Inevitably You

by Abby Brooks

I lower my lips to hers. Pull her shirt over her head. Trail kisses along her neck and shoulders before I strip her naked and step out of my sweatpants. I stretch out underneath her, grasp her hips while she lowers herself onto me, and then let her ride me until she climaxes, my gaze glued to hers until I come undone myself.

  The rhythmic rise and fall of Michelle’s chest measures the passing of time. Her warm body, a perfect fit against mine, lulls me right to the edge of sleep over and over again, only for a thought to drag me back to consciousness. In an idealistic world, I love the idea of having a child with Michelle. But reality is a harsh place for idealism. My battle with anxiety is an everyday thing. It’s a constant struggle not to let the voice of doubt hold me back. Through hard work and routine, with my family rallied around me, I’m stronger now after Maggie’s death than I can ever remember being. All that being said, I thought I conquered sleepless nights a long time ago, but here we are again.

  Michelle and I have never fought. Never disagreed. Up to this point, we’ve not once wanted something different than the other. Is that because we’re such a good match for each other or is that because she’s so good at putting her needs aside in favor of mine? Is it because we’re still in the throes of new love? What will happen when the luster of falling in love fades?

  Will we implode? Will the perfection of our relationship be proven to be nothing more than a house of cards, supported by twigs and string too weak to hold everything together against even the faintest breeze? Or are we truly on the same path in life, facing the same direction, heading for the same destination?

  Do I really want to build another relationship upside down and backwards? She said it herself, our timing is all wrong. She moved in with me sooner than she should have because of the break-in at her home. She is still pulling herself out of the wreckage caused by her marriage. And now, just a few months into our relationship, she’s pregnant? Do we even know each other well enough to know if we want to raise a child together?

  I roll my eyes. What we want is irrelevant now. There’s a baby in her belly. My baby in her belly. Like it or not, right or wrong, we’re bound together for the rest of that child’s life. And right now, I love her. Each new day with her, each new experience, they continue to give me a new reason to love her more. The more I know her, the more I know she’s the one for me.

  So why borrow trouble? Why worry about what might happen? When has the quavering voice of anxiety ever led me in the right direction? The future doesn’t exist yet but the now sure as hell does. I will do my best to provide for her, to make a family out of us, to build a strong future for us instead of worrying about one that might never come to pass.

  Michelle squirms in her sleep, letting out a happy sound and curling up closer to my body. I smile as I draw her in, draping an arm around her stomach as if I’m hugging our child, too. She’s not Becky and I’m not Russell, and this isn’t our end because beneath all the questions and worries keeping me awake long past my bedtime is the absolute certainty that Michelle is perfect for me. And when I think of our child, a tiny little being with her face and my nose, it makes me want to be a better man. It makes me want to show her just how beautiful life is when you live it with the right people at your side.

  MICHELLE

  I wake up before I open my eyes, aware of being conscious before I’m ready to climb the rest of the way out of sleep. A stretch hijacks me. I reach my feet for the edge of the bed and my arms up overhead, fingers splayed, toes pointed. When I finally open my eyes, I find David smiling down at me.

  “Morning, beautiful.”

  “Morning, Mr. Wonderful.”

  He grins, a lopsided thing. “Mr. Wonderful, huh? I don’t know about all that.”

  “You don’t have to know anything about it. I’ll know it for you.” I put a hand on his cheek, his morning stubble rough against my skin. “You still okay?”

  “Oh, believe me hot stuff. I am more than okay.”

  “Really?” I scrunch up my nose. “You’re not scared to death?”

  David stretches out beside me, his head tipped against mine. “I spent a lot of last night trying to get scared to death. I brought up every single reason to be afraid, pointed out every reason why this won’t work out.”

  “You didn’t sleep?” Great. While he spent an entire night worrying, I snuggled up next to him as if our lives aren’t in the middle of getting completely rearranged, possibly against his will.

  David shifts. “Not much. But don’t worry. It was good for me.”

  “Last I checked, sleepless nights were firmly listed under the Bad for Your Health category.” I sigh. “And coming up with all the reasons to be afraid of what our future holds doesn’t exactly sound like a good thing, either.” The beautiful feeling I woke with dissipates, leaving me with a now-familiar hollow stomach.

  “You didn’t let me finish, silly.” David props himself up on his elbow. “For as much as I tried to find a reason for this to be bad, I can’t stop thinking it’s exactly the way things are supposed to be. I love you. And I’m going to take care of you and Claire and this little nugget right here.” He puts a hand on my stomach and smiles.

  “Yeah?” I place my hand on his. “Do you mean it?”

  “Yep.”

  “I want you guys to move in with me.” Pride tweaks the corners of his lips skyward.

  I grin. “In case you haven’t noticed, we’ve been living here for the last month.”

  “Right, but most of your stuff is still at your house. That bookshelf and all of your books and you can’t even try to tell me those aren’t important to you. The wineglasses I bought you for our second date. Those are obviously a big deal. Your winter clothes. I want everything that means something to you to find a home in this house. I want to pick a room and turn it into a nursery for our baby.” He grins, as if the thought of our baby makes him genuinely happy. “I want to paint Claire’s room her favorite colors even if that means I have to repaint every year because she keeps changing her mind. I want this to be your home, not just your refuge.”

  I slide my foot out from under the covers, the rustle of the fabric against my skin filling the silence as I gather my thoughts. “Carmichael Farms will always be my refuge. As long as you’re here, this house will be the one place in the whole world where I know I’m safe.”

  “Good. I’m glad you feel that way. And it’s true, you know. I’ll never let anything happen to you.” He stares down at me, his gaze roaming my face. “So, is that a yes? You’ll move in?”

  “That’s a hell yes.” I roll onto my side and prop myself up on my elbow. “Wherever you are is home. I don’t ever want to be anywhere else.”

  David threads his hands into my hair and kisses me, pressing his forehead to mine when he releases my lips. We’re moving fast but it feels right. I really hope it does to him, too.

  “You promise you don’t just want me because of the baby?” I whisper the question, afraid of the words but desperate for the answer.

  “I promise.” David whispers in return, as if the truth is too precious for anyone but me to hear. “I want you, Michelle. I want all of you. I want what we have to go on and on forever.”

  I smile. “Me too.” My stomach growls and I grimace. “Any chance your mom is down there making breakfast?”

  “Not today.” David looks relieved. “She took Claire out to help with the chickens after making her a bowl of oatmeal. You and I are on our own.”

  “Does that mean I finally have a chance to cook for you?”

  David looks shocked. “You mean to tell me you know how to cook?”

  “You can cut a grocery bill in half when you buy stuff like flour and milk instead of premade biscuits.” Even I can hear the note of pride in my voice.

  “If you’re trying to tell me that you can make homemade biscuits, then I have no idea why you’re still lying in bed. Get up, woman. Make me breakfast.” He grins.

  “You don’t have to be such a caveman about it.” I slide
out from under the covers and drop my feet to the floor only to notice the notification light blinking on my phone. I pick it up.

  David clears his throat. “Yeah, that thing started going off around five this morning. It’s what finally pulled me out of bed.”

  “I’m so sorry.” I tap in the passcode and choke when I see Russell’s name.

  Russell: you called a fucking lawyer???

  Russell: wtf michelle

  Russell: u cant leave well enough alone can u

  Russell: whats this about

  The texts go on and on but I stop reading after just a few. “Russell isn’t happy about the lawyer.”

  “Sounds about right.” David shrugs and slides to the edge of the bed.

  “What do I do?” My fingers hover over the reply button. I don’t have an answer for Russell that he’s going to like. Every possible response I come up with is only going to make him madder.

  David purses his eyebrows together and stands. “What do you mean?”

  “What do I say?” I wrap my arms around my stomach. “I have no idea how to respond.”

  David takes the phone but doesn’t look at it. “Who says you have to respond?”

  The question stuns me. “I guess I don’t, do I?” The anxiety that started pushing down on my soul as I read Russell’s texts dissipates like dandelion puffs in the wind.

  “He is not your responsibility any more. His thoughts? His feelings? You’re not in charge of worrying about that. The only time you have to see him is if he asks to see Claire again.” David takes a breath. “And if things go right with the lawyer, you won’t even have to see him then unless you choose to let him see her. But at that point, it’s all on your terms, not his.”

  “What did I do to deserve you?” I meet his eyes, hoping he can see right down to the very bottom of my soul and understand how grateful I am.

  “You don’t deserve me.” David hands me my phone. “You deserve so much more than I could ever give you.”

  My stomach growls again, impossible to ignore.

  “Come on.” David widens his eyes and then offers me his hand. “Let’s get my girl fed. We can start our plans to make you and Claire official residents of Carmichael Farms while we eat.”

  DAVID

  Life becomes a perpetual motion machine. June becomes July and Michelle’s things are still at her old house. Between my responsibilities at the farm, Michelle’s job, and getting the house ready for them to move in, we haven’t made the move official. Her lease is up at the end of the month so the time has come to stop making excuses and start making progress.

  “Do you have any ideas yet about themes for the nursery?” I glance up from my iPad in time to catch Michelle glaring at her reflection in the full-length mirror in our bedroom. “What’s wrong?”

  She meets my gaze through the glass. “Nothing.” She smiles and then shrugs as she turns to face me. “I just don’t want to go to work.”

  “You’ve never said it out loud before, but I can’t think of even one time that you have looked like you want to leave when it’s time to go to work.”

  “I never do.” She runs her hands through her hair and shakes it out, her eyes on her reflection.

  “Why?”

  Michelle crosses the room to sit next to me. “I don’t like teaching. I never have.” She watches me as that statement sinks in. “I barely even admit it to myself because it’s not like I have a choice of careers lined up for me. I skipped college to start my ballet career. And because of the injury, the only thing I’m equipped to do is teach. Why complain when I don’t have any other options? Focusing on how much I hate it only helps me find more reasons to hate it.”

  “I’m not a fan of you doing something you hate.”

  Michelle puts a hand on my thigh. “You can’t save me from everything. Besides, no one likes their job. It’s just the way of the world.”

  I frown. “That’s not true. I like my job.” Michelle deserves to know the joy of living every day for herself.

  “Okay, I guess I should clarify. Most people don’t like their job. And since we’ve already ascertained that you aren’t most people, your opinion doesn’t really hold any weight in this discussion.” She grins. “But, like it or not, it’s time for me to leave so I can keep making the big bucks.”

  I make a face. She is not making the big bucks and that would be fine except for the fact that she so frequently makes zero bucks. The studio doesn’t earn enough money to support both her and her mother, and that’s just the hard truth of a small business in an even smaller town. Now that Michelle doesn’t have to support herself, I haven’t been all that bothered by the weeks that go by without a predictable paycheck because I thought teaching was her passion. Now that I know she doesn’t even like it? It’s going to start bothering me. I keep telling her that everything in this world comes down to time and money and she’s giving away her time, doing something she doesn’t even enjoy, and not making any money. The math doesn’t add up.

  This topic is too big to dive in to right before she has to leave, so I switch the subject. “So, I ask again. Have you given any thought to a theme for the nursery?”

  “Some. But don’t you think I should get all the way moved in first?”

  I slap my thigh. “Hot damn! I was starting to think you were stalling so you would have an out if things went bad. I can’t wait to know you’re one-hundred percent mine.”

  “Well stop waiting. Because I am.” She stands. “And I’m also running late, so if you’ll excuse me, I really need to go.”

  I reach for her wrist and pull her back down onto the bed. “I will not excuse you.” I pin her arms over her head with one hand and grab her breast with the other.

  “You’re going to make me late!” Her eyes glint with humor and she presses her hips against the thigh I shove between her legs.

  “No, darlin’. I’m gonna make you mine.”

  I flip her over and drag her pants down off her ass. Pull out my dick and climb up on the bed behind her. Slide into her and roll my hips. Her moan is my green light and I thrust into her. Once. Twice. A third time. She arches her back and I grip her hips, slamming into her again and again.

  I bury myself to the hilt. “You’re mine.”

  “Yours.” Her voice is silk.

  “Damn right.” I slam into her and she buries her face in the covers to conceal the scream that’s building behind her tight lips. I increase my speed, reaching around to slide a finger across her clit as my own orgasm builds. Her muscles tighten around me and my balls draw up close to my body. She mumbles something into the blankets, something that sounds like fuck me, David and then she comes undone. And then, so do I.

  “That was unexpected,” she says after I flop over on the bed bedside her.

  “Just wanted to give you something to remember me by.” I throw an arm across my forehead and fight for breath.

  Michelle bites her lip. “Consider the job done, and done well.” She shimmies back into her pants and kisses me on the lips. “I love you, David. Stay asleep when I get home and I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Darn it.” Michelle lets out a long breath and looks up from her phone. “The landlord wants to know if she can pick up the key tomorrow.” She stares at the piles of boxes and the empty walls in what used to be her living room. “Do you think I should ask if we can leave it under a rock or something? I’m ready to get everything moved out of here and not have to worry about coming back ever again.”

  Claire bounds out of her old bedroom. “It echoes in there now.” She leans into her mom. “And it looks so small. I’m used to my bedroom at home.”

  Michelle’s eyes go to mine. Home. Claire already considers the farm her home. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel good.

  “You know what? Why don’t we stay here tonight?” I wrap an arm around Michelle’s shoulders. “We can hand off the key to the landlord in person and spend a whole night making one last memory in this old house.”
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  “Can we make s’mores?” Claire bites her lip and makes the face she knows I can’t resist.

  I look to Michelle. “Do you have a fire pit?”

  She shakes her head. “Nothing fancy like that around here. Especially not in that fire hazard of a backyard.” She bends to make eye contact with Claire. “We’ll wait until we get home and have some celebration s’mores then.”

  Home. She glances at me as she says the word. My God. This is my family. After all that I went through, after swearing that I would never let another person into my life, they’re all that I want. I haven’t given them my last name yet, but I will. As soon as Michelle wins the battle against her ex and has full custody of Claire, I’ll have the ability to adopt her when we get married. And we’ll be getting married sooner than she thinks.

  The rings are in my pocket. A diamond for Michelle and a little silver ring with an amethyst for Claire. The plan was to propose to them tonight, as soon as the landlord left with the key. I wanted it to be symbolic. The door on this old life is closed and locked behind them just in time for a new life to open up before us. A clean break and a fresh start. But now, with the landlord coming in the morning I don’t think I can wait. Symbolism be damned. I planned to propose tonight and damn it, it’s going to happen tonight.

  “Tell you what.” I crouch down in front of Claire. “We’ll plan on s’mores for when we’re done with the move tomorrow. Tonight?” I glance at Michelle. “I’m going to head to the store and pick up some dinner and some treats. Maybe I can find some board games or something for us to play.”

  Michelle tries to protest, but the more I think about the idea, the more I like it. I’ve never spent the night with her here. In the beginning, we were busy being careful around Claire and then we never came back after the break in. I’d like to be here with her at least once before we say goodbye to this chapter of her life.

  “I might be gone a couple hours.” I slap my pockets to check for my keys. If I’m going to propose without the symbolism of the landlord locking the door on her old life, then I need to stop at some extra places and grab the stuff I need to make this a true celebration. I’ll get a fire pit and supplies for s’mores for Claire. Some candles. All their favorite foods from their favorite places.