You are no angel

by Emma Quinn

  “Brandon, wait!” I yelled out as I ran him down. “Stop, wait for me. I am coming for you…”

  5

  Jake

  M

  ila might have glared at me like she hated me, but when I got Brandon in some serious trouble, getting him grounded forever, then she would forgive me. She would see that I did it all for her. I did it to punish him for pretending to bring her on a date that wasn’t really going to happen. He humiliated her, so I have done the same to him. I have shown him that he was an idiot for doing anything to be friends with my crowd…

  “Is that idiot actually going to steal his father’s car?” my friend, Rich, asked me. “What a fool.”

  “Well, if he is willing to take my exciting birthday to the next level, then I am all for it.” I shrugged one shoulder. “We have all gone all out for the night of dares, Brandon is just proving that he has the stones for more.”

  “Yeah, I guess so. It just seems dumb to me, that’s all. I wouldn’t act like that.”

  “Shut up and have another drink, Rich.” I rolled my eyes at him. “This is my sweet sixteenth. Not yours.”

  He left me and carried on partying with the others, but I couldn’t join in. I was on the edge of my seat just waiting for something to happen. In all honesty, I wanted to find Mila to see what she was thinking. Then if she was mad at me, then I could explain everything to her and make her see what I was up to. I wanted her to forgive me.

  But she was nowhere to be found. Maybe she really had gone through with her promise to leave the party which was a shame. She was going to miss out on the finale, but she would see it online for sure. It would find its way on to my Instagram and then she would get to know what I had done for her. I hoped that she loved it.

  This was honestly the nicest thing that I had done for anyone in a very long time, and it felt good. Maybe it was time for me to change my ways and start doing shit for other people. Who the hell knew? I pondered that as I wandered outside, ready to see the moment that Brandon proved himself and he finally pulled up by my house. I had my cell phone at the ready, I was prepared to start filming whenever the time came, all for Mila. I found myself smiling and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was because of her very pretty face. She wasn’t the sort of woman who knew that she was pretty, she didn’t flaunt it or make a big deal out of it, but that was because she had so much more to her. Mila didn’t need to use her looks because she had other things to offer the world.

  “Hey there, handsome.” Kelly surprised me by swinging her drunken arms around my shoulders. “Are you ready for bed now? Because I have managed to get Jessica to agree to coming to bed with us.”

  “Er, not right now.” I couldn’t even look at her, I was too busy waiting. I didn’t want to leave my party tonight, I didn’t want the threesome. Maybe not until everyone else was gone. “I have a dare about to happen.”

  “Urgh, what is it with you and the dares? That’s stupid.” She stepped back away from me. “You guys are idiots. I have done what I can to make this birthday special for you, but you don’t seem to give a shit.”

  I caught head lights coming towards us and tuned Kelly out. I could hear that she was still yelling at me, but her words weren’t sinking in. If my thinking was correct then that was Brandon. He had done what I expected of him. That was impressive, but dumb as fuck. It was time for me to get my cell phone out to record…

  Things went from slow motion to the speed of light before I could grasp what was going on. Brandon seemed to be driving too fast. Probably because he didn’t know how to drive and he was drunk. I spotted an all too familiar face in the passenger’s seat, Mila, she was with him even though she wasn’t supposed to be. That made my blood run ice cold. She seemed terrified, I wanted to save her but she was out of my reach, and this was my fault…

  “Fuck you.” Kelly was too wasted to see what was going on as well. “Fuck you, Jake, fuck you…”

  The bang was horrendous. The sight of Kelly being knocked back by the car was dreadful, it destroyed me from the inside out, it was like a nightmare coming to life in front of me. The screeching of the breaks and the smashing into the wall of my house, followed by the crunch of the car was rough as well. It shocked me and froze me to the spot because I knew that the crashed car and the potentially three injured people were all my fault.

  My heart didn’t beat anymore, my blood stopped running around my body, everything froze in this horror.

  “Fuck.” The next thing I heard was screaming and running as the rest of the people at my party erupted in panic and left. They didn’t want anything to do with the disaster that had just happened. They were all around for the fun but when times got tough, they vanished into nothingness. It was up to me. I needed to call the ambulance, to get the cops here, to confess that I was in the wrong. My sixteenth birthday might not have been enough to get my parents’ home from their trip abroad… but the cops being here would. This night was going to change everything, and not for good. The life that I had been living flashed before my eyes and I knew that it was gone…

  Mila was okay… a few scratches but that was the worst of it. She’d been wearing her seat belt luckily, so nothing could have gotten to her. The crash wasn’t bad enough for that. Thank God, I felt bad that she was even in it.

  Kelly got off pretty well as well. On the night, it looked like she had broken her leg but it wasn’t that at all. Because she had been drinking and she didn’t know the car was coming for her, she didn’t tense up at the moment of the crash which left her body surprisingly unharmed. It was a miracle. At least to me it seemed that way. I thought that she was a gonner. I pretty much convinced myself as much, so any life was great for her.

  God, if only I had just given her what she wanted, if only I just slept with her, everything would be different.

  But Brandon… Brandon’s life had completely changed from the accident. He was the one person who I harbored the most guilt about. I couldn’t even work out why I cared so much about him on the night of the party now. It made no sense. Why the fuck would I make him get his father’s car and drive it? That was just ridiculous.

  Anyway, he wasn’t too badly injured, worse than anyone else, but nothing that was going to kill him. That wasn’t where the changes lay. That was in his father’s reaction to the accident. His strict, authoritarian parent who decided that the best thing to do was send him away. The day he got out of the hospital, he was immediately shipped away to England to finish his education there. He didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye.

  I was punished, of course. Like I predicted, my parents came home and made sure to make my life a living hell. I was grounded, I had to get a weekend job to help pay for the damage even though my father could cover the cost easily but he wanted to punish me in any way that he could, and I now had to spend every spare moment with tutors. My father had now become obsessed with my education to give me a focus in life. He had decided to become invested in me and I had to admit that I preferred it when he didn’t give a shit. It was hard.

  But that wasn’t the worst thing for me. Not only had my epic sixteenth birthday been a disaster, completely whipped away from the online world, not a scrap of it on Instagram, but everyone stayed away from me now. It was as if I had caught bad luck and no one wanted to get within it’s contagious range. Even people who I had been friends with for my entire life no longer wanted anything to do with me.

  I wasn’t liked anymore, that was for sure. Gone was the fun loving popular guy that I had always been. Now more than ever I just wanted to get the hell out of here, and on to the next chapter of my life. One where I didn’t have constant nightmares about the car accident that I was responsible for and all of the damage that I could have created. When I slept, the idea of what could have happened haunted me. It killed me.

  But I didn’t want to let this situation destroy me, even if I probably deserved it. Instead, I wanted to use it as the turning point in my life. I wanted to be better from here on out. I
hadn't ever thought about my future before, it didn’t trouble me, I lived in the here and now, but from now on I needed to take a more sensible approach to life because I wasn’t ever going to be able to escape the black cloud that clung to me if I didn’t work hard.

  6

  Mila

  Two years later – At college

  “ I

  am scared shitless,” I said to Ashley on the phone as I stepped into my off campus apartment which was going to become my new home for the next few years. “I don’t know what my classes are going to be like. It’s scary to think that I might not be good at journalism because then I don’t know what I will do with my life…”

  “Oh, come off it, Mila, you will be amazing.” I could almost see my friend rolling her eyes from her own college which was unfortunately on the other side of the country. Ever since that dreaded night, she had become a friend of mine in a time when I lost my other friend. When I needed her the most. “You kick ass at writing. I’m the one who should be scared. I was a big fish in a small pond at high school, but college acting might be very different. I guess I’m just lucky that I have been put in a dorm room with another girl who is on my course so I know someone.”

  As she said those words, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had made a mistake by choosing not to live on campus with all of the other new students… but this college, the nearest one to our home town, had a great journalism course but a party reputation. I didn’t want to be distracted by noise and parties, I wanted to focus. After my one horrible experience with a party, I knew for sure that I didn’t ever want to be a part of that again. I didn’t yearn to ‘find myself’ in college, to discover who I was with partying and fun. I wanted to finish first in my class to lead myself in to a great broadcasting job. That was my dream and I would do anything to achieve it.

  “That’s good,” I replied to my friend. “I’m glad, but you are so lovely that I know you’ll have a whole bunch of friends in no time. You’ll do well on your course as well… just make sure that you don’t forget about me.”

  “My bestie, Mila? Not a chance. I wouldn’t have gotten through the last year of high school without you.”

  She said that but I was the one who needed her. Losing Brandon to England without any way to contact him and finding myself in the uncomfortable position of being the center of attention because of the party and the car crash was almost overwhelming. If I didn’t have Ashley’s help then I wouldn’t have been able to do it.

  “Well, you know that I am always here for you,” I assured her. “Any time you need me, I am there.”

  “Same for you, of course. I will even come and visit you if that’s what you want. I would like to see your apartment and everything like that. Even though I can already picture it now, filled with books.”

  I heard voices calling out to Ashley, her new friends which made me smile to myself. I wanted my friend to have a good college experience. “Well, I will let you go for now but speak soon, okay? Love ya!”

  “Yeah, love you too, Mila. You take care of yourself, okay? Speak soon.” She called out to someone behind her but I couldn’t quite make out the words. “Yeah, okay, so I got to go. Bye, Mila!”

  I hung up the phone with a deep sigh and took a look around at my brand new apartment. It wasn’t the biggest place in the world, but I didn’t need a lot of space. I wasn’t going to be doing a lot here, just working hard and aiming towards everything that would come next. This was the next stop gap in my life until I could finally get my career off the ground. I was excited to get on with everything, to start working towards my goal.

  “Unpacking first though,” I muttered to myself with my hands on my hips. “Time to make this home.”

  Luckily, I had worked all the way through the holiday times to save up enough money to get this roof over my head, but I was going to have to get myself some work here to keep it that way. This course was three years long and I didn’t quite have the cash flow for that, plus bills, food, and course books. That meant I would have to visit my awesomely cool, but very intimidating older cousin, Victoria. She wasn’t ever someone that I had been massively close to growing up, but once she heard about me getting my place at the college, she called me and told me to get in touch with her. She was a big part of college life, the student president in charge of a lot, so I wanted to see her.

  I hoped that she would be able to help me get a job on the campus somehow, maybe in the store or whatever, just because a college job would be more understanding than a position elsewhere. I would have to find a way to balance everything. Work, college work, and everything else that would come from my time here. It was going to be a challenge, but one that set me up for the real life that would come afterwards, or so I hoped.

  “At least I don’t have a room mate to get to know,” I said quietly to myself as I started to get unpacked. “I won’t have to make small talk, which I hate. I just have to hope that I don’t get lonely…”

  No, I wouldn’t, surely. I was used to being by myself. I had only ever really had friendships with Brandon and Ashley. I liked having my own room and with college being an overwhelming new experience, that would be good for me. Surely, I would have people I could consider friends in my classes anyway. Maybe…

  “Hey there, my beautiful cousin.” Victoria held out her arms to hug me as I greeted her in her student president office. “I’m so glad that you’re finally here. I have been so excited about you joining me…”

  Victoria was stunning and effortlessly cool, clever too. Everything that I wanted to be which was why I found her so intimidating, but she was sweet too and I had to admit that it was nice to have a friendly face with me.

  “I’m glad to arrive as well. Thankfully, I’m all moved in… not that it took me too long.”

  “You look good.” She pulled back and ran her eyes all over me, approving me rapidly. “College is really going to suit you. Come here with me and I will give you a tour. Let you take a look around the place…”

  I followed Victoria, listening to all of her words, but not taking many of them in since there was too much going on. This was all a lot, it was going to take some time for me to get used to it, but I would. Eventually, I would because I had to. Any time anything felt hard now, I just reminded myself that if I could survive all eyes up on me in high school then I could take anything. If I could live through a car crash because of a stupid drunk driver, if I could lose my best friend and crush, then keep on going, then college would be a breeze. I could take it.

  “Oh, Mila…” Victoria suddenly twisted around to face me. “You mentioned a job, right? You are going to want a job?” I nodded eagerly. “Well the student bar is looking for people at the moment. I already put your name forward for it, I hope that’s okay. It’s good work which pays well and helps you to get to know people as well.”

  “Oh, right!” I was surprisingly pleased by that idea. I could get to know people without having to be directly involved in their stupidity. “That sounds great, thank you, Victoria.”

  “Matt, who runs all of the scheduling in the bar has your number and will call you for shifts soon.”

  This was good, it was all coming together. Victoria had sorted out the final piece of the puzzle for me without me even needing to ask. Now that was one less thing for me to worry about. I could focus on what would come next.

  “Hey, you hungry?” Victoria asked me with a smile. “Shall we go to the canteen? Get you used to college food?”

  “Sure.” My stomach rumbled excitedly at the idea of food. “Sounds good to me. Afterwards, do you think that you could show me where the library is because I’m sure that I will be spending a lot of time there?”

  “Of course. I take it you aren’t going to change much then? No endless nights of parties for you?”

  “No way,” I insisted. “I have partied enough for one lifetime, thank you very much.”

  Victoria gave me a sideways glance like she didn’t totally believe me, but she would
soon see. I had seen the devastating effects of booze first-hand and there was no way that I intended to get into that myself. Nothing good came from partying and drinking the night away. Nothing would change my mind about that.

  Studying, living in my delicious, small and quiet apartment, aiming for the top was all that I needed. I wasn’t going to want anything else here. And that included love as well. I had only ever had feelings for one person, and when he was taken from me, I switched my heart off. My crush had only ever caused me trouble, and I was sure that the same would only happen in college. A great love which could lead to marriage may happen one day, but that day wasn’t right now.

  7

  Mila

  “ Y

  ou really think that I should apply?” I could hardly stand still as my class teacher, Mr. Bond, offered me a flyer.

  “Oh, for sure.” He gave me a lop-sided smile. “That’s why I asked you to stay behind after class. There are no guarantees with this summer internship, I’m not going to assure you that you will get it because this position is highly sought after and they only take two people, but right now you are getting the top grades in the class.”

  “Wow. This would be amazing. Such a great opportunity.” My heart pounded nervously. An immediate swell of self doubt washed over me because I wasn’t sure that I was good enough. “I’m scared though. What if I mess it up?”

  “You can’t think about what could go wrong when you haven’t sent in an application.” He half laughed. “But I will send in a recommendation to go alongside your application because I think you would be brilliant.”

  College had been treating me well, I had thoroughly enjoyed my first few weeks and I felt like I was settling in well, so well that I was being offered further opportunities which was perfect. I never expected to find a place where I really felt like I fit in and stood out in a good way. Living on my own off campus hadn't ruined things for me at all.