by s. Behr
I tried to find a crack in the façade of Grandfather Illtyd’s anger, but it was real, and it was absolute. I had always felt like a disappointment to him, and when he refused to look at me, I knew nothing had changed. My grandmother next to him seemed more concerned with her son than of her duties as a former queen of Neyr. She had always been kind, but having been a Queen, she too had mastered the art of displaying the emotions she wanted you to see, which wasn’t always what she might be feeling. I wished for time to speak to each of them in private not here at this tribunal.
My gaze wandered between them as I waited for someone to say something. Anything. I thought I might burst when finally, King Lindstrom rose, bowed to everyone at the table, then turned to me.
“Good morning, Princess Violet.” He smiled. Never having seen him in person, I was a little star struck being this close to the High King. He was tall with golden hair, golden skin, and had a warm smile that made you instantly like him. It was one of the things that made some people in Amera suspicious of him and his family legacy. But it was a welcome reception to the icy shades I could feel from the right side of the table coming from grandfather Illtyd.
“I am sure you have a lot of questions,” the High King continued, “but we are unfortunately pressed for time. As you have been gone on an adventure and only returned to us a few days ago, I don’t expect you to be current with all that has happened. The state of your health has been our main concern since your return. We are relieved your recovery was swift.”
“Thank you,” I said softly.
“It was very lucky our sons found you when they did. Your mother tells me that you would not have survived another day out in the wild. Frankly, I am impressed you survived the time you did. Very few are willing to venture into those mountains.” His voice held admiration with a healthy mix of concern.
My lips tightened into an awkward smile. I wasn’t an expert on the formalities of a tribunal, but I had always imagined there would be more proclamations and less friendly chatting.
“Oh, um, please give them my thanks.” I fidgeted, knowing the panel was judging my every word.
“I will, although I am sure you will get the chance yourself. As for why we have gathered here this morning, we have a problem that we need to rectify, and due to the current state of affairs, it is important that we get things settled, so that we can all focus on the more pressing issues we face at present. Would that be all right with you?”
I nodded. “Yes.” I didn’t know what could be more pressing than the first attempted murder in over a century, but I sat there my heart racing as he continued.
“I feel it is important that you know, due to the nature of these proceedings, we have chosen to keep this private and this is not subject to public record. Information about the events of the morning in question and your time away has also been limited.”
My lips parted and my brows knit together, not knowing how any of that was possible or allowed. Maybe I misunderstood.
The High King continued, “The issues we are here to discuss are why the actions of that morning occurred, the result, and what we can learn from this unprecedented situation. Despite what you might believe, this tribunal will benefit the Union in any future incidents. I think we can all agree that if we can garner something good out of this, that is something we would all like to do. Would that be agreeable to you, Princess Violet?”
“Yes?” I said, feeling even more confused.
With a sad smile, he said, “Let us begin. The first item…” he said, turning toward my parents, “Queen Eva, in a statement from earlier inquires this week you admit to using medical dampening on your daughter, Princess Violet Amplifien.”
My mouth dropped as I gawked at the High King. Despite my stance on surveillance, I found myself wishing there was a way to pause and playback what he had just said because I could not believe what I was hearing. My stare shifted to my mother, who rose and turned to face King Lindstrom.
Without hesitation, she said, “Yes, that is true.”
I watched my mother, waiting for her to say more. As she stood there firm and resolute. The rest of the panel looked pained but not shocked, while I felt like someone had pulled the chair out from under me, and I fell into a cloud of disbelief.
Queen Leda did not stand when she said, “As it was decided when Princess Violet was nine months old, this protocol was designed exactly for this situation. Everyone at this table agreed to it. Eva did nothing wrong.” She spoke so calmly that I couldn’t be sure, but it sounded like the High Queen was arguing in my mother’s defense.
The High King looked at his wife. “It was agreed that until the princess reached a certain age, it was the best protocol. I would like to argue that time has long since come and gone.”
My chest burned, but not from shame or guilt. I couldn’t put a name to it yet. My brain struggled to stitch together the unbelievable things being said. Searching the other faces at the table, their stony gazes gave nothing away.
Did anyone else understand? That my mother had done something to me, and everyone at this table knew the entire time? I felt ill.
Queen Leda rose. “The events of that morning are evidence that Eva had taken the correct action all these years. Princess Violet has not yet reached citizenship age, which makes Eva and Henry within the limits of time to determine what is best for their daughter.”
My gaze fell in horror onto my parents, who sat like statues. “Your Majesty, excuse me,” I blurted, “but I don’t think I understand. I am here for my punishment for nearly killing my father, right?”
Every person at the table sat stupefied as if they had forgotten how to do something as simple as speak.
King Lindstrom calmly answered, “No, Princess Violet, you are not here for reprimand. We have convened this tribunal to assess the facts and to come to the best course of action—”
“What does that mean?” I yelled, surprising us all.
Violet,” my mother admonished as my glare fell on her.
In the span of a minute, my mother had become a stranger. I didn’t understand everything being argued, but I comprehended enough to know my mother had lied to me my entire life. Looking her in the eyes, I found only emptiness and defeat. I felt as if I had been struck by lightning. I burned from the inside and hadn’t seen it coming.
My stomach churned when my mother began in a quiet voice, “I had been developing a childhood suppression serum that would give time to the parents of children who had abilities that were more than they could safely handle. It was meant to be part of a program that would educate the parents as well as the child on how to navigate through emerging abilities and to figure out safely how to hone their gifts. Other methods were considered, but children are children and try as we might, they don’t always do what is best for themselves. My solution was the serum I designed.”
“Why would you do that?” I asked horrified. “How could that be the answer?”
King Lindstorm answered for her. “As you know, the Realignment occurred shortly after Amera was formed, correct?”
I nodded, not understanding the need for a basic history lesson.
“After the long-fought war with the humans, Amera was in shambles. The people had to rebuild, and in the end, only wanted to live in peace. For fifty years, the first Amerans tried to form the society they believed would be the foundation of a great union legacy that would usher in an era of unity and prosperity. In those fifty years, they learned a lot of lessons and many the hard way.
“The official reason for the realignment was that by putting families with similar abilities together, it was thought that it could decrease the time it took to teach the future generations. For example, if a child in Exa threw an offensive shield for any reason, they did it in a room full of other children that were gifted with their own defensive shields. Those children could defend themselves, no harm done. It would be just another learning opportunity. However, if that same child did that in a room full of Neyr chi
ldren who could only manipulate atoms around them, the result would be catastrophically different. Maybe even fatally so.” He paused, letting that sink in.
“Before the realignment, it happened,” he went on. “More times than anyone could have predicted, in more ways than they could have imagined, and more than anyone wants to remember. The realignment was the solution and solved the immediate problem. The other quiet fear was if the abilities intermixed, there would be new gifts that people may not be able to stop or have time to teach the child to control.” He paused, gazing at me as if he was thinking about a distant memory that gave him grief.
“And what does that have to do with me? My abilities are weak. Everyone knows…” I blinked, finally understanding what they meant. “I have been suppressed,” I said on a long breath. “My entire life…” I gasped at this jarring reality.
My mother’s shoulders sagged. “Yes, Violet. It was the only way.”
Hot tears burst from my eyes to trickle down my face as I shook my head. “That can’t be true. No! Please, Papa, tell them it isn’t true!”
I searched his face, but his eyes were squeezed tight his hand over his mouth, frozen in grief. My heart had broken a thousand times since that terrible morning. I had no idea that a feeling could exist that felt worse, but now I knew it could and did.
“It could have been so different. My entire life!” I cried out, realizing what this meant. I was going to be sick.
From the end of the table my grandmother Anika, spoke for the first time. “Violet, when you were born…within the first few months, you were displaying abilities. As a child so young, it was unheard of to have emerging abilities. For months we tried everything we could think of that would give you the best chance at a normal, happy childhood. When new abilities emerged, we were not prepared. The things you were capable of were extraordinary. We believed early on that we could manage it, but there was no way to know when it would happen or how many new gifts you would develop. We knew as our people intermixed that it would create more children like you. There were plans for that possibility, but you just happened to be the first. Your parents, all of us, we couldn’t be sure. All plans written had the best of intentions. But when they become more than words in a protocol…” She lamented. “We did our best, and in the end, we chose this path.”
I wanted to believe they had done the right thing, but all I could think about was all those years of shame. How I hated myself for being such a disappointment—a disgrace to my family legacy. An embarrassment to Neyr and to Amera. A girl who killed her father. And to learn all of that pain was because these people, who I loved and admired, had decided drugging me and lying about it was the best thing for me?
Tears ran down my face. The depths of betrayal felt endless. “Why?” I asked, my voice cracking with demand.
Queen Leda exchanged glances with my mother, and the High Queen said, “When you were a baby, not even a full season old, you hurt someone.”
“What?” I shook my head. That couldn’t be right. “It’s not possible. You’re wrong!”
A tear slipped down my mother’s cheek, and I could hardly breathe when she said, “Center Screen, security file 102405, authorization Queen Eva Amplifien, initiate.”
A holo-screen appeared, separating me from the kings and queens on the other side of the table. A camera feed came to life, showing both Queen Leda and my mother sitting on a settee with a bassinet between them, and a crib hovering close to my mother.
Beside Queen Leda was a small boy, maybe three years old with hair so light it almost had no color. The bassinet between them held a small chubby boy sitting up with waves of yellow hair who stared at my mother with a lopsided smile. Both boys favored their mother in the flowing blue gown. She was virtually the same now as she was on the screen. Bronzed skin, a slender face, and high cheekbones. Her full lips were a pale rose, and her chin had a slight dip. In her sunny flaxen hair, I noticed a sparkle centered above her forehead. She wore the crown of the Queen of the Phoenix Realm, not the one of the High Queen she wore today.
“She’s beautiful, Eva.”
“Is it normal for babies to be this calm?”
“Well, I have only had boys so far, and while I may be biased and think they were angels, I have to admit they are a little spirited. This little darling, however, is quite serene.” She squeezed my mother’s hand. “You have nothing to worry about. She is perfect.”
“Is it that obvious?” my mother asked.
“First-time mothers always seem to have that look. I am sure I was no exception.”
My mother shifted. “It’s not what you think, Leda.” My mother looked at the golden queen with worry in her eyes. “I am sure all mothers think their babies are special.”
Leda laughed. “Of course! You would probably be kicked out of the mother’s club if you didn’t think your baby was the single most unique child in the universe.”
My mother sighed. “But Violet... Well...”
The older of the two boys walked across the screen. His face was slender, his cheeks round. There was only one person that could be. The older of the two Asher Princes. Prince Leo.
For a long while, he stared at me. His eyes were wide, barely blinking. His forehead creased as if he appeared to be concentrating on me with his entire being. Suddenly, he released a deep exhale of defeat. He turned to our mothers, and I heard mine say, “How sweet, I think he likes her.”
The young Prince Leo’s eyes fixed on me again, and a gurgled hiccup came from my crib. The boy studied me for a moment longer, and leaning forward with his eyes closed, he touched his lips to my forehead.
Suddenly, I began to cry while Leo’s screams muddled into shrieks, and his body convulsed until he became rigid, every limb shaking. His eyes rolled back in his head, and foamy spit ran down his chin.
Ameli came running and took me away while Queen Leda clutched the smaller boy who looked puzzled by what was happening to his brother, who continued to convulse in my mother’s arms. Rocking back and forth, my mother held him until the boy in her lap relaxed. Cradling him, he looked dead as she wiped the saliva from his chin. She glanced up at a horrified Queen Leda whose face was twisted in fear and fury. Just then, a hover healing bed appeared, and the video playback ended before they put him in it.
The screen disappeared, revealing a different shade of horror on each of the faces across the table. I stared at my family, my parents that I had trusted. They had known from the very beginning, and everything I knew about myself began with a lie.
Suddenly, it all made sense. The gilded cage my parents had built for me, the reason why they kept me out of school, and away from society. I thought it was to shelter me from ridicule, from gossip. But it was to protect this secret.
Stunned, I sat back in my chair. My hands covered my mouth as if to stifle the horror of what I just witnessed. I didn’t want to believe that was me. But I knew it was.
My mind and spirit shattered. My body shook as I stared at my mother.
“You gave me a serum that bound my abilities?” I asked in a near whisper. She nodded.
I took a shallow breath. “Every day? Today?”
“Yes.”
“So that morning… What was different about that morning?”
Regret filled her eyes. “I used a very light dose of the serum. It was clearly not enough.”
I glared at the woman I thought had taken time out her busy life because she loved me. “A cup of chocolate for breakfast makes every day a great day. Doesn’t it, Mother?”
She looked away, and the pain of betrayal pierced my chest. The agony rang as true as the branches that had torn through my father that morning. I felt cut in two. Tears blurred my vision, and the room began to spin.
A giant hand came to rest on my back. “Breathe Princess,” Rall whispered.
Whenever I lay sprawled out on the mat, he had always found a way to guide me to rise above the pain. A thousand kicks from Rall would have been preferable to this excruci
ating ache in my chest that felt insurmountable.
“So, what happens now?” I demanded through the tears. All these men and women I’d admired and loved my entire life was now alien to me, and yet my future still lay in their hands. The irony of it made my skin boil. “What happens to me now?” I shouted, rising from my chair. If I was to be put to death or exiled, I would take the sentence standing.
King Lindstrom faced my glare with a mask of calm and thoughtfulness. “You misunderstand, Princess Violet. This tribunal was called to discuss the punishment of Queen Eva and Elder Annika’s actions as they have both confessed to being complicit in the extended continuation of your suppression. What happened that morning was the result of their actions. You did nothing wrong.”
I collapsed into my chair as he continued. “No one else was aware this was happening. We are trying to determine the appropriate reprimand, as well as how to transition you from the years of suppression to mastering your abilities. As for what happens to you now, there are many possibilities—”
A thud sounded at the door to the hall.
“We were not to be disturbed,” my father said, throwing a fierce look at the door.
“It can’t be helped,” King Lindstorm and Queen Leda said in unison. Following their gazes, I quickly realized they saw more than the doors opening.
As soon as there was room enough for the young man to slide between the doors, he hurried down the aisle and approached with a confident stride, despite my father’s obvious irritation.
I recognized the young man from nearly every episode of just about every society gossip feed Lily had ever made me watch. If she were here, Lily would have fainted from the sight of Prince Leo Asher walking toward me.
But gossip was the furthest thing from my mind. Wiping my face in haste, I took shallow breaths. My stomach roiled, now knowing the last time we were in a room together I nearly killed him. The room spun as my fingers gripped the chair in the hopes of holding myself together. I pressed my lips into a thin line and dipped my chin.