Self-Care for Empaths

by Tanya Carroll Richardson

  • Notice if the sites or feeds you go to regularly are nourishing and connecting. While you want to stay informed about troubling events happening in the world (I read the big headlines as well as a few breaking stories every day, for instance), avoid overexposing yourself to traumatic news stories or celebrity gossip. All sites and feeds have their own unique energy and can encourage certain energies in you. Some empath-friendly sites and social media feeds you may enjoy include MindBodyGreen.com, OprahMag.com, SuperSoul.tv, PsychologyToday.com, Goop.com, MagicMondayPodcast.com, LightWatkins.com, LeeHarrisEnergy.com, CherylRichardson.com, RedTableTalk.com, ColetteBaronReid.com, RadleighValentine.com, SoniaChoquette.net, DebraSilvermanAstrology.com, GoddessProvisions.com, and AstroStyle.com. Most of these sites offer empath-friendly, free content regularly on social media or via email.

  • Practice the empath golden rule of balance with all digital offerings. Set loose time limits around checking social media and surfing online, and stay present to actual 3-D people in your presence (like looking up from your phone when someone comes in the room), your own emotional experience, and offline life in general.

  • Try putting your phone in your bag or pocket. That way, you’re less likely to immediately look at it during every down moment, whether you’re hanging out face-to-face with friends and family or by yourself. Resist the urge to check your phone when waiting in line, when waiting for someone else to arrive, or during other down moments. Instead, connect with your energy, notice your surroundings, or meditate. Downtime is a great time to invite in deep thoughts from your intuition and guides!

  • Talk about upsetting or triggering things you see online, as well as the joyful stuff. If something online creates a strong emotional reaction in you, find someone you can share or unpack this with. Empaths love connection and sharing! The web is a tool to help humans stay more connected—not become more isolated.

  • Use social media to stay connected to other empaths. The topic of sensitivity is becoming more popular and accepted. It’s an exciting time when you can find many everyday empaths and experts sharing online. Check out what Dr. Judith Orloff shares on social media about the empath experience.

  • Maintain healthy emotional boundaries online as you do offline. If your energetic heart goes out to someone you read about online, remember to come back home to your own energy afterward. If your head and heart are full of people online because they’re funny, comforting, or fascinating, that’s normal and healthy—just watch out for getting lost in the lives of others because, as an empath, you can so easily tune in to their experiences and emotions. Don’t compare and despair. Come home to your life and emotional experience—it’s safe and rich.

  Just like any physical space, digital spaces deserve your mindful attention to be sure they are nourishing instead of draining your energy.

  Nourish Your Adrenal Glands

  Your adrenals help you regulate and manage stress, and part of maintaining a healthy, calm nervous system is nourishing these small yet very important glands of your endocrine system. Why does this exercise appear in the section about working with the energy of spaces? Nourishing your adrenals will help you better manage stress, and many empaths I’ve spoken with find that large spaces with lots of people or being in spaces of any size that have challenging energy are stress triggers.

  Supporting your adrenals daily helps you manage the average stresses of life, but it’s also like making a deposit in the bank every day. When you need your adrenals to manage higher-than-normal stress levels, they will be able to pull from those nourishing daily deposits—just like you would be able to pull from a bank account during a financial challenge.

  Nourishing your adrenals might look like:

  • Avoiding unnecessary stress—especially in your own mind. Sometimes, your own dramatic, worrying, or worst-case-scenario thoughts are a significant source of unnecessary stress, which can be very emotionally draining and even physically exhausting.

  • Developing healthy sleep patterns. Go to bed and wake up at roughly the same times every day. When you have a regular routine, it helps your body better regulate hormone balance and manage stress.

  • Eating small meals throughout the day. This tactic helps regulate your blood sugar, which can lower stress levels. Make sure you’re getting enough protein, and speak to a doctor or other healthcare professional for specific dietary advice tailored to you.

  • Getting the nutrients you need to support your adrenals. You might want to boost your intake of certain vitamins and minerals, like vitamin C and magnesium (you can buy gentle or buffered supplement forms of these nutrients). Always check with a healthcare professional—like a naturopath, nutritionist, or nurse practitioner—before taking a new supplement. Some nutrients that might be recommended for adrenal health, like sea salt, might be contraindicated for certain individuals.

  • Practicing moderation. Avoid any extremes, like over-exercising, over-caffeinating, or even emotional extremes. Emphasize gentle activities and try to keep work and life in sensible balance.

  If you’re curious about adrenal health, or feel it might be an issue for you, don’t guess at supplements and medications or self-diagnose. Find a knowledgeable, caring healthcare practitioner to work with!

  Create an Altar in Your Home

  Empaths might enjoy having small energy power spots, like altars, located throughout their homes. Unlike your empath sanctuary, which may encompass a whole room—like a small study or living room—your altar will usually occupy just a corner of a room, like a mantel. While your empath sanctuary might be transformed from a common area, like a bathroom, and then transitioned back to a common area, your altar is stationary. Your altar isn’t just a place to retreat and recover; it’s a place to connect with the sacred. Every empath’s spirituality will be unique. Whether you are dedicated to one spiritual path or like to take what resonates with you from many different spiritual traditions, your altar might become an energy portal where you feel more connected to the Divine.

  You might use your altar to:

  • Perform a ritual.

  • Meditate.

  • Surrender something.

  • Pray or say a blessing.

  • Connect with your spirituality.

  • Ask for guidance or support from Spirit.

  • Store or work with divination tools.

  Here’s how to make your altar.

  1. Designate a spot at home for your altar, somewhere you’ll notice it but it won’t be disturbed.

  2. Decorate your altar with objects that have spiritual meaning for you, like a small statue of Buddha or Mother Mary, rosary or mala beads, tarot cards, runes, a photo of a guru, sacred books, a singing bowl, a dream catcher, a Celtic cross, quotes from spiritual texts, or nature elements like pine cones.

  3. Bless your altar. After setting it up, perform a little blessing ritual over your altar in whatever way resonates for you.

  4. Keep the energy of your altar uplifting and engaging by periodically changing up the objects there, cleaning the altar, or just spending time holding or looking at the sacred objects there.

  Developing a connection to Spirit—or the energy force that is larger than all of us, separate from all of us, yet part of each of us—can be a very meaningful and profound journey for energy-sensitive empaths.

  Infuse a Space with Playful Energy

  Playful energy takes the edge off life, and energy-sensitive empaths who easily pick up on everything—including life’s edgier edges—can require regular doses of playful energy!

  The following are methods for infusing a space—like a home, office, backyard, or classroom—with playful energy.

  • Make jokes! Stick to jokes that are good-spirited and heart-centered. You can tease people in a playful and loving way.

  • Be kind and considerate. When people treat each other warmly, it makes them and the energy of a whole space more relaxed—and naturally more playful.

  • Smile. On some deep
level, smiling at someone is a way of saying “We’re all connected,” and can make people feel safer. When people feel a sense of community, they are more likely to be playful.

  • Act silly. Kids are wonderful at this, and I know many playful adults who also like to break into song or make funny faces.

  • Be mischievous. Play a small, safe prank on someone. Give people unexpected gifts—or gag gifts.

  • Be zany. Have zany yet appropriate objects in the space, like a funny sign, or dress in an appropriate yet zany way—over-the-top jewelry at work or pajamas with a zany print at home.

  • Get to know people well. When you know someone well, you understand their sense of humor and it’s easier to joke and tease. Laughter can also create more intimacy.

  Practice infusing a space with playful energy this week—it’s healing for your mind, body, and spirit!

  Keep Spaces Tidy, Clean, and Uncluttered

  Empaths should get clear on their emotional and energetic relationship to clutter, which can be different for each empath. An empath I knew who worked in a large open-area office with many other employees and stacks of papers, books, and other objects on nearly every surface told me, “There’s a pretty furniture store across the street from my office with high ceilings and lovely plants and candles. Sometimes on my break I’ll go sit there on one of the couches and decompress.” A different empath might be unaware that they use clutter on their desk as a sort of energy shield, and need to find a better shielding method.

  Many empaths are annoyed, distracted, and unnerved by clutter. Keep your space—and your energy—tidy, clean, and uncluttered with these tips:

  • Declutter. As you examine your belongings, try the popular Marie Kondo method of asking, “Does this item spark joy?” If you’re not sure, give yourself more time to consider before you start throwing things away or donating them.

  • Be present with yourself emotionally as you declutter. Some clutter could be making you feel safer emotionally or acting as an energy shield; clutter might bring up strong or sentimental memories.

  • Tackle the more obvious culprits first. While the stuff tucked away in “junk drawers” or closets is draining, the clutter you can see out all the time is even more draining.

  • Organize the items left with shelving, colorful baskets, or neat-looking boxes.

  Pick one manageable spot to start decluttering, so the process is less overwhelming. Pace yourself!

  Decorate with Intention

  Physical objects create certain energies and emotions in humans, like the painting you love that hangs in your hallway or the rug you hate in your father’s living room. Empaths, who are hyper-perceptive and notice a lot about physical spaces, will want to decorate their spaces with colors, objects, artworks, and furniture pieces that create positive energies and emotions in them. A space you find intensely aesthetically displeasing can drain your energy. Many empath clients tell me there’s a space in their home or office they’ve been meaning to beautify, but they can’t find the time or energy. Then this space becomes even more of an energy drain.

  Which space in your life needs an empath makeover the most? Take manageable, affordable steps to decorate with intention. Some things to keep in mind are:

  • Less is more, since empaths can typically be bothered by clutter (unless they are unconsciously using it as an unhealthy energy shield). You don’t need to spend money on a lot of stuff.

  • Make the space your own authentic style—updating periodically as your style changes—so spending time in this space will be a way to re-ground and connect back with your own energy.

  • When decorating, different colors, fabrics, designs, and objects can change your energy and affect your mood. Give a space the vibes test—does it promote good vibes?

  Some empaths sense old energies around objects, perhaps from spaces they’ve previously inhabited. Clear the energy of an object by saying a blessing over it, placing the object in a bowl of flower petals, leaving it in the sunlight (be careful not to cause damage) or moonlight, smudging it with sage smoke, or simply giving it a gentle clean.

  Create Cozy Energy

  You might want to create cozy energy in a space because:

  • You’re physically tired or healing.

  • You’re going through changes or transitions and feeling vulnerable.

  • You’re upset emotionally and you want to calm down.

  • You’re with other people and want to create an atmosphere that encourages relaxation and emotional intimacy.

  Create more nourishing, cozy energy by:

  • Making a large space feel smaller. If you have a large backyard, create cozy energy in one corner of the porch.

  • Having everything you need close by so you can snuggle into your environment, like keeping a book, your reading glasses, and your tea on a side table.

  • Encouraging an atmosphere of plenty and generosity. If you’re hosting others, offer fun snacks and drinks—anticipate what your guests would like so they feel nurtured, like putting out special options for people with food sensitivities or folks who do not consume alcohol.

  • Creating physical comfort with pillows and throws. Keep soft blankets of different weights for different seasons, and lay a blanket over your body (some empaths love weighted blankets), pile petite pillows in your lap, or have oversized pillows arranged on either side of you. Feeling physically snug can calm sensitive people.

  Many empaths might find cozy energy an ideal go-to for any mood. When you’re with others, cozy energy can provide a lovely balance for empaths, where they are not feeling under- or overstimulated.

  Clear the Energy of a Space

  Spaces, like people, hold energy at all times. If the space you’re in feels stressful, stagnant, or energetically cold and uninviting, you might want to perform a ritual to clear its energy. Clearing the energy of a space can also be done:

  • As part of your regular maintenance of a space, like a home or office, after you physically clean it.

  • Because the space is new to you and you want to clear any old energy from previous occupants.

  • Because something just feels off or funky in the space energetically.

  • Because there have been a lot of intense emotions flying around the space recently, like celebrations, work- or school-related intensity, or fights.

  • As part of your own practice of grounding in to your energy.

  Clearing the energy of a space can clearly be very useful, but it isn’t recommended in certain situations. For example, don’t try to use energy clearing to:

  • Get rid of a wandering spirit. I’ve had clients tell me they tried to use sage to clear a strange energy they thought was a ghost out of their home, and this can actually exacerbate the situation. These energies need to be guided on to a better, healing, loving place. For more on this topic, see my book Angel Intuition.

  • Avoid facing or dealing with a larger issue. If you’re fighting with roommates or family members you live in a space with, energy clearing can definitely help sweep away that old energy and bring in more uplifting, fresh energy. But it won’t magically solve the deeper issues going on. This ritual can, however, provide you time to connect with yourself to tune in to your intuition about what’s really happening in these relationships and next best steps.

  You’ll need to choose a cleansing tool for this energy-clearing ritual: smoke (from incense in a small bowl, a stick of sage, or incense in a wand form), water (I like to use an aromatherapy spray), or sound (from a bell, tuning fork, rattle, or singing bowl).

  1. Find a time when you can be alone in the space for 20 minutes to an hour or so (depending on the size of the space), and do a light physical clean of the space beforehand. Pick an instrument of smoke, water, or sound to use as your clearing tool. If you suspect that smoke or smells may bother you or anyone else who uses the space, stick to the sound or water tools. All are effective!

  2. Get grounded before the ritual. Sit d
own in the space and enter a meditative state. Decide what energy you want to bring into the space and find a word for that energy, like love, healing, peace, inspiration, forgiveness, kindness, mercy, or grace.

  3. Take your energy-clearing tool and slowly move around the space. If you’re working with smoke, wave the incense stick or wand, or hold the bowl so the smoke moves around and fills the space. If you’re working with sound, engage your singing bowl, strike your tuning fork, shake your rattle, or ring your bell and let the vibrating sound resonate. If you’re working with water, spray your aromatherapy into the air and let the mist float. Gently focus on the energy you want to create that you already named—feel that in your body, speak that word aloud, or silently concentrate on a mantra, like “Peaceful, loving energy resides here.”

  4. Notice where the energy feels heavier or thicker. If you’re in a home office, the energy around your desk might feel heavier because you’ve been working long hours or stressing about a project. If you’ve just hosted a big party and everyone was congregating in the kitchen, you might notice the energy is denser there. Spend more time on these areas until the energy feels lighter. Clear the corners of each room, where the energy can get stuck, and the center of bigger rooms, where the energy can radiate out.