Morgan's Child
Page 19
Another contraction, after which Morgan reappeared, his anxious face wreathed in light like an angel's.
"You can bear down now, Kate, hard," Morgan said, and Kate trusted him and blindly did what he said, pushed until she was worn out with it and she couldn't push anymore.
"Fine, darling Kate, keep it up," Morgan said, and Kate became aware of Morgan lifting her up and cradling her in his arms. His embrace was tender and strong, and his voice whispered in her ear, and her hands gripped his, and she struggled to push again.
Time blurred, grew faster, fell away. She managed to raise her head and saw Morgan's waiting outstretched hands, so capable, and she heard his voice saying, "I see the head, Kate. Push as hard as you can."
"I am," Kate said, putting every bit of energy she possessed into the next push.
"Almost," Morgan said. "You're doing fine."
Kate pushed through the pain, unable to hear Morgan's words, only the gentle tone of his voice.
A cry. Not her cry, but a baby's! No stronger than the call of a gull at first, and then a great lusty wail of outrage.
Morgan said exultantly, "It's a girl, Kate. A fine, healthy girl!"
A cool cloth blotting her face, and Morgan's wide smile, and Kate thought, Joanna was right. Childbirth is a travail of tears. Then her own tears began, but they were no longer tears of pain but elated, happy tears.
Morgan laid the baby against her breast, a fine fat baby with ears whorled like little pink shells and hair like gossamer threads of sunshine.
"She's gorgeous, Kate, a perfect little doll," Morgan said, and Kate smiled a rapturous smile as she reached for Morgan's hand.
It was then that the exhaustion, complete and utter, struck, and Morgan murmured something soothing and spirited the baby away, and she heard Morgan moving about in the kitchen. Kate dozed, waking up in the night to see the baby in a box at the foot of the bed and Morgan beside her, propped up on pillows and his eyes closed.
"Morgan?" she said faintly.
His eyes flew open.
"Do you need anything?" he asked.
"No," she said. "Only—" How could she tell him what she felt in her heart? How could she tell him that she felt connected to him as she had never felt connected to another person in her whole life, that the experience of giving birth with him by her side had affected her so deeply that she would never be the same?
"Dearest Kate," he said. "You did yourself proud. It wasn't so bad, was it?"
She eyed him balefully. "It hurt like hell," she said, reaching for his hand and bringing it to her lips before falling into a deep and dreamless sleep.
* * *
The next morning the baby began to stir when Kate did, and Morgan roused himself to lift the baby out of her cardboard-carton bed.
"Are you hungry?" he said to the baby, sitting on the edge of the bed so Kate could see her. The baby was a tiny scrap, a red-faced mite, but Morgan's big hands were gentle with her. He'll be a wonderful father, Kate thought suddenly, and the thought gave her great joy.
"Give her to me, I'll feed her," Kate said, holding out her arms.
"You weren't planning to nurse," Morgan pointed out. "I've rigged up a makeshift bottle, and there's plenty of canned milk in the cupboard."
"But—" Kate said, touching the baby's cheek. The baby seemed so fragile, so delicate.
"Here, you hold her and I'll see about a bottle," Morgan said.
"No, I want to nurse her, Morgan. When—when I hear her cry, my milk begins to flow."
"Oh," Morgan said, looking taken aback.
"It's the most practical thing for me to feed her, isn't it?" Kate asked anxiously.
"Yes. Yes, I suppose it is," Morgan said, backing out of the room and leaving Kate alone with the baby.
Kate gazed at the baby, at the petal-soft eyelids and the sweetly rounded cheeks. The baby didn't look like Courtney, and she didn't look like Morgan. Her looks were all her own, and she was the most beautiful thing Kate had ever seen in her life.
The small rosebud mouth rooted against Kate's breast, and Kate parted her nightgown so that the baby could take her nipple in her mouth. The baby's mouth closed over the nipple, and as the gentle tugging commenced, Kate settled back on the pillows, lulled into contentment.
"What will you name her, Morgan?" Kate asked, almost a week after a smiling Dr. Thomas had pronounced both mother and baby in the best of health.
"Pearl," he said.
They were sitting at the kitchen table in the quarters eating dinner, the baby sound asleep in her new bassinet beside the stove.
"Why?"
"Pearls grow from little grains of sand that somehow find their way into an oyster's shell. The embryo was implanted in you and grew and—well, it's a jewel of a name for a jewel of a baby," Morgan said. "And I want to name her Pearl. Whatever I want, I get. You told me so yourself."
"Me and my big mouth," she said.
Morgan leaned over and kissed her. "Quite a lovely mouth," he said, and they smiled at each other until Kate got up to lift the waking Pearl from her basket and went to change her diaper.
* * *
As August waned, Kate, Morgan, and baby Pearl moved to Teoway Island.
Not that Kate found it easy to leave Yaupon Island. She knew she might never return.
"I wish I could climb to the top of the lighthouse one more time," Kate said wistfully. "From there I could see everything—the boardwalk across the marsh, the lodge, all of it," but Morgan only warned her with a look.
Instead, Kate, who was after all still recovering from childbirth, made her way through the dunes to the beach, walking barefoot, and sat for a long time staring out to sea as little sandpipers scampered nearby, barely ahead of the waves.
A chapter in her life was closed. It was time to move on. She had known it was coming, but that didn't make it easier to bear.
She still had no job, despite sending out scores of résumés. But at least it was true that someone still needed her. Pearl was totally dependent on Kate, and Kate felt empowered by the baby's need. Morgan and Pearl provided a bridge to the new life that would eventually come. Kate was as dependent on them as they were on her, which was fitting and right.
Change would come—eventually. Kate knew it was inevitable, and she was sure Morgan did, too. For now, they could help each other and perhaps they would always form part of each other's support network.
They had briefly discussed the advantages of living in Morgan's house in the city.
"If we stayed at the Tradd Street house, you would be near Joanna. She could help you with the baby," Morgan had said.
"I can take care of the baby myself," Kate replied, prepared to be stubborn.
"You said you weren't good with babies," he reminded her.
"I like taking care of Pearl," Kate said, and amazingly this was true.
Finally Morgan had agreed to live on Teoway Island, which pleased Kate tremendously. She preferred the wide open spaces of Teoway because it was so much like her own beloved Yaupon Island, and also, she was reluctant to live in the same house that Courtney and Morgan had occupied together.
Morgan watched and waited for some sign that Kate loved him.
He had thought that Kate was beautiful before, but now—now! Her figure was sylphlike and graceful, her cheeks rosy and rounded, and he desired her more than ever. The six weeks of her recovery could not pass fast enough for him. He wanted to make love to her now more than he had ever wanted to make love to anyone in his life.
These days Morgan was privy to all the intimate details of living with Kate. He knew how she hummed to herself so that he always knew what part of the house she was in. He knew that she wore the most unattractive underwear he'd ever seen. Kate professed that it made no difference what underwear looked like because underwear wasn't for looks, it was for practical purposes. Morgan had to admit that when he saw Kate in her underwear, he didn't think about the underwear—he thought about what she would look like out of it.
She was a terrific cook. This surprised him somewhat, but she gloried in the large well-appointed kitchen on Teoway Island, swooping here and there bearing big copper pans and presenting him with meals that rivaled the finest gourmet meals he'd ever eaten.
Morgan dreaded the day when Kate would leave.
She was his wife. After several weeks of coming home from the office to find a humming Kate in his kitchen and baby Pearl in the nursery bicycling her legs and spitting bubbles out of the corners of her mouth, he could not imagine either of them not being there.
He knew that Kate received a lot of letters, replies to the letters of job application that she had sent, and she never discussed the contents with him. She spent a lot of time online, too. He supposed all of that was her business. But was it really? Didn't he have some say-so in the matter of when, or even if, she would leave? Didn't she owe something to him and to Pearl?
Joanna baby-sat for Kate while Kate went to the doctor for her six-week checkup, and afterward Kate had a pleasant visit with Joanna and her children.
"Your baby is so little," Melissa said, peering into the old cradle where Joanna rocked her.
"She's much better than our baby," Christopher said.
"Wouldn't you like to leave Pearl with us for the night? You could come to pick her up in the morning," Joanna said.
"I'm nursing her," Kate said.
"She took the bottle very well for me today," Joanna assured her.
"Please let her stay!" Christopher said.
"Please?" asked Melissa.
"Do," urged Joanna, and Kate, who was feeling the strain of too many night feedings, thought how well-loved Pearl would be among her cousins and how good it would feel to be able to sleep all night and late the next morning.
"Okay," Kate said, still reluctant. She couldn't imagine being apart from Pearl even for so short a time, but maybe this would be a good rehearsal for the time when she'd have to go away forever. Tears poured down her face all the way back to Teoway Island, and she missed Pearl terribly. Even so, she fell into bed and slept like a rock.
When she woke up she saw a light on in the dressing room and knew that Morgan had come in from work. She sat up as he was tiptoeing past the bed.
"I tried not to wake you," Morgan said.
"I was already awake."
He sat down on the edge of the bed, and in the dimness of the light from the next room, she saw the smile on his face.
"Joanna told me she was baby-sitting Pearl overnight," he said, stroking her arm.
"I miss her," Kate said.
"I know. When I came home tonight, the house seemed so quiet without you and Pearl waiting for me when I came in the door."
"I went to the doctor today," Kate said. "It was my six-week checkup."
"And?"
"And he gave the go-ahead for us to resume sexual relations."
"Resume sexual relations," he said, drifting his fingers down the curve of her throat. "It sounds so clinical."
"To make love," she whispered, her eyelids fluttering closed as she imperceptibly leaned toward him.
"Oh, Kate," he said. "To think that I wouldn't have known you if Courtney hadn't recruited you as the mother of our child. To think that I would still be walking around with that great emptiness in my life and not even knowing it."
He cupped a hand around her face and looked deep into her eyes for a clue to what she was feeling in the depths of her soul. If he read her right, she loved him. Why didn't she say it? Why couldn't she admit her emotions?
Her arms went around him, and he drew her close, pleasure filling him up and spilling over into desire, as she pulled him down upon the pillows.
Outside the sea rushed to the shore, and inside the tides of passion flowed in their veins. It had been so long since they had made love, but the moves were familiar, as though they had known these things about each other all of their lives. Her breasts were full and firm, her body was slender and practiced in the ways of love, and Morgan thought there could never be anyone else in the world for him, ever. And she was smiling, so he kissed her smiling lips.
"Dearest Kate," he whispered because that was how he thought of her now all the time. "Dearest Kate, I love you so much," and he heard her breath catch, the words perhaps sticking in her throat when she tried to say them, and she didn't speak after all. But she trembled violently in his arms, and he knew this was her climax, and in a moment he collapsed against her, drained and gasping for breath.
They lay together for a long time, neither of them talking, only touching, and each thinking private thoughts.
* * *
Kate was so glad to see Pearl the next morning when she went to pick her up at Joanna's that she nearly danced across the sidewalk as she carried her to Morgan's car. For her part, Pearl's eyes lit up and she smiled.
Since they were both in such a good mood, Kate decided to drive to Preacher's Inlet, both to see Gump and to pick up her mail.
She carried Pearl in her arms and met Gump at the ferry dock as he returned from a run to the island. A few tourists filed off the boat, and Gump stumped down the ramp after they had left to hug Kate warmly and chuck Pearl under the chin.
"That's a good-looking baby," he told Kate with a twinkle.
"Do you think she looks like Morgan? She has his blue eyes." Kate said.
"Nope. She looks like her own self," Gump said. "Say, why don't you ride over to the island? See how Willadeen's museum is coming along?"
Kate's expression darkened, and she shook her head. "I don't want to see it. I'd rather remember it the way it was. The reason I'm here is that I came for my mail," she said.
"I've been saving it for you. Wait a minute and I'll get it," Gump said before boarding the ferry and disappearing momentarily into the wheelhouse.
Kate stood on the dock, inhaling the familiar scents of tar from the pilings and salt air from the ocean. Yaupon Island was a blur on the horizon, and Kate wondered if she would ever go back. Probably not. Some things were best remembered as they were.
Gump returned with a stack of envelopes. "Here you are. Could I interest you in lunch? The Merry Lulu serves snacks these days. We could have a sandwich together."
"Thanks, but it'll have to be some other time, Gump. I'm glad to hear about the sandwiches, though. You keep your nose out of beer mugs."
"Haven't tied on a good one since you left," Gump complained.
"See that you don't," Kate warned him.
"Hey, after I retire I'm going to move to North Carolina to live with my sister. No booze allowed in her house. You don't need to worry about me," he said.
Kate shifted Pearl to her other shoulder and stuffed the envelopes in her purse. "I'll be back for lunch before long," she called as she left.
When Kate got home, she had to feed Pearl, and then she ate her own lunch and took a short nap. Afterward there was Pearl's bath, and then she tossed a load of laundry in the washing machine. It wasn't until almost dinnertime that she remembered the mail.
The letter from Northeast Marine Institute nearly jumped out at her. With its distinctive logo, she spotted it right away. She thought perhaps Penelope was writing her a personal congratulatory note about the findings of the FHF, but the letter wasn't from Penelope. It was from the new director of the institute.
Dear Dr. Sinclair,
Recently you received a letter from the Federal Health Foundation stating the results of that agency's investigation into matters concerning falsified data.
I have recently been appointed director of Northeast Marine Institute in order to fill a vacancy created when the former director of the lab, Dr. Deakin Cleveland, resigned. I'm pleased to inform you that I am now in a position to discuss the resumption of your valuable research under the auspices of Northeast Marine Institute.
Please call this office as soon as possible to arrange an interview.
Sincerely,
Austin J. Follett, Ph.D.
Director, Northeast Marine Institute
She stared out at the ocean, wishing she felt happier. She had won the fight and prevailed in the end. Now she knew for sure that she would soon be leaving Morgan and Pearl.
She walked softly into the room where Pearl slept, her tiny fists curled into balls. Pearl wore a nightgown printed with pink teddy bears, and her favorite mobile swung over her crib. In a while she would wake and grin a big toothless grin, waving her arms and legs as Kate changed her diaper. Then she would suckle at Kate's breast, her breath warm upon Kate's skin, her sweet talcum-scented body curved to Kate's as it had been all those months that Kate had sheltered her in her body.
So engrossed was she in thoughts of Pearl that Kate didn't hear Morgan come in or the sound of the door closing behind him. Suddenly he was behind her, his arms sliding around her as they both gazed down at the sleeping baby.
Morgan nuzzled Kate's neck, and swiftly she pulled away. She shook her head at him and laid a finger across her lips, leading him outside and gently closing the nursery door. He slipped his arms around her waist and tried to turn her toward him for a kiss, but she evaded him once more and led the way into the living room.
"You're early," she said faintly.
"I know," he said, smiling. He picked a gaily wrapped package up from a nearby table. "I thought about you all day and couldn't wait to get back to you. Last night was—well, more about that later. I went shopping and bought you some things. Open it." He handed her the box.
He sat down across from her—dear Morgan, always kind, always thoughtful. How was she going to break the news to him?
As he watched expectantly, a wide grin on his face, she slid the wrapping paper free of the box and lifted the lid. Lacy underthings, all kinds—bras, panties, slips, garter belts, camisoles. She raised her eyes to his, unsure how to respond.
"Things you need. Things I'm going to enjoy seeing you wear. Plain vanilla underwear is okay, I suppose, but why not have fun? I like to see my wife wearing pretty things," he said.