Primal Burdens: (The Uruwashi Series #5)

by Christina Moore

  And yes, that was why he was here now, under the teeth of his true enemy. A fucking Uruwashi. Who’d have known that the fairytale was true?

  “Weary is the mother who has a dusty child.”

  Tristan flinched, jolting back from Pollux. He turned his head and looked up at Ash. She was grim as she stared back, and dropped to her knees, reaching out to touch him. She dragged her finger through the blood smeared on his face.

  “A small short little child who can’t run on his own.”

  She lifted the finger covered in blood and etched out a shape on Tristan’s forehead. “A—Ash? Wh—what are you doing?” he whispered, voice shaking.

  “Who always has a battle with sleep before he’ll close an eye.” Done tracing on his forehead, she dropped her hand, glancing at Pollux. “But a kiss from his rosy lips gives strength anew to me.”

  Tristan blinked at her a moment before reaching out, grabbing her by the collar and yanking her to him, mashing their mouths together. Her tongue delved into his mouth, savoring him and the blood still heavy on his lips. A vampire’s blood.

  He pulled away almost as abruptly as he kissed her and looked down. Oh. “He’s dead.”

  Out of the corner of his eye, Ash was nodding. “It had to be done.”

  “What’s happening? Tristan?”

  He jerked around to find Gillian sitting on the floor before him, a blanket pulled tight around her and staring at them.

  “Gillian, no,” he whispered, horrified. How much had she seen? And why?

  Ash looked pained as she shut her eyes tightly, hanging her head like she hadn’t realized that the woman was watching. “I told you stay put.”

  “Oh God,” Gillian said as she met Tristan’s eyes. “Who are you? Why—why did you do that? What’s wrong with you?”

  Fuck. She did see. She saw the abomination in him. “G... Gillian. I’m so, so sorry you had to see that.” Truth was, as worried as he was for Gillian, his mouth still watered for Pollux. His stomach rolled with hunger. He wanted another taste. More.

  “What? What was that? Did you, were you really drinking his blood? What’s wrong with you?”

  He sighed, feeling defeated. “I’m…” He swallowed hard, because, fuck him, this was going to be hard to say aloud. “I’m not human.”

  “I don’t understand. You’re not making sense.”

  Ash put a hand on his arm in warning. “Tristan.”

  “I know,” he mumbled under his breath. “Gillian… Fuck. You weren’t supposed to find out. Right now though, you need to let us help you and then we can talk.”

  “No,” she screeched. “I don’t want either of you near me!”

  Ash let out a dismayed sigh. “Sleep.”

  Gillian got in half a gasped breath to say something before her eyes rolled back and she collapsed on the floor.

  “My apologies. I thought she was half unconscious. I asked her to stay but didn’t order. I got distracted and careless.”

  Tristan sniffled, nodding, suddenly overcome and full of emotion and unable to find words in that moment.

  “Come, let us leave.”

  Nodding still, Tristan stood and grimaced at his aching shoulder. He’d stopped bleeding but the wound was still raw. He stopped to look down at the dead body of the vampire he just ate.

  “I did it,” he whispered and shut his eye from the sting of tears. “I killed him… I ate him.”

  “Now, you are truly one of us.”

  “No.” He shook his head, opening his eyes. “This is what you tried to stop, to keep me from becoming… I’m so much worse than a vampire, I’m a real monster.”

  She took his face into both of her hands, still slick with blood and made him look at her. “Then we’ll be monsters together. I will always be at your side.”

  He slumped, the tears threatening again. “Promise?” he whispered.

  She smiled and kissed him. “It is a promise.”

  25: Words of Love

  TRISTAN? Can… can I come in?”

  He went from deep sleep to alert in seconds. He’d always been easy to rouse but a few little soft words brought him to full consciousness. And he heard everything, was aware of everything. He sat up, pushing at the blankets. He was naked and had another raging post-sleep hard-on that was bordering on painful, and definitely inconvenient. He needed to be dressed if Gillian was coming into the room.

  This morning he and Ash rushed home with Gillian and the vampire’s dead body stuffed into the trunk of Tristan’s little car. Ash drove and called to have Lance meet them there.

  The moment they got home the fae took over caring for Gillian. Ash then tended to Tristan’s shoulder and made healing spells for them both while Tristan dumped Pollux’s body in a clearing on the property that wasn’t his new favorite place and would get lots of sunlight and no wandering eyes. He’d go back after nightfall and burn the vampire again, with wood and fire, just to be sure.

  Then he went inside, took the damn spell, got into the shower and let himself breakdown. He was sitting on the end of his bed, head bowed when Lance came to find him about an hour past sunrise, after Ash had retired.. The fae used gentle language but there was no misunderstanding the violations Gillian suffered at Pollux’s hand.

  She’d been beaten, bled and raped. Worse still, than the memory of what she endured, Lance was afraid there was irreversible internal damage. Gillian may never have children. The fae’s healing blood and Tristan’s blood-charged spell weren’t enough to repair what one pissed off vampire had done to her.

  He reluctantly went to bed, weary in soul and body, and hoped that Gillian would give him a chance to talk before leaving the house. Guess it was obvious that she hadn’t snuck out now while he slept.

  “Tristan?”

  He sniffled as he pulled on a shirt to go with his jeans. Barefoot and sullen he sat on the end of the bed facing the door. He glanced at the clock and then at Ash’s hidden sleeping place, a custom drawer built right into this huge armor/closet thingy in their bedroom. It was getting close to dusk and the vampires would be waking soon. Gillian probably wouldn’t want to be here when that happened. At least it was only Ash and Wren today.

  “Yeah, G. Come in.”

  The door opened and in wobbled Gillian wearing a nightgown that had to have been Ellie’s if the rainbows were any indication. That little gesture took Tristan’s breath away. He knew why she hobbled. He knew why her brow furrowed in pain. And it was all his fucking fault. If he hadn’t come back, if he hadn’t pulled her into his world, Gillian never would have been hurt. Scarred.

  She came to stop a few feet away, wringing her fingers and chewing on her lip. “Um…” She looked at a loss, like she didn’t know how to say what was on her mind. “Did you know there’s a girl in your living room eating Cheetos and maple syrup in tacos shells?”

  A sudden laugh burst from him, a laugh he hadn’t known could exist in this moment. “Yeah, that’s Ellie. She helps out with Ash’s horses. She’s staying with us for a while… bad home life, n’ all. But, yeah, she’s a bit odd, no need to worry.”

  Gillian smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Oh. That’s nice of you.”

  Tristan sighed and reached out a hand to her. “Gillian,” he said gently.

  She looked at his hand, tensed up and shook her head. “I can’t. Not now. Not after—” She snapped her mouth shut, her eyes welling with tears.

  No, of course she couldn’t bear to be touched, not after being violated like that.

  “I’m so sorry,” he said, barely able to get the words out without sobbing. “I never meant for you to get caught up in my mess.

  “What… mess? I really don’t understand what’s happening.”

  He motioned to the chair near the bathroom door. “Why don’t you sit.”

  She looked conflicted but eventually went and carefully sat, wincing and shifting to be comfortable.

  “I, fuck—” he hissed, running a hand over his hair. “I’m not really sure
where to start.” He took in a deep breath, let it out and stared up at the ceiling for a moment. When he found his words, he forced himself to face her, look her in the eye. “It turns out that the woman gave birth to me and the man who fathered me weren’t, um… human.”

  Gillian frowned but didn’t say anything, her intense stare telling him to go on.

  “Mom and dad died because of me, G.”

  She flinched, eyes going wide.

  “Someone was after me and they died instead of me. Because of me.”

  “Tristan—”

  He held up a hand. “Sorry, but let me finish. Please. There’s so much—Monsters are real, G. They exist and I’m one of them.”

  Her expression softened and she leaned forward a little. “Even after what I saw—” Her voice shook and she stopped, took a breath. “After what I think I saw you do, you’re not a monster.”

  He shook his head, looking away to keep himself from losing his shit. How could she have watched him attack, murder and drink the blood of another man and think he was anything but a monster?

  “G. I’m not human. I’m half… well, to put it simply, I’m half vampire and half witch.”

  “Tristan,” she said shaking her head. “There’s no such thing as vampires. Or witches.”

  “Gillian—”

  “Whatever was wrong with that man that made him do those things to me—hurt me, hit me, bite me and drink my blood… he was just that, a man. He needed mental help. But he was not a vampire.”

  Tristan’s mouth was literally hanging open. Did she not remember? Did she not see the vampire zap him with lightning? Did she not remember being bitten by fangs?

  No, came Ash’s sudden voice in his head. Fuck, it was like she was yelling in his ear, and couldn’t hold back a startled yelp. Denial.

  Shit. It was getting too close to dusk if Ash was awake and soon Wren would be too. And Wren didn’t know there was a frightened human in the house needing kid gloves.

  Help me, he pleaded with her as Gillian gave him a curious look at the high pitched noise he’d made.

  No. She’s in denial but will not wish to see me again. She knows what Pollux was. She knows what I am. Just talk to her. Don’t lose her; she needs you now more than ever.

  He was talking to her, dammit. Trying, anyway. He was telling her more about him than he ever planned to reveal. “Gillian. That man was a vampire. Ash is a vampire. I’m half—”

  “Tristan, Tristan,” she said calmly, shaking her head. “You don’t really believe that.”

  He took in a deep breath to keep himself calm. “Gillian. I love you so much, I really do. But if it weren’t for a fake letter I got from Eric saying that you were in trouble, then I wouldn’t have gotten in touch with either of you again. That’s how dangerous it is to be around me. I’m not human. And worse off, every other non-human is looking at me now.”

  She stared at him for a long time, obviously thinking hard as her gaze went over Tristan’s face. And then he felt it, her fear, the disillusion, her need to believe in the lie to protect herself. Hell, he could almost hear her thoughts, just not quite. It was all emotion from her, a human, and, fuck, it hurt to feel it.

  Yes, she must protect herself. If she doesn’t wish to believe, you can’t make her. But you need to make sure she gets help. Therapy.

  Tristan sighed, shutting his eyes. I know. And I will.

  Whatever Ash did, he felt her smiling affectionately at him. Love you…

  “I love you.”

  Tristan flinched, looking up. Did he hear that in his head or…? “Gillian?”

  She stood and came to stand in front of him. “I know men are dense, but I’ve been in love with you for a long time. Long before the accident and even after, despite your struggles. I know all of you, Tristan. The good and the bad.”

  Tristan sighed and held out his hand. She looked at it again but ultimately gave in and gave him her hand in return. Her flesh was clammy and shook. He smiled at her, rubbed a comforting thumb over her knuckles. “G—Gillian, you know I love you too. But it’s—”

  “Asta.”

  “Yes,” he said on a sigh. “She’s… She’s the love of my life. There’s only her.” He smiled because he knew she was listening and that was okay. “I’m actually going to ask her to marry me, G. She just does it for me.”

  Ash didn’t say anything but he felt her surprised elation and had to keep himself from grinning. Not the right moment for a grin, not for Gillian, anyway.

  Gillian’s entire body slumped, but she nodded, giving him sad smile. “I understand. I do love Eric,” she said, sounding a bit defensive. “I love him very much but you…” Her eyes welled.

  Yeah. He knew. He could feel the difference in how she loved him versus Eric. He could taste it in her words. “I know, G. And I’m sorry.”

  “I know,” she said softly. “How… how long have you known her?”

  “Six months,” he said.

  Gillian shook her head, looking sad. “She managed to do in six months what I couldn’t in twenty…”

  “G—”

  She held a hand up. “No. It’s—well, not fine. But I get it. The heart wants what it wants. I just… I just wish I’d said something earlier, tried harder to help you after the accident.”

  “I was a clusterfuck of a mess, G. And you did try. Eric too, but I, I wasn’t ready, or willing… No one could have helped me. I had to work it out myself.”

  Saying it now, yeah, he believed that. He knew that had Ash come to him earlier, that even she wouldn’t have been able to help him out of his self-loathing funk. He really did have to work it out himself. Everything happened when it did, as it should.

  Oh Christ, he was starting to believe in fate.

  And She believes in you.

  Shut up, he answered with what he hoped was a playful tone. He knew he got his sentiments through when he felt Ash smile lovingly at him. It was awesome, feeling gestures, but it was going to take him a while to get used to. Then again, it was pretty nice being able to talk to Ash like this.

  “And I did. I worked it out. It wasn’t easy but it couldn’t have happened any other way.”

  Gillian was shaking her head. “No. I don’t believe that. We could have tried harder. I could have been there for you.”

  Tristan sighed. Nothing he said was going to get to her, was it? He’d known Gillian a long time, known to be levelheaded, even when Tristan’s parents died. But now, the level of denial… it broke his heart. Gillian was going to need professional help. She’d maybe never accept what Ash was, what he was, but everything else wrong with her right now, it needed to be talked through with someone trained to help her.

  Yes, Ash said, I will do what I can to ensure she sees someone and she won’t even know it’s our doing.

  I appreciate it, now shut it, I can’t concentrate.

  She smiled at him and all awareness of her just… drifted away. It was like she wasn’t in the room anymore—didn’t exist. That’s when he noticed Wren slowly rousing; he’d be awake in the next hour or so. Kiba was home too, though he couldn’t tell in what form. And there was on last presence, something that didn’t feel quite right. Not sinister, but not good.

  “Tristan?”

  He flinched, realizing he’d been staring off at nothing, talking in his head with Ash, being distracted by all the new shiny metaphysical things he felt. He was definitely more tonight than he was… well, before he drank William Cross’s blood.

  “What do we do now?”

  He took a moment to think but he knew what the answer was. “You go home and forget about me.”

  “Tristan,” she snapped, taking a step towards him.

  “No.” Tristan stood quickly, startling Gillian badly enough that she jerked away and he stopped himself from reaching out to touch her. “I love you and I’ve missed you and it will kill me to give you and Eric up, but it’s the only way I can make sure you’re safe.”

  She shook her head at him. “You
’d never hurt me. Not on purpose.”

  She doesn’t recognize the threat in what she doesn’t see…

  Tristan scowled, not thinking of how it would look to Gillian. She believes in God, Ash. She believes in plenty she can’t see.

  Seeing does not equate to belief for her.

  Tristan huffed and scrubbed his hands over his face. He was at a loss. How could he convince Gillian he was a threat if she refused to acknowledge the existence of the danger?

  You know the answer.

  “But I can’t!” he snapped aloud, not meaning to.

  Gillian looked more than a little startled, for good reason.

  There was no way Tristan would purposefully hurt her just to make her hate him and leave. Hurt her enough to make her never come back. Yes, it was her life they were talking about here, but it would kill the last vestige of his humanity to hurt her like that on purpose. Even for the greater good.

  “Gillian, I need you to leave.”

  “Tristan, please.”

  “I’m sorry, I just… I can’t. Lance or Kiba will take you home—whoever’s downstairs.”

  “Are you asking me to leave?”

  “No, I’m telling you to.”

  “And then what?” she asked in a tiny voice.

  He shook his head. “I can’t be what you want me to be. I can’t even be in your life, Gillian.”

  Her bottom lip started to quiver two seconds before the tears fell. “Please don’t.”

  “I have no other choice.” He took a step towards her and this time she didn’t move away.

  But I love you, she thought so clearly, so loudly it was like she’d screamed it in his face.

  Tristan shook his head. “Goodbye, Gillian. Be well.”

  26: Evidence

  FUCK me,” Tristan groaned, dropping his ass on the end of the bed and hid his face in his hands.

  A moment later, Ash’s drawer popped open, startling him.

  “Fucking A, Ash…,” he hissed, hoping to hide how much she’d startled him. Ash’s small smile said he didn’t fool her.