Tender Betrayal

by Rosanne Bittner

  “Oh, so that makes slavery all right, as long as they’re well fed and not whipped? Tell me, Miss Brennan, what if someone put a price on you? How would you feel about that—stood up on a crate for people to stare at and decide what you’re worth, not knowing what you’ll be used for? How many of the pretty ones, like your own Toosie, does your widowed father take to his bed at night?”

  Audra reddened, while others gasped at the crude remark and Lee rose from his chair. “Get out, Jordan!” Lee demanded. “Get out before I throw you out!”

  Audra felt Anna Jeffrey’s hand move into her own. The woman squeezed her hand lightly in support. “He’s the one in the wrong, my dear,” she told her quietly, while more gasps and whispers circulated among the guests.

  “That was really quite uncalled for,” Audra heard one woman say. Most of them seemed very upset with Cy Jordan, who rose and took his wife’s arm.

  “I’ll gladly leave,” he was telling Lee. “That girl might have a beautiful voice, but the fact remains she comes from a family who buys and sells human beings, and from a traitorous state that is already talking about seceding from the Union! Your mother never should have invited her here, or at least she never should have allowed the girl to bring her own personal Negro along with her. It’s not right having a slave owner in your house, Lee.”

  “It is my house, and I’m telling you to shut your mouth and leave it right now! One more remark and that mouth is going to be bleeding!”

  “Slavery is wrong, Lee!”

  “I agree, but this is neither the time nor the place to discuss it, and one young woman isn’t going to make the least bit of difference over whether or not the practice of slavery continues or whether her state secedes from the Union! And while we’re at it, don’t forget there are all kinds of slavery. Everybody knows how you treat your wife, Jordan, and I don’t doubt some of Miss Brennan’s slaves have it better!”

  More gasps rushed through the audience, and Audra’s own eyes widened at the remark. Lee was truly angry. Was it really just because Cy Jordan had insulted her? He was standing up for her! Defending her! Her heart literally ached with love, and she watched with fear then when an enraged Jordan stepped closer to Lee.

  “If you weren’t Edmund Jeffreys’s son, I’d—”

  “You’d what?” Lee was seething.

  Jordan, a small, balding man, knew he was no match for Lee Jeffreys, whose hands moved into fists, ready for a fight. He could never win a physical struggle with the tall, powerful, and much younger Lee. He backed away, keeping a tight hold on his wife’s arm. The rather plain, quiet woman stood there with a red face, and Audra felt sorry for her.

  Jordan turned and stormed out, dragging his wife with him. Lee turned to the others, apologizing for the interruption.

  “Please, let’s all enjoy a few more songs and then we’ll have some refreshments,” he told them. He looked at Audra. “I apologize, Audra, for our rude guest.”

  Audra nodded. She wanted to shout I love you, Lee Jeffreys.

  “Don’t pay any attention to Jordan,” another spoke up to her. “He’s had too much to drink tonight.”

  “If it was ten in the morning, the man would still have had too much to drink,” someone else put in. The others laughed, and things became more relaxed. Lee sat down, and someone asked Audra to sing “Home, Sweet Home.” Mrs. Jeffreys began the tune, and Audra struggled to regain her composure. Did all these people think men like her father had harems of slave women? What horrible conception did they have of life in the South? She loved her home and her way of life. What was so wrong with it, and why did everyone think that all slave owners raped their Negro women and beat the men?

  ’Mid pleasures and palaces, though we may roam,

  Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like home!

  A charm from the skies seems to hallow us there,

  Which, seek through the world, is ne’er met with elsewhere.

  Home, home! Sweet, sweet home!…

  An exile from home splendor dazzles in vain;

  Oh, give me my lowly thatch’d cottage again!

  The birds singing gaily that came at my call,

  She could picture Brennan Manor, the azaleas and dogwood in blossom.

  Give me them with the peace of mind dearer than all.

  Home, home! Sweet, sweet…

  She could not keep the tears from coming then, and she turned and ran out through the open doors onto the veranda and around a corner into the darkness. She could hear the wave of whispers that moved into louder talking then. Anna Jeffreys stopped playing.

  “Audra is obviously upset by Cy Jordan’s remarks,” the woman told everyone. “I don’t blame her. She is really just a child, you know, and she cannot be blamed for the entire southern culture. Thank you all for being here to listen to her sing. This gathering was strictly to give Audra some practice before an audience, and you have all been wonderful. You’re welcome to stretch your legs and walk outside to the cool veranda. The servants will serve you refreshments. Please enjoy yourselves. I’ll have Lee find Audra and bring her back.”

  Everyone clapped, and Audra moved farther into the darkness. A servant came outside to begin lighting lanterns, and she hurried away, walking toward the beach where no one would see her beyond the light from the house. She turned to see people filtering out onto the veranda then, and she wondered where Lee was. “Child,” they had called her. “Girl.” She felt like a fool now, too foolish and babyish to go back and face all of them. Jordan’s remarks had hurt deeply, made her want nothing more than to go home to Brennan Manor and get away from these people who understood so little about how she lived. It had probably been silly to let the last song make her cry. If she had made any progress in getting Lee to look at her as a woman, she had certainly erased it all by dashing out this way.

  The tears came then—tears of sorrow over a love she could never have, tears of homesickness, tears of humiliation over Cy Jordan’s cruel words, tears of anger and pride. She must have disappointed Anna Jeffreys, behaving as she had. Now she was surely smearing her rouge, and she had no handkerchief with which to wipe her eyes or blow her nose.

  “Audra?”

  Her heart quickened at the sound of Lee’s voice. Oh, the humiliation of it, having him find her bawling like a baby again! She hated crying. He was probably upset at how she had acted so childishly. She frantically wiped at her tears with her bare fingers, and in the next moment Lee was there, handing her a handkerchief.

  “I thought this was where I’d find you. Once I got away from the lantern light and got used to the moonlight, I could see someone standing down here.”

  She took the handkerchief and blew her nose. “I’m so sorry I ran off that way,” she whimpered. She felt his hand on her bare shoulder, felt his full arm coming around her then. “Audra.” This time he spoke her name differently, almost reverently, and to her surprise he turned her and put both his arms fully around her, pressing her close.

  “Go ahead and cry,” he told her. “You have a right. If we hadn’t been standing in my own mother’s parlor, I would have knocked Cy Jordan clear across the room for what he said. The bastard!”

  Audra rested her head against his broad chest, breathed in the scent of him, relished the comfort of his arms. He had never held her like this, and she wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.

  “Jordan is the attorney for my father’s businesses, but that doesn’t mean I have to put up with him. Mother and I both should have known better than to invite him,” he said. “He drinks too much, and it makes him shoot off at the mouth. Part of the reason he made trouble was just to irritate me. He owns one of the biggest law firms in New York City, and he knows I’m fast catching up with him. He’s jealous because I’m twenty years younger and already doing about as well as he is.” He rubbed her back. “Besides that, people have seen bruises on Mrs. Jordan several times. The woman always has an excuse for them, but everyone knows her husband beats her. There’s nothing I h
ate more than a man who would lay a hand on a woman or a child. I saw a man beating on his kid in an alley in New York once. By the time I got through with him, my own hand was broken.”

  Oh, yes, she did love him! She could just picture him defending that child. A man like Lee would defend not just those he loved, but even a stranger. He was brave and sure, intelligent and exciting. He was not a man to back down from a fight, yet he was so much the gentleman, so kind and considerate of people less fortunate than he, people like Joey. He had looked so handsome tonight in his black silk suit and white ruffled shirt.

  The thought made her lean back. “Your shirt! I’ll get rouge all over it!” she exclaimed, suddenly embarrassed that she had let him press her so tightly against his chest, more embarrassed that she might have soiled his shirt. She tried to pull completely away, but he only gripped her closer again.

  “Don’t worry about the damn shirt,” he told her softly.

  Something was different about him, the way he held her, the tenderness in his voice. She raised her face to look up at him, able to see him quite clearly in the bright moonlight. What was that in those blue eyes? Love? Some kind of adoration?

  He kept one arm around her and with his other hand touched her cheek. “I have never laid eyes on anyone so beautiful as you look tonight, Audra.” He moved his hand to touch her bare shoulder, and she wondered if she would faint. “Maybe it’s this dress,” he said, a slight tremor to his voice. “All I know is I don’t want to let go of you right now, and I can’t stand to see you hurting.”

  Her heart pounded wildly, and fire seemed to be rushing through her veins. “And I don’t want you to let go of me,” she said in a near whisper.

  He crushed her even closer, one hand at the middle of her bare back, the other moving to her bottom. In spite of all her petticoats, she knew it was bold of her to let him press his hand there, yet she could not find the will to make him stop.

  “You’re supposed to marry someone else, Audra, and you don’t love him. I know you don’t, and for the life of me, I can’t stand the thought of another man making a woman of you. I want to do it. I think I’m in love with you, Audra, and I know it’s wrong. It’s all wrong.”

  All the feelings she had been fighting flooded her body in uncontrollable desire. This was surely no mad crush. She loved Lee Jeffreys, Yankee or not, and she could not hold back for one more second. She flung her arms around his neck. “Oh, Lee, I love you, too! I think I loved you from that first day, when you got so angry with me. I love you for your kindness, and courage, and for how good you are to Joey—”

  He cut off her words, capturing her mouth with his own. She felt the fire inside her build to explosive force when he parted her mouth, his tongue lightly running inside it. She returned the kiss eagerly, not thinking how inexperienced she was, how he might think her terribly childish by being suddenly so eager, but he did not seem to mind. He pressed her so close she could barely breathe, and his kiss grew hotter, deeper.

  What was she feeling? She knew that at this moment he could do anything he wanted with her and she would not object. She yearned for him to touch her, to possess her, to hold her close to him forever. They didn’t seem to be able to stop kissing. Over and over again he met her mouth, tasted it, licked at it, groaned her name whenever he took a breath. His breathing was as quick and heated as her own.

  He was hungry for her, pressing his lips to her neck, kissing at her bare shoulder, drawing forth marvelous sensations she had never experienced. A little voice told her to be careful, warned her he was surely a man of experience, and she knew little about the extent to which a man and woman go when they are in love. Eleanor had said that kissing a man was most delightful. Now she knew what her cousin meant. This was wonderful! She could not get enough of Lee Jeffreys. He could not kiss her enough, hold her close enough, touch her enough.

  “My God, if you weren’t wearing such a beautiful gown, I’d lay you right down in the sand,” Lee groaned.

  And what would you do then? Part of her knew what making love meant, things Eleanor had told her about, but which had never made much sense to her until now.

  She threw back her head, and Lee kissed her throat. His lips trailed lower, until he was kissing the whites of her breasts exposed by the cut of her gown. She sighed at the ecstasy he stirred in her soul. Was there even more? She wanted him to touch her everywhere, kiss her everywhere. He made it all so easy, seem so right. Could he so easily turn her into a woman who would allow him to do sinful things? Where was her common sense? She could not find it, not while Lee’s arms were around her, not when his gentle lips were kissing at her breasts.

  Lower he went, his tongue moving between the dress and her skin, searching for her taut nipple. When he found it, she groaned, totally stunned that she could not bring herself to stop him. Never in her life had she felt so wonderful, so alive, so beautiful, so much a woman. He kept one arm firmly pressed around the middle of her back, moving his lips to her throat and his other hand to the front of her to touch her breast, gently tugging it out of her dress. She whispered his name over and over as he fondled the breast, and his lips found her mouth again in a hot, penetrating kiss.

  Her breath came in gasps when he left her mouth again to move back down to the exposed breast. He took it gingerly into his mouth, sucking gently, his tongue teasing her nipple. He moved his lips then to the very tip of her breast, pulling lightly at the pink fruit she offered. She nearly reeled with ecstasy, and new, wonderful, almost painful needs probed at her belly, pulled at private places suddenly awakened by this man she loved.

  Oh, yes, there was much more to this, she was sure, and she wanted to know all of it. She wanted Lee Jeffreys to be the one to show her, just as much as he wanted it. Richard could never make her feel this way!

  “Lee? Are you out there?”

  It was Anna Jeffreys’s voice. Lee stiffened. He had practically forgotten about the guests and the fact that his mother must be looking for Audra. “Damn,” he whispered. “Fix your dress.”

  “I can’t find Audra anywhere,” Anna shouted. “Help me find her, will you? I’m worried about her.”

  “I’ve already found her,” he called back. “Just give her a few minutes. I’ll take her back to the house to freshen up. I think I’ve talked her into rejoining the others.” He turned and grasped Audra’s arms. “I’ll take you back through an entrance where they won’t see you. You can fix your face…” He bent down to kiss her lightly. “And your dress.”

  Audra felt suddenly embarrassed and awkward, but still utterly on fire. “I want to stay out here with you,” she said softly. She felt as though she were floating in some unreal world. Something wonderful had happened to change her into someone she hardly knew. Was she a woman now? Was this all it took? What more might have happened if Anna Jeffreys had not come along?

  “I’m sorry, Audra,” Lee was saying. “I had no right—”

  She flung her arms around his neck again. “It’s all right, Lee. I love you so much! And to know you love me…” She kissed his mouth again. “It doesn’t matter that you’re a Yankee,” she said then. “Father will just have to accept it. You’re a smart man. You can learn to run a plantation.”

  “What?” Lee did not miss the slight venom in the word “Yankee.” And suddenly she had him being a slave master on a plantation.

  “I could never leave Brennan Manor, you know. It would kill Father, and Joey, too. I can’t take Joey away from there, and I have to take care of him. We will just settle at Brennan Manor. You could practice law at Baton Rouge. It isn’t so far away. We’ll get over our differences, Lee, you’ll see. Love can change anything and anyone.”

  She kissed him again, and Lee was hit with the overwhelming reality of what he had just done. He had drunk too much tonight, that was it. If he’d been sober, he never would have allowed this to happen. Oh, yes, he loved her all right, but he had made up his mind he was never going to tell her. He was going to go back to New York and f
orget her, because it was best that way. God knew that in reality they could never last. Go and live at Brennan Manor? Never! And neither would she be happy living in New York. And what about Joey? He had reasoned it all out, his logical attorney’s mind telling him it was best never to confess what he felt.

  But tonight. Damn Cy Jordan! Damn her tears! Damn the liquor and the warm night! My God, what had he done? He pulled her arms from around his neck. “I’ve got to get you back to the house, Audra. We’ll talk about all of this tomorrow.”

  Audra sensed the change in him. Had she said something wrong? She felt her cheeks growing hot with embarrassment. She had taken it for granted that he was ready to marry her! She had talked of his coming to live at Brennan Manor as though it were already decided! What must he think of her childish eagerness! Or maybe he thought she was giving him orders again. Still, look at how intimate they had just been. He surely intended to marry her, or had he just used her?

  She pulled farther away, fastening herself back into her dress, suddenly feeling dirty, like a harlot. What did he really think of her after what she had let him do? Was that why she felt this sudden change in him? “I don’t know what made me let you do that,” she said, her voice still weak from a torrent of emotions. “I can imagine what you must think of me, but I swear, Lee, I have never—”

  “Don’t you think I know that? You’ve no apologies to make. I got carried away, and I had no right!” He took her arm and led her toward the house. “We both have a lot to think about, Audra.”

  She stopped and grasped hold of the front of his jacket. “You did mean it, didn’t you, when you said you loved me?”

  He just watched her for a moment in the moonlight. “I’m not a man to say such things lightly. Yes, Audra, I love you. But sometimes love isn’t enough.”

  “I don’t understand—”

  He touched his fingers to her lips. “Let’s not spoil tonight. We’ll talk tomorrow, I promise.”