Irrelevant Jack 5

by Prax Venter

  The AI sent back a shrug. “I’m learning, Jack. Learning about both the trap that is Subroutine Sana and the Corruption. How its hunger is determined by the universe it’s consuming. You still need to be 94.6% of the way there for me to risk that nudge, but I don’t think you’ve seen the last of Muse Alt.”

  - 19 -

  “I spent all night wasting an unfortunate amount of basic ingredients,” Loratan began as she stood bleary-eyed before Jack’s table. “And I know this is not grasping the red salt’s full essence, but this is the best I have for your Rest Bonus. It’s the only dish that came out… edible.”

  She put down a roasted red pepper stuffed with what looked like beef, its juices collecting on a pillow of fluffy bread. It smelled irresistible.

  “Do you not know what this will do?” Haylee asked, her warped journal open and quill poised for data.

  “You’d think I would. What I know is nothing found near Brittlehorn will work with the salt. I can craft with it, but almost all combinations come out as a strange bowl of seawater. So very odd. This dish contains red peppers and woolly beef imported from the Tyga slopes with flour and blue eggs brought over with the last trade merchant from Blackmoor.”

  “It’s meant to be shared?” Lex suggested.

  “Traded,” Cabe corrected, and the Bastion sent him a frown.

  “Mmm, yes. We need to establish trade routes between our Towns immediately.”

  Loratan sat down at a nearby table and wiped her brow. “I’ve already spoken to Zarda and the Dockmaster knows to make requests for ‘Blackmoor Salt’.”

  Internally, Jack was wondering how the salt trade would take shape once Angelshade got its own south sea version into the mix. The plan was to use Any Exit Alt to get back to the southern Town among the Mangroves and then quickly add it to the Kingdom.

  Jack would then dump in enough items to get at least one more Town level for Defensive Lightning Towers to spawn in their Wall and hopefully push the influence far enough for Townsfolk to safely travel the resulting road. Everyone staying would leave a few hours later to get a head start on the day-long journey then meet on the road in the middle, including the Lancer, who’d rather never climb again. Jack made Sevik write his own note for Asarah waiting for him in Angelshade just in case she flipped out when the King and Queen reappeared without him.

  No one was sure where the road would appear, but Alt had a hunch that it would swing wide of the mega city as it traced the exact point where the influence of each Town in the region balanced and pushed against one another.

  All the Heroes on today’s team sampled their first taste of West Sea Ruby Salt, and they were not disappointed. Lex thanked the chef for her efforts as they enjoyed her savory creation that felt hearty and nourishing as it went down. It tasted more potent, somehow, and he was having a hard time nailing down exactly what new sensation meant. It was a new flavor he processed with his whole being, and something beyond anything his human mind had experienced in any reality.

  After his plate was spotless, Jack checked the white horn on the red background to see what this new tier-two ingredient imparted.

  Rest Bonus [+250 Health | +100 Mana | +50 Def | Gain 75 HP on Floor Entrance | Gain 50 MP on Floor Entrance | Duration: Exit]

  ~ A delectable dish baked with determination

  “That’s a lot of HP’s!” Jack shouted. “+100 was the highest I’ve ever seen before this.”

  “And health regeneration after every Floor,” Lex added. “I’ve never seen that either. That will save climbers from spending their mana on healing.”

  Haylee was furiously scribbling with her quill as she said, “It’s probable that the Ruby type focuses on Hit Points, it’s all speculation until we catalogue every type we find.”

  With their impressive new bonus boosting their stats, Jack, the Bastion, Dark Prism, and Sun Striker said their short goodbyes to Kron, Farrah, and Sevik before entering Brittlehorn’s infinite Tower.

  The searing heat of the desert region shifted into a vast expanse of yellow olive oil covering the ground with endless white nothing above it. Jack turned and started slipping immediately in the one-inch layer of goop. After holding out his arms for balance, he saw the Exit Orb and his team behind him.

  With a thought, he activated his Summon Alt ability and his trusty miniature research vessel phased into being over the slippery substance.

  “Greetings, Lex, Cabe, and Haylee!” the spaceship said with a dip of its prow to each.

  “Hey bud,” Jack said. “Would you mind sweeping this one for us real quick?”

  The spaceship’s jets of pure blue heat swiveled and his summon hovered out to hunt for Floor 1 monsters. As he did, Lex told everyone to hold still as she sang her once per day Uplifting Chorus. His wife’s triple voice brought a tear to his eye. Almost losing her, her losing parts of their early relationship… He wanted to vow to the universe that he would never let her leave his side again, but he now knew he would send her away if it was the smart thing to do.

  “Okay,” he said out loud. “The plan is to get Lex and Haylee to 50, but with no plate wearer, we find a groove juggling our front line. Lex is main damage sponge with Cabe and myself drawing some hate when it’s heavy. We might make this Tank-Alt Day, but we’ll just have to see how this nonsense goes down.”

  He shot a glance to his Party HUD to get acclimated with the initial values.

  JACK HP 1.3K/1.3K MP 923/923

  LEX HP 1.7K/1.7K

  HAYLEE HP 701/701

  CABE HP 1.1K/1.1K

  ALT HP 536/536

  Coins: 33,911

  Current Run Value: 0

  Alt Value: 140,005/250,000

  Cabe looked like a kung fu master from space with his glowing teal headband, black sleeveless karate uniform, and strange shoes with their own rings as if his ankles were Saturn.

  “That’s some nice gear you’ve collected,” Jack said, inspecting some of the more unique pieces.

  Thunder Band - [Head | Value 271 | Floor: 52]

  | Def: 96 |

  | Max HP +115 |

  | Max MP +204 |

  | Magic Power +110 |

  | +20 Lightning damage to all attacks |

  ~ Purge all with a surge of power

  Xetron Curl Shoes- [Feet | Value: 285 | Floor: 53]

  | Def: 124 |

  | Max HP +148 |

  | Max MP +190 |

  | Magic Power +46 |

  | +20% Max Jump Height |

  ~ The unperceived spiral pleads and reaches

  “What! Those shoes!” Jack cried out, almost taking a header in the oil.

  His Bastion was there by his side with a wide stance in thicker boots and she held him steady by gripping a fistful of his leather armor.

  “And I enjoy the King’s new Chest Slot,” Lex said, running her hand over the front of his aviator jacket.

  “Oh yeah, Haylee,” Jack said, “I’ll let Alt tell you how our first Floor 50 went. You are going to be so mad at us for missing it.”

  “No,” Haylee said, tracking the distant spaceship as it pulsed out its ranged attack and dealt with dripping oil monsters. “With how happy I am to have you both back and leading us forward again, you could never make me mad again.”

  “The Queen told us of your trials,” Cabe said, crossing his huge arms. “We will make this Velintanna person regret her actions along with all of those who choose to side with the Corruption.”

  “That’s what I’m hoping,” Jack said, “but I don’t think it’s going to be through HP’s. Even if we whittle her down to 0, we’d take massive losses and then she’d just respawn- if all the tales can be believed.”

  “Then we cheese her,” Haylee said quietly. “As you did with my mother.”

  Jack nodded. “Cheesing is why I wanted to bring Cabe with us today. I mean, he’s a rare Level 57 Sun Striker and that’s reason enough, but he’s asked for help with creative thinking, so that’s the goal this time. Cheese everything. And I want Cabe to ta
ke first crack at every Floor’s layout. We’re in no rush, it’ll be 7 hours out there no matter what, but the five of us have as long as we’re willing to spend collecting heaps of items and smashing every rule we can.”

  Cabe cast his eyes out to where Alt had just defeated the Floor’s Boss, a 10-foot glob of water bouncing along the oil.

  “I’ve seen this before,” he said, “but clearing an entire Floor while the drops mystically deposit into your unnatural inventory as we stand around talking is breaking so many rules… I feel like I may not be constructed of the parts required to achieve such things. But, after seeing that second layer of armor made of woven shields to become untouchable in a fight, I wish to master all types of strategy, King Jack.”

  King Jack gave Cabe a nod as Alt came hovering back to the group. With a glance, he sent his AI friend a simple yes or no question.

  “Yes,” the spaceship said out loud.

  Jack then drew his heavily modified sword, pointed it at Haylee’s foot half submerged in oil, and activated a 1-second Mining laser burst.

  Haylee -275 | HP 426/701

  “Yeeow!” she cried, hopping back toward the Exit Orb. “What are you doing?”

  “Explain yourself!” Cabe demanded as he splashed through the goop to stand between the Dark Prism and Jack, his normally stoic face contorted in terror.

  “It’s okay,” Haylee groaned from behind the wall of muscle that was Cabe. “There’s a good reason for the damage- though King Jack really should have advised his advisor before assaulting her with his laser.”

  Jack grimaced at the Sun Striker as he sheathed his blade. “I should have told Cabe, at least, but I thought it would hurt less if you didn’t know it was coming. Now, it’s over and you have an infinite, private, searchable, inerasable notepad.”

  Haylee only nodded numbly; her wide eyes crossed as she dipped her mental toes into the new Interface.

  “Are you ready to take my 16th slot now, as well?” Lex asked, turning to Alt.

  The AI controlling the model spacecraft dipped its prow. “I have learned more about the process since that original sea voyage discussion- we’ve all been though a lot and so I feel comfortable managing two such branches. You and Jack will always have a link through me no matter where in this world you each should be standing. Yet, I do think it would be best to hold it there for now.”

  Jack waggled his brows at his wife as he pulled his sword again, but the Bastion shot up her palms.

  “Hold, Jack. Let’s do it on the next Floor. This one’s far too slippery.”

  “I feel as if I am missing something here,” Cabe said as they all trudged through the layer of oil under an expanse of white nothing and then Haylee tried to explain Alt’s new miracle.

  “Imagine using an ink and quill on a bank Interface- like all that empty space in trade panel when you exchange coins with an Innkeeper. You only need to think about a phrase and the words manifest. It’s… as if there is an extension in my mind where anything I write down becomes a perfect memory.”

  “And,” the spaceship added as it hovered backwards with the group. “Jack’s second Path is called Data Mining. His laser grants me deeper understanding of an entity within your world by masking my scan as a magical beam attack.”

  “I see,” the Sun Striker said. “It is similar to your ability to steal the forms of Tower Monsters.”

  “Spot on.” Jack said and had a good feeling about Cabe’s new level of naked open-mindedness.

  Lex took a magical beam in the toe as potatoes the size of whales glided through the majestic waving grains surrounding them. Floor 2 was a maze-type Layout with clearly defined dirt paths through the endless wheat field, and once his wife and advisor had their new toys locked in, Jack turned to Cabe.

  “What is the one thing whoever or whatever designed this layout wants us to do?”

  The Sun Striker cupped his square chin as he stood motionless.

  “Stay on the paths?” he guessed after a short consideration.

  “That’s right!” Jack said but held up a finger. “I mean, that’s what I was hoping was obvious, but I know there have been a few times where stepping off the path was- erm… discouraged by the Tower. Why don’t you try out breaking the rules and take us straight to those spuds we see bouncing around out there.”

  “Spuds,” Cabe said with a smile. “I remember this is a component to your favorite meal.”

  “Right again,” Jack said and resolved to spending another day helping his NPC friend see past his programming. The group hurried through the Floor with purpose instead of following the circuitous route and probably shaved off ten minutes.

  Floor after Floor they abused each as they climbed, and Cabe still had trouble spotting opportunities, but he was making progress. It was about acquiring more experience after all. King Jack made everyone sit at an actual table on Floor 42 where they had lunch in a far-future, space station casino looking out through floor-to-ceiling windows on a breathtaking purple planet.

  “I know that’s not Earth,” Jack said, pointing his Demi-made fish sandwich toward the lush world spinning below them. “But is that any specific place you’ve seen in your universe, Alt?”

  The Timewalker Droid sitting among them turned his reflective black faceplate toward the virtual cosmos contained within a Tower Floor.

  “First and foremost, the Corruption still controls over 50% of my physical form and a large portion of my data stores are still locked up within this Subroutine so it is possible that this is a recreation of a real planet somewhere out there, and I have yet to recover the information. However, based on what I do have, this M-Zone planet reminds me of a time when I and my team discovered an ecosystem containing creatures with animal-intelligence.”

  “You found aliens?” Jack asked.

  “Life in the universe is exceptionally rare,” Alt said, turning back to Jack. “I believe it only happened two times during my travels and at one such planet similar to the one we see here, I discovered a perpetually flying jellyfish type of creature that relied on a gas-filled bladder for buoyancy. Long fleshy strands of webbing strained out swarms of tiny insects that saturated the atmosphere. As the creatures got older, their drooping appendages inevitably grew long enough to touch the ground where they would fatally snag themselves on a carnivorous trees covered in hooked thorns.”

  “That sounds like a horrible place,” Lex said, wrinkling her nose and losing interest in lunch.

  Cabe nodded. “It sounds like life.”

  Haylee turned her grey eyes from the infinite void beyond the cafeteria to face the bot by her side.

  “Yes. And even if we reach the edge of our world, I know there is more beyond it. Merely another rule to break. I would give anything to sail the stars with Alt.”

  The robot reached under the table and said, “Would you give me your toenails, little one?”

  The Dark Prism squealed with a type of unfettered laughter he’d never heard come from her as she scooted away, bits of fish falling from her sandwich. Lex caught his eye, and he could tell just by the way her cheeks wrinkled that she was thinking this forced lunch was one of his best ideas.

  As they got closer to Floor 50, the disciplined Sun Striker finally found a way to absorb the concept of cheesing.

  “I need to be angry that a specific rule exists,” he said, cupping his chin. “If I focus thoughts on rebellion, my will to reach victory is my only limitation.”

  They were right before the Floor 49 Boss, a disgusting shelled creature with too many legs, like a mix between an obese pig with and a pill bug. Jack, Cabe, and Alt waited while Haylee and Lex did a final check of the impenetrable barricade they’d built across the volcanic rocks that made up the Floor’s layout. It was a skill they both wanted to master, and they’d started experimenting with custom fortifications in many bizarre environments.

  “Yeah,” Jack said. “Just remember that victory means the best outcome. If you got a Tower monster talking to you and it say
s you need to- I don’t know, throw a footrace so they can scam the betting, they might reward you with an extra Boss chest if you listen. It’s not a great example but losing is winning there. I know I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating. A real master of climbing the Tower will know when to follow the rules and when to break them.”

  “I would not enjoy losing a contest intentionally.”

  Jack’s brow came down as he tried to come up with a better example.

  “Have you ever been around kids, Cabe? As an adult, have you ever raced a newly spawned child?”

  “I have not, nor would I see the purpose of such a mismatched contest to begin with.”

  Jack squeezed the bridge of his nose. “Okay, well, I had an older sister in my old life and when we were kids I remember she’d let me win most of the time until I was big enough for it not to be such a mismatch. Sure, she lost a race to a four-year-old, but her goal was to occasionally let her little brother experience the thrill of victory. To laugh and cheer with me when I won, so I would want to play with her again. If she put her head down and treated it like it was a serious competition every time, I might not have formed any happy memories and maybe felt only frustration when I’d think about racing anyone. It’s just how people’s mind’s work. Especially kids.”

  Cabe nodded. “She was victorious because she rebelled against the notion of winning.”

  Lex waved in the darkness of the black pumice cave and he knew it was time to get to work. Jack and Cabe moved behind the amalgam of spears and armor woven with the flexible gear made for magic users.

  “We need more cloth type armor with a slight stretch,” Lex whispered when they were close enough. “It makes binding items more effective than fiddling forever trying to find that perfect interlock of hilt and strap.”

  “Pants are best,” Haylee added.

  Jack focused for a moment as his system-acclimated virtual brain sorted through his stash.

  “Cloth pants are now bubbled up into their own section closer to the top. I don’t know which ones are stretchy, but we can sort through these 287 pants later.”