Self-Care for Empaths

by Tanya Carroll Richardson

  • Change into comfy clothes if you’ve been dressed up for work.

  • Do something physical yet gentle to signal to your body that you’re transitioning out of the daytime active mode and into evening relaxation mode, like leisurely strolling through the neighborhood with your spouse or roommate, playing your favorite music while prepping dinner, or getting down on the floor and playing with your child or pet.

  • Get quiet time alone for 45 minutes. If you have kids or are a caregiver, this time might come at the end of the night when everyone else is in bed or relaxing in their own rooms.

  • Work on a creative project that’s just for fun for an hour. If you’re a dancer, you might practice new moves. If you’re an artist or crafter, you might spend an hour using your hands to make something beautiful.

  • Avoid consuming too much alcohol or sugar. Be present with yourself as you prepare the evening meal (for example, notice the sounds and smells you experience as you cut veggies or strain noodles).

  • Say a blessing over the meal, either silently or out loud, that involves gratitude.

  • Make sure chores like washing dishes, taking out the trash, putting away laundry, and straightening are done so you wake up to a calm house tomorrow.

  • Snuggle up—with pillows, your pet, your child, or your partner—to feel cozy.

  • Try going to bed at roughly the same time every night.

  • For an hour before bed, engage in low-stimulation activities like reading, journaling, stretching, or tidying the house. Avoid paying bills, watching the news, confrontations with family and roommates, or anything else that might put your system on alert.

  Work with an Empath Talisman

  Many faiths and cultures believe in the energy of sacred objects, and you probably already possess objects you consider sacred. Empaths can use these objects to help re-ground themselves when they are emotionally triggered, or experiencing an intense emotional reaction to something—a comment someone makes, an event that happens, or anything else. An old wound (like childhood abandonment) might get triggered, or maybe an ethical issue you believe in passionately is triggered.

  Because emotions and energies can register strongly in an empath’s system, when they’re emotionally triggered, it might be challenging to stay centered in the present moment. You could come home after an emotionally triggering day and hold your empath talisman while unpacking your day with a friend on the phone, or you might keep your empath talisman in your pocket during an emotionally triggering situation, like confronting a coworker.

  In the following exercise, you’ll identify an empath talisman and infuse it with grounding energy.

  1. Seek out your talisman, knowing that it may find you—this is how power objects are often discovered in shamanic traditions. You might be walking the beach and have one particular shell catch your eye, or you could walk into a store and feel one particular crystal calling to you. You can use an object already in your possession that you consider sacred, like a heart-shaped stone a child gave you or mala beads you bought while on a spiritual retreat.

  2. Clear the energy of the object first, if you like, by giving it a gentle physical clean, leaving it out in the sunlight (provided that won’t damage the object) or moonlight, or covering it in flower petals. Charge/infuse the object with grounding energy by holding it between your hands, taking some deep breaths, and picturing in your mind a place (perhaps associated with an elder or ancient energy) where you often feel/felt grounded (your grandma’s kitchen, an ancestral or sacred site you’ve visited). If there’s an older tree you love, sit with the object under that tree, asking the tree and its roots to charge your talisman with grounding energy.

  3. Practice working with and get to know your empath talisman. You might hold it while you meditate in the morning or wear it (if it’s a piece of jewelry) while you attend a self-care workshop. Connect with its supportive energy and notice any changes in your own energy when you work with it. Name the changes, like feeling more calm, empowered, or open. Having something tactile that represents a feeling of being centered can help when you are emotionally triggered. An empath talisman can be a powerful self-care tool, yet not a substitute for other methods of getting emotional support. Work your talisman into the other healthy practices that keep you grounded.

  Pick a Spirit Animal to Journey With

  Spirit animals act as the embodiment of certain attractive traits a specific animal symbolizes that you might like to emulate. Spirit animals are empowering and fun to engage with. This exercise contains a list of spirit animals that can be especially valuable to empaths.

  1. Read through the following descriptions and feel in to which animal would support you most now. Also, watch for synchronicities showing up in your life, such as seeing a certain animal in your yard, on social media, on a friend’s T-shirt or mug, or in the news. You may even dream of an animal. The following suggests how spirit animals might help empaths. • Cat: Prioritizing healthy alone time.

  • Eagle: Rising above the emotions and energies around you for a more objective perspective.

  • Duck: Remaining adaptable to different types of energies, environments, and situations.

  • Flamingo: Feeling safe to be fabulous even if it upsets or threatens another.

  • Groundhog: Handling earthy needs and details.

  • Horse: Releasing another energetically so both of you can be free.

  • Kangaroo: Practicing exceptional self-care and self-nurturing.

  • Owl: Not letting others talk you out of your own wisdom.

  • Rabbit: Taking care of your sensitive nervous and energetic systems.

  • Seal: Cultivating a community of other empaths.

  • Stag: Standing silently yet strongly in your own power and energy.

  • Turtle: Coming home to your own energy, retreating and recovering.

  • Unicorn: Celebrating what is unique about you, like being an empath!

  2. Incorporate this spirit animal into your life by putting a figurine of this animal on your home altar, setting a screensaver image of this animal on your computer or phone, watching a documentary about this animal, contributing to a charity devoted to this animal, or meditating on an image of this animal.

  Allow this animal to move your spirit, encouraging you to make positive changes in your self-care.

  Bathe to Connect to Your Higher Self and Intuition

  Some empaths feel very at home in water! Immersing in a comfortable bathtub can be an ideal way to re-ground yourself and connect with both your physical and energy bodies. This ritual can also be a method of banking/conserving and increasing your energy!

  Taking a bath is relaxing, and a relaxed state can facilitate getting in touch with your higher self. Your higher self is the part of you that is wise, reflective, and objective. It’s the part of you that can feel your emotions but also create healthy distance from them. Your higher self is excellent at seeing the big picture and putting things into perspective. Like an eagle, it can fly high above the details of your daily life and look at things from a broader angle. You might consider the higher self the soul’s perspective or wisdom.

  Before you begin, schedule some time in a bathroom where you can close the door and be alone for 30 minutes. Then draw yourself a bath with water at a comfortable temperature, letting your mind quiet and enter a meditative state as you watch the tub fill up. Slip carefully inside and follow these steps.

  1. Try to be fully present in the moment by engaging your senses. Use bath salts to make the water softer; sprinkle a few drops of lavender essential oil to create a sweet smell; if there’s a safe spot to set a candle, light one with a glow you can gaze at; and/or put on some soothing nature sounds, music by an artist you love, or an inspirational podcast.

  2. Connect with yourself. Take a few deep breaths, close your eyes for a few moments to center yourself, place your hand on your heart chakra, and gently splash some water over your arms and shoulders. Get a sense of
your own amazing, powerful, strong energy!

  3. Just be here with yourself, with minimal distractions, for 15, 20, 30 minutes, or longer. Let your mind go blank or quiet. If you have a favorite soap or gentle scrub, lovingly go over your skin and lather up.

  4. Use this quiet, meditative time during which you can ground in to your own energy to naturally help you connect to your higher self. You might feel the energy change around you as you connect more to that part of yourself, which you could picture as an eagle or any mental image of wisdom. Expect some intuitive insights as well as some emotions to come up—perhaps about a current situation in your life or even something from the past. Notice what shows up now and trust that it’s information coming from your higher self.

  5. Repeat some affirming thoughts as you carefully get out of the tub and towel yourself off, like “I love this body” or “I’m learning to love this body.”

  When you’re finished, be sure to fully extinguish any candles or incense you used in the ritual. If you don’t have access to a bathtub, try a variation of this ritual in the shower.

  Find Healthy Ways to Retreat

  When you retreat, or pull back from overstimulating situations and the energies and emotions of others to ground back in to yourself, your sensitive nervous and energetic systems can recover. During healthy retreat and recovery, an empath can rest and rebalance, then emerge refreshed, centered, and excited to engage more actively with the world again.

  Rate the following healthy retreat techniques that you’ve already tried as excellent, okay, or not for me, based on their ability to help your sensitive system recover. Then try at least one new technique.

  ____________ Meditate at work. If you have a door on your office, shut it to meditate. If you work in an open-office setting, take a walk on your lunch break or sit in a coffee shop after the lunch rush with your earbuds in to quiet your mind. If you work from home, try meditating on a park bench or your back porch.

  ____________ Curl up with a good book. Watching a film or listening to a podcast is also relaxing, but it’s more stimulating. This is why reading is a great activity right before bed.

  ____________ Spend time in a quiet spot in nature or gardening in the backyard. Your child’s Little League game may be held in a beautiful park, but it’s hardly a low-stimulation environment! Look for relaxing spots instead.

  ____________ Get lost in a fun creative project. Have you been knitting so long that your hands just know what to do automatically? Maybe you can whip up a gourmet meal without having to think hard about it.

  ____________ Exercise solo or with others in a chill setting. Pull out your yoga mat at home or take a gentle, small-sized class. Gyms can be overstimulating for some, but you might have a favorite stationary bike that you hit, and then put your headphones on and zone out as you ride. Exercising, when you are able, can clear your mind and move stuck, stagnant energy out of your field.

  ____________ Journal about what you’re grateful for. Light a candle, say a prayer or blessing, and write a journal entry. On a day that’s been challenging, recall anything positive that happened. Gratitude is a relaxing practice.

  ____________ Take time for yourself while your child is napping. Many parents use that precious time to catch up on cleaning the house, paying bills, or answering work emails. When possible, use this as retreat time. Just being in a quiet house invites the nervous system to settle down.

  ____________ Attend a contemplative spiritual service. I once had a client who was not an Episcopalian yet would attend a weekly evening prayer service at an Episcopal chapel near her home because the church looked lovely lit up with candles and the choir sang soothing music. Many spiritual traditions offer similar services that are often open to the public.

  ____________ Do a group project where everyone is quietly working. This might be a crafting hour with your kids on the weekends or a writing group that meets to work side by side yet silently at a coffee shop. You don’t necessarily have to be alone to enjoy retreat-and-recover time.

  The ideas listed in this exercise, or others like them, will help your sensitive system get the space and quiet time it needs to retreat and recover in an intentional way.

  QUIZ: Are You Retreating in a Healthy Way or Isolating and Numbing Out?

  Every empath has their own preferences for how much retreat time they like, based on their individual personalities and current life circumstances. If you’re going through an unusually stressful period, for example, it might be beneficial to have a bit more retreat time. But be careful not to go so far as to isolate yourself.

  For an empath—who is wired to interact so intimately with others—feeling isolated from the outside world is just as draining as being overstimulated by it. Numbing out due to chronic overstimulation can look like mindless binge-watching, compulsive shopping, or heavy drinking, to offer a few examples. These behaviors could be an empath’s way of attempting to block out what they’re absorbing from others or feeling in themselves.

  To see if your retreat is healthy or isolating/numbing, answer the following quiz questions with a simple yes, no, or sometimes. Keep in mind that there are no wrong answers to this quiz and no pass or fail grading. It’s simply a way to get clear on your current retreat-and-recover methods.

  ____________ Is my retreat-and-recover time defined, so I know when I’m engaging in it, how long it lasts, and how often I need it?

  ____________ Is my retreat-and-recover time filled with activities that are enjoyable, nurturing, and don’t produce feelings of guilt?

  ____________ Do I feel refreshed and motivated to re-engage with the world again after healthy retreat-and-recover time?

  ____________ Am I periodically switching up the activities involved in my retreat-and-recover time so I don’t get bored?

  ____________ Can I find ways to retreat and recover when I’m still around people, like coloring quietly beside my partner while they’re on the computer, or snuggling with a pet while I watch a movie?

  ____________ Am I comfortable being alone with myself and do I enjoy my own company? (Practice radical self-love and acceptance when gently contemplating this question.)

  ____________ Do I have people I can talk to when I’m upset, so retreating isn’t my only coping skill when I’m worked up?

  ____________ Was I taught as a child, or was it modeled for me, that retreat or alone time can be healthy and nourishing?

  ____________ Do I generally feel better after retreat time?

  ____________ Do I retreat because it’s healthy and not because I experience uncomfortable social anxiety when I’m around others?

  The more yes answers you had, the more your current retreat-and-recover strategy is working for you. If you had a lot of no answers, talk to a healthcare professional, counselor, or trusted friend about ways you can make healthy changes. Loved ones (especially those who also seem sensitive, like other empaths) who are good at staying centered and calm might be able to share how they retreat and recover. Their methods could give you some inspiration!

  Identify Gentle and Enlivening Activities to Adjust Your Energy

  One of the bonuses of being sensitive to energy is that empaths may be able to more easily adjust their own energy simply by seeking out activities, people, or places with an energy they want to experience.

  Gentle activities are ideal for when you’re anxious, drained, or very emotional. When you want to calm your energy, try:

  • Strolling or taking a slow-moving yoga class.

  • Hanging with a friend who has a very laid-back energy.

  • Visiting a quiet museum, bookstore, or spiritual retreat center.

  • Sitting at a café off the beaten path during its slow time of day.

  • Doing your grocery shopping when you’re not rushed and the store isn’t crowded.

  • Getting a relaxing massage or nontoxic/organic pedicure.

  • Sitting and holding hands with someone on a park bench or watching the sunset.


  • Daydreaming.

  Enlivening activities are great for when you’re bored or wanting to feel more connected, alive, or energized. (While empaths may be more easily overstimulated than others, they still enjoy feeling excited and engaged with life and sometimes crave higher-stimulation activities.) Those include:

  • Falling in love with a person, a project, yourself, or life itself.

  • Hanging with a friend who has bubbly, outgoing energy.

  • Attending a concert, sporting event, peaceful protest, or celebration in a crowd of engaged people.

  • Having an intense workout.

  • Learning or trying something new.

  • Attending a class in a group setting (remotely or in person).

  • Dancing around in a silly or joyous way.

  • Being around someone who is inspired and motivated.

  • Setting goals that make you stretch toward your dreams or overcome obstacles.

  • Performing or speaking in front of others.

  • Making big changes that feel right, like moving or switching jobs (or even planning such a change).

  Staying in touch with your own energy helps you discern which type of activity is best for you at any given time.

  Take Your System Off Red Alert

  Because empaths are naturally built to feel so much, they can feel things very intensely. When you’re feeling good stuff, like being deeply connected to others or nature, you’re enjoying one of the best parts of being an empath. When you’re feeling painful things, like the collective anxiety of others, however, you’re experiencing one of the most challenging parts of being an empath.

  If you’re dealing with temporary, circumstantial stress, and you’re feeling it in an intense way, try some of the following techniques to take your system off red alert.