by s. Behr
Prince Leo, in return, barely acknowledged me with a small nod, and his eyes remained focused on his parents.
King Lindstrom asked, “Is it time?” Leo jerked his chin once in response and stood still as the tribunal whispered amongst themselves.
Stealing glances his way, I noticed he was taller than Lance Yzer had been, but instead of being bronzed, he was fair-skinned with a hint of sun from head to toe—a perfect example of classic Phoenician looks. He had shoulder length, straight golden hair, and his eyes were so blue they were like ice. His face was the picture of masculine beauty with a strong jawline, a straight nose, and high cheekbones.
He was a stranger to me, only a face I knew from gossip feeds. Or so I thought. Now he was so much more. We were both children of joint houses, we were both legacies to our families, and we were linked by something horrifying.
I wanted to scream.
Suddenly it occurred to me; I had no idea what his abilities were. King and Queen Asher were highly gifted in telekinesis. But there were always rumors about what else they could do with their minds. Since Leo had yet to enter the Elder trials, no official abilities had been declared, although guesses at what he could do were practically a union pastime.
The longer Leo stood next to me, the more the guilt for what I did to him made me want to flee. I forced myself to sit there and wait. I forced myself to take one breath after another.
My head nearly exploded when I heard King Lindstorm’s next words. “It seems we are out of time. Prince Regent Leo has confirmed the Hg-1 delegation has arrived.”
Everyone at the table shifted. “That will be all, my son. Thank you.” Prince Leo bowed, exiting with the same swiftness as he came. The panel turned to each other in hushed discussion.
“They are here?” I asked no one in particular. “In Hattan?”
“Much has happened while you were gone, my daughter,” my mother said, her eyebrows furrowed.
“Yes, a lot has! Don’t you even want to know what I have been through those weeks?” I shouted, surprised by my own fury. I thought of the Ark and of Hailey, and a cold tingle in my spine made me realize maybe these weren’t the people who could be entrusted with the Ark. I no longer knew what to do. I needed to talk with Hailey.
King Lindstorm interrupted my tirade before any more exchanges could be thrown between my mother and me. “The whereabouts of your absence and the manner of your return are to be discussed, but our priorities must be the Hg-1 and their intentions while they are here in Amera.”
His resolute and yet reassuring voice commanded my attention. “Until we can be certain of what they want, and we feel they are no longer a threat to the people of Amera, it is the High Council’s rule that Princess Violet will continue the suppression therapy. We will reconvene once the Hg-1 have left Amera in one week’s time. At that time, we will determine the Princess’s training and the full extent of Queen Eva’s reprimand. At present, we are at high alert with the Hg-1 within our borders; we need Neyr’s greatest resources focused on Amera’s safety, not the regrets of their parenting decisions.”
King Lindstrom stared into my eyes, waiting for me to object. I wanted to. The thought of the suppression still boiled under my skin. But I did not know what I could do, or even what my abilities were. Everything that happened over the last few weeks terrified me. Yes, I had conjured some water. I even grew a tree. I had almost killed my father as well, and if Hailey was right and the colors I saw were the result of a new ability, that ability had been unpredictable, and at times debilitating. I wasn’t sure I could trust myself. What would happen if I became uncontrollable again and really did kill someone? The thought was unbearable.
If the Hg-1 were here now, this was far more important. It was what brought me home. Regardless of what my family had done to me, it was an acorn compared to what it meant that the humans were in Hattan, in this very tower. Amera needed my family’s immense abilities.
I tried to focus on the scale of what it could mean that the Hg-1 were here after three hundred years. My life did not outweigh the lives of the entire realm, the entire union.
I had lived most of my life without abilities; this would be no different for me physically. But now, emotionally, mentally?
My head felt like a bomb had gone off inside it. How do I go forward? I didn’t know where to begin.
The High King stepped off the dais and knelt in front of me. “These are uncertain times, Princess. I can sense the turmoil inside you. But with honest work, I am certain that your family is strong enough to withstand an earthquake such as this.” He took my hands in his; they were gentle hands that despite his rank and abilities had seen hard work. He lifted my chin and looked me in the eyes, and just like his hands, his gaze told a different story from the one that most people believed. His face and the compassion and understanding that swirled in his eyes were more than that of a king.
“We have a lot to learn about each other, but for now, the main thing we need to do is focus on unity. Amera prospers because we work together. Take your place in history, Violet. Do not hide in the shadows any longer. Together we will find a way to make this right for you. You are more special than you realize.”
He might be the highest-ranking citizen in Amera, but as he knelt in front of me, King Lindstrom appeared to be no more than just a kind man trying to help my family, my realm, and all of Amera. My mother had been right; it wasn’t his abilities that made him a good king. I could see it was because he was a good man.
He studied my face for a moment longer. “Take today to rest, reflect, and react. But we will need you by our side tomorrow. I am sorry this happened to you. I am sorry that you won’t have more time to process all of this. But I believe you are stronger than you know. This is not the story of your life or one that will define you. Your story is just beginning. How you hold yourself up from this day forward will be the foundation of who you choose to be. I know we have just met, but I believe that you have it in you to rise above this.”
I wanted to believe everything he said. Part of me even did. My world had crumbled into a wasteland made of the Violet I had thought I was but could no longer be. What I feared lay inside me now was only shards of the girl my parents had created.
With another thoughtful look, the High King added, “As the Hg-1 are here in Neyr, we need you to be with your people. I do not believe hiding you away is the answer. I believe you can stand on your own terms and help us face this globally historic time. The people of Neyr need to see their king and queen and their princess,” he said. “You have it in you to inspire hope even if you don’t see it right now.”
My skin felt raw, and my heart lay in tatters. But at the center of the minefield stood the girl I had always been. The girl who wished she had the chance to prove herself. The girl who wanted to make a difference. To make her family, her realm, her country proud. Looking into King Lindstrom’s eyes, I saw patience, understanding, and hope.
I thought of all the wasted years I spent hiding. After everything I had survived in the last weeks, I knew if there was anything I could do, I had to try. Not for my parents, but for myself.
I straightened my shoulders and stared evenly at the high king and said, “I will.”
He nodded. “You are a brave one. We were lucky to get you back safely.”
He stood and turned to address the others. “The Elder Council has agreed that with this Hg-1 delegation here in Amera, security will be heightened.” To me, he said, “We need to approach the security of our people at a higher standard, wouldn’t you agree?”
I nodded, afraid if I spoke, my determination would crumble.
“I want you to know that all cameras will be activated for security. These are dangerous times, and we can’t be certain what these people want. This is for your protection, Princess Violet, as well as for all the citizens of Amera. Do you understand what this means?”
I grimaced and nodded. “Yes.” Inside, it made me ill. Even worse, Hailey had been right, a
nd somehow, I knew she would never let me live it down.
“Good,” he said, giving my hand a squeeze. “Everyone in this room cares for you deeply Princess, please don’t ever forget it. Now, I will leave you as you have things to discuss with people more important than me.”
One by one, without a word to me, my grandparents stood and left the table behind the high queen. My parents rose and followed. I heard their footsteps leaving and the doors shutting, until I thought I was alone.
I sat in that chair, feeling completely broken. I thought I knew what I had come here to do, but once again, life had other ideas. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I called out in my mind to that voice. When he didn’t answer, I wondered if my mother had done something more to me while I was recovering from my journey home.
Feeling completely alone and abandoned, out of desperate habit, I whispered, “Where are you?”
“We are here,” I heard my father answer as he pulled up a chair for my mother, and another for himself.
“I wasn’t talking to you,” I muttered under my breath, turning in my chair, coming face to face with the people I had loved most in the entire world. The father I adored and who I thought I had killed, and the mother who I had believed was the single greatest person on the entire planet. These people who sat next to me now, I hardly knew. And having spent weeks with a fox and an A.I., dreaming of being welcomed home to be with my family whole and complete, now all I wanted was to be alone.
Five minutes ticked by in silence. The bouquet of emotions resting on the tip of my tongue was all things I would regret saying. So, I studied the crown molding that lined the ceiling instead.
“Petal,” my father finally said in a gentle voice.
With reluctance, I turned away from the architectural design choices of the room and met his gaze. “Yes, Father?” I answered, ice frosting my tone.
“Will you let us explain?”
“I think it was explained fairly well during the tribunal.”
“The facts, perhaps, but not the feelings.” Grief and pain were written across his face. I was angry. Angrier than I probably had a right to be, knowing he was alive and sitting here with me now after what I had done; it was everything I had begged for since that terrible morning.
I felt a reluctant crack in my wall of anger, and I reached across and took his hand, tears spilling over my cheeks. “Father.” He pulled me into a hug, drawing out relief and love, yet also confusion and anger.
My mother’s hand brushed my shoulder, and I jerked back as if her touch had burned me. Her mouth dropped open in shock, and my face contorted with a mix of disgust and fear.
“Violet, please, let us explain,” my father started again. My mother sat back in her chair, hugging herself, and let my father speak. “We were so young. Everything was new. Our marriage, our first reign, our first baby. To us, everything you did was amazing, extraordinary. Your first hiccup, your first yawn. You were perfect.”
“Until I wasn’t.” Betrayal coursed through me, thick and sluggish in my veins, and I maintained my mask of anger.
“You are still perfect,” he said.
“Then, why?” I asked, my voice cracking.
He clasped his hands together and appeared to search for the words, but it was my mother who spoke. “It was all because of me.” Her face flushed as she continued. “After what happened to Leo, I panicked. Leda had just been elected High Queen. She was one of my oldest friends, but I didn’t know what she would do.”
My eyes narrowed. “You’re saying she told you to do this?”
“No. No, I was afraid she would take you away.” Tears trailed down my mother’s cheeks, and despite my anger, it wrenched my heart in two. “There were two protocols, a choice. One was to do what you heard today, but the other was unfathomable to me. I couldn’t have ever…” She shook her head.
“Ever what? What could be worse than drugging your own baby daughter?”
“They would have taken you to Elderden to be raised by the Elder Council.” She hugged her belly.
I sat back in my chair with the room and the world spinning around me.
“You were our baby, and I couldn’t imagine letting them take you. Not knowing when I would ever see you again. And when I did, would you even know that I was your mother? I couldn’t bear the thought. Not when I had discovered the other option.” Dashing the tears from her cheeks, she continued. “From the moment I knew what the protocol was, I searched for an alternative, and when I found it, it was the only one for me.” She sat there looking miserable, and a twinge of sympathy broke through my wall of disgust.
“And later when I was older? Why didn’t you stop? Why didn’t you tell me? Why keep up the charade? The lies?”
Her fingertips pressed against her lips as her face crumpled in pain, and my father answered for her. “We tried a few times. Before you began schooling, we tried lowering your dosage. We thought with enough time we could teach you control, but each time we did…” His voice trailed off.
My head turned slowly to my father, “They said you didn’t know.”
He grimaced and admitted, “That was a lie. I did.”
I sat there, speechless. I had barely comprehended what my mother admitted to. Hearing the words from my father shook what little was left of the foundation I had been clinging to.
“Why? Why would you lie?” I asked, my voice trembling. What more did they have to lose?
“I made him,” my mother answered quickly defending him. “I don’t know what will happen to me, but I refuse to allow my children to become orphaned because of my choice. You and the twins need at least one parent. I made him swear to protect you. I was not born here, and the people of Neyr need him. All three of you do.”
My face went numb. This couldn’t be happening. They risked this? For what? My voice trembling with rage and confusion, I asked, “You couldn’t have done this just because you weren’t sure I couldn’t learn. There has to be more! Tell me what was so awful that you had to lie to me all these years! Why didn’t you trust me enough to give me a chance?” They looked at each other, but neither of them spoke. “Why?” I yelled my fists clenched; my knuckles white.
“It doesn’t matter. The things that happened were out of anyone’s control. Things we couldn’t protect you from,” my father countered, his voice hollow, his face haunted.
“What did I do?” I cried. “Tell me!”
My mother reached across the space between us and grabbed my hand. “You were still very young, but nothing was your fault. It was my decision to continue. I thought after the Criterion when we had time to take you somewhere, we could work this out.”
“After the Criterion? Why?” My head ached, and I pounded against a wall in my mind trying to reach my inner voice.
“Please, Violet. Please try to understand we were doing what we thought best. You are our child, and we love you more than anything,” my mother begged.
I stared at her. “But, I’m not anymore! I am not a child, and I won’t be your only...” and the terrible reality struck me.
“You were going to tell me because of the twins? That I might hurt them?”
“No! It wasn’t them,” my mother insisted.
“Why now?” I demanded.
“Because it was time,” she whispered.
“King Lindstrom said the time had long come and gone!” The smoldering fury beneath my skin flamed again. “Are you going to do this to them?” My mother’s eyes closed, and her hands covered her face. “You are, aren’t you?” I accused, jumping out of my seat.
“No. No, Violet, we won’t,” my father said a profound sadness enveloped his words.
“How can you possibly know that for sure? What will you do when they start showing signs of being like me?” I squeezed my fists, waiting for their answer.
They were quiet for a long time until finally, my mother answered. “Part of our compromise was that your father and I would have no more children until we could be certain
that we had a way to raise them without endangering themselves or others.”
I stared at her, finally understanding why they waited so long to have another child. “How can you be sure you have found a way if you aren’t going to do to them what you did to me?”
“We made sure.” My mother swallowed hard, then added, “Genetically.”
For a moment, I thought I misunderstood. The silence was so complete, I don’t think any of us were even breathing.
“What does that mean?”
“We were able to find the genetic marker that makes you so unique. It’s part of how your suppression medication works. We were able to find a way to isolate it. For the twins, we learned that we could make it go dormant.” She pressed her lips together.
“They will have abilities, but less than they might have had,” my father added, picking up where my mother left off. “But we felt…”
“Felt what?”
“What you have lived through has been torture for you. For us. We knew what your potential was and to see it so limited, it was all or nothing for you. This way, for the twins, they would be like any other Neyr child, and they could—”
“Live a normal life?” I accused, “How normal will their life feel when they realize you tinkered with them to make them genetically acceptable?” I didn’t think it could get worse, but it did. Suddenly, I couldn’t be in the room with them, share the same air.
I stood to leave. “I have heard too much.”
“Violet, please. We are your family. There has to be a way to work through this,” my mother begged.
“I don’t know if that’s possible, Mother.” Bitterness consumed my words. Whatever this family was,” my body trembled with disgust, “this life was built on lies.”
She straightened her shoulders and wiped her cheeks. “I don’t accept that. You have always been my most important priority. You always will be. Your safety and the safety of everyone in this realm is more important than what you think of me. I am truly, desperately sorry for what I did to you, Violet, with every ounce of me, I am. I hate that we have to wait even a moment longer to begin to fix what I have done. But with the Hg-1 here, if they mean us harm, I would rather you hate me before I let them hurt you.”