Maddox

by Lisa Helen Gray

  Mark just shakes his head in amusement. “I’ll take you to get something.”

  “Are you going to kiss me when you walk me to the door as well,” Aiden asks, fluttering his lashes.

  Mark snorts, rolling his eyes at his juvenile behaviour. “And it still shocks me that you take care of my niece.”

  “Whatever,” Aiden mutters.

  Mark turns to me. “Anyway, they’re right. Something needs to be done about your neighbours. You’ve put up with them long enough.”

  “I know, and I’ll sort it.”

  “Alright, well, we’re here to help. I haven’t gotten into a good scrap in ages,” he tells me, rubbing his hands together.

  I grin. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “See you later.”

  I wave goodbye, waiting until they’re in the car before heading up the path. The door is open a little when I reach it. I walk in, hearing Hope and Amelia chatting in the front room.

  “Tracey said you’re going back to work next week. I assumed you’d take the whole six months maternity.”

  “I wish,” Amelia admits. “But I need to go back. My mum has said she’ll look after Asher while I’m there and Jasmine has school. I’m going to take shorter shifts and less days, but I have to do something.”

  “You’re going back to work?” I blurt out, stepping into the living room.

  But she hasn’t long had Asher. Aren’t they meant to be resting, bonding, or some crap like that?

  A faint blush rises in her cheeks. “I am. Next week.”

  “Isn’t that too soon? You should be with Asher.”

  Her brows pull together. “Maddox, we’re friends, but don’t overstep the mark. If I could stay home with Asher, I would.”

  “Shit, I didn’t mean it like that,” I rush out. “Or to upset you.”

  Hope punches me in the arm, narrowing her gaze on me. “I’ll speak to you soon,” she tells Amelia, before giving me a warning look.

  Amelia gives me her back, rocking Asher in her arms. I duck my head, feeling like shit.

  Why did I open my mouth?

  “Will you tell me why you’re going back to work when you don’t want to? I’m not judging,” I assure her, leaning against the doorframe. “I’m just curious.”

  She turns, her eyes glassy. “Because I’m in a mountain of debt thanks to their father. Because I have two little people to provide for. It’s not easy, Maddox. I’m not the priority here. They are. And if that means taking shifts so soon after giving birth, which means being away from my son and losing more sleep, so be it.”

  “Hey,” I call out, taking a step into the room. “I didn’t mean any offence to it.”

  She exhales, glancing away. “I know. I just don’t like being judged.”

  I take another step into the room. “It’s okay. You can judge me. I’ve been meaning to ask if my arse looks big in these jeans.” I spin around, showing her my backside, and she chuckles before bursting out laughing. I pout, feigning hurt. “What about if I do this?”

  I stick my arse out, giving it a little wiggle, and she laughs harder. “Please stop.”

  I straighten, smirking at her. “Too hot for you?”

  “It’s something,” she murmurs, struggling to keep her face straight.

  “I’m hurt.”

  “You look it,” she retorts.

  “Where’s my food? I need to eat my feelings,” I tell her, glancing around the room.

  “It hasn’t arrived yet,” she explains, just as there’s a knock on the door.

  My nostrils flare as I inhale deeply, before groaning. “Indian.”

  Her eyes widen. “How could you possibly know that?”

  I don’t answer as I race to the door, pulling out my wallet. The guy startles with the force that I open it, taking a step back. “Soz, mate, you scared me there.”

  “How much?” I ask, snatching the food from his hand.

  “It’s fifteen—”

  I shove a twenty at him. “Keep the change.”

  I kick the door shut with my foot, heading past Amelia and straight into the kitchen. “Maddox, seriously, did you not eat today?”

  I pause with a takeout box in my hand, my eyebrows pulling together. “Of course, I did.”

  She grins as she pats Asher’s back. “Are you sure?”

  “I never go without food. I just haven’t eaten in a few hours,” I explain, bending down to grab a plate out of the cupboard.

  “You would never know,” she tells me in amusement.

  I pile it all onto my plate, grabbing the papadums and naan bread before heading over to the table.

  I finish chewing, when her stare begins to burn into me. “You didn’t want any, did you?”

  She takes a seat next to me, chuckling. “I’m okay.”

  I shrug. “How was your night, apart from the crap going on outside?”

  “It was good. I knew Hayden was feisty and outspoken. I’ve heard her argue with the residents at the home. I’ve seen her sit with them for hours—even after her shift has ended—because she didn’t want them to beat her at a staring competition. But I’ve never seen her like that before.”

  I chuckle. “You should see her when one of her brothers piss her off.”

  “It happened so quickly. I put the subtitles on first because I didn’t want to wake the kids up by turning it up. Plus, we were laughing and joking around anyway. But then Hayden shot out the house like it was on fire and it just kicked off.”

  “What happened when she got out there?”

  “This woman started mouthing back off at her. Hayden laid her out on the floor and then Cassie started coming at me. She heard why Hayden was there and then said I was the one who had dobbed her in.”

  I snort. “She dobbed herself in too.”

  She chuckles. “I don’t even think she realises it yet.” She pauses, blinking up at me through her lashes. “You have a really good family.”

  I pause midchew at the sorrow in her words. “So do you.”

  “I do. But you guys are more than family. You’re best friends. There’s a connection between you that’s rare between other families.”

  I chuckle because we get this a lot. We’re all tight because of the way we were raised. We’ve heard the stories about what our parents went through, whether it be from their mouths or from rumours on the streets. Our parents were honest in helping us understand. It hit each and every one of us, and we didn’t take them—family—for granted. “I guess, but we have our bad days too. We still argue and sometimes fall out, although nothing major.”

  “You mentioned you fell out with Lily,” she states.

  I give her a quick nod. “We did.”

  “How come?”

  I shrug, shovelling more food into my mouth. Once finished, I push the plate away. “It doesn’t matter. She missed me in the end.”

  Her easy-going expression drops. “What? Tell me. You’re always forcing me to answer crap I don’t like talking about.”

  I wiggle my eyebrows. “I’m good at getting women to open up.”

  She snorts. “You pig.”

  I grin. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Tell me,” she orders gently. “I’m always telling you about me.”

  I pick at the naan bread, contemplating just lying, but I would hate for her to lie to me. And it isn’t anything really bad, just something I feel bad about. “I don’t want you to hate me.”

  “What did you do?” she asks, her tone wary.

  “I fucked up. I made a stupid decision, thinking I was protecting her, and it blew up in my face. She’s hated me ever since.”

  “I’m sure that’s not true.”

  I grunt. “Don’t be so sure. She’s the most forgiving person you could meet, but I know she can’t forgive me, not fully.”

  “I can’t help if I don’t know what you’ve done,” she tells me.

  I groan, leaning back against the chair. “Her boy—husband… our relationship was tense. We
fought all the time. We couldn’t even be in the same room as each other without a fight breaking out. I hated him.

  “For weeks, Lily was acting weird. She kept bolting her door, hiding away, and stopped messaging me back. And before, we spent most of our time together. When I found out they were together, I lost it. She had been through so much, still suffered from some of it, and I thought he had taken advantage of her.”

  “And he didn’t,” she surmises.

  I shake my head. “He didn’t. I beat the shit out of him, along with a few of my uncles, and she had to watch the entire thing. She wouldn’t eat, sleep or speak to me for weeks. Her Christmas was ruined because of me. I never want to see that look on her face ever again.”

  “But you’re okay now, right?”

  I shrug. “I guess. We just aren’t as close as we once were.” I stand, pushing back from the chair. I take the plate over to the sink, swilling it off before putting it on the side. “I’d best go.”

  “Maddox,” she whispers, following me.

  I force a smile, stopping her. “It’s fine. I’m just tired.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah.”

  I let myself out, rushing down the path as I pull my phone out. I really had fucked up when it came to Lily. She’s my best friend, family, and I hate the distance between us. She didn’t deserve my reaction, any of ours, and I hadn’t done much to make it up to her. Speaking to Amelia made me realise that.

  “Hello,” Lily greets.

  “Hey, Lil. I was just calling to see how you were doing. How’s the pregnancy?”

  “I’m still being a little sick, but other than that, it’s going fine. We have our dating scan next week, so I think we will tell everyone else then.”

  “That’s good. They’re going to be happy.”

  “You okay? You sound funny? You aren’t drunk, are you? Because if you’ve fallen down a manhole again, I don’t think I can come help this time. I could ask—”

  I chuckle. “Lily, I’m not drunk. I just called to see how you were and to ask if you wanted to do something Sunday.”

  “Jaxon and I are taking the Merin kids ice skating. Can you remember the little girl, Alex, who I told you about?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Her parents are meeting us there. She’s doing really well.”

  “Okay, maybe another time,” I tell her, leaning against my truck. It’s like this all the time now. She’s always too busy. And although I love seeing her blossom, I miss her.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah, Lil. I’m always okay.”

  “Okay, I need to go. Jaxon just got back. But call me in the week. We can do something then.”

  “Yeah, maybe we—”

  “Bye Maddox,” Jaxon calls out before the line goes dead.

  I run my fingers through my hair, gritting my teeth. I fucking hate him sometimes.

  I glance back at Amelia’s, letting out a breath. I want to go back over to talk to her. She fills in the days I’m alone. She’s good at letting me forget for a moment. It isn’t why I go there—I don’t have that answer yet—but it’s one of the reasons. Plus, I love being around her and the kids.

  I push off from the car, letting myself inside. The house I once loved because of the tranquillity and freedom it gave me, just feels empty and cold now.

  The novelty of moving out of my parents’ and getting space from my large family has worn off. Hell, I think I kept my neighbours around because it gave me an excuse to stay over at Lily’s and not be alone.

  Now I’m not so sure what I want. And admitting to others I may have rushed into things is something my pride won’t let me do.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  AMELIA

  The wind whistles outside the window and the rain smacks against the glass as I stand, tired, trying to get Asher to sleep. I can’t even blame it on the neighbours tonight, since the weather is drowning out most of their music. It would have been heaven if it hadn’t been for Asher wailing into the night. I can’t get him to feed or settle.

  Tears leak down my cheeks. I’m failing at being a mother. Cameron was right when he said I’d never be able to raise two kids on my own. I can’t even get my son to stop crying. I will be starting work next week, and I’ll get even less sleep than I do now. But if I don’t go, I won’t be able to pay the debt Cameron put me in. And if I pay them, I won’t be able to afford rent. And if I can’t afford rent, I’ll lose the house. I could go back to Mum and Dad’s, but what if Cameron’s mum and dad call social services like they promised and they declare me unfit? Living with my parents because I’m unable to provide for them won’t look good. I feel helpless and worthless.

  I exhale, dropping down on the bed as a sob tears from my throat. “Please, Asher. Please sleep for Mummy.”

  My phone lights up and I glance over, sniffling. It’s from Maddox. After earlier, I didn’t think I’d hear from him again. He seemed really upset that I brought up his argument with Lily. He looked so sad, so vulnerable in that moment.

  MADDOX: Open the door. I’m tired.

  Lifting up from the bed, I head downstairs, not even replying. He knows I’m awake; he would have seen the lights on in my room.

  Asher’s wailing gets louder as I reach the bottom of the stairs. I pull open the door. Maddox takes one look at me and gently puts a hand to my stomach, pushing me further inside. He shakes the rain from his hair, shoving his coat off before draping it over the end of the banister.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks, taking Asher out of my hands.

  When he begins to settle somewhat, only sniffling or winging here and there, I bend at the knees, sobs raking through my body.

  “I’m failing. With Jasmine, I had all this help. I had my mum and dad. I kind of had her dad. But now… n-now I can’t even feed him. He hates me. I hate me. I can’t do this.”

  “Hey,” he coos gently. “You can do this. He’s only a few weeks old. They’re meant to be up at all hours.”

  “You don’t even have kids. What would you know?” I snap, wiping my nose on my dressing gown as I straighten. When he arches his eyebrow, my shoulders drop. “I’m sorry. I’m tired. I’ll be fine tomorrow.”

  He stares at me intently for a few moments before clicking his tongue. “Up to bed.”

  “W-what?”

  “Up,” he orders, shifting Asher higher on his shoulder.

  I puff out a breath, before turning and stomping upstairs. My stomach flutters when I realise he’s following behind me.

  When I reach my room, I turn to him. “What are you even doing here?”

  He glances away from the window. “You can’t hear anything,” he murmurs.

  “Only because it’s raining,” I mumble under my breath.

  He jerks his head toward the bed. “Get in.”

  “I can’t. Asher needs feeding but he’s not latching on. And if you’re staying again then I need to get you some blankets and pillows.”

  “Where are the bottles?”

  I sniffle before wailing. “I was too tired to make them.”

  He grunts, walking over to gently shove me down on the bed. “Get in.”

  “I just said—”

  “I know. You need to feed Asher, but you look dead on your feet. And although I’ve said this to plenty of women, I’ve never said it for this reason.”

  “What?” I ask, wiping under my eyes as he grabs my feet, swinging them up on the bed.

  I watch as he walks around to the other side of the bed and lies down. “Get your tit out. He’s relaxed now. Once he’s finished, I’ll wind him so you can sleep.”

  “I’m not doing that,” I tell him, yawning.

  And it isn’t because I’d be lying here with my tit out in front of him. At this point, I couldn’t give a shit if he saw me naked. He’s practically seen everything anyway. And honestly, he’s never given off a creepy vibe. He doesn’t stare in the same way other men have.

  My lips part when it
hits me. I trust him. It’s not bothering me or making me feel weirded out because I trust him.

  He rolls his eyes. “You’ve fed around me plenty of times. I know what to do.”

  I nod, taking Asher from him and pulling my top back down. He begins to fuss, his mouth opening and closing around my nipple, but he doesn’t suck.

  “See,” I point out.

  My breath hitches when Maddox reaches out, stroking his finger over Asher’s cheek. My lips part when Asher immediately latches on.

  “I wonder why he does that?” he murmurs.

  I don’t care anymore. I’m just glad he’s settled. I yawn, moving to get comfier. “I’m sorry for upsetting you earlier.”

  “You didn’t,” he replies quietly.

  “I did. You don’t have to try to make me feel better. If I knew it was a touchy subject, I would never have brought it up.”

  “It’s not that,” he explains, pausing for a moment. “It just made me realise I never tried to make it up to her. It might not be that Jaxon’s the reason for our distance. It could be me. I haven’t forgiven myself for hurting her and vice versa.”

  “She probably already knows you’re sorry. I’ve only met her briefly, when she came to the home. She seemed kind and gentle. Someone like that doesn’t hold grudges.”

  He grins, watching as I press down on my boob, guiding my nipple back into Asher’s mouth. “Does it hurt?”

  “Not really. It can be uncomfortable at times but that’s it.”

  He moves away, letting Asher feed. “What’s your brother like?”

  “He’s a good man. Funny. But he can be serious to the point he could make a gangster piss himself. I wish he’d stay home more. We miss him,” I admit, lying down and turning on my side, keeping Asher glued to my chest. Maddox does the same, resting his hand under his cheek.

  “How come you never ask for help?” he asks out of nowhere.

  I’m taken aback by his question. “You mean with the kids?”

  “With everything,” he replies.

  I shrug. “I guess it’s a pride thing. When I found out I was pregnant, my parents weren’t exactly ecstatic. They supported me and my decision, but they wanted me to finish school first. I wanted to prove to them I could do it all. But it’s hard. They’ve offered to pay for the debt Cameron raked up, but I can’t do it. He was my mistake. I need to be the one to fix it.”