Courage

by Kristen Proby

  “About the dirtiness?” Aspen asks.

  “No, about Sam. It probably wasn’t a good idea to have two sex-filled days with him.”

  “Where were the kids?”

  “Noah and Fallon had them. I feel like I should send them flowers. Or dinner or something. Anyway, it was probably a mistake because now we have to raise two kids together. What if it’s all weird?”

  “Was it weird earlier today?” Alice wants to know.

  I frown and take five glasses out of the cabinet. “No. But he hasn’t been to the house since we had the incredible sex. He was on call, and there was a barn fire out by the King ranch. I guess it was a doozy. He worked on it for a long time. They lost some animals. It was a mess.”

  “So you haven’t seen him to know if things are off,” Aspen says.

  “Right.” I sigh and pour five glasses full of margaritas.

  “Honey,” Ellie says softly. “There are only four of us here.”

  “I know.” I don’t look up as I slide a glass over to an empty stool at the island. “But this is the first time we’ve had a margarita night since it happened, and I need to do this. Because she’s here, you guys. She’s still here with us.”

  “Of course, she is,” Alice says with a forced smile and raises her glass. “To our precious Monica. Our sweet friend. May you be having a margarita in heaven.”

  “I’ll drink to that,” Aspen says and clinks her glass to ours. She offers me a sympathetic smile, and I can almost read her mind.

  I know how hard this is. I’m right here if you need me.

  Only Aspen would know exactly what I’m going through. She lost her first husband and daughter to a horrible accident years ago. And during everything that’s happened over the past several months, Aspen’s been my rock.

  “I know you had other duties to see to,” I say softly. “That you should have been in London, and instead you and Callum stayed here so you could help me out.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Aspen begins, but then softens when she sees the look on my face. “Honey, you needed help. Of course, we stayed. The kids love it here, we’re safe here, and there’s no reason I can’t be here. The king and queen understood completely. Please don’t think that being here for you was a hardship for us in any way.”

  “We’re all here to help,” Alice adds. “I’m happy to take the kids to play with mine anytime.”

  “Thank you.” I sip my drink and sigh. “Right now, they’re happy to be back in school. And so far, they haven’t gotten into any trouble. Thank God. This summer, I was sure they were both headed for a life of crime.”

  “They’re adjusting, too,” Ellie says.

  “Sometimes, if Kelsey has had a bad dream and wants to sleep with me, she’ll call me Mama in her sleep.” I swallow hard. “It just about kills me. Because I know she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it. It’s just so sad, you know?”

  “Heartbreaking,” Aspen agrees.

  “I see the salon sold,” Ellie says. “Have you been in?”

  “No.” I shake my head and refill my glass, then open a bag of chips and fetch the guacamole out of Aspen’s fridge. “No, I can’t go in. I haven’t gone since the day I went in to pack up my things.”

  “Not even when you sold it?” Alice asks.

  “Not even then. But I hear Reagan’s doing a good job with it, and that makes me happy.”

  “What are you going to do?” Aspen asks.

  “About what?”

  “About a job, Tash,” she continues. “Now that things are settling down, and the kids are in school, I’m just wondering what you’ll do next.”

  “I feel like I haven’t had the brain space to think about it,” I admit. “And then I hurt my hand, so I definitely couldn’t go back to doing nails for a while. I don’t know if I want to do nails again. It was something I did with Monica, and I don’t think it would be as fun, you know?”

  “Maybe a career change?” Alice asks.

  “I need to do something. My savings will run out eventually.”

  “I’m quite sure there’s a trust for the kids and the person caring for them,” Aspen says with a frown.

  “That money is theirs, not mine. It’ll be there for them when they’re adults.”

  “It’s there for this very reason,” Alice reminds me. “That in the case of…this, the caretakers can afford to care for the kids.”

  “I know, and if worse comes to worst, I’ll use it. But I don’t need it. It’s for Kelsey and Kevin. I’ll figure it out.” I shrug and pop a chip into my mouth. “Enough about me. Let’s talk about you guys.”

  “Oh, no,” Ellie says, shaking her head slowly. “You’re going to tell us more about this sexy time with Sam. You’ve had a crush on that man since before I met you, and I need to know every little detail.”

  “Yes.” Aspen leans in. “I’m here for this content. Give us deets. Use all the naughty words, and don’t leave anything out. If you forget something, you have to start over again at the beginning.”

  “You’re all a bunch of perverts.”

  No one responds. They just stare at me, intently. Like I’m about to deliver the secrets of the universe.

  “I mean…it was nice.”

  “If it was just nice, it was a waste of time,” Aspen says. “But maybe it’s none of our business.”

  That’s exactly something that Monica would say.

  “You guys.” I sigh and stare dreamily out the window that gives us a killer view of the mountains. “He’s so…sweet. And kind of bossy. And funny. Like the chemistry is ridiculous. And we just fit, you know?”

  “Yeah.” Ellie sighs, her face filled with romantic softness. “I do. It’s the best feeling ever.”

  “And he’s fun. It’s not all stiff and boring and awkward. He can’t get enough of my body, and I’m not even a little bit self-conscious because he’s so into it. There’s just no room to be unsure.”

  “That’s the best,” Aspen says with a nod. “The. Best.”

  “And then I asked him if everything would change. Or maybe I said, ‘Does this change everything?’, and he told me to stop overthinking. But then he said that it did change everything, and I don’t really know what that means because all we did was bone for two days, and he’s been fighting a fire and we haven’t talked.”

  “Breathe,” Alice advises. “Take a breath.”

  “Obviously, when he’s no longer on call, you’ll be able to chat,” Ellie says. “And you’re definitely overthinking this. If the sex was that good and easy, there’s nothing at all to worry about.”

  “But, the sex was easy for you and Liam, and you still had doubts,” I remind her.

  “Well, yes, because I too am an overthinker.” She laughs and then shrugs. “But it worked out in the end. My advice to you is: don’t make him travel all over the Earth to find you. Just be honest with him.”

  “I’ll be honest.” I finish my second margarita. “It would help if I was drunk.”

  “No.” Aspen laughs and eats a chip. “No, it wouldn’t.”

  Chapter 6

  ~Sam~

  I’ve been tired before. You don’t work the job I do with its demanding hours and the physical demands every day without the exhaustion that comes with it.

  But this week has been a bitch and a half.

  We lost a large barn and several outbuildings at the Blakely homestead. It was devastating for their farm. And it burned for days. Several of us stayed out there around the clock to ensure the fire didn’t spread underground and head for the main house.

  I’m exhausted and still filthy, despite a long shower at the station.

  And I’m irritable.

  The apartment I’ve been renting over the past several months is not home. I hate this place. It’s just wall-to-wall boxes from floor to ceiling. Some of it is my stuff, other things are from Monica’s house. I could shove it all into a storage unit, but I haven’t had the time or the energy to deal with it.<
br />
  I’m hardly here anyway.

  I shuffle through several days-worth of mail, then toss it on the table and open the fridge. My stomach has been growling all day.

  I have three beers from a six-pack I bought in May, a full container of brown matter that used to be guac, and half a pizza that I don’t even remember buying.

  “Shit.”

  I slam the door shut just as my phone rings.

  “Waters.”

  “What are you doing?” Liam Cunningham has been my best friend since childhood. And because he’s married to a princess, he’s rarely in town these days. But they’ve been sticking close since the accident. I think both Liam and his wife Ellie, who is also one of Tash’s closest friends, want to keep an eye on us.

  “Staring into the abyss of my empty fridge.”

  “Fun times,” he says good-naturedly.

  “I hate this place. This apartment. Since I sold my house just before Mon—before she died, and I needed a place to park my ass, I took the first thing that came up. Rentals in this town are few and far between and cost a shit-ton of money. But this apartment isn’t home. Being here depresses me.”

  “Where do you want to be?”

  Natasha fills my mind, her sweet smile and cozy home. The kids with their giggles.

  “Sam?”

  “I should be at Tash’s.” I sit in my only chair and rub my eyes. “But I just got in from a seventy-two-hour shift, and I’m fucking exhausted.”

  “If you want to be with Tash, go be with her.”

  I frown. “You make it sound so easy, man.”

  “Why isn’t it? Don’t overthink it. If that’s where you want to be, go. She’ll welcome you there, and you know it.”

  “I always accuse her of being the overthinker.”

  I scratch my cheek, thinking it over. Then shake my head when I realize what I’m doing.

  “Did you need something? Sorry, I just dumped all over you.”

  “I was just checking in. Let’s do a beer night later this week. Ellie and I have to go to London for a while. We leave next Monday. I’d like to see you before we go.”

  “Consider it done. I’m in. But not here. It’s not fit for company.”

  “I’ll text you. Go hang out at Tash’s. And get some rest.”

  “Thanks.”

  He hangs up, and I only have to think it over for about thirty seconds. He’s right. I don’t want to be here in this depressing mess of a place that is most certainly not my home.

  So, I grab a bag, throw some clean clothes into it, and lock the place up behind me before climbing into my truck and driving across town to Tash’s place.

  It’s been raining for the past twelve hours. The kind that settles in and lets you know it’s going to stay for a while. We were due. It was a dry, hot summer, and we paid dearly for it with massive wildfires and our fair share of residential blazes, as well.

  Montana needs the rain.

  I park in front of Tash’s house and leave my bag in the truck, just in case she kicks me out.

  Not that I think she will, but I learned a long time ago not to take anything for granted when it comes to women.

  Before I can even knock on the door, it swings open, and an excited Kevin grins up at me. “You’re here!”

  “I am. You shouldn’t open the door like that.”

  “You’re not a stranger,” he points out and opens it wide so I can get inside. “You’re Uncle Sam.”

  “True enough. Where are Tash and Kels?”

  “In the kitchen, doing women stuff.”

  I cock a brow and ruffle his hair. “If your Aunt Tash hears you talk like that, she’ll have your hide. Let’s go find them.”

  “What’s a hide?”

  “Your skin.”

  “Yuck.”

  “Now, give that a stir. Just a light one. You don’t want to send red sauce flying all over your stovetop.” Tash and Kelsey are looking down into a pot of sauce on the stove with Kelsey standing on a chair.

  It’s kind of adorable. I whip out my phone and snap a photo before they look my way.

  “Uncle Sam is here,” Kevin announces. “And he said you’re going to take my skin off.”

  Tash turns and raises an eyebrow. “Well, what did you do?”

  “Nothing.” Kevin’s grin is sly as he leans on his aunt. “I love you.”

  “Uh-huh. I love you, too. Hey there.” She smiles up at me. “You look exhausted.”

  “It’s been a long week.”

  “Well, you’re just in time for dinner,” she says. “We’re making spaghetti, and that feeds an army, so I hope you’re hungry.”

  “I’m starving, actually.”

  “Great.” Her eyes narrow on me. “Kids, why don’t you go watch some Scooby?”

  “But I’m helping with the s’ghetti,” Kelsey points out. “It’s my job today.”

  “It just has to cook for a while,” Tash replies. “Go ahead and take a break. I’ll let you know when it’s time to stir again.”

  The kids run for the living room, leaving us alone, so I pull her to me and kiss the hell out of her.

  And just like that, I feel better.

  “Hey,” I whisper.

  “Hi there.” She leans her cheek on my chest. “I’m glad you came by. I was going to call you later.”

  “I tried to get time to call you, but that fire was a mess.” I sigh and hug her close. “One of the worst I’ve seen.”

  “Is everyone okay?”

  “The humans are,” is all I’ll say. She doesn’t need to hear about what happened to the animals. “Lost some buildings and crops. It helped that it cooled down so much last night, and the rain started early this morning.”

  “I’m glad. Do you get a couple of days off now to rest?”

  “Three,” I confirm. “I plan to sleep at least one of those.”

  “I don’t blame you. I’ll get you fed so you can get home to bed.” I frown, and she tilts her head to the side.

  “What is it?”

  “I thought I might bunk here. Stay with you and the kiddos. You’ve been with them for a few days all by yourself. And, honestly, I missed all of you.”

  Natasha wraps her arms around me again and presses herself to me in a gentle hug.

  “You’re definitely welcome to stay. In fact, I have something to show you. Come on.” She takes my hand and leads me through the living room, catching the kids’ attention.

  “Are you showing him?” Kelsey asks and bounces to her feet to follow us.

  “Sure am,” Tash replies as she opens a door and steps inside. “Ta-da!”

  It’s her third bedroom, all cleaned up, with a queen bed and a dresser.

  “What happened to all of your stuff?”

  “I cleaned it out.” She smooths the navy blue comforter on the bed. “I got rid of some of it, stored the rest, neatly, in the garage. I figured with the kids here and everything, you might want to stay sometimes. And my couch isn’t the most comfortable for sleeping.”

  I narrow my eyes and reach for her hand.

  But she pulls away when the kids both walk into the room.

  I don’t like that. I don’t like it at all.

  Before I can say something, Kelsey slips her little hand into mine and smiles sweetly. “Do you like it?”

  “It’s great.”

  “We helped,” Kevin announces. “We each earned a dollar, too.”

  “Good job.” I give him a fist bump, and then the twins are off again, hurrying out to finish watching their show. I focus all of my attention on Tash and watch as she bites her lower lip.

  I want to tease those lips. And every other part of her, now that I think about it.

  “I’m not sleeping in here,” I inform her.

  “You don’t like it?”

  “I like it fine, but why in the hell would I crash in here when I can lie next to you all night?”

  Her cheeks flush with pleasure, but she shakes her head. “We have kids here, S
am. They’re only five, and their parents just died. They’re not ready for us to start acting like a couple.”

  I want to push. I want to put my foot down and tell her that she’s dead wrong.

  “Even we don’t know for sure what’s going on here,” she continues. “I don’t want to confuse them. So, for now, this is your room. That doesn’t mean that it’s forever.”

  “It’s definitely not forever.” I lean in and kiss her forehead. “But if this is how you want to do things, I’ll be good.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Does this mean I can bring my bag in from outside?”

  “You packed a bag?”

  “Yeah. I’d like to hang out here, whenever possible.”

  “I’d like that, too.” I frame her face in my hands and lower my lips to hers. Her skin is soft, and the little moan in the back of her throat is enough to make a man sit up and beg.

  Before I can take it deeper, she plants her hand on my chest.

  “I need to finish dinner.”

  “Yeah.” I kiss her forehead and back away. “Do I have time for a shower?”

  “Sure. Help yourself. Dinner should be ready in about fifteen minutes.”

  She saunters out of the room, and I follow behind, enjoying the way her ass sways back and forth in those jeans.

  Thinking about her nonstop while I should be doing my job probably isn’t the smartest idea, but I can’t get her out of my mind. It’s like she’s permanently stuck there, front and center, in my brain. Everything reminds me of her. The minute I shift my focus to something else, she pops right back in again.

  I’m obsessed.

  After only one weekend together.

  I walk back into the house with my bag and set it on the bed. I set my few personal things in dresser drawers, my toothbrush in the bathroom next to the Mickey and Minnie Mouse toothbrushes.

  Looks like I’m sharing with the kiddos.

  “You can use my bathroom.” I turn at Tash’s voice and find her leaning her shoulder against the doorjamb. “It’s a little tidier.”

  “Okay.” I straighten and lean on the counter. “I missed you this week.”

  “Yeah?” Her smile is bright and happy. “Well, that’s nice to hear. I missed you, too. Now, come get some dinner.”