I find myself much further than I had meant to go, but the view here is worth the walk. At least now I know what that pulling feeling was. Standing on the beach in a light pink dress, shoes in her hand, watching something in the water. Her chocolate brown hair waving in the wind and catchin rays of sun reflecting golden light.
I look at what has her attention, a family, looks like a father and his children. I move further from the shore, to where the sand meets some tall grass and sit. Is this considered stocking? I’m not really sure, but I can’t seem to make myself leave.
I watch her, she just stands there watching the family for what seems like hours, but has probably only been a few minutes. I can barely see her face from the side, but she looks sad, heartbroken even. The thought of her in pain makes my chest ache. Suddenly she starts walking into the water and I find myself on my feet heart racing. What is she doing? And why am I worried?
She stops with the water just hitting her mid-calf. She seems to be at peace in the water, it brings her some kind of calm that only the sea can. I know that feeling, the peace that comes from the crashing waves. I would give anything to be that water, brushing against her perfectly tan legs. I watch her as she tilts her head back looking to the sky, staying like that, letting the sun kiss the skin of her face.
Angry yelling brings me out of my stalkerish daze. That prick is yelling her name. Should have known he wouldn’t be too far from her. Who walks on the beach in dress pants and dress shoes? He looks like he is afraid of the water, fucking twat. Maybe he should pull that stick out of his ass.
After a few minutes she seems to have heard him and turns to the shore. I can’t really make out all of what he is saying but seems like he’s mad about what she is wearing, or maybe because she is in the water. He is afraid she will ruin it. Is that really what he is worried about? She looks distressed and he is worried about a damn dress?
I would really like to shove his face in the sand. What kind of man can treat a woman the way he does. His mind is only on his money and his image. People like him have always made my skin crawl.
She makes her way to him, no, actually past him. She barely gives him a side glance as she mumbles something and walks in the direction of a massive beach house. The look on his face brings me joy, I know that’s petty but I don’t care. Serves him right for talking to her like that. Soon he is following her like a child that did not get his way. What a twat.
Even from a distance she is still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. All too soon she disappears from sight and I am left here alone with my thoughts. All of them revolving around her. She looked like a fallen angel standing out there in the water. Sad and broken. Did I do that to her?
Why should I even care? I keep asking myself the same question over and over again. I know I shouldn't. I tell myself I shouldn't. So why do I care? Seeing her today just made everything worse in my head. I want to hold her and take all her pain away, but at the sametime I want to yell and scream at her for breaking my heart.
I know why. I can tell myself that I don't all I want, but I do. That is why it hurts so damn much. She has a part of me still. She always will.
Sitting here thinking about her is getting me nowhere, I should be back at the party having a good time with good people. I force myself off the ground and strat to make my way back to Sam's house.
The walk is longer now that I dont have some invisible force pulling me. The sun is nearing the horizon when I finally make it back to the party. Everyone seems to be having a good time, drinks are flowing and people are dancing on the beach.
“I thought you ran away.” I hear my sister from behind me.
“Just went for a walk.” I leave out the fact that I was semi-stalking Ember.
“Well I am very happy you are still here. Come get some food, I know you haven't eaten since breakfast. You need to take better care of yourself, my dear brother.”
“Yes, you are right and I am hungry. Come on, lead me to the food.” I say as I nudge her in front of me.
“You seem to be in a better mood than you have been. That walk did you some good. Maybe you need to do it more often to keep your head clear.” she suggests.
If only she knew the real reason for my change in mood. But maybe she is right. Even if it is from afar, I need to see her. Creepy or not, I don't really care. Seeing her even just for a moment has given me a sort of height that only she can give me. She is my drug.
“Yes, I think you are right. Maybe I will make a habit of it.” I reply.
The party starts to die down around midnight. I drop Spencer off at his flat, noticing the red Jeep parked on the curb. He and Ness both give me a worried glance.
“Thanks again for the ride.” he mumbles as he gets out and helps Ness to the front seat.
“No problem. That's what friends are for, right?” I reply.
“I hope everything is alright with your date, I didn't even get to meet him.” Ness says as she hugs him.
“Well, you have already met him.” he says in a high pitch voice while he bounces up and down.
“Oh, do tell?” she puts her hands on his shoulders in an attempt to stop his excessive movement.
“His name is Victor.”
“From the plantation?” she questions.
He just nods his head with a big smile.
“Well, that is wonderful, Spencer! So, is it serious?” she prods.
I tune them out, not wanting to think of what happened at that place. Eventually Ness gets back in the car so we are able to go home. She spent the entire time telling me how happy she is for Spencer and all the things I missed at the party while I was on my walk.
I open my bedroom door and walk in without answering whatever question my sister was asking. I just want to shower and try to sleep.
I close my eyes and let the water run over me. Somehow I feel calmer than I have in the past few months. My thoughts of course find their way to her. Golden brown eyes, dark brown hair, long legs leading to that perfect ass. One of my hands finds its way to the cold tile while the other wraps around my hard cock.
I see the first night we met, holding her in my arms for the first time, her body against mine. I remember the effect she had on me and her minty scent. Then her body pressed on top of me, laying in the grass, looking into her beautiful eyes. Her laying on the raft looking up at me, her hand on my cheek. Pressing her against her Jeep by my body, my arms caging her in. Her hands on my chest, moving to hold me around my neck. Her lips on mine. Then the red dress, my hands on her bare back, pulling her as close as I can. Feeling her grind against me, lips on mine. Warm and soft as she gives herself to me on the dance floor.
The intense sensation of my release brings me back to reality. I finish washing and step out of the shower, wrapping a black towel around my waist before walking back into the bedroom. I throw myself on the bed without caring to finish drying off or getting dressed. Sleep finally finds me.
Chapter 19
Ember
Today I get to be the attendee of an event rather than the one putting it together. Kade and his family have a big end of summer bash every year. It would be exciting if it wasn’t for the guest list. Mostly snobby wealthy families with their grown children. The Grahams are no exception, Kade and his sisters Kara and Kitty.
I look at myself in the mirror. The dress Kade bought me is fitted at the top with cap sleeves and a flowing skirt that reaches just above my knees. It is pretty but not worth the price tag. I have no energy to do my hair so I leave it down, the ends still have a bit of curl left from yesterday. It looks good enough.
Makeup is out of the question. I refuse to doll myself up for these snobs. With my luck one of his sisters would knock me into the pool and then it would be a sad mess of mascara running down my face.
Spence knocks on my door before opening it. “Hey, you sure you don't want to ditch the snobfest and come to Sam and Dans.”
“I would rather do neither to be honest.”
; “Then don't go. You don't have to keep giving into him just because you don't want to fight.” I know he is trying not to get upset with me.
“I know.” I look back in the mirror and sigh.
Just then the door buzzes.
“Well guess that is your ride?”
“Probably.”
“Em, I know things have been off between us since...you know, but you are my best friend. Always and forever. I just want you to be happy again.”
I pick up my clutch and smile. “I know.”
I walk past him and out of the apartment. As I descend the steps I see Kade through the window in the door and take a deep breath to ready myself for whatever is to come next.
“That dress looks amazing on you, Em. Damn I have good taste.” he says as I open the door and walk out. He tries to lean in for a kiss but I walk past him, straight to his car and let myself in.
He gets in shortly after, not starting the car, just staring at me. I look at him, but before he can say anything I speak.
“We should get going, don't want to be late to your parents party.” I look back out the windshield.
After a few moments he starts the car and begins the thirty minute drive to his parents beach house. Neither of us say anything. I don't know what he thinks, but he has to know that I have really lost all will to argue with him. I have become a zombie when it comes to interacting with him. You think he would have given up by now, but he is a stubborn idiot.
We arrive at his parent’s summer home on Shoreline Beach. The house, if you can call it a house, is one of the largest on the strip. The party is always held in the east wing; it has the best view of the beach and ocean.
Even though it is day time the outdoor area is lit with large strands of lights covered with large white paper lanterns. The high cocktail tables are covered in stark white cloth and scattered around the patio. The open bar is situated at the far left opposite the pool that never gets used. A white table covering on the snack bar that is set in front of it.
The party goers look as though they are attending the Kentucky derby with their fancy hats and everyone dressed in pastels. The women all hold champagne flutes in one hand as the other waves in the air as they speak to one another. Everyone is trying to impress everyone else one way or another.
The men talk business with their cigars and scotch. Not caring what their wives say or do. They blow the smoke out as they laugh at someone's awful joke. All just amusing themselves as they try to outdo each other.
I always feel so out of place around his family and these people. His father is the only one that sees me as a human rather than smudge on Kade’s name. Mr. Graham's firm has been supplying my mother’s lawyer for the last two failed marriages. The last one was what brought Kade into my life. He seemed so sweet and charming at first. I wouldn’t say I fell for him, but he definitely put on a good show.
In the beginning things were really great. We had real conversations about things that would never matter to anyone but us. He used to take me out on dates, simple and sweet times. Unfortunately over the past year he has shown his true face, and let’s just say he could give a gremlin a run for its money. Snide remarks, insulting my size and trying to monitor my food intake are just a few of his more charming traits.
Sometimes I wonder if this is why my mom wanted me to be with him. So he could break me down when she wasn't around. It may sound far fetched but given the kind of person she is, I wouldn't put it past her.
“Ember! You look so beautiful. Must get that from your mother.” Marcus has a million dollar smile as he looks at my mother. “I am so glad to see you here. It has been so long. You really should come for dinner sometime. I can have my chef whip up anything you want.”
“I got my looks from my dad actually.” I say through gritted teeth. “But thank you either way. As for the invitation I am afraid I must decline.” I look at my mother. “Calla.”
Her face controls into one of pure rage. “I am your mother, you will not call me by my name, you disrespectful child.” she tries to hide the anger in her voice so Marcus cant hear it.
“No, you are no mother of mine.” I reply coldly. My eyes looking into hers, neither of us willing to back down.
Thankfully Kara breaks the awkward moment as she rushes past me to embrace her brother. He wraps his arms around her and picks her off the ground, spinning her in a circle. Their relationship has always seemed too close to me, but what do I know I don't have any siblings so maybe I just don't understand.
“Kade! I have missed you so much. I have so much to catch you up on. Paris was a dream come true. Wait till you meet Phillipe, my new boy toy. We met while I was on a tour of the fashion district and he is...”
I walk toward the snack table to get the taste of bile out of my mouth after that unsavory encounter with the woman that birthed me. Fruit or something sweet should do the trick. I find a large wedge of watermelon and eat carefully in order to keep from dripping on my pale pink dress. As the scent hits my nose I begin to think of him, my tattooed God. He has been haunting my dreams ever since the night I last saw him. I stare off at the waves and trace the image of him in my mind.
Why can’t I stop thinking of him? I have met so many gorgeous men and never once has one been burned into my brain, into my heart like him. I deal with beautiful people every day in my job and personal life since I met Kade, but this one man has made complete mush of my mind. He walked into my life so suddenly and made everything better, made me happy, made life seem like a dream. But happiness only lasts so long and every dream comes to an end. I can’t believe I screwed it up so badly, and now here I am back in my old miserable life with Kade.
I am pulled from my self-torture when I hear that vile woman voice again. I wish she would just go away. Just drop off the face of the earth, so I never have to see her again. It takes so much energy to deal with her and let's face it, since Jonas walked out of my life I use all my energy to keep thoughts of him at bay.
“Em, can we please talk? Like adults or maybe even like family.” her tone is cruel and cold. Not trying at all to cover it.
“Look Calla, I really don’t have the mental clarity to deal with you today. You want me to plan your wedding I will, but it will be a job not a favor. You can contact the office and set up a consultation. It will be business, nothing else.” I say tiredly, already of this argument.
“You just can’t help yourself, can you? You have to make everything about you. I am your mother, not your client. If you can’t do this for me then you may as well not even come to the wedding.” she says as the waterworks start. She loves making a scene.
I let out a dark laugh, almost sounds haunted. As if I plan to attend another one of her ridiculous weddings. “I’m not doing this. Have a nice life.” I excuse myself from her presence and head to the powder room.
I am just about to round the corner when I hear the Graham twins. “I can’t believe he expects me to just accept her as family. She is a disgrace to her mother and would be a disgrace to this family. What the hell is he thinking Kitty?”
“Maybe he has a good reason for wanting to propose to her. I mean they have been together for almost two years now. Maybe she has actually grown on him. I always thought she was just a charity case.”
“Kitty! Oh my God, you are so right. How did I not see it before? She is just a project for him to work on. He thinks he can culture her, make her worthy of the Graham name. It all makes sense now.”
He is planning to propose? For once I have to agree with Kara, what the hell is he thinking. I’m not going to marry him, I don’t even like him. If anything, I used him to pacify my mother and her need for me to be like her. I should have ended things with him the second I met Jonas. I should have known. I have to get out of here.
I sneak out the west side of the house and head down to the beach. I take off my shoes and dig my toe into the sand. My dad used to bring me to the beach when I was a kid. We would spend all day making sand castles and s
earching for shells. The memories fill me with a warmth that I haven’t felt in a long time. As I walk down to the water I see a young father with two small children, splashing in the waves. The children teaming up on him trying to get him down to their level. He grabs one in each arm and lifts them to the air spinning around. They laugh and squeal with joy. I find myself with tears on my cheek. What I wouldn’t give for one more day with my daddy.
Soon I am standing in the water, enjoying the tide as it comes and goes. Waves crashing against my legs. Still lost in thoughts about my childhood. The warm sun rays on my face, and the salty sea breeze twirling my hair behind me. I feel happy in this moment. Like maybe everything will be alright.
“Em. Ember! God Dammit what the hell are you doing?” I hear Kade yelling from the beach. He is probably afraid to get his shoes wet, he stands 10 feet from the water. He takes a step back each time the tide moves up the sand, like it is going to chase him.
“Em have you lost your mind? That is a $3,000 dress that you have on, are you trying to ruin it?”
Of course, he is worried about the dress. The dress he bought for me, one of the many. He can’t bring me to an event in rags, as he likes to call my wardrobe. I turn to face him and begin to walk back to the shore.
“I just needed to clear my head.” I tell him as I pass him. “Don’t worry, I didn’t get your dress wet.” I add as I head back to the house.
The rest of the night was pretty uneventful. On the drive home neither of us spoke a word. He drove much faster than normal, guess he just wanted to get me out of his car as quickly as possible. As soon as I was out and had the door closed he sped off. Well maybe this is the end. I can cut out all the cancer in my life in one shot. No more mother to disappoint, no more boyfriend to put me down. All in all, I would say this was a good day.
∞∞∞
It has been 2 weeks since I have heard from Kade. I had been so busy with work I hadn’t really given it a second thought. Then the silence was broken.
Ribbon of Fate: Love or lust? Page 17