is agony.
“Hudson,” my voice is louder and more confident, my body grows warmer, filling me with anticipation.
“Again.”
“Hudson,” I breathe, loving the way his name naturally rolls off my tongue. His large body stops inches from mine and electricity crackles between us.
His hand reaches for my hip, pulling me into him. I tremble, finding the heat of his body hypnotic. My arms wind around his waist and I look up at him, my breath caught in my chest. He lifts his other hand to my cheek and caresses it.
“Do you know how long I’ve waited to hear you say my name?” His fingers touch under my chin, lifting my face higher still. “Almost as long as I’ve wanted to do this.”
Hudson’s lips touch mine before I can blink and it’s blissful. His lips are soft but they demand a response. I lift up onto my toes, pressing more firmly into him, giving it to him. I’ve never been kissed like this but then I’ve never wanted to be kissed this badly before.
My mouth moves against his, opening to his demand. He controls the intensity, licking and nipping at my lips before plunging his tongue into my mouth, invading my senses completely. I lean into him, as my body tingles with need, seeking pleasure in his lips.
I moan into his mouth, electricity tingles throughout my limbs, setting every nerve into overdrive. My thighs tighten as the tingling intensifies at my core.
Oh my God...never felt anything like this, my mind screams and my body shudders. I resist the urge to wrap my legs around him and lose myself completely to him. He’s the first man to ever make me feel how I thought a woman should feel when being kissed. It was life changing.
Suddenly, as if someone opened the gates of hell, my body is blasted with heat. Not a good heat either. More like skin melting off the body heat.
I felt like I was burning from the inside out. It started at the top of my head and radiated to the tips of my toes, in waves, each one more painful than the next. Something’s wrong and my instinct is to push away but I’m wrapped tightly in his arms.
I whimper as the pain intensifies, panic wells up, threatening to overpower me.
His body stiffens at the sound, allowing me the moment I need to break the kiss. Pushing against his chest, desperate for space, I gasp for breath. The heat of his body is too close and too much. A bead of sweat drips down my back, pooling at the waistband of my pants. I try to step back but the hardness of a wall at my back prevents me from moving. I don’t remember moving from the spot he started kissing me at.
Sensing my unease, Hudson releases me and takes a few steps back. He drops his hands to his sides, lust and need still riddled in his eyes. His brows knitted with concern.
“I’m sorry,” his voice is hoarse. He rakes his fingers through his dark locks and swallows hard. He struggles to reign himself in. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why?” I ask softly, my breathing labored. I lift my fingers to my swollen lips, panic swells in my throat. “Did I do something wrong?”
“What? No, why would you think that?” He asks and takes another step back. I inhale slowing, fear replacing the panic I had felt only seconds ago. I can’t help thinking he is going to turn and walk out of the room, that I’ve done something to push him away. I hate this feeling and I will do whatever it takes to keep him here with me, to make these feelings go away. Pushing out my breath slow again, I allow myself a moment to harden, to prepare for his criticisms.
“I’ll do better next time,” my body trembles. My conditioning is beginning to take control of my body and mind. I want to kiss him, to please him but my wants don’t matter. He has to tell me what makes him happy, how I can please him. So, I don’t fight the natural urge to ask him for instruction. “Tell me what you want, I promise to do better.”
He gasps, his eyes narrow on to me and they’re filled with disbelief. I was used to this kind of reaction, most men liked to act surprised when I became obedient. It was a game to them and they got off on it. I bow my head and clasp my hands in front of me, waiting for his instructions.
“Alice, look at me,” he speaks with an unease in his voice. I’m not supposed to look up at him until I know what makes him happy, but I lift my face anyways, keeping my eyes down cast. If I’m honest, I want to look up at him, meet his gaze head on but part of me is afraid to see what he thinks of obedient Alice. “Look at me.”
His voice is harsher. I don’t move.
“Precious, look at me,” he says it, the nickname I’ve come to adore. Finding the courage in the name, I lift my eyes, my uncertainty still there within me. I hold my breath, hoping this wasn’t a trick I’d be punished for later. He steps toward me, stopping inches away.
“Alice,” his voice, now a whisper, is laced with gentleness. He leans into me. I struggle to remain still, the heat from his body no longer a threat. Wanting to lean into him too, my eyes flutter up to meet the intensity of his blue ones.
Holy.
Shit.
“I want to please you....I desperately want to please you Hudson,” I croak, a single tear slips down my cheek. I bite my lower lip trying to keep myself from spilling more of them. I feel like I might die if he doesn’t tell me, if he doesn’t touch me. He swallows hard, struggling to keep himself under control. Does he like obedient Alice?
He reaches up. His large hand covers my cheek, brushing away the stray tear with his callused thumb. His mouth finally opens, ready to speak. I can’t help the giddy rush of emotions I feel knowing this was it, he was going to tell me what I needed to do please him and we would finally get back to the kissing. But he says nothing. Instead he stands there for a few moments, searching my face.
“You do please me, precious,” his words hit me in the chest, knocking the breath out of me.
Wait, what? A frustrated sob rips from my chest. I feel like I’ve failed and failure was not an option. Was this some kind of game to him? Why won’t he tell me? I thought he liked me. I thought he wanted me.
Hudson takes me into his arms, carefully picking me up. He carries me over to the couch and he sits. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his neck, breathing in his scent.
Chapter 19
Hudson
I held her until she stopped sobbing because I didn’t know what else to do. Crying women were not my cup of tea but kissing them, well, I was an expert in that department.
I’ve dreamt about kissing Alice’s sweet pouty lips for days. I wasn’t a fool though, I knew better than to try anything on her, the girl barely trusted me. I’m not the kind of man to push a
nything on a woman, even an innocent kiss. But damn, when she said my name, I couldn’t help it. Although there was nothing innocent about the kiss we shared. It was an out of this world experience, one I’ll never forget.
All I can think about is whether it pushed her too close to the edge. One moment we’re having an amazing kiss and the next she’s sobbing uncontrollably, begging to please me and I’m left completely confused and unsure of what to do or say.
“Why did you stop,” she asks, peeking out from my neck, her voice meek and unsure. It’s like music to my ears, more melodic than I imagined but still it is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.
“Stop what?”
“K-kissing me,” she lifts her hand and pushes her dark brown hair out of her face. I frown.
“I didn’t.”
“You did,” her forehead puckers. “You pushed me away. I thought I did something wrong.”
My brain suddenly feels more muddled and confused than it already was.
“You pushed me away,” I correct her. I can see the moment replaying in her face. She doesn’t know what to believe. “You stopped kissing me.”
“I’m confused,” she swallows hard.
“You’re not the only one,” I admit trying to make sense of it all. At this point I don’t even know if she enjoyed what happened between us. “Did you like it?”
She casts her eyes down and blushes. I can’t help the sliver of joy I feel inside, she enjoyed the kiss.
“How did it make you feel?”
“I don’t know,” her face flushes.
“Have you ever felt anything like it before?” she shrugs. The need to know everything suddenly surges through me. “You’ve never felt anything like it before, have you?”
“No, I thought I was doing something wrong,” she explains.
Holy shit.
“You weren’t doing anything wrong,” I reassure her but still something wasn’t right. It wasn’t because she ended the kiss or the fact she believes I ended it. Her physical reaction to it changed at the end. Instead of moaning for pleasure, she groaned in pain. “What did you feel?”
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